‘Nothing fancy. I’ve booked us a table at the local. I thought you wouldn’t want to stray too far from the farm.’
Of course, he’s right about that.
So we head to the pub in the village and, when we walk in, no heads turn in our direction. We sit in the middle of the bar without having to hide in a corner. The pub is bustling as there are a few groups who are having Christmas parties. A bunch of boisterous women sit with their paper hats on and there’s much chatter and laughter. To add to the atmosphere, there’s a fire roaring in the grate and the beams are strung with swags of red and gold tinsel. A bushy, real tree stands proudly in the corner by the bar, but its pine scent is hidden by the smell of roast dinners. We’re shown to a table and we both order a soft drink and a veggie curry.
I look round and no one is taking the slightest bit of notice of us. It’s nice being out with someone ‘ordinary’ like Matt. There’s no drama, no people trying to take a sneaky selfie, no one talking behind their hands as we pass. I can relax and be myself. It’s hard to acknowledge that it will never be like this with Shelby. When we’re out together, there’s always part of me that’s on edge. I glance at my watch. He’ll be about to go on stage now in front of an adoring audience and here I am having a rare night out in a low-key country pub. Our worlds could not be more different.
‘You look lost in thought,’ Matt says.
‘Sorry.’ That pulls me back from my musing. ‘Because Shelby’s a celebrity – whatever that is – he always feels as if he’s on duty. We can never be ourselves when we’re out and consequently, tend to avoid it.’
‘That’s a shame.’
‘Yes, I hadn’t realised how much. I’m not a great socialiser, as you might have gathered. My life is my farm – the animals and the kids.’
‘It’s all-consuming. I get that. But very rewarding.’
‘Yes. Most days,’ I say. ‘Today wasn’t necessarily one of them. Thanks for turning up at the right moment.’
Matt smiles. ‘You did look like you were drowning and not just because you were sitting slap-bang in the middle of a puddle.’
I put my face in my hands. ‘I can’t believe what a state I must have looked.’
‘But you look lovely now,’ he says and then we’re both a bit embarrassed.
The curry comes to our rescue and it’s homemade, creamy and soothing. We concentrate on eating.
‘Is the open day the first fundraising you’ve done?’
‘Shelby hosted an event at his home for us,’ I say. ‘But we’ve never done anything like this before at the farm. We’ll have to, though. It’s a constant struggle to make ends meet,’ I tell him. ‘We rely heavily on Shelby and that isn’t right.’ Or where I want to be. ‘I need to work on finding a wider raft of support.’
‘I can help with applying for grants. Sometimes they don’t make the criteria easy to understand, but that’s part of my job. I’m well-versed in officialdom-speak.’
‘I would appreciate it.’
‘Consider it done.’
‘I don’t want to get too personal, if you’re not comfortable,’ Matt says, ‘But have you and Shelby been together long?’
‘No. Only since the summer. We met when he brought Lucas to the farm as a student.’
‘You seem very close to him.’
‘I love Lucas to bits. I couldn’t care for him more if he was my real son.’
‘Shelby is a very lucky man. Taking on step-kids can’t be easy.’
‘Lucas has been through a lot. He can be tricky, but I’m very forgiving. Perhaps too much.’ I think of how he can twist me round his little finger and how I don’t mind it one bit.
‘He’s a great kid. I like someone with a bit of spark. He’s bright, too.’
‘It’s nice that you’re taking time to talk with him. He needs a male role model. He and his father have a rather strained relationship.’
‘I’m sorry to hear it. I would have loved a lad like Lucas. One of the reasons my last relationship split was that I wanted to settle down and have children. She was happy climbing the corporate ladder.’ Matt shrugs. ‘That’s why I thought I could get involved with Hope Farm. I’d like to help mentor some of the kids. My way of giving back.’
‘I’m sure we could organise that. It sounds like a brilliant idea.’
‘You’ve never wanted your own children?’
‘I’ve not been lucky enough to have a long-term relationship. Before Shelby, I’d not been in love. I never let myself think about having children. I simply assumed that it’s something that wasn’t to be for me.’
‘You’d make a great mum.’
