by Brill Harper
But he didn’t want the women in the bar. He wanted you.
I shush the internal voice in my head who’s being nice for once.
When he pulls me into the shower, I’m not prepared for the reverent way he washes my body. The way he peppers kisses on my skin. The way he massages shampoo into my hair. When we get out, he’s just as sweet with the towel and then he wraps me in his bathrobe and leads me back into bed.
“I was thinking I should go home,” I say.
“I was thinking you should stay.”
It’s late and I don’t really want to leave, but I feel his sweetness chipping away at the walls around my heart. Walls I built for a reason. I vowed to myself that I would live a different life than my mom and not let my hormones or my heart dictate who I am. “Why are you doing this? Why are you ruining what was supposed to be a straightforward deal?”
“I’m not ruining anything. You can push me away if you need to, but I’m not giving up. I love you. Maybe I should have waited until you were ready to hear it, but someday, when you look back, you’ll be glad I told you when I did.”
He was inside my body when he said it, and I blush when I remember. “I can’t love you back. I can’t be what you’re looking for.”
“You already are. I don’t want you to change. I just want you to let me in. Come to bed, gorgeous.”
I think about it for a few more seconds. It’s cold and windy outside. He looks amazing, all hard-packed muscle and pure masculinity. I just need to be smart. Strong. Get my sex education and leave this relationship next month with my whole heart. I get into his bed, still wearing the robe. “I won’t be like her,” I mean to say it in my head, but I say it out loud.
“Your mom? That’s fine. I don’t want you to be like her. I like it that you’re your own person. And when we get married, that’s the only husband you get. None of that five trips to the altar stuff unless you want to renew our vows.”
“Married?” I shoot out of bed, just as he’s getting on it. “What are you talking about?”
“Not now, obviously. We both need to finish school. But someday, yeah. We’ll get married.”
I start pacing. “You’re crazy. Didn’t you hear what I told you? There is no way I’m ever getting married.”
He clasps his hands behind his head and lounges on the bed with a smile. That towel is riding low on his hips, but the bulge beneath it is evident.
“What is wrong with you? Why do you look so damn pleased with yourself?”
“I’m just happy. We’re having our first fight.”
I blink at him.
“Babe, come to bed. We’ll figure it all out. Just not tonight.”
I shake my head. “I won’t marry you. I won’t love you. I’m only dating you for a month.”
“Whatever you say.”
Now I’m really getting worked up. My mind is racing, and my pulse is doing loop-de-loops “You’re not taking me seriously.”
He unfolds slowly and leaves the bed, coming around to where I’m standing. “I’m sorry. I won’t tell you I love you again. Tonight. Is that enough for now?”
My mind is a jumble of thoughts, but I know how “love” works, I can just let this ride and enjoy myself. Right? He’s spouting crazy talk now, but it won’t be long until he changes his mind. I’ve seen it happen time and again. “Okay.”
“Good.” He kisses me, and I get lost in it. For just a second, I let myself imagine what it would be like to really be a couple. One without an expiration date. The heat between us grows, and my hands work the towel off his hips. “Greedy girl.” He peels the robe off me and pushes me gently onto the bed.
His fingers explore me, and I can feel how wet I’m getting against his hand. He rubs his thumb over my taint, inching closer to my ass while he kisses me deep and long. “This okay?” he asks, probing gently.
I blush from head to toe, but I nod, allowing him to graze over the sensitive nerves there with the tip of his finger.
It’s strange. Taboo. But not uncomfortable. Do I want to try anal sex tonight too? I’m curious but I don’t know if I’m ready. It’s already been a big night of firsts. But what kind of scholar would I be if I didn’t learn when I had the chance? We stare at each other, deeply, until I feel him inside my head. “Have you ever?” I ask him.
He shakes his head. “It would be my first time too. Do you want to?”
“Do you?”
“I told you I would touch every part of you tonight and hell yes, I want to fuck your ass. But only if you want to. That takes a lot of trust on your part. Do you think we’re ready? Do you trust me?”
“Other than the fact that I think you’re insane?”
“Other than that.”
“I suppose...” hoping he remembers our texting from earlier.
“You suppose,” he repeats “One of these days, I’ll turn you over my knee.”
“That might be interesting.”
He pins me down, and I really like feeling a teeny tiny bit helpless. He’s so strong. So big. He could do whatever he wanted to me, and I couldn’t stop him. All that caged up power, but he would never use it on me. “Do you trust me?” he repeats.
“Yes.” And I do.
“Roll over.”
I roll over and he gets up and opens a drawer, bringing back a tube of lubricant.
He brings me up to my knees and then I feel his mouth on my pussy. It feels even more raw and dirty from this angle. I can’t help but push back into him. It’s like he knows exactly how much pressure I need and where. He’s alternating licks with thrusting his tongue inside me. He’s lubed a finger and slides it in while he uses his mouth on my sex.
I go someplace else for a while. Some place in the stratosphere where all that matters is sensation. His warm wet mouth. My aching wet core. The penetration of my ass as he tries to stretch me.
“Come on my face, baby,” he urges.
