Georgie
It hurt so much. Deep inside her chest there was a real physical pain, a dull ache that stayed with her every minute of the day, right from the second she opened her eyes up to the moment the sleeping tablets forced them to close. Georgie liked it and never wanted it to go because it reminded her of Kenneth, of how much she loved him. She would never see him again so the pain that was etching itself onto her heart was all she had left.
The room was in darkness, silent. She couldn’t bear noise, the sound of a voice, a ticking clock, china teacups clinking, even her own breathing made her want to scream. How she hadn’t done so at the church, Georgie would never know. The urge to cover her ears and run was overwhelming, more so when the bells chimed and the organ struck up, the singing of the choir almost sent her over the edge, too loud, too mournful. The only thing that got her through was the pills and having Vanessa by her side. And on the other had been Sandy, both of them holding her up and guiding her through the day until they arrived back at Tenley and she could escape to the sanctuary of her bedroom, where she intended to stay.
Vanessa had really come into her own since the day Kenneth died, one Georgie couldn’t even bear to think of although it would be carved into her brain always, preventing her eyes from unseeing the horror of her beloved husband’s body. Georgie would never forget the scene and then being questioned by the police when all she wanted to do was hold him in her arms and shake him back to life. Ever since, Vanessa had taken control of Tenley and the funeral arrangements, even Georgie, and for this she was glad. For the first time in her life, she had no idea what to do next, apart from putting one foot in front of the other, taking her pills and praying for sleep.
Downstairs, the mourners were attending the wake. Georgie was glad she couldn’t hear the gentle murmuring of respectful conversation or see their pitying faces and drab clothing. It was all so depressing, reality. It soaked into her skin and weighed her down. Nevertheless, she had promised Vanessa and Sandy that once everyone had gone she would come downstairs and eat something. They said she might waste away which Georgie thought would be just perfect, then she could be with Kenneth.
It seemed Vanessa had made some plans for the future and wished to discuss them, and if only to reward her for being so brave of late, Georgie had agreed. Until then she covered her head with the pillow and closed her eyes, then opened them when the image returned.
It was always the same one, that of Kenneth lying in a pool a watery blood, unseeing eyes staring heavenwards, his gloved hands covered in black slime while his body looked distorted, arms and legs twisted out of place, like a rag doll. Georgie began to cry and gave in to the tears knowing that soon her eyes would be too weary to remain open and sleep would follow, until then she sobbed in the darkness, her only thoughts were of Kenneth and the day he finally left her.
Georgie had been in her bedroom, flicking through the Christmas edition of Vogue, not really concentrating and mildly irritated by the loud music playing in Vanessa’s room. If Georgie heard that bloody song one more time, asking everyone if they knew it was Christmas, she would scream. She also had a pathological desire to smash the record into smithereens along with Bob Geldof’s smug face.
She had considered asking Vanessa to turn it down but couldn’t be bothered and anyway, Georgie would only be taking her temper and frustration out on someone else when the person she really wanted to punish was Simon, and if he didn’t stop dithering, Kenneth. The rain was also getting her down. It hadn’t let up for days and had ruined the dining room ceiling. The sight of it made Georgie think of her own brain, all mushy, and then her heart, broken into pieces.
Georgie was going to skip lunch, she had no appetite so decided to have a nap instead, anything was better than going mad with worry over Simon. Pulling the curtains closed, she noticed the sun was finally out and the sight of it cheered her, then the feeling went and she dragged them shut. It was as she pulled back the covers that the doorbell rang, incessantly, long bursts followed by short intermittent ones then back to a long, shrill uninterrupted period just before the banging started. It wasn’t the pleasant ringing that one associated with the delivery of a nice parcel or the arrival of guests. It was the panicked portent of doom. Georgie’s heart stopped, she was sure it did, then a feeling of dread rushed through her body aiding the swift movement of her legs as she flung open her bedroom door and raced down the stairs in stocking feet.