I like to think that it’s the glow of the fire that’s making my face red, but it’s more to do with the intimacy of our conversation.
‘Sorry,’ Matt says. ‘I didn’t mean to embarrass you.’
‘That’s OK,’ I tell him. ‘I’ve spent years having conversations mainly with dogs. Other than with Bev, I don’t really do much mingling. I’ve always been a bit of a loner.’
‘Then I’m even more honoured that you agreed to have dinner with me.’
Before I can answer my phone rings and it’s Bev’s number on the call display. I wonder why she’s calling me now?
‘Hey,’ I say. ‘Everything all right?’
‘Come quickly.’ She sounds in a terrible panic. ‘I need you.’
Chapter Forty-Four
It’s Alan. He’s has suffered a transient ischaemic attack, a TIA, a ‘mini’ stroke and Bev, understandably, is out of her mind with worry. Matt and I abandon our dinner, jump into his car and head straight to the hospital. I phone Lucas on the way, explain what’s happened and ask if he can return to the farm as I have no idea how long I’ll be. I don’t mind leaving the animals alone for an hour or two, but that’s all. He agrees that he’ll go home straightaway, so that’s one less thing I have to worry about.
My friend is in a waiting room by the ward when we arrive, breathless and worried. Her face is pale and she looks as if she needs to be in a hospital bed herself. We hug each other.
‘Thanks for coming,’ she says.
‘Is he OK?’
‘Yeah. I think so. The doctor’s with him now, so I had to come out.’
‘What happened?’
‘He said he was making his dinner when he went numb all down one side. It lasted for about ten minutes and he thought it was something and nothing. Then it happened again about nine o’clock and for longer. Then he phoned 111. They sent an ambulance right away and he called me. I jumped in my car and arrived at the hospital at same time as him. I was all of a dither.’ Bev bursts into tears. ‘I’m so frightened. I don’t want anything to happen to him.’
‘I’m sure he’ll be fine,’ I say when I’m not really sure at all. ‘Alan’s as strong as an ox.’
‘Hopefully, he’ll know more when the doctor’s talked to him.’ She sniffs away her tears and I rub her back.
‘Shall I find us all some tea?’ Matt offers, reverting to the British answer to everything, especially a crisis.
‘Yeah,’ Bev says. ‘That would be great.’ I nod too.
So he disappears and Bev and I sit down on the hardest chairs known to man.
She gives me a look. ‘What are you doing with the Hot Mayor?’
‘We were having a pub dinner.’
‘And I called you in the middle of it?’
‘That doesn’t matter at all. I’m glad I can be here. Tell me about Alan?’
‘I feel such a shit,’ Bev sniffles. ‘He should have been with me, not on his own. I didn’t believe him when he said he wasn’t feeling well. I thought he was in a mood. What a cow I am.’
‘Hardly. You’d just had a little skirmish. The timing was awful, but you can’t blame yourself.’
‘I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose him.’ That starts her crying again.
‘You won’t,’ I assure her. ‘I’m not an expert on this, but I’m sure it’s like a warning. Now t
hat he’s getting medical attention, they can sort it all out.’
She grabs my hands and wrings it. ‘I hope to God that you’re right.’
And we sit there holding each other tightly.
A few minutes later Matt brings us tea and I say, ‘You really don’t have to wait. I really appreciated the lift. If you want to leave, we’ll be fine.’
‘I’m going nowhere. If Lucas is OK holding the fort at the farm, I wouldn’t dream of leaving you here. I’ll stay as long as it takes.’
I look at him, grateful for his kindness. ‘Thank you.’
So we drink our machine tea and watch the door anxiously until a nurse appears. ‘You can go through now. Alan’s comfortable.’
‘I’ll wait here,’ Matt says. ‘Take as long as you want.’
Bev and I go through to the ward. Alan is in the end bed, propped up with pillows. His face is grey and he looks older than his years.
My friend flings herself onto him. ‘You bloody drama queen,’ she blurts out. ‘You had me scared to death.’
Alan holds her closely and when, eventually, they let each other go, we sit by his bedside.
‘I’ve got to stay in.’ His voice sounds gruff, emotional.
