by Wolf, Alex
Penn eyes me for a long second, and apparently decides to go with honesty. He slow nods. “Yeah, man. She is. I’m surprised Cooper didn’t open up an office for her here, just to have her still work for him. She was always at his side. Most valuable employee by a long shot.”
I shake my head. “Fuck Cooper. I hate that prick.”
“Oh, he’s a prick for sure. A rich powerful one. You need to be careful going after him. Your brothers too.”
“Who says we’re going after him?”
He scoffs. “Please. He knows everything you do before you do it.”
I start to say something, and my brothers walk in and their fiancées follow behind, all three of them.
Thanks for the invite, fam.
It looks like a triple date, but I’m all out of shitty things to say for one day. They all walk up, and I act civil and introduce Penn to everyone. He hits it off like he’s part of the family. I’m not surprised, he’s a likeable guy.
Tate glances over at me, a little gun shy. I don’t blame her. She’s my least favorite of all of them and there’s a lot of bad blood there, but I really don’t have the energy to spar with her.
My brothers, Quinn, and Abigail are busy chatting it up with Penn.
I look at Tate. “Buy you a drink?”
She raises her eyebrows. “Will it have arsenic in it?”
I snicker. “No.”
She scoots in on a barstool as Jimmy, the bartender, walks over. “Hey, Jimmy. I’ll have what he’s having.”
Jimmy eyes both of us. There’s no telling what he’s heard. Everyone from the firm hangs out here after work and he probably knows more of the office gossip than we do. “This a joke?”
I shake my head. “No, get it for her and hold the arsenic.”
He glances back and forth like he doesn’t understand but makes the drink anyway because we tip him like he’s royalty.
“So, what happened?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean you’re talking to me. This is a huge step, Donavan. People might actually think we like each other.”
I shrug. “Just a rough day.”
“Does the problem start with a P?”
Fuck, she’s smart. It’s bad enough Tate came to the firm and I have to compete with her. She’s a damn good attorney, maybe better than me. Now, Paisley is here, and she’s definitely better than me. I just nod.
“Figured. She’s a great attorney, but something doesn’t sit right.”
I nod again, finally glad someone else gets it. “Thank you. It was a terrible idea bringing her in.”
“So, how long?”
“How long what?”
“Were you two together?”
I look away as soon as she says it and totally give myself away. Fuck.
“It’s written all over you when she’s in the room. The way you look at her. Your body language.”
I stare down at the scotch in my glass. “During law school. Three years.”
Decker walks over. “Wow. What’s going on here?”
Tate grins. “Nothing. Just having a drink with my favorite colleague.”
Decker’s eyes widen and he looks like he doesn’t know what the hell to do. It’s hilarious, actually. Tate loves making him uncomfortable and it’s maybe the one thing I like about her.
I glance up at him. “Yep, we might even go shopping together later.”
Decker says, “Okay, spit it out.”
“Spit what out?”
“The fucking punchline, asshole.”
“It’s not a joke.”
Tate smiles.
“Seriously?” says Decker.
“Yeah, we just need to pick out some panties for you to wear under the wedding dress.”
“I hate all of you.” He walks off.
Tate laughs and slides her rocks glass over and bumps mine with it. “Nicely done.”
Just as my mood turns around, Paisley walks through the door.
“Well…shit,” says Tate.
Dexter waves her over to us.
I down my drink. “Gotta go.”
“Donavan.” Tate reaches for my arm, but I turn around and take a step before she can do it.
I scowl right at Paisley, then at everyone else. What the fuck? She can’t have a drink with me, but she can with my family? I may not have told her what she wanted to hear right then, but I made a fucking attempt. It was better than nothing.
To hell with this.
I take off for the door. Paisley freezes in her tracks and watches me stomp past her. She looks like she’s about to reach for my arm, but she doesn’t do it.
Good, I don’t want to hear her bullshit anyway.
It’s always the same around this goddamn place, in this goddamn city. Me against everyone else.
I don’t give a damn, though. I’m used to it. Fuck everyone.
Paisley
The ride out to Barrington with Dad is slow and there’s traffic everywhere. I haven’t told him anything about Donavan and I don’t really plan to. It’s quiet most of the way.
When we pull into the retirement home, his eyes get big. “This place looks really nice.”
He doesn’t say it like wow. It’s more like how are we going to pay for this?
To his credit, he doesn’t mention it, though. There’s a swimming pool and elderly people moving around with walkers. It looks brand new and it’s nicely landscaped. The surrounding businesses are all new shopping centers that look like they were just built.
We walk up just as a van with Barrington Retirement Community on the side pulls up.
“Perfect timing. I bet it’s them.” I rush over there to talk to the guy who gets out of the driver’s side.
“Williams?” he says to Dad and me as he gets out.
“Yeah,” says Dad.
“Got them in the back. No problems.”
Dad wanted to go pick up Grandma and Grandpa, but the place said they had the transportation under control. I told Dad he was nuts anyway. There was no way we could drive them in either of our cars.
“We could’ve rented a van.”
“Dad, they’re not charging us for this.”
“Yeah they are, it’s built into the bill. Look at this place.”
