by Alanna Lucas
As casually as she could manage, she asked, “Do… do you hate me now?”
“No.” Her answer was firm and without pause. “I made a lot of mistakes and missed my opportunity to make amends with him.” Natalia took in a long hesitant breath before she spoke again. “Rex told me what happened to your family. Words cannot express the sorrow I feel for you.” Tears started to trail down her cheeks. “You are an amazing woman. I don’t know if I would have had the strength to even get out of bed.”
A nervous laugh escaped Tessa’s lips. “I didn’t for the longest time. I couldn’t even pack up the house. My friend took care of all that. Took care of me.”
“It’s nice to have good friends.”
There was a sadness in her tone and Tessa couldn’t help but wonder if Natalia ever had had that kind of pure, honest friendship—the kind where you would do anything to help one another. She didn’t believe she had.
Tessa was unsure how to continue, how to ask about what Natalia’s plans were for the future. She thought it might be best if they were on more friendly terms first. “How are you feeling?”
“The surgery went well, but we won’t know anything for a few days still. I’m starting chemo within the next several weeks.”
Tessa had never been around anyone with cancer before and the words just popped out of her mouth. “Are you scared?”
Natalia sucked in a long breath. “A little… well, more than a little.” She tilted her head and stared at Tessa for a long moment before speaking again. “Do you know what I’m most scared about?”
Tessa shook her head. The list had to be endless.
“That I won’t survive, and Alec won’t have the love of a mother. I’ve made a lot of mistakes over the past several years.” Natalia chuckled, a slight tinge of pain crossing her face. “Over most of my life, actually.” She pushed herself up a little higher. “Why did you come here?”
Natalia’s question was not accusatory or filled with hate, but a deeper, more sincere meaning. It was time for Tessa to face one of her greatest fears.
“To know that if I open my heart to your son, it won’t be ripped out and stomped on. That you won’t take him away the moment you’re better.”
“As recently as a couple of years ago, my answer would have been very different, but now… now, I just want Alec to be loved. I want him to have family that can help him through all of this.” She looked directly at Tessa, her gaze never wavering. “I had already decided before the surgery to move back to Devlin. If I had any doubts about my decision, after meeting you today, they’re all gone.”
Tessa took Natalia’s hand in hers and looked down at their interlocking fingers. “I know this may not be easy at times, but I promise to help Alec, and to help you in whatever way I can.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” It felt as if someone had lifted a boulder from Tessa’s shoulders. Relief coursed through, and no longer did she fear the future.
“You probably don’t know this about me, but I am a huge fan of old movies.”
Tessa didn’t know where Natalia was going with that. Maybe her meds are kicking in?
And then she spoke, “Tessa, I believe this is the start of a beautiful friendship.”
Chapter 19
All the worrying Tessa had done the day she’d visited Natalia had been for nothing. The moment she saw Rex when his shift ended that night, she told him about her day trip to Portland. He said he wished she’d told him where she was going, because he didn’t like worrying, but was pleased that she and Natalia had talked. It was a good beginning.
Everything was falling into place, except that Tessa still couldn’t muster the courage to hold Alec. Even now, she tried to tune out his wailing that stormed in from the backyard, and focus on her work at the bookstore. The Black Friday sale had brought in some new customers, but with Christmas just around the corner, Tessa needed to come up with some new holiday promotions.
Eyeing the variety of coffee mugs, packaged coffee, and books on the kitchen table, she tried to think of some catchy holiday slogan for the gift baskets she was creating, but the constant sounds of Alec crying disrupted her thoughts and sent a ripple down her spine. She glanced outside the bookstore kitchen window and watched as Bernie tried to entertain him.
Tessa attempted to go about her business, but twenty minutes passed, and the toddler was still crying. With each agonizing minute, his cries grew louder, and her heart ached even more.
Guilt plagued her thoughts.
Tessa couldn’t let Bernie handle this on her own. She looked as if she was already worn out, and Rex was working late, so he wouldn’t be here to help.
“Dorothy, I’ll be right back,” she called to the front of the empty shop.
“Take your time.”
Tessa hurried out the back door into the pleasant fall afternoon, and went to where Bernie and Alec were sitting, with a spread of toys surrounding them.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with him. Nothing has worked.” She looked to be on the verge of tears, her red, tired eyes pleaded for help and relief. Bernie rambled on. “He’s been like this since early this morning. Rex hardly got any sleep. Mary will be here in a couple of hours. Maybe she’ll know what to do.”
“Let me take him.” Tessa reached for the screaming child. “Go up to the house and get some rest,” she ordered Bernie.
Tessa knew Bernie was beyond exhausted when she didn’t argue, didn’t even say a word in fact. For the first time since Tessa met her, Bernie looked her eighty years.
She rubbed Alec’s back in soothing circles as she rocked from side to side. Warmth radiated off his little back. “Shh, settle down,” she cooed.
Alec’s tiny shoulders heaved several times as he took in huge gulps of air. Slowly the hysterics settled down, but the muffled cries continued. Soft blond hair tickled her neck as he buried his head against her. The indescribable and irresistible scent of a little child invaded her senses. A wave of protectiveness washed over her.
