“Please don’t choose a college based on me. It’s too big. I don’t want to change your plans.”
He ignored me and drove with one hand on the wheel, his other fist resting in front of his mouth, elbow on the door. When we arrived at Drayton’s house, we stood on the front patio. He watched the snow melting. Small clumps of white ice washed down the drive.
“Why shouldn’t I pick a college that’s close to you, Cheer?” He didn’t look at me. “I want to be with you. It’s a good school. It’s in California. Not a lot of downfall that I can see.”
“Because I wouldn’t choose a school to be close to you.” I stood in front of him, but he stared over my head. He looked hurt, biting the inside of his cheek. “I have a plan. I’ve had that plan for a long time and it’s happening. I wouldn’t change that, and you shouldn’t have to change your plans for me.”
“I didn’t have a plan. I’ve never given it that much thought at all.” His eyes met mine. “I was going go to Baylor because that was how it had always been, and I didn’t question it. But I don’t care where I go to college. As long as I get to play the sport I love, what does it matter? My dad is the one with the fucking problem.”
“That fight isn’t something that I want to get in the middle of.”
He scoffed and turned around. “Sounds like you really couldn’t give a shit what happens to us.”
“Excuse me?” I snapped. He didn’t turn around. Rain fell on the awning, the pattering loud and in time with the pounding in my chest. “What the hell? Of course I care. But things don’t have to change. And even if they do, it won’t change how I feel.”
He didn’t respond. He kept his back to me, hands in his pockets. The college conversation had always been a bit of a sensitive subject because it had always been possible that we’d be apart. But if I had known that it would turn into this, I would have had it sooner.
“I’m leaving.” I turned around and started down the steps, but then I remembered how much he hated it when I walked alone. I was mad, but I wasn’t cruel.
It didn’t seem to matter though. He stormed into rain and blipped the button for the Jeep. Unbelievable. I opened the passenger door and climbed in, my wet jeans squelching on the leather seat as I sat down. He drove in desolate silence. I was itching to continue the conversation, but I didn’t have a clue what to say.
I didn’t even know what he was so upset about. I wanted him to choose his own path and his own future without the influence of others. What was so awful about that?
He didn’t even pull into the drive. He stopped at the curb and I got out. This was stupid. More ridiculous than I could even comprehend. But it seemed that we needed some space before we could talk this over.
I made it as far as the mailbox before I heard his door open and close. He flicked his hood up to shield his eyes from the rain.
“You seem to have a big opinion for someone who wants me to make my own choice.” He threw his arms open and shrugged. “Thought it was up to me where I go to college.”
“It is!”
“So what the hell is the issue if I choose UCLA?”
Drops of rain rolled over my face. My hair was sopping, clinging to my neck and chest. I held a hand above my brow so that I could look at him without blurred vision. It didn’t help much.
“It’s not an issue. Just don’t do it for me.”
“I can choose you if I want to, Dallas. I can still have a good education, a good future if I choose you.”
“But what about your dad?”
“I’ll worry about my dad,” he shouted and stepped closer. The rain had drenched his maroon hoodie, darkening it. “Stop making excuses. Because it feels like you’re pushing me away right now. I know that you didn’t want a relationship, and that’s what happened. Do you not want to be with me now that you’re going to California?”
“Of course I want to be with you. That’s the point that you’re missing. We can be together no matter where either of us are.”
“Sure, we can, but if I want to choose UCLA because the thought of living near my girlfriend makes me happy, then why shouldn’t I?”
“Would your dad even allow that?”
The drain beside the sidewalk gurgled, our clothes were soaked, and it hurt to argue with the same person who made me feel whole.
“I don’t know,” he confessed. “I’m working on it.”
I said nothing.
“I don’t want to fight, Dallas. I’m going home,” he told me quietly. I almost didn’t hear him over the rain. He watched me through the thick fall. “There’s nothing wrong with being in love, Dallas. There’s no weakness in making space for it in your life.”
