Battle For The Nine Realms

by Ramy Vance

The Mundanes all burst into laughter as the Horsemen stared warily at Sandy. “Oh, okay, you’re right. It wasn’t anything we didn’t know.” Suzuki laughed.

  Chip raised her hand as if she were in a classroom. “Not to interrupt your lil family reunion, but that’s just some old head doctor thing they be saying, right?”

  Sandy shook her head as she tossed her amulet in the air and caught it in her right hand. “Nope,” Sandy said nonchalantly. “I have an intense desire for knowledge at all costs so I can stamp out all of my enemies with that knowledge and spread their intestines through the streets of their familial homes. I like to think of it as a thirst for knowledge, not a thirst for power, but knowledge is power. Tests really don’t see the difference, though. I just don’t, you know, try to lead in with that when I’m getting to know people.”

  José laughed as he stood and walked to a corner of the cavern to take a piss. He shouted from his corner, “The fucking Mundanes, right? There isn’t anything remotely mundane about any of you.”

  Suzuki picked at the cheese and meat plate. He was feeling embarrassed again. “The Most Mundane of the Mundanes?” Yeah, that was a title that he felt he was really earning right now. Beth had been a good-enough fighter to have been drafted into the military, and he had just found out the two others were too powerful for the military to control. The only reason that he hadn’t been allowed to join the military was that he had the blood of an Englishman, something that generally drove giants into a state of frenzy. When Beth first got into the military, she had sent Suzuki an SD upgrade that allowed him to change his scent. That was how Suzuki had met the Chipmaster and, through Chip, José and Diana. It was a weird turn of events, sure, but not anything that made Suzuki feel more secure. Thankfully the Horsemen were more interested with Sandy’s thirst for power at the moment.

  Chip was prodding Sandy with a long stick, pretending to be afraid of Sandy exploding or something. “Heyo, so you’re one of those dark mages who’s always trying to suck up power to be the big bad infinite, eh?”

  Sandy waved her wand at Chip’s stick, setting the stick aflame and sending Chip scampering behind Diana, who laughed while Chip pretended to cower. “No,” Sandy said, “nothing like that. I’m just pretty one-track-minded is all. I like magic, and I want to know all of it.”

  “Eh, with the way you seem to be gobbling up ancient artifacts that might not be too far down the line, missy.”

  José stood up and yawned, stretching his massive arms in a theatrical presentation of sleepiness. “All right, kids, I’m hitting the hay. We got a long-ass day ahead of us, and I doubt any one of us is going to enjoy all of it.”

  Chip and Diana did the same, both conveying the same general idea. Diana magicked away a few more of the needless items laying out, conjured another two bottles of ale that she placed by the fire, and swiped her wand to refill the food platter. “You guys have a good night and try to get some rest.” She yawned as she turned to make her way to her tent.

  The Mundanes sat together by the fire, alone and reunited for the first time in Middang3ard. Suzuki was aware of how much had happened, but this all seemed so normal, even more normal than when they had been playing VR together. Yet so much had changed. They were not the same people they had been when they had left earth. Everyone except for Suzuki, it seemed.

  That didn’t really matter, though.

  Not really.

  They were back together, and that was what mattered.

  Stories flowed between the Mundanes for another two hours. They sat and shared everything that had happened over the last few months. Even though it felt like forever since they had all been together, they easily fell back into their old rhythm of things, sharing the same jokes and dynamics, but enriched by their separate experiences. Beth almost choked laughing about how Stew and Sandy finally figured out that they were dating. Sandy, Stew, and Suzuki listened in horror as Beth described the hellish conditions of the military boot camp. They all sat quiet for some time in honor of the dead MERCs and soldiers that they both had seen fall in battle.

  Beth stood up and stretched, easily touching her fingers to her toes. “This has been fun guys, but I’m fucking exhausted.” She yawned. “Suzy, which one is your tent?”

  Suzuki looked over his shoulder and pointed to a bright yellow tent a reasonable space from the rest of the crowd. He always liked to have a little more privacy than the rest of the two parties.