The dirty words trigger a response, and I start quaking. Then he starts fucking me hard with his tongue, and I lose it. Stars explode behind my eyes and he keeps pressure on my mound with his hand while I feel him probing my ass with his dick.
I must tighten up because he says, “Relax. You have to relax. If you tell me to stop, I will.”
Everything is well-lubricated, but I sense he isn't sure if he can push his big, hard cock in without hurting me. With trembling hands, he pulls it down and holds the tip of his cock against my entrance. He’s going slow. I’m not sure which one of us is more nervous about the possible pain. Guiding it down, he pushes the tip in.
I try to control my breath as the pressure builds where we are joined. He’s too big. It won’t work. I can’t breathe. His head pushes past my inner muscles and he holds there until something gives and he pops in.
“Breathe, babe.” He pushes in further. “You feel like a tight-fitting glove. Fuck.”
A little more.
“Oh,” I gasp. “Oh, that feels...oh.” He starts rocking and entering me a little more each time.
“I love being inside your body. You were made for me, weren’t you?”
The pressure is incredible and keeps growing.
There is a pleasure pain happening. It seriously hurts so good. I feel full, but it’s good. It’s so good.
He begins grunting, forcing it in more and I gasp until he pauses, letting me adjust to his size. He pulls out, and the sensation drags a low moan out of me. He thrusts a second and third time, driving deeper every time. I find myself thrusting against him, needing to feel more of his cock filling me.
“One of these days, we’re going to take that toy of yours and put it right here,” he inserts a finger into my pussy, “...yeah, right here while I fuck your ass. You want that, gorgeous? To feel so full? Two at a time for you?”
I moan and it’s like I flip a switch on him. He goes from careful to uncontrolled. Both hands go to my hips and his grip is tight, bruising. Each thrust rocking me forward.
Everything inside me tightens up
in the most exquisite way. Something is coming. I can feel the buildup. His words, his hand, his dick...the pure carnal fuck he’s giving me pushes me past another boundary.
“I can’t...I can’t...” I don’t know how to finish that sentence. Can’t come? Can’t think? Can’t breathe?
“Yes, you can. You can come hard. Do it, Annabelle. Show me how hard you can come.”
My orgasm goes off like a bomb, and he fucks me through it, prolonging the pleasure until my arms give out. He’s holding my back end up and driving into me still, shifting me, changing the angle, hitting something wonderful inside me, over and over again.
I keen, feeling myself clench harder around him, trying to keep him inside me forever. It’s like being shot full of stars. Beams of sensation race through me, and I think I’m screaming. Anker pulls my hair, adding another explosion inside me. Stars burst behind my eyelids as pleasure burns white hot through every nerve ending, making me overly sensitive.
I can feel him pour into me as he roars. “I fucking love you so much,” he yells between his moans. I can feel his hot come shooting into me, pulsing as he collapses on top of me.
We stay locked like that until our breathing slows to normal.
But I don’t think my heart is ever going to beat the same.
Chapter Fifteen
Anker
Three weeks later
I FINISH MY ONLINE quiz and stretch, looking across the room at my girlfriend as she studies from a textbook the size of a breadbox. She’s ignoring me, as usual when she’s studying, so I can look at her as much as I want to. Her glasses are sliding down her nose, but she’s ignoring them too. She’s wearing my flannel shirt and panties, a very sexy look even if she’s also wearing a pair of my wool socks too. It’s been a chilly month. Cold and damp.
Normally, I’d be tired of winter already, but I am in no hurry for the time to pass any faster. Our one-month anniversary is creeping up on us, and she still thinks we are going to break up.
Not happening.
We have an interesting truce. She accepts that I “think” I love her right now, and is confident that as time passes, my feelings will go away like she’s seen happen to her mom and all the stepdads. I tell her the only thing I need to prove myself is time. She allows me to tell her I love her occasionally but insists it’s temporary.
Since words don’t work, I just show her. Every day. Sooner or later, she’ll have to accept it. She’s a smart girl. And she’s braver than she lets on.
“I can feel you staring at me,” she says, not looking up from her book.
“I was thinking about inviting B.O.B. to hang out with us again tonight.”
She blushes and gets this cute little smile. “I have to read one hundred pages.”
“By Friday. You have the rest of the week to read. You have time for a three-way tonight.”
She sets her book down and looks at me. “I’m beginning to think you are just using me to spend time with my dildo.”
I join her on the couch, taking her book out of her hands. “He’s still in your end-table drawer at your apartment anyway. I’d rather just work with what we have here tonight.”
“I suppose...”
“You suppose.” My hands are in her panties when her phone signals a call from Tanaya.
“Ignore it,” I say.
“Can’t. Girl code.”
I reach for the phone and hand it to her with an exaggerated sigh. She looks at the text, and I can see all the color drain from her face. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s an SOS.”
She’s dialing her phone while I’m getting my shoes. Tanaya closed the bar an hour ago. “Is she at home?”
Annabelle shakes her head. “I don’t know. She’s not picking up.”
“Is SOS a call the police message or a get me out of this date message?” I ask. Either way, I’m going.
“Usually it’s a get me out of this situation kind of message, but last I talked to her, she was going home after work. I don’t think she had a date.”
