by Brenda Novak
One was from Axel. I miss you, babe.
The other was from Tobias. Let me know if you’re coming over tonight. I’ll pick you up.
* * *
Harper told herself not to give in—to either man. She wasn’t sure why it took knowing that she was sleeping with someone else to make Axel finally miss her, so she didn’t trust his sudden turnaround. And she’d written Tobias back to let him know she wouldn’t be coming, simply because it was the right thing to do. Even if it wasn’t, she needed some rest. She was exhausted.
But after she went to bed, she tossed and turned for a long time, fighting the urge to change her mind.
To her credit, she didn’t. She managed to go to sleep. She was proud of that the following morning. But by the time Sunday night came around, he was, once again, all she could think about. And she was no longer so proud of herself for holding out; she regretted that she’d lost valuable time she could’ve spent with him. It wasn’t as though she had an unlimited number of days before she had to leave town.
What am I doing? she asked herself. She wished she could say Tobias was merely an escape from all her negative emotions. Someone she could get lost in. Maybe she wouldn’t be so concerned if that was the extent of it. But she genuinely liked him. Possibly too much. That was the real concern, wasn’t it? That she was getting in over her head—already?
Finally, after everyone else in the house was asleep, she pulled out her phone to text him. You awake? she wrote.
She waited for several minutes and didn’t get a response, so she told herself to let it go. If he was lying awake, thinking of her, he would’ve texted her back.
But the fact that she’d already missed last night and didn’t have a long time left in Silver Springs suddenly made her desperate to take advantage of the time she did have before she had to go back to Colorado and build a new life out of the rubble of her old one.
When fifteen minutes had passed and she still hadn’t heard anything, she gathered the nerve to call him.
“Did I wake you?” she asked when he answered.
“No,” he said simply.
So why hadn’t he texted her back? He didn’t offer an explanation.
“Okay, then... What are you doing?” Did he already have company? He’d said he wasn’t dating anyone, but he could’ve met someone since then. She had no doubt there were plenty of women who’d love to spend time with him. And it wasn’t as though she had any right to expect him to give up other relationships, not when she was the one who kept insisting they keep expectations low.
“Just trying to go to sleep,” he said. “I have to work in the morning.”
“Oh. Right. Tomorrow’s Monday. Of course. I’m sorry for bothering you,” she said and hung up.
“Shit. Shit, shit, shit!” she muttered, squeezing her eyes closed. She shouldn’t have called him. She was acting so inconsistent. He had to be wondering what the hell was going on.
Her phone vibrated in her hand.
He was calling her back.
Part of her didn’t want to answer, but she knew that wouldn’t be fair. She’d called him first, and he’d picked up. “Hello?”
“Damn it, Harper.”
“What?” She was surprised by the frustration in his voice.
“You’re giving me such conflicting signals.”
She let her breath seep out in a long sigh. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“So? Are you coming over or not?”
She caught her breath. “Do you want me to?”
“You know I do! I’ve made no secret of that.”
“I’m scared of what I’m doing, Tobias. Of what we’re doing.”
“Is that a no?”
“Shit,” she muttered again.
“Harper?”
Taking a deep breath, she climbed out of bed and started grabbing her clothes so she could get dressed. “It’s a yes,” she said. “I’ll be at the corner in twenty minutes.”
* * *
Harper shivered as she climbed out of her bedroom window and hurried around to the front. It was a cold night, and the Christmas lights adorning the houses on Karoline’s street glowed dimly through the thick fog that had rolled in when the sun went down and the temperature dropped.
Tobias was at the corner, as promised. By the time Harper could see his taillights, she was winded—from daring to sneak out again more than the exertion of running down the block.
When she opened the passenger door, he clasped her hand and pulled her into the warmth of the cab. But she didn’t give him the chance to drive off as he obviously planned. She scooted across the seat and kissed him.
“So the gingerbread house wasn’t my consolation prize?” he whispered against her lips.
“You don’t like it?”
“I like having you in my arms a lot better.”
His warm lips, the stubble on his jaw, the smooth skin of his neck, the solidness of his chest—it all felt so satisfying. She loved his broad shoulders more than any other part of him “What about the cookies?” she asked.
“This is better than those, too.”
“You’re sounding pretty ungrateful. You know that?” she teased. “I had to brave letting my sister meet you to bring you those treats.”
“I like that you did. I liked meeting your girls, too. But nothing beats this.” His hands slipped under her coat and shirt, and he flattened his palms against her bare back as he massaged the muscles along her spine.
Resting her forehead against his, she held his face in her hands as she gazed into his eyes. “I’ve missed you.”
He didn’t respond.
“You don’t have anything to say?” she said. “That’s a big admission.”
“I don’t know whether to trust it,” he admitted.
She ran her thumb over his bottom lip. “Neither do I. I keep telling myself that we just met, that I’m on the rebound. But when I’m with you—I can’t describe how good it feels. And when I’m not with you, I want to be.”
