It’s all hands to the pump today and it takes time to get everyone settled. It’s like herding cats. Lucas is on serving duty and Penny’s mum, Jess, is here to help too. The only person we’re missing is Matt. And, if I’m honest with you, I am missing him.
‘Jack, you sit here,’ I instruct. ‘Asha, will you go next to him, please?’
‘Can I go to see the hens, Molly?’ Jack asks. ‘There might be more eggs.’
‘This is a joining-in time, Jack,’ I tell him. ‘Remember we’ve talked about those?’
‘Ah, yes,’ he says. ‘I’ll join in, then.’
‘That would be nice. You can collect the eggs when we’ve had our lunch and tidied up.’
‘Right.’ He looks worried. ‘You won’t forget?’
‘I promise you. We’ll do it together.’
‘Good. Good.’ He sets about straightening his knife and fork until their symmetry suits him.
‘If you want a job to do, Jack, you could pour a glass of the sparkling clementine juice for everyone.’
He jumps up, always eager to please. ‘Yes, I’d like to do that.’
‘Do it slowly,’ I remind him. ‘And not too full. I don’t want any spilled on the nice table. Think you can manage?’
‘Slowly,’ he parrots. ‘Not too full. Yes, yes.’
‘Good, lad. The bottles are on the table over there.’ I point it out to him. ‘Shout if you need help.’
‘Erin, can you and Lottie go there, on the end?’ I try to place them all with their particular friends, but by the time I’ve done that it will be Christmas. I suppose I could have written name cards, but they all would have just ignored them. I usher the rest of the students into empty chairs and hope that they’ll stay there for at least a few minutes until we serve lunch. They start moving instantly, so I give up and just shout, ‘Leave a space for me near the kitchen, please.’
That will have to do.
Lucas has found some Christmas songs on Spotify and they’re blaring out, competing with the high level of chatter and general merriment. I head to the kitchen where Bev, Alan and Jess are already busy. I join Jess in laying out the plates ready for Bev to dish up.
‘How are you liking the manor cottage?’ I ask Jess as we work.
‘It’s great,’ she says. ‘I can’t thank you enough, Molly. We’ve only been there for a short while, yet for the first time in years I feel that I can breathe properly.’
‘Have you heard from your husband?’ I venture.
‘He started to bombard me – and Penny – with calls and texts. I didn’t answer them and now I’ve changed my phone number. I’ll have to contact him in the New Year to start divorce proceedings, but I hope I can do all of that through a solicitor.’
‘Good for you. I’ll help wherever I can. Meanwhile, try to relax and enjoy Christmas together. You’ve got plenty of food in?’
‘Yes. It will be nice for me and Penny to spend a relaxing time together without worrying about . . .’ She tails off. ‘Christmas has always been a bit of a tinder box for us.’
I can imagine. ‘Well, if you can bear some chaos, you’re more than welcome to come to the caravan for Boxing Day. Alan and Bev will be there too, so it will be a tight squeeze and lunch will be completely random food, but it would be lovely to have you.’
‘That’s very kind of you. We’d really like to come.’
‘Good.’ We give each other a hug.
My Christmas gift shopping has all been very last minute and, with Lucas’s help, entirely done online, but I did get a couple of little presents for them both. I’ve bought presents for Alan and Bev too and a little thank you for Matt, though we won’t see him now. It will have to wait until January when, hopefully, he’ll be back at Hope Farm again. I’ve bought nothing for Shelby, though. What do you buy for the man who has everything? I don’t expect anything from him either. He supports the farm and that’s all that matters to me.
It might not surprise you to know that he and I have hardly spoken since our last encounter. Shelby has been frantically busy with his last week of panto and getting prepared for his move to Los Angeles. I’ve been rushed off my feet here. But it’s all excuses. You can find time for the one you love if you want to. In truth, the bonds have been broken and, though I am terribly sad that this didn’t work out, I feel it’s the right thing for both of us.
‘Come on, Molly Dolly Daydream,’ Bev says. ‘Snap out of it. There are three trays of roast spuds ready and waiting to be dished up.’