His words hit me. It was brutal and truthful, but it was something that I’d been in denial over until I was watching him climb into his Jeep. He drove away, and the farther that he got, the more that I wanted him to come back.
We hadn’t said I love you, but what he just said was an admittance of its own. As I ran inside, I thought about the fact that all I’d ever wanted was to stand alone. To be strong and accomplished without a man holding me down. I’d thought that it was weak to make a relationship as important as a career. Drayton had never held me down. He’d lifted me up.
“Hey.” Nathan sat on the couch with a beer and his boxer shorts on. The football highlights were on television. Sunday. “Bit wet out there, huh?”
“CalArts emailed. I got in.”
Nathan stood up, eyes wide and pride beaming in his smile. “Dude. That’s so damn cool. Man. I am so proud.”
He gave me an awkward hug. I was still dripping after standing in the rain and he wasn’t wearing a lot of clothing. But I knew that he was overwhelmed with pride.
“Thanks, Nathan.”
“We should celebrate? Let’s … go out for dinner? Invite Drayton and Gabby. Whoever.”
“I think that we should celebrate just the two of us.” I smiled and headed toward the corridor. “I’ll shower and dress first.”
“I better put on some nicer clothes.”
I knew that I had handled the argument all wrong. It had left me with a small bout of nausea, and I used the shower to disguise a few fallen tears. It felt wrong to know that Drayton assumed I didn’t want him for the simple fact that I was off to a college in California. Did he believe that he was so disposable? And as much as I believed that we would be fine in separate states, his desperation to be close worried me. The whole fight left me upset and confused. I needed a bit of time to clear my head before I saw Drayton again. The next time that we spoke, I didn’t want it to end in argument. Or worse.
Driving home from dinner, the road was slick. Nathan clutched the wheel and drummed his fingers along to the song coming from the stereo. It crackled. It was old.
“I know that you don’t want to talk about it,” he said and I sighed, letting my forehead press against the cold passenger window. “But I have to say something. Just one thing and then I’ll let it go.”
He’d figured out rather fast that I was having relationship issues when I stared at a plate of fries and garlic bread and refused to touch it. “Fine.” I rolled my wrist. “What is it?”
“I wasn’t a good example while you were growing up.” My head whipped toward him. “I wasn’t. I didn’t hide my habits. There was nothing discreet about the girls I had coming in and out. There was no example of exclusivity, and I think that I unintentionally gave you this impression that relationships were the worst thing in the world.”
“You can’t take that sort of responsibility, Nathan. You were seventeen. No one expected you to be perfect.”
He looked at me for a moment, shaking his head. “No, I could have done better. I should have. You took on the same habits that I had and I didn’t want to admit it, but I knew that it was because of what you’d watched from an impressionable age. But, Dal, don’t be afraid of your relationship. It’s a good one. I can tell.”
I watched him as he frowned, staring in front of him. �
��Nathan, I am who I am, and I’ve never considered that a bad thing. Drayton and I are having a … rough patch. But it hasn’t changed how I feel about him.”
“Who you are isn’t a bad thing,” he said. “But don’t push him away out of fear. I know you, Dallas. I see more than you realize. You might not even realize that you’re doing it.”
The streetlights illuminated the car, casting shadows. I stared out of the fogged-up windshield and felt my stomach drop. “Can you drop me off at Drayton’s, please?”
He didn’t look at me. But he did smile.
When we pulled up at the gate, I handed Nathan my swipe card and he opened his window, allowing a burst of freezing-cold air to blast through the warm car. The gates opened and he drove slowly, careful until the enormous and luminous house came into view. Drayton’s bedroom light was on.
“Thanks. I’ll be back later. Maybe.”
“You have school tomorrow,” he warned me as I got out of the car. I shivered and gave him a quick wave before I jogged over to the front door, which opened before I could touch the bell.