“Just stop, okay? It’s taken care of.”
Grandpa comes out first. They lower him down in his electric wheelchair with a ramp off to the side.
“Grandpa!” I run over and give him a hug, careful not to get tangled in his oxygen tubes that snake up and under his nose.
“Hey, baby girl!” He pats me on the back and squeezes me as hard as he can. “Okay, you’re gonna have to let go of me so I can get out of the way.”
“Right, sorry.” I glance up to the driver.
He’s all smiles, like he has all the time in the world.
This place really is perfect for my grandparents. Everyone is so nice and friendly and attentive. They’ll get the care they need.
Grandpa’s wheelchair buzzes as he drives it over out of the way.
Grandma is a little more complicated. The guy climbs into the back and undoes a few straps, then pushes her over on an elaborate stretcher, bigger than one they would use in an ambulance.
He gets her lined up, then slowly lowers both of them down, never letting go of it.
“Hi, Grandma!” I yell it before she’s even to the ground.
An old, wrinkled hand pops up. “Hey, honey!”
I can’t stop the excitement building in my chest, even though today is the worst day ever. My grandparents are the best. I practically grew up at their house.
Once they have her down and wheel her over, the four of us are led back to a big open area with chairs. Well, Grandma is pushed by the driver, but the rest of us follow. Once we’re there, he gets Grandma down and into an electric wheelchair too.
A young, pretty woman, maybe mid-thirties, walks out and greets us. She looks at my grandparents. “Ready to move in? We’re so excited you’re he
re.”
“Excited to cash the checks,” Dad mumbles.
I elbow him in the ribs. “Knock it off,” I whisper-scream the words at him. “I know it’s a rough day, but c’mon.” I use my best daughter stare to plead with him.
He holds up both hands in surrender. I can’t be too upset with him. I know what this day does to both of us every year.
“I have good news,” the woman says. “We had an apartment come available. I’ll have to discuss price with you, but it’s a suite and it has everything available so they could live together in it.”
“Done, do it.” I say the words without even looking at Dad because I know he’ll object to the price.
Grandpa looks over. “It would be really nice, but we…”
I hold up a hand to stop him. “If it’s possible for you two to live together, it’s happening.”
“I’ll come back in a bit, so you guys can talk about things,” the woman says apprehensively as she saunters away.
“Pais, we can’t afford that. We can’t even afford this place.”
I shoot Dad a scowl. “What part of I’m taking care of all this do you not understand?”
Dad’s always been a saver. A penny pincher, even when he had tons of money, but he’s broke right now, and I know how he gets. He’s always planning for worst-case scenario and it did save his ass when his company went under.
He shakes his head.
“He’s right,” says Grandma. “We shouldn’t…”
“Look.” I put my palms flat on my thighs. “Let’s be honest. You guys need the care. I know, it’s tough. You’re independent. It’s where him and me get it from. But it’s time. Grandma just had hip surgery. She can’t even walk. You had a good run, but this place is awesome and you’re close to home. I saw both of your eyes when you saw it the first time. You’ll love it here. You’ll have a life, twenty-four seven care. And Dad and I will come visit all the time. You won’t be able to get rid of us.”
Dad stares. “I still don’t know. How are you going to do this? Are you dipping into your retirement?”
I give him a glare. “Dad, listen to me and listen once, because I’ve about had it. I handle finances for the wealthiest hedge funds in the world and men with more money than you could make in a thousand lifetimes. I think I can handle my personal checkbook.”
Grandpa’s eyebrows rise. “Well, I guess that’s settled then.” He drives his wheelchair over to me and looks me in the eye. “Thank you.”
Grandma reaches for me, smiling. I walk over and give her a big hug.
“Thank you, sweetie. And we would never get rid of you. You come visit anytime you damn well please.”
“I will, Grandma. I promise.”
Dad stands up and looks at me. He holds both hands up. “Okay, I won’t say anything else.” He pauses. “Thank you. I know how I can be, but I’m just… I’m really proud of you right now and it’s tough…”
“I know, Dad.” I rush into his arms and squeeze him tight. “I know.”
His hand pats me on the back of my head and he smooths my hair down. Then he pulls back a little and puts both hands on my shoulders. I can already tell he wants to cry, but he doesn’t do it. “You ready?”
I inhale a deep breath and nod. “Yeah, let’s do it.”
“Say hi for us, please,” says Grandma.
Grandpa nods.
“Will do. Enjoy your new home.”
* * *
Dad and I sit around Mom’s grave, telling stories like she’s there, drinking wine. Just like we always did in the kitchen when she was with us.
It’s the anniversary of her death, seven years ago, and I always fly home and we do this. I don’t know if I remember a night when Mom didn’t have at least one glass of wine and tell stories. It was her favorite thing to do.
So, this is how we keep her memory alive.
Dad glances over at me. “It’s about time.”
I nod. “Yeah.”
Neither one of us ever cry in front of Mom’s grave. It’s a rule we made. We have to smile and be happy because that’s what she would’ve wanted. Cancer is a real asshole.
I bend down and drop a kiss on top of Mom’s headstone. “I love you, Mom. And I miss you like crazy.”