Still maintaining eye contact, he outlined the rim of her ear with his fingertip. “I have no defense against you,” he said simply, and the way he kissed her next, with so much tenderness, made her feel as though she was spinning through space, free-falling—and loving every minute of it.
18
When the alarm went off, Tobias could feel the softness of Harper’s breasts against his bare back, the weight of her arm looped around his waist and her legs tucked up under his. He hated that he had to move, because then she would, too, and once again their time together would be over. The few hours he’d had with her had gone far too fast.
“How can hours pass like minutes?” he grumbled, setting his phone on the nightstand after stopping the annoying jingle.
She leaned up and kissed his shoulder as he slumped back onto the pillow. “I wish I could stay longer.”
He turned over so he could roll her beneath him for a final kiss.
“It’s harder to leave you every time I come here,” Harper said, tucking his hair behind one ear when he lifted his head.
“So when are you coming back?” he asked. “And this time, don’t tell me you’re not.”
“Feeling pretty confident, are you?”
He could hear the smile in her voice and knew she was joking. “Just hoping we’re making some progress.”
She laughed. “Fine. I’m coming back. I think I’ve figured out that as long as I’m in Silver Springs, you’re part of the experience.”
“Now we’re getting somewhere,” he said with a grin. “But...”
Sobering, he rested the bulk of his weight on his elbows so he wouldn’t crush her. “Seeing me doesn’t mean you have to sneak out, Harper. I have more to offer than sex, you know. We could actually go someplace once in a while. You wouldn’t even have to worry about Axel finding out, si
nce he already knows about me. Let me take you to dinner or hiking or ice-skating. Even the girls want to go ice-skating.”
She rolled her eyes. “Ugh. You’re never satisfied.”
She was still teasing him, but he was entirely serious. “What would it hurt?”
She finally sobered, too. “Nothing, I guess. It’s just... I don’t want to openly date anyone right now, what with my kids and—”
“Why not?” he broke in. “Dating is just dating. It’s letting me buy you a meal here and there. It’s going out and having a good time. It’s not a commitment, nothing that will hurt your girls. As you keep reminding me, you won’t be here very long, so it’s not as though things could ever get serious.”
She studied him in the moonlight slipping through the blinds while sliding her hands up and down his back.
He touched the tip of her nose with one finger. “Well?”
“Okay,” she relented. “Where do you want to go? And when?”
“I’ll take you to dinner in Santa Barbara tonight.”
“Tonight?” she said with a laugh.
“There’s no reason to wait. Christmas will be here in a week. You’ll have to spend the twenty-fourth and twenty-fifth with your family. And you’ll be leaving shortly after that. Why waste any time?”
“Now I’m really starting to get worried,” she said.
“Because...”
“Because I feel like I should say no, but I don’t want to.”
“Then don’t.” He held his breath while awaiting her final answer.
She pulled him in for another kiss. “Fine. Dinner tonight.”
He rolled off, back onto his own side of the bed. “I’ll pick you up at six. The drive will take almost an hour.”
“I’ll be ready.”
He watched as she got up and started to dress. “Would you like to bring the girls? I could find a place they’d enjoy.”
She glanced over her shoulder at him. “No. Not this time.”
He backed off. There was no need to press for more than she felt comfortable with. “Okay,” he said and got up to dress, too.
This time when he dropped Harper off, Tobias drove away feeling excited, hopeful. He kept telling himself not to fully embrace those emotions. He’d be stupid to assume this was going to end well, but he was also determined not to ruin now with what might happen later. If he could’ve stopped seeing her, he would have. He’d tried not to answer his phone tonight. He just hadn’t been able to resist.
At this point, he was along for the ride.
When he was almost back, he saw a pair of taillights turn into the orchard ahead of him and knew that Carl was getting home. Evidently, Carl was continuing to ignore his father and was still driving without a license. Who could say what else he was doing. Tobias knew Uriah wouldn’t be able to let Carl behave the way he was indefinitely, which meant it would all come to a head at some point. He just hoped they could get through Christmas and Harper going back to Colorado before anything happened. Tobias wanted to enjoy the next two weeks, not get into trouble for beating Carl’s ass—even if Carl deserved it.
To avoid any type of encounter with Uriah’s son, he drove ten minutes past the orchard and then doubled back to give Carl time to go inside. Tobias wasn’t in any hurry to get home. He was so happy about how things had gone with Harper that he doubted he’d be able to fall back asleep, anyway.
Fortunately, when he pulled down the drive, he didn’t see Carl standing in the shadows, smoking, like he so often did after Uriah went to bed. He thought the coast was clear until he reached his door. Then he heard a voice coming from behind him.
“Who’s the girl?”
The hair rose on the back of Tobias’s neck as he turned to find Carl leaning against the side of the garage about fifteen feet away. “None of your business,” he replied.
