by Brenda Novak
She looked good, but she reminded him of a little girl playing dress-up.
Picking up her coat from the floor, he tried to give it back to her. “Willow, listen. I’m not the right guy for you. Can you imagine how your parents would react if you started seeing someone so much older? And then there’s my record. They won’t want you getting involved with me.”
“They’ll get over it. I’m not worried about your past. You were seventeen when...when everything happened.”
“True. But I’ve spent an eternity behind bars since then, and yet you’re only a year older than I was when I went in.”
She seemed stricken. “But you’re all I ever dream about! I bought this outfit for you.” She gestured at the skimpy underwire bra and thong. “Feeling you inside me—that’s all I want for Christmas.”
“Don’t say that,” he told her.
“Do you know how many guys at my high school would love to see me like this?” she fired back.
“I’m sure almost any guy would love to see you like this, but you’re making a mistake. What you’re feeling for me is...is just a crush. You don’t really know me.”
“What are you talking about? You’ve been coming to the Eatery since I started working there. I thought I was the reason.”
He stopped her from lifting his shirt. “Willow—”
“I’ve been saving my virginity for you, Tobias,” she whispered, standing on her toes to kiss his neck. “I want you to be my first.”
Shit. “I’m, uh...flattered.” He dropped her coat, trying to get her away from him, so he had to pick it up again. “But I can’t let you make this mistake.”
Her bottom lip jutted out when he settled her coat around her shoulders to cover her up. “You don’t want me?”
“Sex should mean something,” he explained. “That’s when it’s good. Don’t...don’t sell yourself short, okay?”
“You don’t want me,” she said again. Only this time it wasn’t a question; it was a statement.
“I can’t be with you,” he explained.
She stuffed her arms back inside her coat. “You don’t know anything. You don’t deserve me—deserve this,” she said, gesturing at her body.
“I agree,” he said, relieved when she gave up and stomped toward the door.
“I can’t believe you’d lead me on, only to embarrass me like this,” she said before grabbing the doorknob.
He caught the door so it wouldn’t hit the wall when she flung it open. “I’m sorry. But you’ll find the right man one day. Just...don’t be in too much of a hurry.”
She didn’t respond. She rushed from the house, leaving him standing there, feeling like a jerk for not heading this off by texting her the moment he read her note. Maybe then he could’ve avoided this.
After he gave her a small lead, he walked out to make sure she didn’t pull too far into the orchard and get stuck in the mud. It wasn’t easy to turn around on the long drive. That was when he saw Carl standing under the eaves of his father’s house, smoking a cigarette.
“Hey, sweet thing!” he called out when he saw Willow. “Where ya going so fast? Somethin’ wrong?”
Willow didn’t answer him. She got in her car, revved the engine and nearly hit Carl’s piece-of-crap vehicle as she hauled ass down the drive. She didn’t get stuck in the mud, didn’t even come into danger of it, because she didn’t bother to turn around.
“Whoa! What the hell!” Carl stepped out into the rain to watch her go. Then he looked at Tobias. “What’d you do? Try to get in her pants?”
“Stay out of it,” Tobias snapped and went back inside, where he tried to relax, but he was even more listless than he’d been before his encounter with Willow.
Finally, he changed his shirt, scooped his keys off the counter and headed to the Blue Suede Shoe. The flashing neon sign was only a block away when he glanced over and saw Susan sitting at the same intersection. She noticed him, too, and gave him that dirty look of hers—the one that made him feel as though he wasn’t worth the air he was breathing.
It distressed Tobias that she had the power to cut him so deeply, but she had good reason to hate him, so he just looked away and let her start off first as soon as the light turned green.
This just wasn’t his night, he decided. And he didn’t feel a whole lot better later on, even though he beat all challengers at pool.
It didn’t matter what he did.
All he could think about was Harper.
* * *
The rest of the week went by very slowly. Harper had always loved the Christmas season, but she was learning that it could be hell when you were suffering. All the twinkling lights, and the cheerily decorated houses and yards and rooms—even the smiling faces—somehow rubbed salt in the wound. And it took such energy to keep up with everyone else’s good cheer.
Her mother often said that time took care of everything, but Pearl never added that time moved on leaden feet when you most needed it to race. Right now time felt like it was standing still.
Although almost every moment was a struggle, Harper didn’t let herself call Axel, not even when she remembered the tender times they’d shared, the past Christmases, most of which—at least in the early years—had been so idyllic. And she responded to his many attempts to contact her with a brief text here and there. She wanted to be a fair ex, but it would be far too easy to backslide if she wasn’t vigilant.
She didn’t let herself respond to Tobias, either. She had responsibilities, and she was going to see to those responsibilities instead of allowing herself to collapse under their weight and run into the arms of a stranger.
“Hey.”
Harper jumped. She hadn’t realized Karoline had come into the kitchen, hadn’t heard a thing. “Hey,” she responded, quickly pasting on the smile she’d been wearing the whole time they were in LA. They were home now, but with Christmas only two weeks away, they were focusing on festive activities.