  Beth walked past Suzuki and patted him on the shoulder. “Cool, I’ll see you in a bit.” She walked off toward Suzuki’s tent.

  Suzuki took a drink from the bottle and plopped another couple of pieces of meat in his mouth, staring at the fire. He noticed that Stew and Sandy had gotten very quiet. He figured that they were probably getting ready for sleep too. When he looked up at them, they both were staring at him, grinning very widely. “What the hell are you so smiley about?” Suzuki asked.

  “Dude, you can’t be that dense?” Stew smirked.

  “Dense about what?”

  “Beth just asked where your tent is.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “And she said that she’s going to bed.”

  “Yeah, I know. And?”

  “In your tent.”

  “Yes, in my tent.”

  “In your bed.”

  Suzuki’s cheeks when red. “Oh. Oh shit. Oh, no, no, no, no. Oh, shit.”

  “It looks like someone might be having a hard time getting to sleep tonight.”

  “Shit…oh, shit.”

  Stew stood up and stretched, taking his time as if his limberness was somehow rubbing Suzuki’s awkwardness in his face. “If you need any pointers, Suzuki, just let me know. I think Sandy can attest to my love-making abilities.”

  Sandy nodded as she finished off the last of the cheese and meats. “Yeah, Stew’s a regular love machine. Even if he’s a tactless jerkoff sometimes.”

  “Better to jerkoff than to not have jerked at all. Hey, wait, what are you talking about? How am I being tactless?”

  “Suzuki’s obviously nervous.” Sandy turned to Suzuki. “Go take care of business. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Sandy and Stew walked off without saying anything else, leaving Suzuki sitting by the fire alone. He knew that he had to get up and go to the tent. There was no choice. As he stood, he felt his legs trembling. He couldn’t remember being this nervous in his entire life. There was too much buildup. Figuratively and literally.

  Fuck it, Suzuki thought. I can just sleep out here. I can tell everyone that I got too drunk and fell asleep. That’s believable. Yeah, that’s what I’ll—

  Suzuki’s HUD went off. It was a group chat message from Sandy and Stew. Don’t even think about pretending you got drunk and fell asleep.

  I better hear some booty clapping in there, Stew texted. Like the real porno sound effects. But seriously, dude, just relax. Beth’s probably just tired. That’s so much more believable than her wanting to fuck you. The text was followed by a variety of smiley faces. None of them helped him feel any better.

  Suzuki texted back, Fuck off, dude. Don’t make me bring up the first time you and Sandy fucked.

  All right, all right. I’ll leave it. See you tomorrow, dude.

  Suzuki stared at the fire for a little while. His heart was still racing. He took a deep breath and turned to face his tent. Every step he took felt like it was going to be his last. Orcs. Goblins. Dragons. Anything would have been preferable to this. Still, he made his way back to his tent. He opened it gingerly, the way one might peel off a bandage.

  Beth sat in the tent. She was wearing a heavy bear skin robe and was sharpening her sword, her back turned to Suzuki. As Suzuki walked into the tent, Beth leaned forward, her robe slipping down one of her shoulders, showing a long scar that ran down her shoulder and underneath her robe. She turned to face Suzuki and smiled as she brushed her bangs out of her eyes. “I thought you were going to make me wait here all night.” She giggled.

  Suzuki took a se
at across from Beth with nearly enough space between them to fit a car. He crossed one leg over the other, coughed loudly, uncrossed his legs, and then crossed them again. “I was just having another drink before bed,” he rambled. “You know, a nightcap. Sometimes I have a hard time sleeping. Too much on my mind. You know, just the mind racing and stuff. Trying to figure out the whole day and shit. So, I was just going to drink a little—”

  “And then pretend that you had gotten drunk and fallen asleep out there?”

  Suzuki blushed and Beth broke out giggling. “I was not going to do that!” Suzuki shouted.

  From outside, Suzuki could hear two other people giggling. “Y’all keep it down in there!” someone shouted.

  Suzuki sighed softly. This was not how he was expecting things to go. In his mind, he had imagined that he would have rescued Beth and brought her back, sweeping her off her feet and carrying her into his tent like some barbarian god of olden days. Instead, he felt like a virgin being graced by the presence of a goddess of love. Aphrodite…

  Beth stood up and pulled her robe close around her body. She smiled coyly at Suzuki as she walked toward him. “Did you just call me Aphrodite?” Beth asked.

