by Brill Harper
“Not on the second date, no. Didn’t want to scare her off. But I knew. Sometimes you just know.”
We work some more, and this time I pause for water. “How do you know?”
“It just kicks you in the ass, I guess. It’s more than sex. It’s like you can just breathe deep and you didn’t realize you were breathing shallow all this time.”
I cap my water. “It’s sex too, though, right?”
Carter tips his hat. “Fuck, yeah.”
I sit on a bale. “I thought it was love with Farrah. It ended up it wasn’t.”
“You two shared some powerful feelings. But not all of them were positive ones. She wanted your love, but she never knew what to do with it. You did the best you could with her, man.”
“I always wonder if I did enough, though.”
“There would never be enough for that girl. It wasn’t your fault, what happened to her.”
“Sometimes, I worry that she’d have been better off without me. That somehow I’m like a big black hole and that’s why she died. What if I do that to someone else?”
Carter kicks my boot. “Don’t be a jackass. It wasn’t your fault.”
I nod. Fair enough. “Not everyone is made for ranch living.”
“You’re building a fucking resort, Dusty. It’s not like you’re asking someone to join you in a pioneer lifestyle. And from what I hear, Ruby has been helping damn near everybody. She’s got that computer set up for guests. She’s been working with JT on a website. You told me she helped you pick out furniture for the cabins. Hell, I even saw her helping your uncle wash the limo yesterday. Seems like she fits in just fine here.”
She hasn’t gotten much reading done on her fancy Kindle, that’s for sure. Ruby has some great ideas from working in hospitality. And she pitches in with everything. Farrah never would have learned how to use the lawnmower to help out.
“Sometimes, I think she’s a fantasy I plucked out of the air. Like I took everything I ever wanted in a woman and made one up. Problem is, fantasies and reality are two different things. She wants to be an actress. And I can’t give her the parties and the fancy cars. It’s like Farrah all over again.”
“You’re an idiot. She’s nothing like Farrah. How many times do we gotta have this conversation? You had a big old blind spot for that woman because you wanted to rescue her. But she didn’t want to be rescued. Ruby ain’t like that. She’s strong. She can take care of herself and isn’t going to drag you down. But if you are too chicken-shit to try then you don’t deserve her anyway.”
We go back to work. Maybe I am too chicken-shit. But I can’t be the one to ask her to stay, to give up her dreams for me. If it’s meant to be, she’ll stay.
But I won’t be the one to ask.
Chapter Nine
Ruby
AS MY PLANE TOUCHES down at LAX, a huge wave of guilt overtakes me.
I didn’t say goodbye.
I sneaked away, telling Dusty we’d have lunch and he could drive me to the airport, and then when he was out on the back acres, I asked his uncle to give me a ride.
I just couldn’t bear the thought of a goodbye. It was too painful. He’s going to be mad, and he has every right to be, but I did what I had to do.
The last few days have been heaven on earth, but not once did we talk about feelings or futures or anything past the next day. I promised myself I wouldn’t turn into a clingy mess. We had our vacation fling and now it’s over.
I put my hand over my abdomen. Unless I brought home a souvenir.
I’m just sick thinking about what must be happening at Pair-a-Dice right now. Maybe nothing. Maybe he’s secretly glad we didn’t have the long goodbye with tears and promises we won’t keep...or maybe he’s hurt, sad, angry. I don’t know. All I know is I somehow fell in love in just a few days and now my life seems even bleaker for it. Whoever said it was better to have loved and lost needs to pipe the fuck down. It sucks.
The Uber drops me off in front of my shitty apartment building. I want to run away. I don’t belong here anymore. Maybe I never belonged in LA.
There’s a padlock on my door. One I don’t have a key to. I call Katie, but she doesn’t pick up. I walk through the courtyard to the rental office. Deke is there. I hate Deke. Deke does the absolute minimum of work, and I count breathing on that list.
I start with a cheery smile, hoping maybe it will improve the tone of my voice. “Hey, Deke. Do you know why there is a padlock on my door?” I ask.
