by Brenda Novak
They were falling in love. Both of them. And that made him so high he wasn’t sure it was even safe for him to drive home.
So this is what it feels like, he thought. He’d never been happier—but he still had a huge hurdle in front of him, and he knew it.
He had to tell Harper about his past.
Would it be possible to do it in a way that she might be able to understand and forgive?
He had no answer, no way to guess.
As he drove home, he considered asking Maddox to come over when he gave her the news and act as a character witness for him, or provide moral support or...whatever. Or maybe Uriah would speak up for him.
But he couldn’t rely on others. He had to brave the truth on his own, and he had to trust that Harper knew him well enough by now, even though they’d only met a couple of weeks ago...
He’d look for the right moment. Prepare his words carefully in advance. And maybe he’d finally catch a break.
He’d never asked for much from life, never felt he deserved it. After prison, he’d set his expectations especially low—better that than be disappointed.
But he’d never wanted something quite as badly as he wanted Harper.
* * *
Harper knew how her hair looked. Not only had she been rolling around in bed with Tobias, they’d taken a bath together and she hadn’t bothered to dry it properly. She hadn’t been worried about her appearance; she’d thought she was going straight to bed.
This was not how she wanted to confront Axel—or her sister and brother-in-law. But Karoline was awake. Maybe Terrance was up, too. She could see that the light was on in the living room.
She’d pressed her luck too far.
“Axel...” she said as she came up the walk.
“Nice of you to finally come home,” he said.
She winced at the heavy sarcasm. “I had no idea you... I had no idea you’d be here.”
“No. I thought it would be a big surprise, a way to prove my love for you and my girls that I’d go to the trouble of flying thirteen hours to be with you for just three days—the only three days I have off on this soul-sucking tour.” He chuckled bitterly. “But I never dreamed I’d be more shocked than you.”
He loved what he did. This was the kind of success he’d prayed for. But she didn’t comment on the way he’d described the tour. “I wish you’d let me know you were coming.”
“You were with him?” he asked instead of responding to her comment.
She drew a deep breath. “Yes.”
“I thought so.”
“I was going to tell you that...that we’re seeing each other again.”
As he rose to his feet, his voice rose, too. “You mean you were going to tell me you’re still fucking someone else? When?”
She glanced around, embarrassed by the profanity and the loudness of his voice. “I quit seeing him once we started talking about reconciling, but then I began to realize—”
“That you can fool around and get away with it while I’m in Europe?”
Her face flushed with heat despite the cold. “No...”
The door opened behind him, and her sister stepped out. She was wearing a fluffy white robe, tied at the waist, and carrying a cup of coffee. “Harper. I’m so glad you’re okay. I’ve been trying to reach you—”
“I know. I’m sorry, Karoline.”
“She’s been with—” Axel gestured in irritation “—what’s his stupid name? Tobias?”
“His name is no more stupid then yours,” she mumbled.
“What’d you say?” he challenged her.
She glanced around to make sure the neighbors weren’t turning on their lights and coming outside to see what all the fuss was about. “Nothing.”
“You said something.”
“Forget it. Look, there’s no need to embarrass Karoline and Terrance. Why don’t we... Why don’t we go for a drive? Get out of their neighborhood?”
“With you looking like that? Fresh from another man’s bed? God, I can almost smell him on you.”
Harper curved her fingernails into her palms. “I told you. I gave him up for a few days. But then...”
“But then?” he repeated.
“I realized he makes me feel good. That I enjoy his company. That maybe... That maybe you were right about the divorce. Our lives have changed so much we’re no longer compatible.”
Karoline’s eyes widened. “Harper, are you sure about what you’re saying?”
She wasn’t the only one who was surprised. Axel obviously couldn’t believe his ears. Just about every woman in America dreamed of being with him, and yet she was saying she preferred someone else?
“You’ve always said you want to keep our family together!”
“That’s what I’ve wanted all along!”
“So I make the effort, and this is how you react?”
“Stop shouting at her.” Karoline spoke softly, but her voice was velvet over steel.
Axel shot her a dirty look. He wasn’t used to having anyone oppose or criticize him, which was probably why he and Karoline had never been close. Karoline always spoke her mind, never held back like Harper often did. “Don’t tell me what to do!” he snapped. “You have no idea what I went through to get here—”
“What? A thirteen-hour flight? There are worse things,” she broke in. “So don’t expect a lot of sympathy from me. This is my house, and you’ll speak respectfully to everyone in it, or you’ll be asked to leave.”
He gaped at her. “Wow. You’ve turned on me, too.”
“You turned on Harper first,” she retorted.
Harper stepped forward. “Stop. Please. Both of you. Axel, let’s get in the car and go for a drive.”
He whirled on her. “What car, Harper? I had a limo drive me from LAX. It’s gone. I had no idea the mother of my children wouldn’t be in her bed when I arrived at four o’clock in the morning!”