  Suzuki hadn’t been aware that he had spoken out loud. “No, no,” Suzuki murmured. “I wouldn’t have said that. You aren’t anything like Aphrodite. I mean, not really. Not that you aren’t beautiful. You are. You’re really gorgeous. But I don’t think of Aphrodite when I think of you. You don’t really remind me of her. If you were a goddess, you’d be like Artemis.”

  Beth dropped her robe and it fell into a crumbled pile. Her body was covered with scars and small burns, the consequences of battle. Each mistake was imprinted on her skin. There was one scar that started at the base of her neck, snaked through her breasts, and ended right above her belly button. It could have been a tattoo in another lifetime.

  Beth reached out and caressed Suzuki’s cheek. “This is the part where most people say something really cool and sexy,” Beth purred.

  Suzuki wracked his brain. It was already working overtime. He could feel the outline of Beth’s breasts against his thin tunic. Something sexy. Something sexy.

  “Uh, you look…really hot naked.”

  “Honestly?”

  “I mean, I love you.”

  “That’s not what I was expecting…do you mean it?”

  “I’ve loved you ever since I heard your voice.”

  Beth leaned forward and kissed Suzuki lightly on the lips, gently, almost as if she were afraid that Suzuki would melt away. He felt as if he would. When she pulled away, she wrapped her arm around Suzuki’s waist and pulled him closer. “I love you too…and I want you inside me,” she whispered in Suzuki’s ear.

  “Uh…I’d like that too.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Suzuki rose with the dawn, even though he couldn’t feel its rays. He was smiling before he even pulled back his covers. Beth was sleeping beside him, her back rising and falling as she smiled in her sleep, a puddle of drool forming on her pillow. Suzuki covered her with the blanket when he stood. Her eyes flickered open for just a moment before she yawned, smiled, and rolled over on her side to continue sleeping. Suzuki grabbed his tunic and got dressed before leaving the tent.

  Outside, the campfire was still going. Suzuki was surprised to see Fred sitting by the fire. The imp looked up at Suzuki when he approached and forced what could have been called a smile. For something with so many teeth, Suzuki was surprised that Fred could manage to be anything less than intimidating when he showed his teeth. At the moment, though, Fred only looked awkward, almost like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

  Suzuki took a seat next to Fred and looked through his inventory for cooking supplies. A cup of coffee sounded amazing. He got to work getting the water boiling as Fred awkwardly fidgeted in his seat. “Is there something on your mind, Fred?” Suzuki asked.

  Fred cleared his throat and scratched at his stomach. “I removed myself from your body last night to allow some privacy for your…activities,” Fred explained.

  Normally, that statement would have freaked out Suzuki. Not today. Today, Suzuki couldn’t be bothered to give a shit. “Oh, well, thanks,” Suzuki said as he poured boiling water over the coffee grounds he had set up to drain over a cup. “I really appreciate that.”

  Fred was still fidgeting awkwardly in his seat. Suzuki got distracted from the coffee that he was preparing and turned to face Fred. “Seriously, what the hell is up?”

  When Fred finally met Suzuki’s eyes, it was enough to shake Suzuki’s happy glow. The imp looked sad. More than sad. He looked devasted. It was the only strong emotion that Suzuki had seen on his face other than murderous anger. Suzuki wondered if it were possible for imps to cry. He felt he was going to find out at any moment.

  Fred pointed at the cup of coffee that Suzuki was making. “Your coffee looks about done.”

  “Seriously, I know we don’t have that kind of relationship but what the fuck is up? I’m assuming you don’t want to just sit here and mope in front of the fire all day.”

  “It is difficult to talk about, human…Suzuki. I left your body because of the complications of your feelings concerning Beth.”

  “There’s nothing complicated about my feelings about Beth.”

  “Not yours…my own…not about her. About my family. About those I loved.”