The whereabouts of Sandy crossed her mind fleetingly along with the thought that she might have gone deaf because it was impossible not to hear the racket or the sound of a male voice calling through the letterbox. Gasping for breath, Georgie’s nicotine-lined lungs struggling to keep up, she pulled open the door to find the postman, his bag on the floor, its contents strewn and soggy on the steps while his bicycle looked to have toppled over, squashing the perennials in the border. The man’s face was ashen and he appeared dumbstruck when faced with Georgie who demanded to know what all the fuss was about. Even as she spoke, she knew, just by the way he looked at her, casting wide eyes to his left and then back to Georgie. When she stepped forward to follow the line of his eye, the postman grabbed her upper arms and tried to block her path.
“No, Lady Tenley, please stay there… I need to use your phone, there’s been a terrible accident. Where’s Sandy, could you go and get her? Please, madam, stay indoors.”
Georgie was having none of it and shoved the postie out of the way and moved onto the stone steps, not feeling the cold, too wired to care. It was as she looked along the pathway that ran around the house she saw him, lying on the floor beneath the dining room window. While her voice called out his name her legs ran, petrified eyes locked on the inert body that was surrounded by pale watery blood. She fell on him the moment she reached him, her knees scraping the ground as she covered her body with his, begging him to wake up, screaming for someone to call an ambulance, desperately hoping there was still a chance.
Touching his face, tracing his features with her fingers, tears dropped onto his eyes but there was no fairy-tale magic that day, her sorrow couldn’t wake him and neither could the kisses she placed on his cheeks. While his beautiful face remained intact, the back of his skull was flat, crushed, and when she looked at her hands saw they were covered in blood that was seeping through the hood of his jacket, merging with the pools of rainwater on the ground.
As Georgie stared at her palms in disbelief, the truth filtered through and hysteria swept her body and found its escape through her lips as she began to wail. The noise of her own voice was just as terrifying as the sight before her so she placed her hands over her mouth, hoping to hold in the horror. It was as she rocked to and fro, Georgie heard a recognisable voice and then felt arms around her shoulders, close by, holding her tight. It was Sandy, who was sobbing too, and then Vanessa appeared and lowered herself to her knees, resting her head against Georgie’s, repeating the same word over and over, ‘Daddy’.
Then the sirens came, such a dreadful noise, confirming their urgency to attend a futile situation. Within moments there were footsteps and doors slamming, voices saying she should move away but she couldn’t, she wouldn’t. Kenneth was hers, her husband, so she should stay with him, hold his hand and make sure he was looked after at the hospital. Was that where they were taking him, to make him better? For as long as she lived she would never forget the next words she heard, or forgive the man who spoke them for taking away her dream, her life, her love. Fourteen very precise words were all it took to steal a piece of her heart.
“I’m very sorry, madam, but there’s nothing we can do. Your husband is dead.”
Silence. Georgie remembered everything went so very still as those gathered around the body took it all in, waiting respectfully, heads bowed. In the quiet, she looked at Sandy who was now composed and motioned for her to stand. Georgie followed the command and on the other side Vanessa helped her to her feet. What a state Georgie must have looked, in torn sodden tights that exposed gr
azed knees, and her feet stung as she limped away, passing the ambulance driver and police and the postie.
The police questioned each of them, as a matter of procedure, a formality they said. It was clearly a terrible accident, a combination of appalling weather and the ladder not being secured correctly. The gutter, which hung like a broken tree trunk, told them Kenneth had tried to cling on but the weight of his body and the cold caused his hands to slip.
Through glassy eyes that were veiled in sorrow, set in a blood smeared face with hollowed-out cheeks, Georgie told them where she was, had been all morning, and at the time of the accident. Vanessa sobbed and hiccupped, wiping her eyes and blowing her nose as she explained that she was in her room listening to music and it was only when she decided to come down for lunch and turned off her cassette player that she heard the commotion downstairs. Sandy confirmed that she’d been in the kitchen and was on her way to inform Kenneth that lunch was ready when she spotted him and Georgie under the dining room window.
