“’Night.”
I wandered back into the kitchen, where the girls were putting a bag of popcorn in the microwave. After I tucked my phone into my bag, Mack handed me a beer. I took it, and he clinked his against mine. “Cheers.”
“I told my mom we might get to work a little late tomorrow. At least we can sleep in.” As soon as I said it, I was embarrassed because it sounded kind of like I thought we’d be sleeping in together.
“Ha,” he said with a grin. “I can tell you don’t live with kids. I don’t even remember what sleeping in feels like.”
“Daddy, can we watch a movie?” Felicity asked.
He took a pull on his beer. “What movie?”
“Hotel Transylvania!”
Millie groaned. “No. We always have to watch that. It’s not her turn to pick.”
“Whose turn is it?” he asked.
“It’s Winifred’s, I think,” Millie answered, “but since we have a guest, maybe we should let her pick it.”
They all looked at me. “Oh!” I bit my lip. “Uhhh, what about something classic like The Wizard of Oz?”
“Winnie’s scared of the wicked witch,” Felicity said with a snicker.
“I don’t like her,” Winnie confirmed dolefully. “That witch is mean.”
“Well, what if I sit right next to you the whole time?” I suggested. “You can close your eyes during the scary parts.”
She beamed. “Okay.”
With that settled, the girls dumped popcorn into bowls and poured themselves some lemonade. Mack went into the living room to see if he could find the movie on demand, and I put the leftover chili into a large plastic container and stuck it in the fridge.
“Found it!” he called a moment later.
The girls all shouted with excitement, and we carried the snacks into the living room. Right away, Winnie hopped up on one end of the L-shaped sectional couch. “Sit here,” she directed, patting the cushion next to her.
I did as she asked, briefly wondering where Mack would end up and if it was too much to hope for that he might sit next to me. Turns out he had no choice, because Millie stretched out on the floor with a big pillow and Felicity lay down along the shorter section of the couch. That left only one place open, right next to me.
He glanced at it as the opening credits to the movie began. “Girls,” he said, “I’ll be right back. I just want to check on Mrs. Gardner, okay?”
“Okay,” they chimed.
“Hey Dad, turn off the lights when you leave!” Millie called, making herself more comfy on the floor.
He saluted her, switched off both living room lamps, and headed for the kitchen. From my spot on the couch, I watched him set his beer on the island and step into the back hall.
He was gone for about ten minutes, and when he came back, he was carrying a plate covered with foil. After taking off his winter stuff, he picked up his beer and brought the plate into the living room. “Anyone want a brownie?”
“Oooh,” said Felicity. “Me!”
“And me,” said Millie, popping to her feet. “Although they’re not as fancy as macarons.”
“Delicious doesn’t have to be fancy,” I assured her. “Is she okay over there?”
Mack nodded and set the plate on the end table next to Winnie. “Yeah. I checked her furnace and it’s working fine.”
Then he dropped onto the cushion adjacent to mine, and I thought I might die.
But I played it cool. “That’s good. This would be a terrible night to be without heat. It’s freezing.”
“Are you cold? Here.” Reaching behind me, he took a thick, crocheted blanket off the back of the couch and set it in my lap.
I wasn’t that cold—actually my body was heating up with him so close—but I couldn’t resist the idea of sitting beneath a blanket with him in the dark. “Thanks. Here, I’ll share.” Unfolding the heavy knit throw, I spread one end over Winnie’s folded legs and gently tossed the other onto Mack’s lap.
“Hey, I want a blanket,” Felicity whined.
“Me too,” said Millie.
Mack grumbled but set down his beer and got up again. He disappeared up the stairs and came down a moment later with two fleece blankets. After dropping one onto Millie, he shook out the other and draped it over Felicity. “Anything else while I’m up?”
“Shhhh,” Millie admonished.
Mack nudged her ribs with his foot before taking his seat next to me once more, and if I wasn’t crazy, it felt like he sat a little closer this time. I could totally feel the length of his thigh alongside mine beneath the blanket.