Bev looks horrified. ‘How long for?’
‘Few days,’ he says. ‘Tests and stuff.’
‘Tests?’ My friend is close to tears again.
‘To be on safe side.’
‘I want you home with me as soon as possible, you big soft lump.’
All words of love.
‘I’m fine.’ He pats Bev’s hands. ‘Don’t you worry.’
This is possibly the most I’ve ever heard Alan talk.
We stay for a while until it’s clear that Alan is worn out and needs to sleep. His eyes close and Bev kisses his head tenderly. ‘See you in the morning, big guy.’
We tiptoe out, both weary but relieved that Alan is OK. Matt is still waiting patiently.
‘He’s going to be all right?’ he asks.
Bev nods. ‘Thank God. I don’t think I’ll sleep a wink tonight worrying about him though.’
‘Take off as much time as you need,’ I say. ‘Alan’s more important than anything.’
‘Thanks, Molly. You’re a pal.’
In Matt’s car we follow Bev to her cottage to make sure she’s home safely before heading back to the farm. I’m tired down to my bones.
He stops at the gate and I say, ‘I’m knackered, but in desperate need for some tea. Do you want a quick cuppa?’
‘Yes. I want to make sure you’re safely settled too.’
Aurora’s car is parked in the yard and we pull up next to it. Yet all the lights in the caravan are off. We go inside, and of course, the dogs go mad and I shush their barking.
Lucas’s bedroom door opens and he sticks his head out. ‘Hey.’ He rubs his hands through his tousled bed hair. ‘How’s Alan?’
‘OK,’ I say. ‘He’ll live to fight another day. He’s had a mini stroke. They’re keeping him in hospital for a few more days.’
‘Shit.’
‘It could be a lot worse,’ I assure him. ‘Matt and I are going to have some tea. Do you want anything?’
‘No. By the way, Aurora’s here.’
‘I saw her car.’ I don’t know if this is appropriate, but I can’t have a conversation about it now. What do parents do in this situation? Her parents, I assume, are all right with it, but then she’s older than Lucas.
‘I’ll say goodnight, then.’
Matt holds up a hand. ‘Night, mate.’
‘Night, night, Lucas.’
He ducks back into his room and I sigh as he shuts the door.
‘He’s growing up too fast,’ I say to Matt. ‘Do all parents want to keep their offspring as children?’
‘That’s beyond my paygrade,’ Matt admits. ‘As I said, the joys of parenting have, so far, eluded me. I’d love kids though. Maybe one day.’
‘I’m finding it tough.’ I need Shelby’s input and he’s rarely here to give it.
‘Do you think you and Shelby will have your own children?’
‘No.’ It sounds sadder than I expected. ‘Shelby doesn’t want any more. I guess it’s a big gap to think about starting again when your son is almost a man.’
Even though Lucas can be a pain in the backside some days, I feel my life is so much richer for having him in it, and it’s only now that I’ve begun to think that I would have liked children of my own too. Previously, it was something that had never been on the cards. As you know, my relationships with the opposite sex have been few and far between. None of them struck me as potential father material. Yet, now that I have finally found someone to love, Shelby has made it very clear that he’s done his bit and that becoming a daddy again isn’t on the cards for him in the future. And I get that. So it looks like Lucas will be my one and only chance to satisfy my maternal instincts.
While I’m waiting for the kettle to boil, I slide a few slices of bread in the toaster too. I need a bit of comfort food to set me right and it seems like a lifetime ago since I ate dinner. I pile on lots of butter and heap it on a plate on the table between us. Matt and I pick at it.
‘I’ll take the rest of the week off,’ Matt says. ‘I need to call the office in the morning, but they’ll understand.’
‘You said you had lots of commitments,’ I remind him.
‘I do, but nothing that can’t wait. This is important.’
‘I can manage.’
He smiles at me and it brings me close to tears. I’ve been strong for Bev, but now I want to cry. ‘I’m sure you can, but I can also help. If you’ll let me.’
‘I don’t like to abuse your kindness.’
‘I offered,’ he says. ‘You’ve simply got to say yes.’
‘If you can, that would really take the pressure off me.’