From that day, life had descended into a black hole where the three women went through the motions. Sandy was on hand to assist Vanessa who made all the arrangements and shielded Georgie from anything and anyone unnecessary. Kenneth would have been so proud of his daughter, and how lucky they were to have Sandy who was a rock, stoically keeping order, watchful and attentive in their hour of need.
There was only one task which Georgie personally undertook the very next morning, placing a call to Simon where she informed him of her husband’s death. Leaving her crumpled bed at first light, Georgie went downstairs to Kenneth’s study and searched his desk drawers and when she found his leather address book, flicked through the pages until her eyes fell on the number she was looking for. Her hands shook as she dialled, her whole body consumed by rage the like of which she had never experienced before.
Simon answered after the fourth ring, sounding half-asleep and hungover. Georgie wasted no time and delivered her message in the manner of perhaps a doctor, or a police officer, but whichever suited, she did a damn fine job.
In the moments after Simon heard the words ‘Kenneth’ and ‘dead’, an audible intake of breath preceded a prolonged period of silence during which Georgie fought hard to swallow down hate. She had spent hours lying awake, going over what she would say to the man who had tormented the last weeks and months of her marriage. When it came down to it, instead of scathing accusations and condemnation, Georgie seized the opportunity to take control and save face.
“Once the funeral arrangements have been made, I will place a notice in The Times so please watch out for it. Only close family and friends will be invited back to Tenley, however. Should you choose to attend the church service you will be welcome.” Georgie held her nerve and waited for him to protest or take offence. He did neither.
“Unfortunately I am leaving for America on the tenth of this month so unless the funeral is before, I will be unable to attend.”
Simon sounded unaffected by anything Georgie had said which fuelled her disgust of him.
“I’m sure you appreciate these things take time to organise and as I wish to give my husband a fitting send off, I can be certain the funeral will take place after the tenth.”
“Then there is no more to say on the matter. Please accept my condolences. Will that be all?”
“Yes, that will be all. Good luck in America. Perhaps you will find fortune there. Your luck seems to have run out here.” Georgie hoped her words hit home.
“Goodbye, Georgie.”
Yes, they’d hit home.
“Goodbye, Simon.”
It took two attempts to replace the receiver in its cradle. Her hands were trembling so badly, as was her body that had stiffened the instant she heard his smooth soulless voice. Georgie knew she had been right about Simon all along and he would never have made Kenneth happy. But she would rather her beloved had flown across the Atlantic, even if it meant leaving her alone because at least then he could have come back, once he realised his mistake.
Climbing back into bed, Georgie pulled the covers over her head and blocked out the world which just kept on bloody turning while hers had stopped. From then on, she marked time, leaving Vanessa and Sandy to soldier on. A glimmer of her old self returned on the day of the funeral when she descended from her bedroom, resplendent in her mourning attire and although she had maligned them in the past, she yearned for the days when Jackie Kennedy donned her dark veil and shrouded her face from the eyes of ghouls, a black gossamer sheath separating her from the harshness of death. Before they left, Georgie paused in the hallway and closed her eyes, remembering the happy day when she stepped inside Tenley for the first time, holding hands with a nervous little girl and her handsome, equally nervous husband, the love of her life, dear darling Kenneth.
Georgie watched as the mourners left one by one, their cars making their way down the drive, fleeing misery and no doubt shrugging off the day’s events as soon as they turned onto the lane. Knowing she had made Vanessa a promise, Georgie brushed her hair, wiping away smudged mascara with her finger before heading downstairs.
It was warm as she descended, Sandy had obviously turned up the heating so that their guests wouldn’t shiver and there was a fire in the hall grate. This and the glow from the wall lamps presented a cosy image, and the sound of the television in the lounge gave the impression of normality. Georgie thought she would never feel normal again. Following the mumbled voices, she found Vanessa seated on the sofa, watching the news, a plate of food resting on her lap, presumably left over from the wake. The sight of her caused Georgie to brush away a sense of irritation, after all what did she expect? Taking a deep breath and reminding herself to devote some moments of her day to her daughter, Georgie gritted her teeth and forced a hint of concern into her voice.