‘Right.’ I pull myself out of my reverie and set to with my big spoon, doling out a few of Bev’s golden, crispy potatoes onto each plate. Jess follows behind me with the veg and Alan adds a slice of nut roast and finishes with a flourish of gravy before Lucas serves the plates to the table. There are dishes of cranberry and bread sauce on the table.
It’s hot work in the kitchen and Bev wipes her brow with her forearm before puffing out a breath. She and Alan were in here early this morning getting all the veg peeled and prepped for the hungry hordes. She looks over her shoulder at me. ‘Where’s that flipping Hot Mayor when we need him?’
‘On his way up to see his family by now, I think.’
‘It’s a shame he’s not here.’
‘Yes.’ I can only agree with that. He’s been a good friend and great help over the last few weeks and I miss him more than I thought I would.
With a concerted effort, we get the dinners out to everyone while they’re still hot.‘Last few. Here you go, Jess. One for you too, Alan.’ Then Bev pushes a plate at me. ‘You’re done here, Mols. You take yours now.’
‘You’ve got one too?’
‘Last one. Perfect portioning, if I do say so myself.’
‘You’re a wonder,’ I agree.
So I take my plate and go out from the kitchen into the tea room. And, as I go to take my place at the head of the table, I stop in my tracks. The sight before me takes my breath away. Lucas has switched on LED candles and fairy lights, which are threaded all along the table. The Christmas tree, lights shining out, stands proudly in the corner. All our students are laughing and chatting together, pulling crackers, tucking into their lunch. It’s a beautiful, festive moment. They look so happy here that it brings a lump to my throat. Sometimes they can be challenging, positively difficult and, on occasion, outright awkward little buggers, but I love all of our kids so dearly and I can’t tell you how glad I am that, here at Hope Farm, we can make such a difference to their lives. Some are going to spend time at loving homes over Christmas, some less so, and I know that I will worry about them until we open again in January and they’re safely back in our fold.
Bev comes out of the kitchen with her own dinner in hand. As she passes me, she touches my shoulder and gives me a wink. I know that she’s thinking the same thing as I am.
‘Right,’ she shouts. ‘Tuck in, everyone! Don’t let your lunch get cold!’
She takes her seat next to Alan and I also notice that Lucas has pulled up his chair next to Penny which makes me smile. That’s nice. He’s not mentioned Aurora since our ‘big talk’ and I hope that it means his broken heart is beginning to heal.
Glancing out of the window, I see that it’s started to snow. Great flakes fall in lazy circles to brush against the windows.
‘Look! Snow!’ Asha says. ‘It’s snowing.’
Everyone cranes their necks to look outside, then they start to clap and cheer.
A white Christmas. What could be better? I take a deep breath and feel a rush of festive warmth right down to my toes. This is how Christmas should be. Then I raise my glass of perfectly poured sparkling clementine juice and hold it high.
‘Merry Christmas, everybody!’ I say.
And when their shining faces turn back to me and say, ‘Happy Christmas, Molly!’ it’s all I can do not to cry.
Chapter Eighty-One
The hedges are already tipped with white when Lucas and I – plus all the dogs – are waving all the students off after our lo
vely Christmas lunch. It’s still snowing steadily and I catch a few flakes on my hands.
‘We’ll see you on Boxing Day,’ I say to Penny and her mum. ‘Hopefully, the lanes will still be passable. If not we’ll get the tractor out and come to get you.’
‘Thanks for everything, Molly,’ Jess says. ‘It’s been a brilliant day.’
‘Take care.’ We hug each other and I note that Lucas and Penny exchange a shy glance which warms my heart.
‘Have you enjoyed it too, Penny?’
‘Yeah,’ she says, but her eyes never leave Lucas.
I give them a dozen fresh eggs to take with them as Jack didn’t let me forget he needed to collect them.
Alan and Bev are the last to leave. I hug them both. ‘You two lovebirds have a wonderful first Christmas together.’
‘We’ll be round in time for lunch on Boxing Day and I’ll bring a few bits.’ Bev looks worried to be leaving us for a day to our own devices. ‘You and Lucas will be OK by yourselves?’
‘Yeah, yeah.’ I turn to Lucas. ‘We’ll be fine, won’t we?’
