I looked around the ranch yard. I’d miss it. I’d miss her. Miss her like I had never missed a person or a place before. Losing my parents, Austin, my patch brothers, had a certain kind of pain. Leaving Amelia behind had a different kind of ache all together. One that I was sure I would never get over.
I knew I would always torment myself with her memory. And that one day in the future I would ride on down to Laredo, just because, I would say. Or I would just get lost in the road and end up here. I would ride through town hoping to spot her or I would circle around the back roads that lead to Homeland. I’d pull over somewhere with a view of it, maybe somewhere I could see the house and barnyard from a distance. Hope to catch a glimpse of her out on Summertime.
I would come and hope to see her with a good man to call her husband and a few kids to fill her house with. I knew the lie I’d already tell, that it wouldn’t hurt like hell, that it wasn’t breaking my own dumbass heart, but I would have to see for myself. That Half-Pint was doing okay.
Being that husband. Being the father to those children, I thought about it. Thought about it on my way back to Amarillo yesterday, thought about it all night as I held her in my arms. I would think about it all day today and likely tomorrow too.
But nothing had changed, I was still an outlaw biker and she was still the cowgirl. She had roots and I had wheels. It would be hard to go, but it would still be the best. Someday, Amelia would wake up next to a man she loved and could have everything with, never worrying about what he was doing or wondering when he would leave next. She would drink her coffee on the back porch and think of me, the outlaw biker, and smile at my memory, knowing I was right when I left.
“Don’t,” Fabio said from where he had walked up behind me, breaking through my thoughts.
“Nothing’s changed.”
“Everything’s changed!” Fabio yelled, but I couldn’t turn to face my brother. Fabio had done everything he could to keep me in line growing up. Poor bastard took the job on with all the Callaghan kids. When Austin died Fabio stepped up his game as acting “older brother” to me and Destiny. Our oldest friend had finally broken through Double D’s barriers, but he wouldn’t mine.
“None of it for the better. I killed someone yesterday. Another, someone. Her cousin and a close cousin at that. What happens now? I stay on the ranch? We all live happily ever after, I take Brad’s job as the foreman? That’s not how this works. Someday, she’ll be thankful I left.”
“Do whatever you want. You always do. Just remember to tell her goodbye this time. She wasn’t the only one who heard you before you got into that truck last night. I know you love her, it’s never been your pickup line, so I know it’s true.”
I heard Fabio storm off and then heard a stride I associated with Amelia approach me moments later. I felt her hand settle on my arm. “Hey babe, why don’t you come to the house? Your aunts put a spread out. You could use some food, and relax, your side has to be killing you.”
“Pain meds,” I rattled the pills in my pocket and turned to face her, placing my hand on the uninjured side of her face. I pulled her close and kissed her as hard as I dared. I didn’t expect it to hurt the way it did, in my chest. I deepened the kiss, tasting her tongue with mine.
I broke the kiss and she looked up in my eyes. I hung my head as I saw the realization wash over her. Lying to Amelia had never been an option, she had been seeing through my bullshit since day one. I would have to make her understand this time though.
“No. No! You don’t get to do this,” he saw the tears well in her eye as she stepped away and covered her mouth with her hand.
“Amelia…”
“No! We… you said… you told me you loved me! Was that just some bullshit because you thought you were going to die? You just get on your bike and go now? Were you even going to say goodbye or just wait until I turned my back again?” I glanced behind her. Both our families stood on or around the front porch watching us fight it out for the last time.
“Amelia, I meant what I said. I love you, I do, but … nothing has changed. Our lives are still so different. Now what happened last night, I’d do it a thousand times over if it meant keeping you safe,” I gripped her arms to try and make her understand. Understand that I loved her so much, that was why I was going. She was happy here, I would only break her heart worse later if I stayed.