He yawns. “We were going to evict you, but Katie moved out. We haven’t had a chance to change the locks yet, so we just put a padlock on.”
I’m pretty sure that’s illegal. I clench my jaw and then relax it into my cheery smile again. “Well, I actually still live there. I’m on the lease. I was just out of town. Katie didn’t mention she was moving out.”
A super long pause grows even longer. He yawns again. Scratches his belly. I want to leap over the counter and throttle him. “Katie said you moved. The apartment is empty.”
My vision fills with red. “That can’t be. All my stuff is in there. My furniture, my clothes, my laptop...everything I own.”
“Nope. Empty. Saw it myself.” He shrugs. I’m sure he’s stoned. He’s always stoned. “There was a box. I’ll get it.”
I’m still fuming when he comes back. Katie isn’t answering her phone, of course. And why would she? She stole my stuff and now I have no place to live. He pushes the cardboard box to me. Inside, from what I can see, is all pictures. I take it and thank him. I’m not sure what else I’m supposed to do. I go back to my apartment, my old apartment, and just stare at the door. Then I sit on the curb.
Fine. I accept it. I’m defeated. It’s over. I lost. Hollywood isn’t for me.
I wonder what Dusty would say if I showed back up on the ranch. He’s too nice to kick me out, but if he’d wanted me to stay, surely he would have at least hinted at it by now. No, that bridge is burned.
I don’t have any choices left. My parents will take me in. There’s nothing wrong with Ohio except that I wanted something else for a while. I don’t want it anymore. The lying, the using, the struggling. All I ever wanted to do was act. So maybe I suck it up and do community playhouse productions and work behind the desk of a hotel and just...let this black hole go.
And get seven cats. And a membership to a wine club. I intend to drink a lot of wine in my new life as cat lady.
I stare at my phone, but can’t dial the number. It’s not pride. I don’t have any of that left. What’s stopping me? I try to run through my other options. Maybe work would give me a deal on a room for a few days. Maybe I could advertise for a roommate. One who already has an apartment would be best.
But I don’t want to stay here. Not anymore. I want to be someplace where the pace is slower. Where people are friendlier. I don’t mind hard work, but I’m tired of spinning my wheels. I want to accomplish something in a day and go to bed tired but satisfied with myself. My life.
I don’t dare wish for what I want most.
Love. A family. A real home.
Dusty.
Really, that’s what I want. I want the life I had the last few days. But that was a vacation. It was a step out of reality.
I don’t think I’ll ever find a man like Dusty again, and I certainly have no desire to go looking for one. Dusty is one of a kind. A real gentleman, a hardworking family man, and rough and dirty in bed. The whole package.
A shadow blocks the sun, and I realize someone has snuck up on me while I was wallowing. Stupid. I don’t have my keys in between my fingers or my pepper spray out. I can’t believe I was so careless. I’ve lived in this town too long to not be prepared for the worst.
I look up.
“Hello, angel. You forgot to say goodbye.”
Dusty
I LOWER MYSELF TO THE curb next to Ruby, who seems in shock. “You sure surprised me today.”
“Dusty, what are you doing here?”
She’s a sight f
or sore eyes, for damn sure. I know I only just saw her this morning, but her absence from the ranch made time drag out for me. The fear that I’d done lost her. “Imagine what it was like to come back to the house and find you gone like a thief in the night.”
“I’m no thief. I didn’t take anything.”
Anything except my heart.
“Why’d you run?”
“I wanted you to remember me in my white sundress and red lace. I was afraid I’d ruin everything by getting too emotional.”
I’d have given anything to see some tears or at least regret this morning. I stretch my legs out in front of me and cross my ankles. “And getting emotional, that’s a bad thing?”
“You signed up for a fling. What are you doing here?”
“Why are you sitting on the curb?”
“I asked you first.”
Shit. I don’t want to be brave. I want her to throw herself at me and tell me she loves me and doesn’t want to leave me. That she wants nothing more but running a small resort on a ranch at my side. Why won’t she break first?