Worried that Bernie would try to help rather than get rest, Tessa retreated to her office, only stopping briefly to let Dorothy know not to disturb them. Dorothy didn’t respond but smiled wide with approval.
Tessa shut the door to her office and turned on Beethoven. It always soothed her, hopefully it would have the same effect on Alec.
She rocked him back and forth, humming the melody when he looked up at her. His blue eyes were rimmed with red puffy eyelids that held such sadness for such a little guy.
“Mama?” his voiced quivered.
Oh dear. The single word slammed against her chest, shattering the wall she’d been trying to build since Alec arrived.
Tessa had been so consumed with her own grief she did not stop to think of all this little guy was going through. His world had been turned upside down. His mother had cancer and was living a couple of hours away, he was only just getting to know his father, and strangers were caring for him. How do you explain all that to a two-year-old?
Alec let out a little wail as more tears traveled down his cheek, soaking through Tessa’s shirt and straight into her heart, filling it with love. She kissed the top of his perfect little head. “Don’t you worry, it’s going to be okay.”
She rocked him to sleep, reassuring him throughout the afternoon that he would be okay. They both would.
The next day Rex drove Natalia’s father back to Portland. Harry had been reluctant to leave his daughter’s side but had wanted to spend some time getting to know Alec. Gladys had opted to stay with Natalia. It seemed as if they were both trying to make up for lost time. Tessa knew all too well how precious these moments were in life.
Tessa would no longer let fear dictate her life. As she kissed Rex goodbye, she made an important decision. It was time for her to move back into Bernie’s place. It was time for her to embrace this new life. It was time to seize the day.
With Phoebe’s help, she moved her few belongings back to her old room and wa
s even on time to open the bookstore.
The entire day seemed to creep by at a snail’s pace. It seemed as if nightfall would never come. By the time Rex called to say he was on his way, Tessa could not contain her excitement.
The minutes ticked by at a sluggish pace. In an attempt to keep from driving herself crazy, Tessa had cleaned Bernie’s house, did a load of laundry, prepared dinner, bathed Alec, and put him to bed. Even with all that accomplished, she still had time to pass.
Heading downstairs, Tessa decided to dry the last of the dishes by hand and put them away. Not even fifteen minutes later, Bernie strolled into the kitchen with a rose-colored teacup and matching saucer in hand.
“I just got off the phone with Mary. She’s feeling a little overwhelmed what with trying to get everything ready for our belated Thanksgiving.”
“Will she finally accept our help?” Tessa asked over her shoulder as she put the pasta bowls in the cupboard.
Bernie chuckled, “She’s agreed to let me come over and keep the children occupied.” She placed her teacup and saucer on the counter. “I hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to stay over there tonight.”
Tessa eyed Bernie with suspicion. “Are you trying to give Rex and me some time alone?”
“Is it that obvious?”
“Sort of,” Tessa teased. “Is Mary really overwhelmed or is she in on this too?”
With a wide guilty smile, Bernie confessed, “It was her idea and before you go arguing with me about this being my house, and all that nonsense, I completely agree with Mary. It’s your first night back here and you need some time alone together.”
Tessa tossed the kitchen towel on the counter, turned, and hugged Bernie. “Thank you.”
“You’re very welcome, Tessa dear. I’ll just get my bag.”
Her voice rose in surprise, “You’ve already packed?”
“While I was on the phone with Mary. Ethan should be here any minute to pick me up.”
Less than five minutes later Tessa was alone with just the soft tick tock of the grandfather clock. It felt like it had been ages since she curled up with a book. A glass of wine and reading by the fire would pass the time nicely. Quietly, she crept up the stairs to get her book, but before she reached her room, Alec started crying.
“What’s wrong, little guy?” Tessa cooed as she entered his room. He reached out his hands, wanting her to pick him up. Lifting Alec, his blanket, and stuffed doggie into her arms, she cradled him against her chest and began to sing a lullaby.
Although his breathing softened and evened out, and Alec drifted back to sleep, Tessa continued to sing and enjoy holding him as she rocked him into a deeper slumber.
The drive back to Devlin had been fraught with one delay after another. Rex was hours past when he thought he would be home. By the time he reached the house, his head felt like it would explode. Tessa had told him to go straight to Grams’ place because she had a surprise for him, but from the outside of the house, it looked like everyone had already retired. He entered through the back door, careful not to make too much noise.
Only the faint glow of lamplight from the study drifted into the hall, but when Rex approached, hoping to find Tessa, he was greeted with emptiness. Between the tick tock of the clock, a faint hum reached his ears.
It wasn’t Grams’ off-key singing. Was Tessa humming?
As he rushed up the stairs, the familiar voice grew a little louder. The slight creaking of floorboards from the back bedroom caught his attention. Tessa was holding his son, swaying gently, and singing a soft lullaby. Her profile was the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen.
He just stood and watched, mesmerized by her sweet voice and gentle hold on Alec. Tessa glanced over Alec’s little head. The moment their eyes met, he knew he was home.
“Rex,” she whispered his name with a mixture of surprise and joy. “I didn’t hear you come up.”