Amelia yanked away from me and I let her go. “Nothing changes? You would, you can just ride away from me? From us? If it’s this place, I’ll go with you! We’ll figure it out later!” panic swept across Amelia’s face. Sweet, strong Amelia, we knew this was coming, but neither figured on it hurting so bad.
“You can’t Half-Pint…”
Amelia struck me across the face. I’d been slapped a bunch over the years, however none hurt as bad as this one did.
“Then go! Get on your damn bike and go if that’s what you want! Don’t come back this time!”
“Amelia,” I reached for her. I had known my leaving would be hard, but I didn’t want to go on such bad terms with her. I had wanted to leave her with a sweet memory if possible. It wasn’t looking like that was the case however.
“Don’t touch me! Just… I was so damn stupid… I knew this didn’t end well but I just couldn’t stay away and then I couldn’t not fall…” she walked away from me, the sea of people by the front door parting to let her through.
Destiny stood, watching, her arms crossed, the blank bitchy look she wore when she was livid. A look I had gotten so used to seeing pointed at me the last few years. The rest of my family’s stance was much of the same.
I turned, climbed on my bike and rode off without another word. It took all I had to keep heading forward. I told myself the splitting pain inside me was from the bullet wound I just had stitched up, but it was likely only part of it.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Amelia
Three weeks later…
I pulled down the dingy side street. It looked different in the late afternoon light than it did in the darkness. It didn’t seem as scary anymore, but it didn’t look any more hopeful either, I thought as I glanced around at the cracked asphalt parking lot and the line of garbage cans and the spray-painted tags on the fading brick of the adjoining building.
Hard to believe it had only been six weeks since I was here last. So much had changed since then. That made it even harder to believe that we had been apart as long as we had been together. Funny, it had taken me three short weeks to fall ridiculously in love like an idiot, I had hoped that what felt like the three longest weeks of my life would remedy the issue.
It hadn’t. I felt an involuntary shutter run through my body at the thought of seeing him again and then shook it off. Bad idea, the nape of my neck and the left side of her chest still stung as she was fresh out of my bandages. Oh well, the stupid shit I did.
Damn Callaghan’s.
The sign had the same neon glow it had last month. Tommy’s Dead in Saloon. One of just many pies that Houston kept his fingers in and if I was lucky he’d be doing business today. Amarillo was a bit out of the way, but I hadn’t bothered to call. All it would do was give him a chance to run.
When he rode off three weeks before I hadn’t watched him disappear. Two times in two days he left me behind. In between the drive off’s he confessed his love to me and saved my life. But that hadn’t mattered. Houston had been dead set on leaving me and leaving me he had.
What little I knew about the nomads had flew through my mind. The Bastards still had enemies everywhere they went, and Houston had no business riding in his condition. Physically or mentally. I had turned to Scottie and Alec.
“You two are Nomads! Ride with him! The road isn’t safe for him right now! He’s already torn to hell and back! Nobody rides alone!”
“She’s right,” Kristy said as she turned to her husband. “However long it takes… just don’t let it take to long.”
Alec kissed his wife on the lips and then on hand near her wedding band.
“I love you.”
“I love you too. Take care of my son.”
So, Alec and Scottie had rode off after him. Soon enough the rest of Sweetwater was mounting up. Kristy perched behind Jay. I hadn’t been in the mood for goodbyes, but I stood there… stood there because I wouldn’t run and hide my head in shame and embarrassment.
“Sorry you missed your honeymoon,” I told Destiney as the Sweetwater president gave me a hug.
“Don’t worry about it. Just postponed, I’m no stickler for a schedule had enough of that when I was military. We’re on no leaving the country orders until next month at least. Hey, it means I’ll be around. Why don’t you come for a visit if you want? We got things to wrap up… do a debrief of our own. Come spend some time with the mother charter?”
“I’m not an old lady anymore. I wasn’t really one to begin with, it was all just pretend,” I told her and wiped a stray tear away I hoped the woman I doubted ever cried didn’t see. “The club belongs to Houston, not me.”