‘No problem. I’ve still got a week of leave I was going to write off, so now I’ll take it. I’ll make a few calls in the morning, then I’ll be here as soon as I can.’
‘I can’t thank you enough.’
‘Hopefully, Alan will be back on his feet soon. Until then, I’m sure I can help you here.’
We finish our tea and toast, then Matt takes his leave. He stands at his car door while I open the gate for him. He kisses my cheek. ‘Tomorrow is another day,’ he says. ‘It will all be OK.’
And he is such a calming influence that I fully believe him.
Chapter Forty-Five
Aurora is at the stove frying mushrooms when I get back from feeding the animals. She’s wearing her pants, quite small ones, and a T-shirt, also quite small. I have no idea where to look.
‘Morning,’ she says, quite unfazed at being found nearly naked in my kitchen.
‘Morning,’ I say and widen my eyes in disapproval at Lucas who is also just in his pants and T-shirt – though they do cover a bit more.
He is oblivious to my secret eye signals – or pretends he is – and says, ‘Morning.’
‘Do you want some mushrooms, Molly?’ Aurora asks, pleasantly. ‘There’s plenty.’
‘No, thanks. I had breakfast before I went out. I’ve just come back for some gloves.’ I also wanted a word with Lucas about Aurora staying over, but that will clearly have to wait.
‘Have you heard from Bev?’ Lucas asks.
‘Yes. Alan’s OK. Thank goodness. He’s still in hospital for today and she’s going in to see him later. The mayor is coming here to help us while Bev has a few days off.’
‘Cool. I’ll have brekky and I’ll be with you.’ Aurora in her underwear comes to sit next to him. She twines her slender leg round Lucas’s.
I wonder if youngsters have no shame or decorum these days, and then realise I’m sounding very middle-aged so shut myself up.
‘I’ve got to get to college,’ Aurora says sweetly. ‘Time and textiles waits for no one.’ She forks her food delicately into her mouth while batting her eyelashes at me.
There’s absolutely noth
ing to dislike about her and, yet, dislike her I do. I can’t put my finger on it, but there’s something off. I’m sure of it.
I grab my gloves. ‘See you later,’ I say. ‘Wrap up, Lucas. It’s freezing out there. I had to break the ice off the water troughs this morning.’
‘Brrrr.’ Aurora does a mock shiver.
Perhaps she’d be warmer if she put some clothes on.
I bang out of the door and collect the dogs who are waiting patiently. There’s stuff to do before the students arrive, but I head out across the fields. Stomping my niggling thoughts away. She’s not right for Lucas. She’s too old, too worldly wise, too . . . I don’t know.
The fields are hard with frost, the tree branches glisten with it in the weak sunshine, the sky is milky pale. The frozen grass crunches beneath my boots and the dogs make zig-zag tracks where they run. It soothes my soul. Sort of.
When I get back to the yard, Aurora’s car has gone and has been replaced by the mayor’s. I go up to the barn and find him and Lucas looking at Alan’s work in progress. Some kind of backdrop for the nativity.
‘Morning,’ I say to Matt. ‘I really do appreciate your being here.’ He’s wearing a well-loved overall and a beanie hat and looks younger than his years. I get an unexpected rush of affection for him which startles and comforts me all at once.
‘Looking forward to getting stuck in,’ he says before I have time to analyse my feelings. Probably just as well. ‘Thought we’d finish this and then the students could paint it if you’ve nothing else planned for them.’
‘Sounds like a good idea and we’re only a few in number today.’ I think we’ve got six kids here and they’re some of our better behaved students, thankfully. We’re probably in for a thoroughly nice day. However, I’ve probably jinxed it by saying that. I’m sure we could manage without Bev and Alan for a few days, perhaps even longer, but it’s good to have the mayor’s reassuring presence here. It feels as if I’m not shouldering this alone.
‘I’ll go back to the tea room and see them all in.’ I’ll also be on lunch duty today, so I need to check what we’ve got on the menu. Bev is usually organised at least a week ahead and it’s all written down on our kitchen chalk board, so I’ve just got to follow instructions. Instead of staying with the mayor, Lucas starts to follow me.
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