“I’m here because I won’t lose the best thing that ever happened to me without a fight.” Breathe, cowboy. I take a deep breath. “I love you, Ruby. I can’t give you a glamorous lifestyle and I’ll never big sugar and own the kind of ranch that brings in the rich and elite, but you roped my heart that first day.”
She hiccups a cry. “You love me?”
“I know you probably don’t want to move to Pair-a-Dice, but maybe we can try a long-distance thing for now. Until you know one way or the other.”
“You love me?”
“Woman, if you could just—”
I don’t get the rest of the sentence out as my arms are filled with cotton candy sweetness and she’s kissing my face.
“I didn’t want to leave. I figured you didn’t want me to stay.”
“How’d you figure that?”
“Well, you didn’t ask me to stay, for one thing.”
“I didn’t want to trap you or make you trade your dreams for mine.”
“I love you, Dusty. I love you so much.”
My cranky cowboy heart heats up. “Angel, you don’t know how happy I am to hear that.” I start kissing her and my body responds the way it always does. Mine. “Maybe we should take this inside. I don’t reckon getting arrested for indecent exposure is a good way to start off our relationship.”
“We can’t go inside.”
“Ruby, why are you sitting on the curb with all your luggage?”
“Yeah, about that...”
Chapter Ten
Dusty
Three months later
THE FULL MOON LIGHTS up the meadow and shines on the surface of the river. It’s a perfect night. And my heart is lodged in my throat. I feel like a puddin’ foot horse, unsure and awkward. But I don’t want to be all hat and no cowboy—it’s time I man up and make Ruby my wife.
“Dusty, this is beautiful. I can’t believe you did all this.”
I’ve set up overturned crates covered in white tea lights and those strings of battery-operated fairy lights in a circle around a little bistro table. “You’ve been working harder than anyone to get our grand opening ready. We’re going to have a real nice season going into the holidays.”
It was her idea to make the ranch a winter getaway too. We got it all set up for some holiday magic starting in a week. Reservations are filling up. We still have a lot to do, but we can accommodate guests while we do the rest of the upgrades. All thanks to Ruby and the way she has of taking my big ideas and finding ways to make them practical and doable. We’re a damn fine team.
“This is all very romantic, cowboy.”
“I was hoping you would think so.” She’s either going to make me the happiest man in the world, or I’m about to be chewing gravel. Either way, it’s time.
I lead her to the table and pull out her chair, get her seated, and pour some of that wine she likes so much. It’s not even fancy, though she deserves fancy. It’s from a local winery, and she insists it’s the best and I’m inclined to believe her.
And then I get down on one knee.
Her eyes get saucer big, and her fingers fly to her mouth.
“I want to make some promises to you, tonight.” She nods, mute for a change. “I promise to love and take care of you for the rest of my life. I want to be the person you come to with your hopes and dreams, so I can help you achieve them the way you help me achieve mine.
“I never thought I could feel like this, and every time I think I love you as much as a man is capable, you open up another suite of rooms in my heart, so I can love you some more.
“I want you to be happy, that’s the most important thing in the world. And if you’re happy the way things are and you don’t want to change them, I’ll abide. But from this moment on, I want you to know that you’re it for me. I want you forever, and I want to marry you. Tomorrow if you want, but if you want a big wedding then I’ll abide that too.”
Her pretty eyes are welling up with tears, and while I hope they’re the happy kind, her tears still slay me. I pull out a ring, hoping to distract her some.
“Oh my God. Dusty!”
It’s a pretty spectacular ring. “It was my momma’s. Aunt Charlotte’s been keeping it safe for me all these years. I didn’t even know she had it until the day you flew back to LA.” The pretty crinkle between her eyebrows means I’m not making sense. “Aunt Charlotte told me you’d gone and that before I decided what to do about it, I should take a look at the ring she’d been safekeeping for me to give to the woman I love someday. I knew when I saw it that it was only ever going on your hand and that I needed you to come back here.”