“Dallas.” Drayton encircled my wrist and pulled me into the warm house. His cap was on backward and he wore a snug long sleeve and sweatpants. He watched me with panic. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” My heart swelled at his concern. “Can we please talk?”
He nodded. I took my boots off and he wrapped his hand around mine and led me upstairs. His room was so warm that I pulled off my coat and scarf while he sat on the corner of his bed. The fire crackled and the flames flickered. I was more at ease than I’d been all afternoon. His presence, the familiarity of it, made me feel at home, and that was how I knew what I wanted. It was how I knew that it was okay to want it.
“I’m sorry for how I handled things this afternoon,” I said, standing in front of him. I folded my arms and then unfolded them. I tugged on the long sleeves of my oversized sweater. I couldn’t stop fidgeting. “I know how I feel. But you don’t know how I feel unless I tell you. And I could do better with that. With verbalizing. I guess I was putting up a bit of a wall without realizing it. Because how I feel does scare me sometimes, Dray.”
He rested his elbows on his knees, hands clasped as he looked up at me. “And how do you feel, Dallas?”
I felt breathless. “I love you.”
His lips parted and his gaze grew wide. He stood slowly and cautiously. “Tell me again,” he murmured. He stood so close that I had to tip my head back to see the enamored expression on his face.
“I love you, Drayton. And it does scare me. Because this is new. But I feel it and you need to hear it. Of course I want you close when we go to college. The closer, the better. But I love you enough to know that if we aren’t dealt the cards that we want, I will still love you.”
His hand cupped the nape of my neck and he pushed our mouths together. There were times when his lips had a language of their own, one that I could understand. One that I could speak. I felt it before he said it. “I love you too.” He held my face, his forehead on mine. “So much.”
“No matter what happens,” I said, raising my arms to clasp my fingers behind his neck.
He spun us around and I fell backward onto the bed. He crawled over me and looked down with so much love that it was electric. His touch ignited me. His kiss reminded me how to breathe even as it stole the air from my lungs. Loving Drayton had never been hard. It had happened on its own. It had taken the wheel and I never wanted it back. But for a while, I’d focused so hard on what I wanted that I forgot to focus on what I deserved. The perspective was breathtaking.
“Please tell me again,” Drayton murmured against my throat as his hand popped the button on my jeans. “I love you, baby. Tell me that you love me.”
“I love you, Drayton.”
Drayton had always been supportive and celebrated my success, just as I’d done for him. I was wrong to assume that a relationship would make me weak. I could still achieve everything that I’d ever wanted. Having him there beside me, cheering me on, lifting me up, that was a privilege. I loved him and I knew that he loved me too. We’d be okay.
Chapter 24
Prom night started at Gabby’s house. We had our makeup done by a freelance artist who did an exquisite job. We looked flawless with contour, highlight, and brows that could have been sculpted by an angel.
Josh and Drayton arrived while Gabby was standing in front of the mirror in her living room, running her fingers through her pin-straight hair. It was parted in the middle and tucked behind her ears. She’d used a picture of Kim Kardashian West when we went to the salon that afternoon. I’d opted for a curled updo. A bun sat low at the back of my head and wisps of hair framed my face.
Drayton and Josh strolled in wearing hoodies and jeans. But like us, their hair had been done. Drayton’s was its usual crop on the top of his head. Product kept it still and the sides had been cut shorter. Josh wore his signature slicked-back style.
“Don’t you look fucking beautiful,” Drayton hollered as soon as he walked into the room. He went in for a kiss, but I pointed at the nude lip color on my mouth and offered him my head instead.
Josh and Gabby went straight into selfie mode and began snapping a few photos.
“Did you guys remember to pick up your suits from the dry cleaner’s?” Gabby asked, assessing her brand-new nails after Josh sat down on the corner of the coffee table. “Or do we need to go and get them?”
“Nah, we’re fucking dumb and forgot,” Drayton drawled with sarcasm. Gabby rolled her eyes in the mirror, watching his reflection.
