by Brenda Novak
Harper should have been over the moon. If they got back together, she wouldn’t have to feel like a failure in the most important area of her life. Her children deserved to have their father back. She wanted that for them more than anything else. Plus, she’d be able to show the press, who’d been so eager to announce the news about her troubled marriage, and the many trolls on social media, who’d been absolutely cruel in expressing their glee over the split, that they shouldn’t count her out yet. Vindication would be sweet.
She’d be getting everything she wanted—at least what she’d wanted just two weeks ago—and yet...she wasn’t as happy as she thought she should be.
None of it felt right.
Maybe her misgivings would fade as Axel proved himself and his love. Surely, with time, her hesitation and uncertainty would disappear. That was what her mother had told her, anyway. They’d talked last night for an unusually long time and Pearl had said that anyone who’d been through what Harper had in the past year would be cautious and feel a little burned. It was natural.
But Pearl didn’t know about Tobias and how often Harper thought of him. It had been so difficult not to call him.
That was the relationship she felt like resurrecting.
“What are you doing?” Karoline asked, poking her head into Harper’s room on Saturday morning, only four days before Christmas.
Harper hadn’t joined the rest of the family for breakfast. She’d gotten hung up watching Axel’s latest concert on her phone. “Just watching some video clips of the tour on YouTube,” she told her sister.
“How’s Axel doing?”
“Fabulous. As always.” Axel was a magnificent performer. Watching him stirred old feelings, so she’d been viewing a lot of his concerts and videos the past few days. He had a great voice, but it wasn’t just that; it was the way he moved onstage and how he interacted with the audience.
Folding her arms, Karoline leaned against the doorjamb. “Have you decided what you’re going to get him for Christmas?”
“He’s missed so much of the past year, I thought I’d put together a scrapbook of the kids—a small one he can take with him when he travels. You can make them online and they send them in the mail, bound and professional-looking.”
“Something sentimental would be smart. I’d say you’ve come up with just the right thing.”
At any rate, it was all she felt like getting him, so she was satisfied with her decision. But she couldn’t help noticing how restrained Karoline had become whenever she spoke of him.
“You don’t think I should get back with him, do you,” Harper said, opening herself up for her sister’s frank opinion even though she was afraid that would be a mistake.
“Honestly?”
“Are you ever anything but honest?” Harper asked dryly.
Her sister shrugged. “Not usually. But I admit I’m trying to be careful here. I just want you to be happy. If that means you get back with Axel, then I’m all for it.”
Surprised by her sister’s response, Harper smiled. Apparently, Karoline didn’t know everything, although it seemed like it at times. “Thanks for that.”
She gestured toward the kitchen. “Are you going to come out for breakfast? The girls are almost done.”
“Yeah. I’ll be there in a sec.” Harper was about to set her phone aside so she could climb out of bed and throw on a pair of sweats when something in the video, which had continued to play while she talked to Karoline, caught her attention. It was just as “Let It Go,” the band’s new release, was coming to an end. Harper wasn’t sure why or how she’d noticed, but she pulled her phone back to take a closer look as Axel bent down to sing to one of the pretty girls crowded up against the stage.
As she watched, he let the girl touch his hand and then...took something from her?
Was that what he did?
Puzzled, Harper hit the back arrow to view the same segment again—and again and again. She couldn’t be sure, but it looked like the girl handed him her number or her room key or something.
“Mommy?”
Piper came charging in so suddenly Harper slid her phone under the covers. “Piper! What are you doing?”
“Can we go ice-skating today? We all want to. So can you call that man who said he’d take us?” She jumped up on the bed and pressed her hands into a prayerful pose to show just how badly she wanted to go. “Please? I’ve never been ice-skating.”
Still somewhat distracted by what she’d seen in the video, Harper didn’t answer right away. She wanted to believe that quick exchange meant nothing. No doubt girls gave their numbers to Axel all the time. And even though he’d probably called a few—which was part of what had caused the problem between them—he wouldn’t have called this one. Right?
Or...maybe he had. There was something about the way he responded that led Harper to believe he wanted this particular girl’s number. That he’d singled her out on purpose and let her know she was the one he’d chosen by the way he was looking at her when he sang.
“Mom?” Piper pleaded. “Please?”
Harper’s heart was beating very fast. There was that lack of trust, she told herself. She was reading more into what she’d seen than was really there. That was all.
Except, on a very basic level, she didn’t believe that. And this was the concert Pulse had played only two nights ago. After Axel had begun to show so much interest in reuniting.
If they got back together, would he be able to forgo all the women who propositioned him? Or now that he’d had a taste of sex with anyone he wanted, would he be able to give it up?
He’d already divorced her once to be able to exploit his freedom...
“Mom, aren’t you listening?” Piper asked.
Making an effort, Harper turned her attention to her youngest daughter. “What is it?”
“Can we go ice-skating with that man who said he’d take us?”
Harper’s gaze swept over the sea of flowers that adorned her room. She’d never asked for such elaborate displays of affection; she’d only wanted Axel to be sincere and remain committed to her and their children. “I don’t think so, honey.”