“There are a lot of things to learn about the club. Most importantly, Houston Callaghan doesn’t control who belongs to my chapter. Who I say belongs to the Sweetwater family or who belongs with me. And you belong with us; whenever you want us.”
“My home is always open to you Amelia,” Kristy called to her from Jay’s bike. “It’s going to be a long few weeks with Alec gone. Just think about it. I could always use some company that isn’t Stella.”
Stella flipped her best friend off from where she sat behind Eric and the Sweetwater crew rode off down the road with a promise from me that I would think about a visit.
After spending a week barely able to function I made up my mind. I didn’t feel sad or guilty about what happened to Brad and somehow that bothered me. But I felt miserable about Houston’s leaving. That didn’t seem to lessen at any point in seven days. And Tate… Tate wasn’t exactly helping things.
I loved my big brother, but in the week that he was attempting to settle back in, we butted heads on more than one occasion and I began to understand how he felt so stifled by the ranch when he was younger. Tate was driving me nuts.
But it was Grams who approached the topic first, over evening coffee. I was staring at the cup in my hand, wondering how something so trivial could make me feel so empty inside.
“Maybe you should go. Take a vacation and see the club in Sweetwater. That Kristy and Destiny, they extended the invitation and they seem awful nice. Maybe they can help.”
“Help what Grams?”
“Help understand where your place with him will be. Right now, he’s upset, he must think we could never forgive him. That you could never forgive him. He needs his club and he said you’re his old lady. According to his family that makes you as good as married.”
I laughed drily. “Consider me divorced Grams,” then I paused before adding softly, “Can you forgive him Grams?”
“There was nothing to forgive with him. He did what he had to do. To save you, to get back to you,” Grams said staring into her own coffee cup, tears welling but not falling. The family was having Brad cremated without ceremony, when the time came my grandparents would spread his ashes.
“The ranch needs me.”
“It does. But we’ll make do. We always have; besides, Tate is here. He’s got plenty of catching up to do but he can hold down the fort.”
That’s how I left the first thing the next morning. That conversation was two weeks ago, and I spent my time in Sweetwater. Missing Houston, trying to understand. But I knew my place now. All there was left to do was make him understand his.
I stared at the building. I really did have a love/hate relationship with the place. Sighing I pulled on my blue jean jacket and climbed out of the truck and locked it as I slammed the door. It was six in the evening and the place seemed empty enough but there was a string of bikes outside, one of which I recognized.
The heavy door gave a sudden thud shut as I stepped inside. Same dreary feeling, same dank smell of sweat, grease, spilt booze and hard living… new soundtrack though. Texas Tornado wafted from the old jukebox in the corner that hadn’t even been upgraded to a touch screen and probably still took quarters.
“Hey there darlin’, come back for round two?” I heard the voice of the same obnoxious pervert that was the no patch Dart.
I went for my pistol at the small of my back and pulled it on him casually. “I don’t have the patience for this shit. So, let’s pretend these are the pleasantries or I can aim about six inches lower than what I am.”
Dart followed the trajectory of the Beretta I carried, a goodbye gift from Destiny that had a questionable serial number on it, six inches lower and he’d be missing his favorite chunk of himself.
“He’s in the back,” Dart said and motioned towards a door just the other side of the bar.
I lowered my gun, stuffed it in my waistband and headed for the door, ignoring the fact that every set of eyes in the place had found me. I pushed it open to find Houston sitting at a desk like he was going over books, which was a sight worth laughing at. That is if a scantily clad woman draped over the desk in front of him hadn’t been such an eyesore.
“Out! Now,” I directed the woman calmly. When the skank returned with a bitch make me look, I pulled the pistol. That seemed to speed things along around here.
Houston looked up at me and our eyes met for a good hard moment as the girl maneuvered her way out the door and I threw the lock behind her.
“What are you doing here?” he asked while I tried to control the emotions that sped through me. Anger, devastation, delight, love…
“I thought I’d stop by on my way back from Sweetwater.”