“I just talked to Mom.”
“What’d she say?” Harper asked. “Are she and Dad still coming out for Christmas?”
“Not anymore. Aunt Elaine had another ministroke last night.”
“Is she okay?”
“She’s going to be fine, but she’s been having so many health problems that Mom feels they should go to her house and help with Christmas.”
“It’s too bad what Elaine has been going through.”
“I’m sad for her, and a little disappointed for us,” Karoline admitted. “But Mom and Dad said they’d come for Easter. You will, too, won’t you?”
“Of course. Or you can all come to my house.”
“Where are the kids?” Karoline asked.
“Stringing popcorn for a garland in the family room.” Karoline had decorated the tree that stood in the front window, where all the neighbors could see it, but she’d set up a second tree for the kids.
“You’re not helping them?”
“I am. I just came in to get a drink.” She’d also been using the privacy of the empty kitchen to let down her guard for a moment, but she couldn’t say that.
“So they’re having fun?”
“A blast.” Harper walked over to set her empty glass in the sink.
“I’m thinking we should make gingerbread houses this year.” Karoline held out the magazine in her hands to show Harper several elaborately decorated gingerbread houses. “Look at these. Aren’t they beautiful?”
Harper considered the pictures. Normally, she would’ve loved to make gingerbread houses. But in her current state, she didn’t have the energy to take on something that required so much work and creativity. “You mean...like, one? Or more than one?”
“Each of the girls will want to make her own.”
“Probably.”
“We should each make one, too.”
Harper laughe
d. “What on earth will we do with that many gingerbread houses?”
“Take pictures of them, post them on social media—and then give them away.”
“To who?”
“Whoever could use some Christmas cheer! We’ll take over a plate of cookies, too.”
Harper slid her gaze over to the clock. It was only seven on a Friday night. But somehow, all she wanted to do was go to bed. “Are you talking about doing this tonight?”
“No, the girls are busy with the tree. We could do it tomorrow morning. I just need to run over and buy the candy and stuff.” She got her keys from the drawer where she kept them. “Want to go with me? Terrance is here to look after the girls.”
“Sure,” Harper lied and dutifully went to get her coat.
Her phone rang while they were driving.
“That’s probably one of the girls wondering where we are,” Karoline said.
Harper was almost afraid to look at her screen. If by chance it was Tobias, she wouldn’t want her sister to know. But he hadn’t contacted her since asking that one question, so she figured she didn’t have much to worry about. “It’s Matt,” she said, surprised to see his picture.
“From the band?”
“Yeah.”
“What could he want?”
“I don’t know.” She felt a moment’s panic. “I hope there’s nothing wrong with Axel.” She answered before Karoline could say anything else. “Hello?”
“Harper, do you have a minute?”
“Is everything okay?” she asked instead of answering.
“With...”
“The band? The tour? Axel?”
“Everything’s fine. Except...”
Karoline stopped at a red light, watching Harper curiously.
“Except...” Harper prompted.
“It’s Axel. He isn’t the same. We can’t get him to focus, and we need him to be on top of his game, you know? This is a big tour, a huge opportunity for us—and he’s the front man.”
“I don’t understand,” she said. “What’s wrong with him?”
“You’re driving him crazy, cutting him off the way you have!”
Harper stiffened at the accusation in his voice. “I haven’t ‘cut him off.’ We’re divorced.”
“He’s losing his mind thinking you’re with this other guy.”
“I’m not with anyone.”
“You and I both know what I’m referring to.”
Harper was relieved that he didn’t get specific. On the one hand, what she did, especially now, was none of his business. But on the other hand... Well, Axel had involved him.
“That phone call crushed him,” he went on. “He can’t concentrate, doesn’t want to sing. He keeps asking to return to the States, is missing his kids.”
It was about time he missed his kids. Harper had begun to wonder if that was ever going to happen. “The world won’t end if he cuts the tour short and comes back to see them.”
“What are you talking about? He can’t cut the tour short! People have bought tickets. The promoters will never work with us again.”
“Then I don’t know what to say. I wasn’t the one who planned the tour over Christmas, and it wasn’t my idea to get the divorce.”
“I understand that. But...can’t you talk to him? Reassure him? Figure out some way to keep him going so we can finish this thing?”
“How am I supposed to do that?” she asked.
“Just let him know you’re not really with that guy you were...with.”
“I’ve told him that!”
“Then be more convincing!”
Embarrassed that she had to talk about that night with Matt of all people, Harper began to massage her forehead. “Look, I’m not out to hurt Axel. I’m trying to recover and move on. I have to do what’s best for me now, have to remain strong for the sake of our girls.”
“Seems like a hell of a way to do it.”
“What?”
“Never mind. So you won’t even try?”
Squeezing her eyes closed, she continued to massage her forehead.