Thank God he’d locked his door. He’d been doing that religiously the past week, ever since Carl had made him uneasy about it. He hated that Carl seemed so focused on him and what he did, had no doubt the little bastard would’ve gone inside the second he saw Tobias pulling out of the drive—if the house had been open.
“Why does she only come over in the middle of the night?” he asked. “She married or somethin’? You messin’ around with some other man’s woman?”
Tobias was tempted to march over, lift Carl by the shirtfront and threaten him within an inch of his life, tell him that if he ever said or did anything that might hurt Harper in any way, he’d be sorry. But showing he cared that much would only reveal that Carl had hit a tender spot. Tobias couldn’t be that stupid.
He took his house key from his pocket. “Why do you want to know? I can’t imagine you care about what I do.”
“No, but the man she’s married to might.”
“She’s not married. Sorry to disappoint you.”
“Then what’s with all the sneaking around?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. She has odd work hours.”
“Odd work hours,” he said with a chuckle. “That’s a good one.”
Tobias felt his muscles bunch. Go inside. Don’t let him get under your skin.
Swinging the door wide, he was about to cross the threshold when Carl said, “Does she know about the other girl you had over not too long ago?”
Unable to resist a response, Tobias whirled around. “I didn’t have that other girl over. She dropped by. There’s a difference. And she won’t be coming back.”
“She looked upset when she left. What’d you do to her?”
“Nothing.”
“So you like this one better.”
“This fascination you’ve got with me is flattering, but I don’t see why you should even notice what I do,” Tobias said.
“I think you’re interesting. And I’m bored.”
“There’s plenty of work around here, if you’re bored.”
He lit a cigarette. “I bet you believe almost any chick would like to ride what you got between your legs,” he said and took a long drag. “But do they know what kind of man you really are?”
Tobias’s hands curled into fists almost of their own accord. “What are you talking about?”
“Everyone thinks I’m such a loser,” he said. “At least I’ve never shot anyone.”
A premonition of danger, the threat Carl now posed, made Tobias’s skin tighten and prickle. But, once again, he knew he couldn’t let on that Carl had hit a nerve. He had to act as though he had nothing to hide. “Why don’t you go to bed, Carl?” he asked and yawned as though he was tired. “That’s old news.”
“Wasn’t old news to me,” Carl retorted. “That man I crashed into? Atticus Brooks? Some bitch I met at the bar tonight told me you’re the one who crippled him.”
Tobias clenched his jaw. “Like I said, old news.”
Carl pushed off from the barn. “That so? Does my father know you shot an eleven-year-old boy? Because first thing in the morning, I’m going to tell him. I bet he won’t think so highly of you after that.”
“Everyone knows about my past,” Tobias said with a shrug and went inside. He’d been desperately trying to disarm Carl by acting cool, but he wasn’t nearly as unruffled as he’d tried to appear.
There was one person who didn’t know, and he didn’t want her to find out.
Especially now that things were going so well.
* * *
The next day Harper was so much happier than she’d been since coming to Silver Springs that Karoline commented on it. “You seem so...up today. So energetic.”
It was astonishing how much her frame of mind contributed to her energy level, Harper thought. Since she’d spent part of the night with Tobias, she hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep, and yet she felt more like her old self than she had since she’d learned Axel wanted a divorce—maybe even before t
hat. She didn’t have to worry about the growing tension between her and Axel anymore, at least not in the same way. She didn’t have to keep trying to please him so she could turn her marriage around. She didn’t have to mitigate the stress he was feeling because of his job. She didn’t have to be careful about what she said for fear she’d set him off. And she didn’t have to be frustrated that he wasn’t around to help with the kids or spend time with her, because she no longer expected it.
She’d been released from all of that—and would soon be having dinner with Tobias, which she was looking forward to. Instead of feeling hurt and abandoned, she was beginning to feel—she was afraid to even think the word for fear she’d jinx herself—free.
“I’m doing much better,” she admitted. She’d put on some Christmas music and had been humming along to Bruce Springsteen’s version of “Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town” when Karoline returned from the post office and walked in to find her on the floor with tape, scissors, a stack of gifts and various kinds of wrapping paper. She’d been alone in the house since breakfast an hour ago. Terrance was outside raking the leaves, and the girls were in school through Friday.
“It’s like Mom says, I guess. Time heals all wounds.”
Harper thought Tobias had more to do with it than time. She hadn’t started to improve until she’d met him; she’d been in the very depths of despair the night he’d handed her that rose. “I guess. I’m just glad it’s no longer so hard to get up in the morning.”
“So it was the right thing to do to have you stay with us?” she asked.
“I think so. It’s been just what I needed.” Harper got up to give her sister a hug. Karoline wasn’t much for displays of affection, but Harper wanted to express her gratitude. Her sister was always so strong and decisive and willing to sacrifice in order to lift those around her. Maybe, at times, she was a little too opinionated and frank, but she was there. Always in Harper’s corner. Which was what mattered most. “I couldn’t have a better sister,” she said.