We watched the movie and sipped our beers while the kids munched popcorn and slurped lemonade. At one point, Millie wanted more snacks, Felicity needed a bathroom break, and Winnie wanted a stuffed animal, so we hit pause. All three girls got up and took off in various directions, leaving Mack and me alone in the dim living room.
“Another beer?” he asked, rising to his feet.
I hesitated. I was kind of a lightweight, and I didn’t want to get goofy. I wanted him to see me as an adult and not a kid, so getting tipsy wouldn’t help. That said, I was so aware of his body next to mine that I was having trouble relaxing. One more beer couldn’t hurt. “Okay.”
“Good. I thought you were going to be all responsible and say no and I was going to feel shitty for being a bad influence.”
I smiled up at him. “You’re not a bad influence.”
“We’ll see.” He looked toward the kitchen, where someone had turned on the light and an argument had begun over how much time the popcorn needed. “Oh, Jesus. I’ll be right back.”
While he was gone, I grabbed my purse and darted upstairs to use the bathroom, blinking at the bright light. In the mirror over the sink, I checked my reflection, trying to imagine what he saw when he looked at me. A kid? A co-worker? An employee? How could I get him to see me differently?
Give it up, I told my reflection. Then I dug my birth control pills out of my purse and took one for today, turned off the light and returned to the living room, where Mack was already sitting on the couch. The girls were still making a racket in the kitchen.
“Here you go,” he said, handing me another beer.
“Thanks.” I took the bottle and settled onto the couch again, sitting with my legs criss-crossed beneath the blanket this time. I hadn’t done it on purpose, not exactly, but my left knee now rested on his right thigh, and he didn’t move away. My pulse picked up.
Mack’s eyes were on the kitchen as he tipped up his beer. “Sometimes I can’t believe I haven’t totally fucked this dad thing up yet.”
“Are you kidding? You’re a great dad.”
He took another sip. “I don’t know. Sometimes I think I’m doing right by them. Sometimes I’m convinced that I’m doing irreparable harm. Most days, I have no fucking idea what I’m doing.”
The confession touched me, and his insecurity squeezed my heart. I put a hand on his arm. “Does anyone? I mean, I know you’ve got a lot more to worry about than I do, a lot more responsibility, but I think the same thing sometimes.”
“You do?” He looked at me in surprise.
“Absolutely. I look at my sisters or other people my age and think, what the hell am I doing still living on the family farm with my parents? Why don’t I have more ambition? What’s wrong with me that I’m not out there in the world being a badass?”
He shook his head. “You don’t need to be a badass. You don’t need to be anything other than what you are. And frankly, the world could use more people like you.”
“What am I like?” I asked, surprised and flattered by his words.
“Sweet. Genuine. Kind.”
I stared at the label on the beer bottle. Those were all nice things, and I was glad he thought them of me, but none of them were very exciting or sexy. “Thanks.”
“Did I say something wrong?”
Embarrassed, I laughed a little. “No. I just sometimes wish I wasn’t so … scared.”
“Wha
t are you scared of?”
“Lots of things.” I took a drink. “But lately I’ve been worried about life passing me by.”
“What do you mean? You’re so young.”
“But I never take any risks. Never take any chances. I think about the fact that there was a decent chance I wouldn’t even survive childhood, and here I am. So what am I going to do to prove I’m worthy? To make sure I live life to the fullest?”
Mack was silent for a minute. Sipped his beer. “What would that look like for you? To live life to the fullest? What chances would you take?”
I took a breath and was about to answer when the light in the kitchen went out and the girls trooped back into the living room.
“We’re ready,” Felicity said, hopping back on the couch with her bowl, spilling popcorn onto the cushions and floor.
Mack groaned. “Felicity, look what you’re doing.”
“Sorry,” she said, picking up the pieces and putting them back in her bowl.
“Don’t eat the ones from the floor.” He got up and took care of the pieces on the carpet, taking them to the kitchen to throw away while Winifred and Millie settled in again and someone hit play on the movie.