Dad plasters the fakest smile I’ve ever seen on his face, and I know he’s barely holding it together, but he’s a man of his word, always. He walks over and drops the same kiss on the headstone. “I love you, sweetheart. And I-I still miss you every day.”
“Come on, Dad.” I grab him gently by his forearm. “Let’s let her rest.” It’s the only thing I can think to say because he looks like he’s about to break down and then he’ll feel even worse.
He nods. We get to the car and he sniffs loudly, but doesn’t cry, after we climb in.
He turns to face me. “Thanks.”
“For what?”
“Always being here, on this day. I couldn’t do it alone. There’s no way.”
I lean over and give him a hug. “I’ll always be here, no matter what.” It was the one condition of my employment when I was at Cooper. Three days, every year, no matter what happened. I would not be there, I wouldn’t answer my phone, I wouldn’t look at anything client related. It drove Cooper mad, but he would always just grin and bear it.
“Let’s go get some food,” says Dad as he starts the car.
“Sure, sounds good.”
He pulls around the end of the row, about to wind through the cemetery when I look back. I don’t know why I do it, but I do.
I see a silhouette headed the direction of Mom’s grave marker, but I don’t think much of it at first. Could be anyone, a worker, someone going to visit another grave.
“Stop for a second, Dad.”
He pulls over to the side. “What’s going on?”
I stare and it looks like the man or woman stops right where Mom is.
I get out of the car.
“Pais, what are you…”
“Just stay here, I’ll be right back.”
I jog up the gravel road a little ways, then slow to a walk when I get near.
What. The. Fuck.
It’s Donavan, kneeling in front of my Mom’s headstone. Blood rushes to my face. He’s going to be lucky if he doesn’t end up right next to her.
When I start to head that way, Dad pulls up next to me in the car. He glances over, and I see the recognition on his face. His hands grip the wheel and his face twists up. He reaches for the handle.
I hold a hand out. “No, I’ll take care of this.”
“Hell no, Pais.”
I walk over and block him from opening his door. “I’ll handle it, Dad.” I say through gritted teeth.
I’m sure he won’t be happy about it, but he holds his hands up then shuts the door. “Hurry and get him the hell out of here.” He practically rocks back and forth in his seat.
I nod and turn, storming right toward Donavan.
I still don’t think he’s seen me and he’s saying something, but I can’t make out the words.
When I get about thirty feet away, he looks up and goes white as a sheet. Then he looks over at the car, where Dad’s sitting there, fuming.
He holds up both hands. “Shit, Pais, I’m sorry.”
He backs up a few steps as I haul ass right toward him. “What the fuck are you doing here?” Every hair on the back of my neck is at attention and my skin prickles all over, like it’s on fire.
Donavan shakes his head, quickly, like he’s not going to say another word.
“I’m going to wait three seconds, and if you haven’t explained yourself, I’m going to crack your fucking knee caps, Collins.”
His eyes get big. “Jesus.”
“You’re gonna need Jesus when I’m done with you. I promise you that.”
He turns to walk away and holds up a hand. “I’m leaving, okay. I’m sorry, I thought you’d gone already. I looked around and didn’t see anyone.”
“Yeah, well I’m here and you�
��re here and that’s the definition of a fucking problem.”
He wheels around, finally tired of being polite it seems. “Oh, kinda like the one where I try to at least make things civil and you tell me to fuck off, then show up to have drinks with my brothers?”
“We’re not talking about me right now and what I did the other day, we’re talking about why you’re at my mother’s grave on the anniversary of her death after what you did to her, asshole!”
I glance down and his palms are trembling. I don’t know if it’s out of fear or anger or what, but I’m glad. He should be scared. If I had a gun this would be a very dangerous situation, with the kind of rage boiling in my veins.
He still stands there, saying nothing. His favorite go-to maneuver when he fucks up.
“Fuck this, I’m calling the police.” I pull out my cell phone.
“Please. You’re the one harassing me. I was here and you ran over and accosted me.”
My eyebrows rise. Is he fucking serious right now? “Accosted you? You haven’t seen accosted. The police will treat you way better than I do.”
“Oh, I believe you. Just put the phone away. You’re not calling anyone.”
Dad gets halfway out of the car, and I turn and yell at him. “Stay in the damn car!”
He doesn’t get back in, just stands there, watching. I don’t think he can hear us unless I yell.
I turn back around and point a finger at Donavan’s face. “What are you doing here?”
He just stands there, like he’s not going to say anything, then finally lets out a huge, exasperated sigh. “I came to apologize, okay? I come every year.” He looks up at the sky and exhales a long breath. “I talk to your mom for like five minutes and then I leave. I tell her I’m sorry I wasn’t there for her, and that I’m sorry for hurting her daughter.”
My heart pinches in my chest and I can’t think. I don’t even know how to process that. Before I can be reasonable and scream at him, I whisper, “You do?”
He nods. “Happy now?”
I move my eyes up to meet his. He looks remorseful and apologetic. I’m almost positive he’s telling the truth. I’ve always been able to read him like a book, except when the shit went down at Columbia. Probably because he just disappeared after graduation and I never heard from him again.