“Why not?”
“I doubt Tobias will be available on such short notice.”
“What about tomorrow?”
Harper covered her mouth as everything she’d been feeling since Axel had started the nightmare of their divorce came sweeping over her. She wanted to scream.
“Momma?” Piper cocked her head. “What’s wrong?”
“Did she say yes?” Everly asked, appearing in the doorway.
Somehow managing to rein in her emotions, Harper lowered her hand. “I said no.”
“Why not?” Everly cried. “Why can’t we? Doesn’t that sound like fun?”
Karoline came up behind Everly. “Amanda and Miranda are begging me, too. I suppose we could take them ourselves. We could find a rink in Santa Barbara if you’d rather not ask Tobias. The only problem is that Terrance doesn’t know how to ice-skate and neither do I.”
Harper wanted to replay that concert video yet again. It was like roadkill. As grotesque as she found it, she couldn’t help looking.
But she couldn’t go back to it while the kids and Karoline were in the room.
“Are you okay?” Karoline asked, her expression showing concern.
“Yes, of course.” Somehow Harper managed to keep her voice steady. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I don’t know. For a second you looked like you were about to pass out.”
No, she decided. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t get back with Axel, didn’t want to take the risk—to feel that sudden tightening in her gut, to see clips like she’d just watched and be destroyed all over again. She didn’t want to raise her children alone while he was off singing somewhere else on the planet, either.
“Mo
m?” Everly pressed. “Can we go?”
Harper patted the bedding to find her phone. Why the hell not? she wanted to say.
Instead she told them to get dressed and she’d see if Tobias was free.
It took Harper a few minutes to work up the nerve to call Tobias. She went into the bathroom, turned on the shower so no one would knock while she was in there and then paced back and forth as she tried to determine if she had the right to ask him for anything.
She knew she didn’t.
At that point, she almost turned off the shower and went out to tell everyone he was too busy.
But then she remembered how he’d offered—as if he really wouldn’t mind—and decided it wouldn’t hurt to ask him. He’d known they weren’t “together” when she brought the gingerbread house, and yet he’d still invited them. If he didn’t want to see her, he could always say no. She wasn’t going to make that decision for him.
Besides, he’d been there for her when she needed someone most. She would rather come away from Silver Springs feeling she’d left that brief relationship on a good note—that she could count him among her friends, at least. She cared about him, so seeing him one more time, in a totally innocuous setting with her kids and nieces and Karoline and Terrance, couldn’t hurt anything.
Gripping the phone tighter than she probably needed to, she went ahead and sent the call. Then she held her breath as it began to ring.
* * *
Tobias had just returned from an arduous hike when his phone went off. Ever since he’d spoken to Susan, he’d been expecting some kind of backlash. He doubted Jada’s mother was going to let him get away with showing up at her store and saying what he had. She’d probably called Jada and let her have it, so he was afraid the backlash would come in the way of a call from his sister-in-law telling him to back off and stay out of it—or maybe it would be his brother handling it for her. He’d only been trying to help, but he might’ve overstepped.
This wasn’t Jada, however. It wasn’t Maddox, either—or Maya or Atticus.
It was Harper.
He stared at her name on his screen. He’d spotted her SUV at the coffee shop yesterday morning and had purposely gone somewhere else. If she was getting back with Axel, he needed to stay out of the way. Seeing her only reminded him of how he felt when he was around her, and he was having a difficult time trying to forget her as it was.
For the same reason he didn’t go into the coffee shop, he felt he shouldn’t answer. He couldn’t think of any legitimate reason they had to talk.
In the end, he couldn’t overcome his curiosity or the desire he felt to hear her voice, so he hit the talk button before her call could transfer to voice mail. “Hello?”
“Tobias?”
“Yes?” Okay, this wasn’t a pocket dial. She seemed fully aware of the fact that she’d called him.
“I’m sorry to bother you,” she said.
He removed his parka and draped it over one of the kitchen chairs. “It’s no problem. Everything okay?”
“For the most part. It’s just that, well, the girls have been asking me—begging me, really—to see if you’d have time to take us all ice-skating. So I thought maybe it wouldn’t be a big deal to do something like that. You know, go ice-skating as friends. If you’re open to it, that is.”
“You want to go ice-skating as friends?” he repeated.
There was a slight pause. Then she said, “I realize that things got a little...hot between us, but I’d like to have some type of relationship with you. We haven’t known each other that long, but I’d really enjoy seeing you again before I leave, and...and bringing the kids along would make it difficult for us to get into trouble, right?”
“As far as I’m concerned, that’s the best kind of trouble,” he said. “But...Axel won’t mind?”
After another pause she said, “It isn’t his decision.”
“I see.”
“Unless you’re too busy, of course. Or you’re not interested. I admit I wouldn’t blame you. I just... I’m having a hard time giving you up entirely.”
Shit. If she only knew how hard it was for him. “And the kids are begging to go...”
“That’s true. You offered, after all. They’re not likely to forget something like that.”