“Harper?” Karoline said. “What is it?”
Harper waved her off. “Fine,” she said into the phone. “I’ll call him. But not right now. Later. I’m at the store.”
“Thanks, Harper. We really appreciate it. I’m telling you, he’s not the same since...that happened.”
Shame sent a prickle down Harper’s spine. “I’ll do what I can,” she said and hit the end button.
Karoline was, of course, waiting to hear everything. “What’s going on?”
“It sounds like Axel’s getting homesick.”
“Homesick!”
“Matt says he’s missing the girls, wants me to convince him to hold out until the tour is over.”
“And you’re going to do that?”
“At this point, I’d rather he not come back. Maybe I’ll be stronger if I have more time.”
“Good point. So what are you going to do?”
“I’m going to encourage him to stay. Do you want him coming to Silver Springs for Christmas?”
“No. I want him to be willing to come, but...I guess I don’t want him to actually come. That would be awkward, since we’re all pretty mad at him for leaving you in the dust.”
Harper didn’t like the way Karoline was characterizing her, but she had enough going on, didn’t need to start an argument with her all too frank sister. “Well, I don’t want him to come, either. And I don’t want him to take the girls to Colorado.” She loved spending time with Piper and Everly, but she’d also been using them as the reason she couldn’t call Tobias.
If they were gone, she had no idea what she might do.
* * *
“This is what it looks like,” Atticus said.
Tobias sucked the foam from his beer as he watched the YouTube video Atticus had called up on his phone—the video of the hiker carrying a disabled friend on his back. “That might be possible.”
“But it looks crazy, right?”
“It might be crazy.” Tobias leaned back in his seat. “You need to consider the risk. If I take one wrong step, you could get hurt.”
Atticus played the video again. “Wouldn’t you face the same risk? I can’t imagine it would feel good to fall with a hundred and fifty pounds strapped to your back. You’d hit the rocks pretty hard.”
“I guess that’s true.” But he didn’t matter—at least not to most people. Those who knew his past considered him to be no good, not worth their concern. It was Atticus they’d all be worried about, except for Maddox, of course. Maddox would probably advise him not to do it.
“But you’re still willing to try?”
“Sure, I’m down,” Tobias said. What else could he say? Atticus was so excited about the possibility.
Jada’s brother took a drink of his own beer. “How will you train for this?”
“I’ve always lifted. Been doing it in the weight room at the school since I left prison. But I’ll bulk up to improve my strength, and I’ll run to improve my stamina. I’ll hike more, too, of course.”
Atticus lifted his beer toward the bar window. “In this weather?”
“It doesn’t get too bad, not around here.”
A rush of cool wind whipped into the Blue Suede Shoe as the door opened and Maddox and Jada walked in. Tobias had called and invited them to come as soon as Atticus had set up this little meeting. He always felt more comfortable when they were around, felt as though fewer people were staring at him and Atticus. It made more sense that Atticus would be in a group that included his sister than alone with the man who’d cost him the use of his legs.
“Should we do some test hikes together?” Atticus asked as Tobias waved them over.
“That’d be a good idea.”
“W
hen?”
“In the spring, when the rainy season’s over and I’ve had a chance to prepare. After the weather warms we’ll have a couple of months before your birthday. That should be enough time.”
“Are you thinking we should go out once a week or...”
“Yeah. Once a week would be enough—every Saturday or Sunday—so you’ll have a chance to get accustomed to riding in the pack. You might not like it. I’m guessing it’ll feel pretty damn unstable, since you won’t have any control. You’ll have to decide whether you feel comfortable relying on me.”
“I trust you,” he said without hesitation.
His trust actually made Tobias more nervous. He didn’t want to disappoint him. “What about your mother? Have you told her what we’re planning to do? Will she let you go?”
“I haven’t told her, and I don’t care if she likes it. We both know she’ll try to stop me, but I’m going to do it, anyway. I’m not ten years old.”
“True, but...what if she shows up on my doorstep with a few choice words about this idea?” He distinctly remembered the last time she’d paid him a visit. She’d screamed and struck and clawed at him—vented all her rage and hate.
“If that happens, tell her to mind her own business.”
He shook his head. “You know I would never disrespect your mother.”
“Then tell her to take it up with me.”
Tobias finished his own beer. “Okay,” he said as he watched Maddox and Jada, who’d been waiting at the bar, finally get a chance to order.
Atticus gazed toward them, too, but Tobias could tell he wasn’t really seeing them. His eyes were glassy, and a dreamy smile stretched across his face. “This will be so cool. I’m going to get a GoPro so I can film it.”
“The view at the top is spectacular,” Tobias said. “There’s no place like Yosemite.”
“Have you seen that documentary—Free Solo?”
“I have.”
“Man, that dude’s cool.”
“That dude’s amazing.” Tobias shifted so that Maddox could sit down. “El Capitan is a three-thousand-foot vertical rock face.”