‘Just the two of us snowed in together in a caravan.’ Lucas rolls his eyes. ‘Can’t think of anywhere I’d rather be.’
That makes me laugh.
‘We’ll survive,’ I assure Bev. ‘I promise you.’
Bev still looks concerned. ‘No word from Shelby.’
‘Not as yet,’ I say. ‘But that’s fine too.’
‘Shitbag,’ is Bev’s verdict. ‘I can’t believe he’s going away at Christmas.’
I shrug. ‘Hollywood calls, you drop everything and run. So I’m told.’
‘Huh.’ Bev is still not impressed by this.
‘Seriously, don’t worry about us. We’re happy.’ I look to Lucas for his endorsement.
‘Delirious,’ he agrees.
‘You know where we are if you need us,’ Bev says.
‘I do.’ I kiss her again. She and Alan climb into their car and, despite my many assurances, I feel like crying as I watch them drive away. My eyes fill with tears and I brush them away with hands already damp with snowflakes.
In a world first, Lucas puts his arm round my shoulders and says, ‘We will be all right, you know.’
‘We will. I just feel ridiculously teary. Today was a lovely day and it’s made me all emotional.’
Lucas gives an exaggerated sigh. ‘I suppose that you’ll want to go and see how all the animals are and then take a stupidly long walk across the fields with the dogs even though it’s frigging snowing.’
I laugh through my tears. ‘That sounds like a very good idea.’
‘I suppose you’ll want me to come with you.’
‘I’d like that.’
He tuts and puffs, ‘Some things never change.’
But I can tell he doesn’t mean it.
Lucas and I go to the barn and do a tour of the animals. Instantly, my melancholy is lifted, my soul soothed. The alpacas are all present and correct, straw sticking out of their mad pom-pom hair, contentedly humming in unison. How can you stay cross or upset with these guys around? The animals are constant and have no care for whatever drama might be occurring in our lives. They just want food and attention. I stroke Johnny Rotten’s neck and he tries to have a sly nip at my elbow. All is as it should be.
We walk on to the sheep, both Lucas and I falling into our well-trodden path. We have a look at our mum-to-be, Fluffy. ‘She’s getting huge,’ I note. ‘The vet said she might give us a Christmas baby.’
Lucas looks at me and there is sadness in his eyes. I assume he’s thinking of his own baby that never was.
‘You OK?’
‘Yeah.’ He tries to pull a philosophical expression, but doesn’t quite cut it. ‘I wish things had turned out differently, but it is what it is.’
‘Your time will come and you’ll appreciate it all the more.’ I don’t know if that will comfort him, but I hope so.
‘I don’t wish her ill,’ he says. ‘Aurora. I hope it works out with this bloke. Kind of. For the kid’s sake.’
It’s not the ideal situation to be bringing a child into, but I keep my counsel. ‘I hope so, too.’
Anthony is obviously feeling less anti-social than usual as he comes over to say hello. It could, however, be the bucket of food that Lucas is carrying that lures him in. As a reward, our anti-social sheep gets a handful of our special mix. In contrast, Lucas’s reward is Anthony pushing his head through the gate and trying to headbutt him in the nether regions.
‘Bad sheep,’ I admonish.
‘True to form,’ Lucas notes and we leave Anthony thwarted but still with an evil glint in his eye.
We check on the bunny run and they’re all OK. Ant and Dec are nestled happily together in their huge hutch. The hens have gone into their shelter for the night. Fifty and Teacup are already snuggled up in their pen, content in each other’s company. I can relax knowing that my beloved animals are safe and well – and, in some cases, as feisty as ever.
Calling the dogs to heel from the four corners of the yard, Lucas and I climb over the stile into the field. Lucas holds out his hand to help me down, when he normally wouldn’t do that at all. He’s being very solicitous today and I don’t know if it’s because he knows that Shelby going away is a blow, but it’s nice whatever the reason.
The fields are already blanketed with snow and it looks so beautiful sparkling in the moonlight. A winter wonderland, indeed. It’s bitterly cold, but the night air is still without a hint of breeze and our walk is bracing. Thank goodness that Sweeney and Carter are already in their stables in the yard and the ponies are beside them in a covered pen. Betty Bad Dog snuffles along, snout buried in the snow, occasionally making herself sneeze violently.