“Right.” Tobias squeezed his eyes closed as he considered taking this opportunity to see her—as a friend. Given how he felt, it would only make things harder, but damned if he didn’t want to see her regardless. “When?” he asked.
“We’re free tonight, if you are. Or tomorrow. Or even Monday. We don’t have a lot going on—other than Christmas on Wednesday, of course.”
Tobias had promised Tonya he’d go to her Christmas party tonight. He didn’t really want to go, especially because it meant a two-hour drive to LA, and he knew how drunk everyone would get. But he’d told her he’d go, so he felt he had to keep his word. “I promised a friend I’d go to her Christmas party tonight. But tomorrow should work.”
“Will the rink be available?”
“Yeah. That won’t be a problem. Most of the kids at New Horizons have gone home for Christmas. If we go at dinnertime, the rest will be in the cafeteria.”
“Okay.”
“Let’s shoot for five o’clock. Are Karoline and Terrance and their girls coming, too?”
“Yeah.”
He could see why Harper would dub this adventure “safe.” He wouldn’t dare try anything if Karoline was around. “Then I’ll meet you all there.”
“Perfect,” she said and added a quick “It’ll be good to see you again” before hanging up.
Tobias stared at his phone for several seconds after that. “Don’t take it to heart,” he said aloud. “She didn’t mean it.”
21
If Tobias got anything out of going to Tonya’s party, it was the confidence that he’d made the right decision when he broke up with her. Although she was more than friendly, even asked him to stay over—an invitation he refused—she wasn’t living the kind of life he wanted to live. They would never have been compatible.
As he sat around nursing a beer while everyone else got high, he realized that he didn’t think partying so hard was fun. Maybe, occasionally, it was tempting to use drugs to check out of real life. But you had to come back to real life at some point and the reality you had to face could be much worse because you’d tried to avoid it.
When he left Tonya’s to drive over and surprise his mother, since Jill lived only forty-five minutes away and he’d given up on the party early, he was glad he’d been careful not to get involved with anyone else since he’d broken up with Tonya. He knew he’d choose much differently now than he would’ve five months ago. When he first got out of prison, his self-esteem had been at an all-time low, and he’d been starved for love—sex, too, of course, after going so long without it. That was how he’d gotten mixed up with his cellmate’s sister in the first place. He’d felt lucky to have any woman’s attention.
When he arrived at his mother’s apartment, her roommate told him Jill had picked up an extra shift at the bar where she served drinks because she needed the money to help make January’s rent.
He considered waiting, but when he learned that she wouldn’t get off until closing at two, he drove over to see her there, ordered some hot wings and a soda, and tipped her all he could afford so she could make rent. If only she’d stay off drugs, she’d be able to get by on her own. But it was Christmas. He wasn’t going to let her stress over the holidays. And he definitely didn’t want her asking Maddox for money again. Maddox had taken care of her as much as anyone could the whole time Tobias was gone.
Jill pocketed the money, thanked him profusely and bragged to all the other servers that he was her son, but instead of staying until she got off and following her back to her place to stay the night, as he’d planned when he left the party, he decided
to make the drive home. Being around his mother wasn’t good for him. She couldn’t keep her life together, and since she refused to stay away from methamphetamine, there was no way to help her. Sometimes her decisions made him so angry it was just easier to keep his distance.
It took nearly two hours to get home, so it was much later when he pulled in. He was tired and eager for bed, but he took a few minutes to walk up to the front house to see if everything looked okay. Somehow, against all odds, Uriah and Carl seemed to be getting along. At least there hadn’t been any arguments or other problems in the past few days—none that Tobias was aware of.
Tonight, too, everything seemed to be fine. Carl’s car was parked where it should be, so he was home for a change, and all the lights were off.
Hoping Uriah’s son was asleep, which meant there might be peace for the rest of the night, too, Tobias returned to his own place, where he found a gift sitting on his doorstep, wrapped in a red-and-green plaid with a small bow.
He saw a tag, but when he checked there was no information in the To and From. It just read Merry Christmas.
He looked around, wondering who’d left it. Maddox, Jada and Maya would give him a gift but they’d wait until Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, whenever they could get together and Susan wouldn’t be there. Aiyana would get him something small, too, but she’d wait for the staff party planned for Monday afternoon. That left Uriah, but Tobias couldn’t imagine Uriah could wrap like this or would bother to do so even if he could.
Puzzled, Tobias carried the gift into the house and opened it. As he was ripping off the paper, he had the thought that maybe Susan had left it for him—a box wrapped extra nice to make him think he was getting a great gift when really it was a pile of dog shit or worse.
But it wasn’t anything bad. On the contrary. It was a watch with onboard GPS, maps, music, contactless payments, even blood oxygen saturation and heart rate monitors—a gift that would be appealing to any outdoor enthusiast.
“Wow,” he muttered. This was nice. Probably the nicest thing he’d ever been given. He would’ve guessed it had come from Atticus, since it would be useful on their hike, and Atticus was so excited about going. But there was no way Atticus would have an extra six or seven hundred dollars to drop on him, despite their plans for the summer. Jada’s brother had too many other people to buy for that he cared about more.