I had to laugh a little, imagining that this was probably what a typical Saturday night looked like around here—a movie, some blankets, some popcorn and lemonade. A little bickering, a little mess here and there, a couple beers for Mack after a long week of being CFO and Daddy. It seemed cozy and comforting to me, but that was from the outside. Was he happy? I wondered, maybe for the first time. I spent tons of time fantasizing about him, but I really didn’t know him, not intimately.
Was he lonely? Did he feel like he was living his life to the fullest, or was that some stupid idea that only someone in my situation worried about? After all, what choice did he have? His children were entirely dependent on him for everything from where they slept to what they wore to what they ate to how they felt about themselves. He was 100 percent responsible for their physical and emotional health. He didn’t have the luxury of wondering, Gee, am I living my best life?
I felt silly for saying something so frivolous to him while at the same time admiring his devotion to his children. By his own admission, he wasn’t perfect, but he was here, he was trying, and he loved them with his whole heart.
It was inspiring. It was humbling. It was hot.
Even his dirty mouth. For a moment, I wondered just how dirty it got, and felt my face get warm.
When he came back from the kitchen and sat next to me again, I moved my leg to give him more room. “Sorry,” I whispered. “I’m taking up too much space.”
“You’re fine.” Then, to my complete shock, he put his hand on my leg and nudged it back where it had been, resting against his. And left it there.
It was on top of the blanket, and it’s not like he was intimately caressing my inner thigh or anything, but still. Still. My heart thundered. My breath caught. My skin hummed.
That’s when I felt his thumb slowly start to move back and forth just above my knee.
Mack
What the fuck are you doing? my inner dad voice barked at me. Stop touching her!
But I left my hand right where it was, enjoying the feel of Frannie’s knee pressed against my thigh, imagining what it would be like if my hand were beneath the blanket.
I knew it was wrong. I knew I’d probably go to hell for having impure thoughts about the babysitter. I knew I’d definitely get fired if Sawyer saw me groping his daughter, but I left it.
After all, I wasn’t really groping her, was I? It was more of a graze. Innocent. Over the blanket. Out in the open. She probably hadn’t even noticed. She wasn’t even looking at me.
And it felt so nice to sit close to her this way. To touch her. To have her in the room on a winter evening—another adult, someone I could talk to, someone who understood. Maybe she couldn’t fully comprehend what it was like to be a single parent, but it wasn’t as if she hadn’t struggled. She knew what it was like to fear you were falling short, to worry you were fucking up the one chance at life you’d been given. Like I had when I was deployed, she’d been forced to consider her own mortality—and she’d been only a child.
My gut churned, imagining what that must have been like for her and for her parents. Frannie appreciated life. She appreciated little things like good meals and kindness and sleigh rides in winter. She was sweet and beautiful and generous—more than worthy of the life she’d been given. I wished I could tell her that. I wished she wasn’t my boss’s daughter. I wished my kids weren’t in the room. I wished I could share not only this blanket and this couch and this snowy evening with her, but more. A hell of a lot more.
But this was as close to her as I could get.
By the time the movie was over, Winnie had fallen asleep. I carried her upstairs, managed to get her clothes off, her pajamas on, and wake her up enough to use the bathroom and brush her teeth. A few minutes later, Millie and Felicity came up the stairs to put their pajamas on, arguing about whose room Frannie was going to sleep in. Once I’d tucked Winnie into bed and kissed her goodnight, I went into the bathroom where they continued to bicker while they brushed their teeth, toothpaste and spit flying everywhere.
“I have bunk beds,” said Millie. “That way she won’t have to sleep with one of us.”
“But my bed is big enough for two,” argued Felicity. “It’s a double.”
“It’s actually only a full and not big enough for you and an adult,” I told her. “Millie’s bunk makes more sense in terms of space.” Actually, what made the most sense in terms of space was to offer her the other side of my king-size bed. And if she wandered over to my side, I wouldn’t complain one bit.
“Hey,” Frannie whispered from the hallway behind me.