‘Dozy mutt,’ Lucas murmurs with a laugh.
‘She’ll never learn,’ I agree.
We walk on in silence, until I risk venturing, ‘Penny’s very nice.’
‘Yeah.’
‘You seem to be getting on well with her.’
‘Stop that now,’ Lucas instructs. ‘Don’t even go there.’
Damn. I hoped that he would be feeling mellow enough to confide in me. So, not wanting to spoil our current closeness, I drop the topic. All I’ll say is watch this space.
Chapter Eighty-Two
It’s Christmas Day and I wake at four in the morning. I can tell from the crisp feel of the air, the muffled weight of the sound, that a lot more snow has fallen overnight. I budge the dogs over and push myself up in bed to look out of the caravan window. Sure enough, the yard is deep with snow and I feel a thrill of excitement.
Then my phone rings and I answer it.
‘Hi.’
It’s Shelby on the other end of the line. Who else would it be at this hour?
‘I’m at the airport.’ His voice sounds strained, anxious.
‘Was it OK getting there?’
‘Yes, yes.’ His tone is dismissive.
‘I thought the snow might have hampered you.’
‘The motorway was clear enough.’ It’s obvious that he’s not in the mood for small talk. ‘Molly, I’m about to go through passport control.’
‘I hope you have a great flight,’ I tell him. ‘Fingers crossed that it’s not delayed. I’ll be thinking of you.’
He takes a deep breath. I hear it wavering down the line. ‘I don’t have to go,’ he says, tightly. ‘Tell me not to go and I’ll turn round and come home.’
My heart is pounding and I wonder if this is what I’ve waited to hear. At the eleventh hour, he’s obviously having second thoughts and who wouldn’t? It’s a huge step. He’s giving up life here to start anew. He’s leaving me and his son behind. He might have convinced himself that it’s a temporary situation, but we both know that it could well be much more than that.
‘Say something,’ Shelby urges.
What do I do? This is Shelby’s big moment, his dream. Yet, should I think of Lucas and ask him to come home? If I did that, would Shelby hold it against me
for ever? Even if he comes back now would this ending be happy ever after?
‘Molly, I don’t have to get on this plane.’
This is it. The moment that changes everything. I take time to gather my thoughts before I answer as I know there will be no going back.
‘You do,’ I say and my voice sounds stronger than it feels. ‘This is what you want.’
‘I don’t know if it is,’ he admits.
‘You have a contract, commitments. You start filming in a couple of days.’
‘I can ask my agent to sort it. I’m pretty sure he could get me out of it. You and Lucas are more important to me. My head has been so messed up, I’ve not been thinking straight. Say the word and I’ll come home right now.’
It would be so tempting, so easy to ask him to stay. But what then? Are we already too far apart to bridge the gap?
‘Molly?’
I try to steady my breath, but my heart is thumping and I take another interminable moment to make sure that this absolutely what I want.
‘Go,’ I say as calmly as I can. ‘You’re halfway there.’ He might have miles to travel, but emotionally he is already stepping out of our lives.
There’s a long silence before he replies. ‘I’ll call you as soon as I arrive.’
‘Safe journey, Shelby,’ I offer. ‘I hope that it’s all you wish for.’
‘I love you,’ he says.
But I can’t answer that. All I can manage is. ‘Take care.’
Then I hang up the phone and stare at the wall wondering whether or not I’ve done the right thing. Is this for the best or have I just completely messed up my life?
Chapter Eighty-Three
Wrapping up warm before I head out into the snow, I go through the usual routine of feeding the animals and try not to think about my conversation with Shelby. He’ll have gone through to the departure lounge by now and will be getting ready to board his flight. I feel numb. I feel sad. I feel relief.
I take care to wish all of my charges a very merry Christmas and sneak them an extra treat as it’s a special day. I’ve got a Christmas carrot for one and all, so am very popular. As I watch them crunch and munch, I savour the peace, the unchanging nature of the farm and feel my soul settle once more.
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