  Suzuki weighed his next words carefully. He remembered that the last time Fred showed even the smallest amount of emotion, Suzuki had fucked it up by joking. He didn’t want to do that this time. Even if he and his familiar were not as close as other MERCs and theirs, he still considered Fred to be a friend—a friend who was an asshole sometimes but, honestly, who wasn’t?

  “I don’t mean to sound like a dick, but…I didn’t know that eldritch creatures felt love. From what I know, it seems like you guys are pretty much into destruction and drowning the world in sorrow or chaos and similar shit. Love seems to be a pretty far cry from all of that.”

  “That is an understandable assumption. Although we are ancient, that does not mean we are incapable of love. We often love in a deeper way than most mortals ever do. The love of an elf lasts longer than the life of a human, much like how a dragon’s love outlives the sturdiest elf. The love of an eldritch creature lives on for an eternity. Although an eldritch creature may continue on living alone, it never ceases to love those whom it has shared its life and hurt with.”

  “So, you guys just hate everything else?” Suzuki asked.

  Fred laughed softly to himself. “No, we do not,” he admitted. “It is mostly posturing. Maybe the oldest Elder Ones dreamed of swallowing the universe in darkness, but none of their children truly do, none of their grandchildren do.”

  “What about Ezekiel, that eldritch shit-head working for the Dark One?”

  “He wants to honor his parents. You heard what he said. It was what his parents always wanted. In truth, us eldritch creatures are not that much different from any other mortal. We crave our parent’s acceptance and we want to make them proud. We want to be loved and validated. I believe there are only two eldritch creatures that ever truly wanted to deliver the universe to chaos. In our stories, we speak of it as the First Madness. They came into this world, lost and frightened. There was nothing. So they tried to chase out their fear and created the universe. Now they watch and wait for a time when they can wash over us and create a new universe. To be honest, I don’t even know if that story is true.”

  Suzuki drank his coffee, staring at the fire. “You know,” he started, “you’re really talking around the subject.”

  “I find these conversations uncomfortable.”

  Suzuki nodded. “That makes two of us. Let’s just do the damn thing.”

  “Fine. Permit me to show you. It will be easier to understand.”

  “Go for it.”

  Fred stood and placed his hands on Suzuki’s temples. Suzuki could feel Fred’s cold claws against his pounding pul
se. Then there was the smell of sulfur, and Suzuki was in a place he had never seen before. There was fire everywhere. A river of molten lava flowed near his feet. In the distance was a volcano, smoke brimming from its summit, covering the whole world in ash and black smoke. The ground was hot, but not too hot for Suzuki to walk.

  The landscape was hellish in the very sense of the word, yet Suzuki felt welcome, almost comfortable. He figured that this was one of Fred’s memories. It had to be. Only Fred would feel at home in a place like this, and Suzuki knew that he was picking up on Fred’s emotions. Left to his own, Suzuki would have only been annoyed that this trip down memory lane involved walking through a literal Hades.

  Suzuki wandered around without any direction for some time until he came to a bridge where he could cross the lava. Across the bridge, he found a small imp crying in a cave. He approached the imp slowly, watching it from afar for some time. The imp was an eldritch creature like Fred. Even though it was only a child, Suzuki could tell the imp belonged to the same category of imp as Fred. There was something about the imp that reminded Suzuki so much of his familiar. Suzuki got closer to the cave. He figured that this was only a memory. He must be safe.

  As Suzuki got closer to the cave, he felt a gust of wind from overhead. He instinctively covered his head. It felt like he had just walked under a plane as it was taking off. When Suzuki looked up, he saw that another imp had flown over his head to get to the cave. It was an eldritch imp as well, but not Fred.

  This new imp held a small goblin in its talons. The imp dropped the goblin onto the ground and cupped its throat with its feet. Then the imp motioned to the small child, which had stopped its throaty cries by now. The small imp looked from the larger imp to the goblin on the ground until something clicked. It bent low and bit into the goblins throat, sending blood and flesh flying as it knelt lower, biting off whole hunks of the goblin’s body.

  Suzuki watched the bizarre feeding ritual as he become aware of Fred’s presence beside him. “What is this?” Suzuki asked.