“Heard you were down there, though I have to say, Amarillo isn’t exactly on your way home,” he closed the folder in front of him I noticed was labeled receipts. He was acting like a businessman. Alec had only arrived in Sweetwater day before yesterday, apparently, he felt Houston was going to stick around Amarillo for a time. Mainly because the bar manager quit leaving things in a mess and the place managed to turn a profit and Houston wasn’t one to walk out on money.
I shrugged casually like the trip was no big deal “What’s seven hours when you’re on vacation?”
“Didn’t think you would want to see me again.”
“Didn’t think you would let me in the door to be quite honest.”
“The gun kind of helps,” he motioned to where I had re-tucked my pistol. “Besides, it was you that said don’t come back. I don’t believe I ever offered such a directive to your invitation to Tommy’s.”
Houston’s words stung but I had been tough before him… hadn’t I? I couldn’t quiet remember who I had been before Houston Callaghan. But, I knew I was even stronger now, so I let the bite of his words pass casually.
“Yeah. Look I spent two weeks in Sweetwater. Thought you might like to hear about what I learned,” I offered when I found a strong enough voice to form the words.
“Oh yeah?” he leaned back in his chair, his expression was half curious and he looked like hell. Still sexy enough he could melt both our clothes off with a look, but still like hell. Apparently the last few weeks hadn’t treated him so well either.
“Did you know you don’t have to be in a relationship with a patch member of the club to be considered an old lady?”
“Yup. Believe I heard it somewhere.”
“A club woman just has to swear her loyalty to the club. The old ladies are an unofficial part of the club, but they hold a significant role, that you know. Providing aid and comfort, not all sexual favors,” I felt the urge to vomit when I thought about Tasha back in Sweetwater, “to the patch members and the families.”
“Kristy and Stella’s band of merry women.”
“Merry women, sure. And even though these women are all over, typically close to charters but in general just wherever it is they land, it makes it difficult for them to belong to one chapter. So, they don’t. There is a bylaw in your club that says all ol
d ladies are controlled by the Sweetwater Chapter, the mother charter.
“Which currently means by Destiny. But … I’m checking in, as a courtesy,” I crossed my arms and leaned casually against the wall. Waiting for it all to click into place for him.
“Courtesy for what?” his voice went up about ten decibels. I had his attention now.
“A month ago, you declared to a Viper that Laredo was Bastard Nomad territory. Houston Callaghan’s territory. I’m in Laredo, so I’m at your service,” I smiled, and he swiped the papers from his desk in a furious toss before shoving both of his hands through his hair. I watched his little pissy fit feeling very amused with myself.
“Don’t calm down just yet, I did something else you’re not going to like,” I turned around and pulled off my jacket leaving me in a tank top and reveling the new tattoo, only freshly unbandaged. The emblem was what some old ladies wore, like the patch.
“You marked yourself Bastard!”
“I was marked Bastard the moment I met you! It was just a matter of time!”
“You didn’t have a single piece of ink on your skin!”
“Now I have two!”
“Two!” Houston roared and spun me around his eyes searching my exposed skin for ink all the while I tried to control myself and the fire that swept through when he touched me.
I swallowed hard and pulled down the front of my top just enough, exposing the words I had scrawled on my chest, opposite my heart. “The one on my back marks me as a Bastard’s old lady. This, this marks me as your old lady. ‘Til Death. That’s what this is, so you’re just going to have to deal.”
If I hadn’t known better, I would have thought I saw a tear well in his eye for just a moment.
“Deal?” his fingers slowly and gently caressed the words on my chest. It was the tattoo his mother had started and only a select few wore. A tattoo that only Destiny carried over her heart as Breanna had. When I asked if it would be okay to get the words etched in my skin, Destiny had offered to share the location with me, but I graciously declined and did the next best.
Houston Callaghan: The Devil's Bastards MC Page 25