“I have the Range Rover here,” she said.
“I’ll get the keys,” Karoline offered and hurried back into the house.
“Please, calm down,” Harper said. “There’s no need to wake the neighborhood. I’d rather the girls not hear us shouting, either.”
“You mean you don’t want them to know you’ve been sneaking out, spreading your legs for some guy you’ve just barely met?”
“We haven’t just barely met,” she said. “We’ve spent hours and hours together. And they know him, too.”
“You’ve introduced him to my girls?”
“Why wouldn’t I?” she countered. “They’re my girls, too.”
“Because I thought we were getting back together!”
“Who was that woman in the mosh pit in Barcelona?” she demanded.
His scowl grew darker. “What woman?”
“I watched the concert, Axel. Over and over again. Something was going on between you. I could tell.”
“Oh, so now you’re trying to make this about me?”
“It’s always been about you! That’s the problem! Everything’s always about you! Whether you’re happy, whether you’re sad, whether your talent is being recognized, whether I’m giving you enough!” She’d spent their entire married life trying to placate him when he got upset, so it was ironic that she’d be the one screaming now, but everything she’d held back was rising like a tidal wave inside her.
He shook his head. “I can’t believe this bullshit,” he said and took off, walking down the street.
“Were you with her or not?” Harper called after him.
He didn’t turn or answer, but the neighbor’s porch light snapped on. “Is everything okay?” came a reedy voice from that direction.
Harper closed her eyes. Normally, she’d run after Axel. She was tempted. She could be making a mistake by letting him go. But she’d been as
happy as she could possibly be only half an hour earlier, when she was with Tobias—and now she felt like shit again.
“Hello?” the neighbor called over when she didn’t respond. “Is everything okay?”
It was an older woman—her gray hair in rollers with an old-fashioned net over them. “Everything’s fine. I’m sorry for disturbing you. The stress of the holidays can sometimes create a bit of...tension. That’s all it is.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
The neighbor still seemed skeptical. “Where’s Karoline? There’s never been any trouble over there before.”
Fortunately, Harper’s sister appeared with the car keys.
“Where’d he go?” Karoline asked when she didn’t see Axel in the yard.
Harper gestured down the street.
“Are you going after him?”
Harper stared at what she could see of his retreating back, which wasn’t much in the fog. She even took her keys in anticipation of following him. But then she handed them back. “No,” she said. “Not this time.”
Karoline’s mouth formed an O, but before she could comment, Harper jerked her head toward the older lady who’d come out. “I’m sorry, but you might need to walk over and talk to your neighbor, let her know everything’s fine. I can’t go over there looking like this.”
Karoline lifted Harper’s arm to show her that the seam was visible; she’d put her shirt on wrong side out. “I agree with you there. Go in and get some sleep. I’ll take care of Margaret, and then I’ll go after Axel.”
“He’s a big boy. He can get a motel in town or something.”
“I can’t let him walk. It’s safe now because the entire town is asleep. But he’s a celebrity. I don’t want anything to happen to him, and I don’t want this to be splashed across the tabloids.”
Tears came to Harper’s eyes. “You’re right, of course. I wasn’t thinking. Thank you.”
“That’s what sisters are for.”
When Harper started to slip past her, Karoline caught hold of her wrist. “So...you spent the night with Tobias? That’s where you’ve been?”
Harper wiped her eyes. “Yes.”
“Was this the first time?”
“No,” she said on a sigh.
“I see.” Karoline bit her bottom lip. “Must be going well between you two.”
“I think I’m falling in love with him,” she admitted.
“Really?”
“I don’t know how else to explain what I’m feeling.”
“But so fast, Harper? How can you trust that?”
“I don’t know if I can,” she admitted. “That’s the problem.”
Karoline squeezed her arm. “You have a good head on your shoulders. You’ll figure it out.”
With a nod, Harper went inside. But she was afraid her sister had more confidence in her than she deserved.
24
Did you get home safely?
After leaving Karoline on the stoop, Harper had avoided Terrance—who’d been in the kitchen, judging from the noises she heard as she crossed to the hall—and gone straight to her room, where she’d climbed into bed. Fortunately, none of the girls had been disturbed by Axel’s appearance, or the argument out front. Other than for Terrance, the house was quiet.
Harper was tired, but she was a long way from nodding off. She’d forgotten to let Tobias know she was okay—probably because she didn’t feel okay. She would’ve missed his text if she hadn’t picked up her phone to call Axel. It was a habit, something she’d always done if he blew up and stalked off. She’d always tracked him down, apologized, tried to get him to rally and overcome the problem.
But she couldn’t bring herself to go through that process this morning, which was why she’d deferred to Karoline. For one, she didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t tell him she was sorry for being with Tobias. She wasn’t. She was sorry Axel had been shocked and hurt by the discovery, but that was different.