“Keep trying her. I’ll go check out your apartment.”
She gets up and runs into the bedroom. “I’m coming with you. Let me get dressed.”
“I’d feel better if you stayed here where I know you’re safe.”
She comes out, pulling up a pair of leggings and stepping into boots. “I feel pretty safe when I’m with my Viking fake boyfriend. Besides, if this is an SOS for rocky road and wine, I’ll need to come anyway.”
I have an uneasy feeling, but we walk the few blocks to their apartment. The roads are icy as fuck and it’s faster to walk than deal with the road conditions. When we get to the apartment, I go in first, surprising Tanaya’s ex-boyfriend Denton standing in the middle of the room. He turns to us and I put my arm out to keep Annabelle behind me.
“Hey,” he says, looking over his shoulder at Tanaya who is sitting on the couch. Her face is pinched and she’s holding her body stiffly. “Now isn’t a great time. Tanaya said Annabelle wouldn’t be here tonight. You caught us at a bad time. We’re getting back together.”
The fuck they are. Tanaya looks miserable. Annabelle rushes past us and joins her on the couch.
“How you doing, Tanaya?” I ask.
She’s still stiff, shaking her head in tiny little tics. Annabelle’s eyes get big, and I realize she’s looking at the hand behind Denton’s back.
Adrenaline is pumping through my veins. Something bad is about to go down. “What’s really going on, man?” I ask him, keeping my voice calm.
“Nothing. You should go. We’ve got business that doesn’t concern you. Right, Tanaya?”
I start moving slow, trying to get between him and the girls. “Annabelle needed a book. We’ll be out of your hair soon. You doing good, bro? Haven’t seen you at the Crescent in a couple months.” He’s holding Tanaya’s pink phone, which would explain why she wasn’t answering Annabelle. She must have been able to get the text off before he got her phone away from her.
Denton is getting agitated, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “What are you doing?” he asks me. “You need to leave.”
Annabelle yells, “He has a knife!” Denton lunges at me, but I get a hold of his arm. That’s when the girls jump up and start beating the shit out of him while I’m holding his arm until he drops the knife. The three of us take him to the floor, and I roll over him. I’m a heavy dude and have him pinned down. Tanaya gets up and kicks the knife away while Annabelle pulls out her phone to dial 911.
“It was you, wasn’t it? You broke in here a month ago.”
“My relationship with Tanaya is none of your business, Anker.”
“Relationship?” Tanaya stomps on his hand. “We broke up, asshole. You broke into my apartment? You threaten me with a knife? Did you think that would make me want to get back with you?”
The cops get here while she’s telling him off. She doesn’t stop while he’s getting cuffed or getting his rights read to him. She does stop when she’s giving her statement to the cop, who seems a little in awe of her. Enough that I’m pretty sure he just asked if she’d like to tell him the story again tomorrow over coffee.
When Annabelle and I are both done giving our statements, I notice she looks a little shaky.
“Babe?”
Her big blue eyes fill with tears, and she rushes into my arms.
“I got you, gorgeous. It’s okay now.” I hold her. Grateful that I can. Glad that asshole didn’t threaten her, or he’d be dead right now, and I might be the one in a police car on my way to jail.
“Did you see how hopped up he was? He used to take stuff to stay awake to study. But he must have gotten into the heavier stuff since they broke up. God, Anker. People who are drugged out are dangerous. He could have killed you. Or Tanaya. God, what if we didn’t come when she messaged me?”
“It’s okay, sweetheart. Everyone is okay,” I tell her, trying to soothe her. Inside, I’m starting to feel a rush of my own emotional shit coming at me. “
We handled it, didn’t we? You and Tanaya are badass.”
“I think I’m going to hyperventilate.” She leans into me more and I squeeze her. Probably too tightly. “I was sitting there and when I realized he had a knife, all I could think of was losing you.”
“You’re not going to lose me, babe. I’m right here.”
“I’ve been wasting so much time. I kept thinking if I could just not fall in love with you until you broke up with me, I’d be okay. But that’s not how it works. I’m already in love with you.” She sobs a little. “I love you,” she says.
I pull back and look down at her. I want to believe she’s ready to say it. I want to just accept it, but this could be the adrenaline talking.
“I was sitting there running through all the things that might happen with that knife, all the horrible possibilities, and the thing that stuck out the most was that I’ve been so dumb. Holding back.”
“You’re upset right now,” I warn.
“Yes, of course I am. But that doesn’t change how I feel. I’m sorry it took being faced with losing you to get brave enough to tell you. Do you forgive me?”
“Forgive you?” I fold myself around her, inhaling the scent of her. “I would have waited forever if I had to. I’m just glad you figured it out now.” I think I’m holding her too tightly, but when I try to loosen my grip, she grabs on to me harder. “I love you, Annabelle.”
“I love you back.”
“When we get married—”
She pinches me. “Too soon.”
I smile into her hair. We’ll see.
Chapter Sixteen
Annabelle
One and a half years later
“ARE YOU WEARING PANTIES?”
I look behind me in the mirror and catch Anker’s steamy gaze. “This is a graduation gown. I am fully clothed under it.”