Camilla appeared from the kitchen wearing a floral apron covered in flour, her long dark hair in a tight braid. The plate of brownies in her hands steamed. The delicious morsels were powdered with icing sugar, and the aroma of homemade baking was mouthwatering.
“Ahh.” She nodded when she saw Drayton standing beside the sofa. “I thought it must have been you when I heard all of the cussing.”
He put a hand across his chest and graced her with a sincere apologetic smile. He was so damn charming. “Sorry, Ms. Laurel.”
She smiled but he should have counted his blessings. If it was me or Gabby dropping f-bombs, we’d be six feet deep.
“Brownie?”
“This is the reason that my clothes are getting too tight.” Gabby pointed at her mother, finally tearing herself from her own reflection. Not that I could blame her, I would stare at myself if I had her face as well.
I passed on the brownie as well. Not because I was concerned about my clothes, but because there weren’t a lot on the plate and Josh and Drayton were inhaling what was there. Gabby complained about the injustice of men eating whatever they wanted and not putting on weight. In their defense, they did put in the hours at the gym.
When we arrived at Drayton’s, Gabby was devastated to find that there was even more food there to tempt her than there had been at home. Ellie had laid out a spread in one of the sitting areas downstairs. The coffee table was covered in cakes, cookies, club sandwiches, and cupcakes.
The four of us separated to get into our outfits. The girls were upstairs; the boys were downstairs. Ellie arranged it that so that Gabby and I could descend the staircase in our dresses. Her excitement was contagious.
The spare bedroom smelled like fresh linen and lilies, which I didn’t think of much until I saw the bouquet sitting in a vase on the bedside table. The ribbon around the stems had a card attached to it and Gabby watched—and obsessed—as I tiptoed across the soft carpet to read it out loud.
Favorite flower for my favorite girl. Love all of who you are. I love what you love. I want to be who you need. Will never stop trying to win you over. Every day is the first day.
—Your QB
“Well,” Gabby’s voice quivered. When I looked at her, she was fanning her face. “How he can be such a shameless idiot and the most romantic man on the planet, I will never know.”
“You and me both.” I read the note
again.
She walked off, her shoulders slumped. It was a bit dramatic, but she sniffed and started to pull her romper off. “Josh needs to step up. He didn’t even compliment my hair! Not one word. It looks so good right now.”
“It does. It looks beau—”
“You’ve told me! It looks beautiful. I know. I want him to tell me that.”
“Gabs,” I stared at her with bewilderment. She was one foot stomp from a full-on tantrum. “Don’t compare them. They’re two different people. Josh adores you. Stop being so dramatic.”
We were standing in our floor-length ball gowns, unzipped and shoeless. I was right; Gabby was a model. The silk fabric draped, flowing from her figure like honey being poured from a jar, soft and seamless. The dress was dark blue with thin straps and a ruched neckline that sat low and exposed her smooth chest and sharp collarbones.
She turned around so that I could zip up the back. It was tighter than I expected it to be. It was a perfect fit when it was undone. The zip did go up, but it was snug. Gabby stared in the mirror and frowned.
“This fit me three months ago. Remember? We bought this together and it fit.”
It had fit her three months ago. Now her boobs looked about ready to burst.
“Whatever, I just won’t sit down all night.”
“I bet Ellie has something in her closet,” I suggested, looking behind her at the full-length mirror. Her bum looked fantastic. “We could ask?”
“Nope.” She held my shoulders and swapped our positions so that she could zip me up while I looked in the mirror. “I’ll wear this. If it zips, it fits.”
My dress hadn’t decided to change its measurements. It fit just as it had when I’d tried it on three months ago. It was strapless. The top half had corset-like boning, and it was fitted and flattering, accentuating my curves and chest. The material was white with rose-gold bordering. From the waist down, it flowed into sheer white waves of soft fabric that felt like a cloud kissing my legs. I felt beautiful.
The QB Bad Boy and Me Page 30