I turned around and felt my face get hot, as if she might have guessed what I was thinking.
“Hey,” I said quietly. “I’m just going to put some clean sheets on Millie’s bottom bunk for you. And maybe she can lend you something to sleep in.” She was so petite, I figured Millie’s clothes might fit, although she had a lot more curves.
Frannie smiled. “Ah, I think her things will be too small for me.”
“Yeah. Geez, Dad. Do you think she’s a kid?” Behind me, Millie’s tone was pure eye roll.
I frowned over my shoulder at my firstborn, then turned back to Frannie. “I’ll get you a T-shirt. Would that be okay?”
She nodded. “Perfect. And really, don’t go to any trouble about a bed. I can sleep on the couch with the blankets.”
“Will you be comfortable?”
“Totally,” she assured me.
I scratched my head. “Okay. If you want to. I’ll get you a pillow.”
“Thanks. Oh, and if you by any chance have an extra toothbrush …”
“We do. Millie, can you get her a new one from the drawer?”
“Sure, Dad.”
“Do you need a towel or anything?” I asked Frannie, although I panicked a little at the thought of her taking a shower at my house.
She thought for a second. “Maybe just a little one so I can wash my face.”
“I’ll get her one,” said Felicity, bolting out of the bathroom and going to the linen closet at the top of the stairs.
“Thanks, Felicity. I’ll be right back,” I told Frannie. “Girls, finish up and get in bed. I’ll be up to say goodnight in a minute.”
Downstairs, I went into my room and searched for a clean T-shirt for her to sleep in. Unfortunately, my nicest white ones were either dirty or freshly laundered but pink. Cursing, I hunted through my drawers and found a dark gray one with USMC written across the chest in thick black letters. It was faded, but had minimal fraying and no pit stains. She would swim in it, but at least it would be more comfortable than sleeping in her clothes.
Oh, fuck. Don’t think about her without clothes on.
I grabbed an extra pillow from my bed, tossed it onto the couch on my way through the livin
g room, and hurried back upstairs, where the bathroom door was closed. With the T-shirt in my hand, I said goodnight to Millie and Felicity, kissing their foreheads and telling them I loved them.
“Can we really go to work with you and Frannie tomorrow?” asked Millie, yawning.
“Sure. If we can get ourselves there.” Grimacing, I remembered how my engine refused to turn over earlier. Assuming it was a dead battery, I’d have to get a jump tomorrow. “Go to sleep now.”
When I left her room, Frannie was coming out of the bathroom, and we met in the hall. She’d left the light on, thank goodness, otherwise we’d have been alone in the dark. Her face was freshly washed, and she looked even younger and sweeter without any makeup on.
Because she is young and sweet. So stop thinking about putting your dick in her mouth.
I thrust the shirt at her. “Here.”
She took it from me. “Oh—thanks.”
“I put an extra pillow on the couch. I just need to grab a spare pillowcase for it from the linen closet. I’ll do that right now.”
“Okay.”
“All the blankets are still down there too.”
“Okay. Thanks.” She smiled at me, and my chest got so tight I could hardly breathe.
Go, asshole. Get the pillowcase. Get downstairs. Leave her alone to change and get the hell into your room where you belong. Then shut the door and don’t even think about coming out again.
But I stood there staring at her for ten more seconds, my hands clenched in fists at my sides. I wanted to kiss her so fucking badly. Just once, to know what those sweet little lips would feel like on mine. To hold her in my arms. I found myself wondering, on a scale of one to ten, exactly how wrong it would be. A seven? An eight?
I shoved my hands in my pockets.
She glanced over her shoulder into the bathroom. “Guess I’ll get changed.”
I nodded. “Okay. ’Night.”
“’Night.” She went into the bathroom and shut the door, and I slumped over with a sigh of relief.
Fuck. That was close.
Then I ran to the linen closet, grabbed a spare pillowcase, and descended the stairs three at a time. I had to be out of the living room by the time she came down.
Irresistible: Cloverleigh Farms Standalone Page 6