Her phone buzzed in her hand. Harper? Tobias was prompting her since she hadn’t yet responded.
After rubbing her temples to ease the headache that had sprung up in the wake of so much emotion, she wrote him back so he wouldn’t come over to see for himself.
Axel was waiting for me when I got home.
Are you kidding me? I thought he was in Europe.
He was. But he thought it would be nice to come to Silver Springs for three days and surprise us for Christmas.
I see.
She waited, hoping Tobias could reveal how he was taking this news, but he offered nothing more.
The girls will be excited to see him, she wrote.
I’m happy for them.
And?
What else can I say? Should I be happy for you, too? Are you excited to see him?
Definitely not. He caught me walking up to the house after getting out of your truck, so...
Shit.
Exactly. I was busted—no escaping. Karoline and Terrance were up, too, since he’d just gotten in from LAX.
They all know you were with me?
Yes.
Would it be easier to call me? I’m here if you’d rather talk.
I can’t talk. Not now. I don’t want anyone to hear that I’m awake, let alone on the phone.
Okay. So...how’d it go?
Not good. There was a bit of yelling, of course, and then he took off.
Took off where?
I don’t know. I didn’t go after him.
I’m sorry.
It’s not your fault.
Maybe not. But I don’t like the thought of you being upset—and having to deal with something I feel partially responsible for.
But she’d never want Tobias to confront Axel. Knowing how quickly Axel’s temper could flare, she was afraid of where that would lead. Axel had never struck her or anything when he’d gotten angry. She wasn’t worried about her safety. It was all the moodiness, the upset and the screaming that got old. Add in jealousy and another man? Axel might go further with Tobias than he would with her.
Does this change anything? Tobias asked.
She frowned at his latest message. Skating is off, she responded.
I wasn’t referring to skating.
I know.
I’d like a real chance with you, Harper. What we feel... It can’t be something that happens often. At least, it’s never happened for me.
You’re right. It doesn’t happen often.
Then we should protect it.
At this point, I don’t know what to say. There’s what I want, and then there’s what’s best for my kids.
I would never stand in the way of what’s best for you or your kids.
He’d proved that already, when he’d brought her home and told her to patch things up with Axel. She was the one who’d resurrected what they had going. Thank you. Let’s get some sleep. I’m so confused and embarrassed—I’m on overload. I’ll text you tomorrow.
Good night.
After she put down her phone, she could hear the hum of voices. Had Karoline brought Axel back to the house?
She was about to get out of bed to check when she heard a soft knock and her sister opened the door. “You okay?”
“I am. Is Axel? Were you able to find him?”
“Yes. It wasn’t easy, but I managed to talk him into getting into the car, and I took him to the Mission Hotel.”
“He didn’t want to come here?”
“Considering the situation, I suggested it might be smarter for the two of you to have a bit of a separation.”
“But he’s going to see the girls while he’s here...”
“I hope so.”
“So do I. I’d feel terrible if I screwed that up for them.”
Karoline studied her for sev
eral seconds. “Why weren’t you honest with me about Tobias, Harper?”
“Because I never expected it to go anywhere. I thought... I thought it was fleeting, momentary, a way to prop up my sagging self-esteem, I guess.”
“And then...”
“And then he turned out to be more wonderful than I expected.”
“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?”
Harper shook her head. “To be honest, I still don’t know.”
* * *
Tobias couldn’t sleep. He kept coming up with different ways to break the news of his past to Harper. But no matter how he framed what he’d done, he imagined her being too horrified to take a chance on him.
He kept trying to convince himself that he’d served his time, paid the price, and now that he was out of prison, he could build whatever he wanted with his life. That was what the psychologist had told him. To put Soledad behind him and move on. But what he’d done at seventeen, and the thirteen years he’d lost because of it, would affect him for the rest of his life—which meant it would also affect anyone he was associated with.
Harper deserved better.
He must’ve dropped off at last, and then he slept like a rock, because it was late in the day when he opened his eyes again. He could tell by the color of the light slanting through the blinds.
He immediately rolled over to check his phone. He thought it had made a noise, which was what had finally dragged him out of unconsciousness—that maybe Harper was trying to reach him.
But he’d missed no calls.
That was when he realized someone was at the door.
As he threw on some sweat bottoms and a T-shirt, he noticed that Harper had left her necklace on his dresser.
He picked up the delicate chain and stared down at the pendant, a gold swirl that contained a fairly large diamond, and tried not to sigh as he put it back down. She was way out of his league.
“Tobias?”
Uriah’s voice came to him from outside.
“Coming!” he called and glanced around the house to be sure there were no other signs of Harper’s having been there as he made his way to the door. He knew she’d be embarrassed if Uriah found a pair of her panties lying on the floor of his living room. But it looked as though she’d remembered everything other than the necklace.