“You’ve been thinking about it all this time?”
“I would have put it on your finger that day, but I didn’t think you were ready. Especially after I found out you’d been evicted. I figured you needed to be sure you were here with me because you wanted to be and not that you didn’t have any other choice. So I waited. And it’s been killing me.”
She slides to her knees so we’re both on the ground. My girl never wants me to put her on a pedestal, she likes being at my side instead. “You are the love of my life, cowboy. You’ve shown me how to believe in something again, and every day you show me how to lead with kindness first and the rest will follow. I’m a better person because I met you. And I will marry you tomorrow, if you like.”
My heart just busts open and I reach for her and pull her close. Too tight likely, but she’s not complaining. “You just made me the happiest big ox on the planet.”
“I’d like to make you happier.”
I kiss her hair, the side of her face, her nose. “Not possible.”
“I want to make a baby.”
Ruby
I WANT DUSTY TO UNWRAP me like a present. All my senses are sharpened by my arousal. I can hear his heavy breathing and my own thundering heartbeat, and the quiet sounds of the forest as the soft breeze blows through the tall trees around us.
“Are you sure?”
Oh yeah. “I want your baby. I want to be pregnant.”
“You know that turns me on more than anything. The thought of you. Fuck. Round and perfect. Everyone knowing you’re mine.”
I kiss him hard. The primal urge to mate so strong, stronger now that we’re engaged. I start undoing his buttons.
“I brought condoms, angel. If you think we should wait...”
“I don’t want to wait. I want to start forever tonight. Now.”
“You’re my fantasy. You know that, right? I can’t wait to be inside you, nothing between us. I’m going to fill you up, angel.” He undresses me, and his eyes explore my body, running over my breasts and down my stomach before settling between my thighs.
"Do you like what you see?" I ask, my face as innocent as I can manage, even though I don't feel very innocent at this moment. There’s not a lot we haven’t done, but this feels like a first time in some ways.
&nbs
p; He nods. "Fuck, yes. You know I do.”
Dusty undresses quickly but slows down when he sees the look in my eyes. He sends me an evil grin and slowly, too slowly, pulls the waistband of his briefs down his thighs, finally revealing his perfect, beautiful cock.
My mouth waters. My pussy clenches. I never get tired of looking at him. His shaft is thick and pink, and the head is engorged and already dripping. His balls are tight against his body, full and ready to give us a baby.
Oh my God. A baby.
Fascinated, I slowly reach out and run my finger across the tip of his cock, collecting the precum on my finger. His cock jumps when I touch it. I bring my finger to my mouth and suck, tasting him like it’s the first time. "You taste good, Dusty." Like some powerful aphrodisiac.
“You taste better.” He pulls my legs apart and crouches between them. He runs his tongue along my lips, then up to my clit over and over until my world explodes in light and color.
"Oh God, oh God, oh God!" I instinctively grab the back of his head to keep him close to me.
“That’s right. Come for me. Get ready for my big cowboy cock.”
Seconds later, he’s inside me, thrusting with wild abandon, driving me to another orgasm. He holds onto my hips hard as he fucks me with more force until I am whimpering for another release. He’s bottoming out, deeper than he’s ever gone before. With every stroke, he throbs and my pussy tightens around him.
"Give me another.”
“I can’t.”
“You fucking will."
I moan in response, and he grinds into me until I flood his cock, my juices saturating the blanket below us.
“I can feel you dripping down my balls, my dirty little angel. You’re so hot for my cum, aren’t you? You want it so bad.”
I lose all control, calling out his name in ecstasy as wave after wave wracks my body with pleasure.
He cradles me against him, knowing that I’m most vulnerable after I come. "You want our baby, sweetheart? You want to be the mother of my child?" I’m so wrung out I can only nod in response. He growls and primal instinct takes over. Long deep strokes bring his cum flooding into me. I can feel it surging. He keeps thrusting, unable to stop until his cock goes soft.