“Hello, darling, how did it go?” Not that she cared but it was all that came to mind.
“Oh Georgie, you’re up. Come and sit by the fire. I’ll go and make a pot of tea, would you like some food? There are lots of leftovers but I could ask Sandy to make you something warm if you prefer.”
Georgie’s heart melted at the eagerness and relief in Vanessa, and Georgie felt bad for her earlier pique and leaving one so young to host the wake all alone.
“Perhaps some tea, and some toast. I really couldn’t stomach much else.”
“Excellent. It’s probably best to eat something light but we need to build up your strength. Here, cover yourself up and I’ll be back shortly. You look dreadfully pale so the fire should put some colour in your cheeks.” Vanessa pulled the blanket from the back of the sofa and laid it over Georgie’s knees.
“And then I can tell you what I’ve decided and the plans I’ve made for us. You’re going to be so pleased when you hear. I think it’s just what we both need.”
“What plans?” Georgie was worried. What on earth had Vanessa done? Georgie was in no mood for hints and secrets.
Looking pleased with herself, Vanessa batted away Georgie’s questions and set off towards the kitchen, promising to reveal all when she returned.
While she waited, Georgie gazed into the fire, fatigue consuming her body and brain, the latter having no intention of second guessing Vanessa so instead she waited, enjoying the silence.
When Sandy came in later to collect the tray and say goodnight to Georgie and Vanessa, she found them huddled on the sofa, deep in conversation, so much so that at first neither noticed she had entered the room. Lifting her head from what she was reading, Georgie smiled before asking Sandy to join them for a while, they had something to discuss with her.
It took only a few moments for Vanessa to inform Sandy of her plans and then ask if there were any questions. Georgie had remained silent throughout, allowing Vanessa to lead the conversation who against the odds was turning into an extremely organised and confident young woman, something that bade well for the future of Tenley.
During the conversation, Georgie observed Sandy who it had to be said took the ne
ws well yet looked rather crestfallen, which was to be expected. Nevertheless, Georgie was sure she would soon get used to living without them and it was for the best. When Sandy finally spoke, excusing herself for the evening, there was an audible wobble to her voice but she recovered well, still it prompted Georgie to offer some words of comfort and encouragement.
“We really can’t thank you enough, Sandy, and I know you will miss us but please be assured we will miss you too. You’re like family and it won’t be easy to say goodbye.”
“That’s very kind of you, Georgie, and means a great deal, and the feeling is mutual. But if you don’t mind it’s been a long day and I’m very tired so perhaps we could talk again tomorrow and make firm arrangements.”
“Of course. You have worked extremely hard today and thank you once again for your support at church. I wouldn’t have got through it had you not been there with Vanessa and I. Now you get off to bed and leave everything else until morning. Sleep well, Sandy.” Georgie smiled. It was something she had almost forgotten how to do and it was met with a curt nod before Sandy left the room, the tray of supper things remaining on the nest of tables.
They waited until she had disappeared from sight before turning back to the brochure on Georgie’s lap and continued to flick through the pages. Vanessa chatted on about the cruise she had booked for them both and how wonderful it was going to be, travelling the globe together and leaving all the misery behind them. It was going to be perfect. The agent had arranged everything, their passage aboard the QE2 to New York, then they would fly to the Caribbean and for the rest of the year, he had rented villas and apartments in major cities and resorts around Europe.
They would depart at the end of the month when Vanessa would leave the estate manager in charge of the office and Sandy would be the guardian of Tenley, making sure the house and grounds were cared for. Georgie had insisted that while they were off holidaying, Sandy was given a bonus so that she too could have some fun. They both admitted to feeling bad that she would be left alone in the house but then again Vanessa insisted that Sandy should treat Tenley as her own while they were gone.
The Secrets of Tenley House Page 23