No words could express what he was feeling at the moment. Rex rushed up to her and kissed her softly before whispering, “I didn’t expect to find you here.”
“I moved back this morning,” she murmured.
Rex rubbed his son’s back in a gentle circular motion. His son. Six months ago, he would’ve never have guessed he would be with the woman of his dreams and have a son. But here he was.
“Let me put Alec back to bed.” Tessa strolled to the toddler’s bed, continuing to rock Alec in her arms as she lowered him onto the bed. Her gentleness touched him in ways he never thought possible. Rex didn’t think he could love her any more in that moment, but when Tessa bent down and kissed Alec’s forehead, he thought his heart would burst.
Tessa strolled toward him, reached for his hand, and guided him out of the room, leaving the door open.
“I’m glad you’re home,” she whispered as she entered her bedroom.
“Where’s Grams?”
“She’s staying at Mary’s tonight.”
Rex was about to close the door, when Tessa put her hand on his arm. “Do you mind if we leave it open? Alec has been restless.”
Pulling her into his embrace, he brushed soft kisses across her lips. “Not at all.”
He wanted nothing more than to lay her down on the bed and make love to her all night, but they had the rest of their lives to explore their desire. Right now, they needed to be here for Alec… and talk.
Tessa rubbed her arms. “Oh, it’s a little chilly in here. I’m going to turn on the fireplace.” Her mouth curved with tenderness. “Then we can cuddle.”
Rex began to take off his shoes when he noticed the picture of Ryan on the nightstand. “I’m glad you put the picture there.” He propped up several pillows against the headboard and climbed onto the soft comfortable bed. A moment later, Tessa joined him, resting her head on his chest.
“Me, too.” She began to weave an intricate pattern on his chest. “I was thinking that I would like a picture of Alec for my nightstand as well.”
“I would like that, too.” He kissed the top of her head, inhaling the sweet scent of lavender.
“Why is it you always smell like lavender?”
Tessa giggled. “I add a couple of drops of lavender oil when I condition my hair. Over the past few years, the scent has helped me to relax. Does it bother you?”
“Quite the opposite,” he teased as he brought her in closer and kissed the top of head. “I’m glad you moved back home.”
“I’m sorry it took me so long to come to my senses.”
“You’re forgiven,” he teased as he canoodled her. “Just as long as you don’t run off again. I like having you around.”
“I don’t plan on going anywhere. There’s nowhere else in the world I’d rather be than here, wrapped in your loving embrace.”
Every day his love for her deepened and intensified. Without a doubt, Tessa was the love of his life.
Chapter 20
The family had all gathered round the large table. Turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, sweet potato pie, green beans, and cranberry sauce were elegantly displayed using Mary’s finest China. She had taken great pride in setting her first Thanksgiving table in her new old home, even though they were celebrating a week late.
Rex had suggested they skip Thanksgiving this year and gear up for Christmas, but neither Mary nor Grams would hear of it. Grams had said she’d waited too long to have her family all together again, and she would not miss a single holiday or Sunday dinner. Mary had quickly agreed, adding there was much to be thankful for this year. Rex couldn’t have agreed more.
He’d found love again and discovered he had a son. Despite everything that had happened between them, he was forging a new kind of friendship with Natalia. Although her battle was far from over, she was showing tremendous progress, considering how advanced her cancer was.
Grams stood and announced, “Before we eat, I would like us each to say what we’re thankful for.”
“I want to go first, Great Grams,” Colin yelled with excitement as he raised his hand. “I�
�m thankful for mommy and daddy, and even my sisters, but I want a brother next.”
Ethan laughed and then seconded the motion. “It would be nice to even things out. I’m thankful for my beautiful wife and rambunctious children.”
“Thank you, darling,” Mary said from across the table. “I’m thankful for Ethan and the children.” She paused for a moment, her eyes brimming with tears. “And for Rex who gave us Pop’s house and…” She picked up her napkin and wiped away her tears.
“I love you, sis.” Rex’s declaration only made his sister cry more.
Mary waved her hand for someone else to speak as she sniffled back the tears.
Grams turned to one twin. “What are you thankful for Becky?”
“Sissy!” Becky squealed.
“And what are you thankful for Valerie?”
“Candy,” she yelled at the top of her little lungs.
Laughter echoed through the dining room, filling every nook and cranny.
Grams looked at Rex, waiting for him to speak. “I’m thankful for Tessa and my son, for my family, and our health.”
Grams raised her wineglass. “Health is always something to be thankful for. Here’s to all our health.” She took a sip of wine. “Tessa?”
“I’m thankful for all of you. You welcomed me into your family, have been patient and kind.” Tessa was smiling and radiant. Rex reached for her hand and brought it to his lips. Her eyes softened. “I’m…” her voice quavered as she continued, “I’m also thankful for Alec.”
At the mention of his name, Alec yelled, “Me!”
“Yes, you little monkey.” Tessa bent down and kissed the top of his head.
“Grams, what are you thankful for?” Rex asked.
“I am thankful for my grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and that we will all be living in the same town once again.” Grams turned to Tessa her eyes filling with tears. “And for you, Tessa dear, who has become part of my heart, my family.”