by Nora Cobb
“Grapevine says you got a bloody nose,” I taunt. “You haven’t spoken to her since her expulsion. Have you?”
“Beth,” he finally faces me, “not now.”
I don’t listen well. “Why do you think she’s avoiding you?”
He leans into me and the smell of cigarette smoke fills my nostrils. I haven’t smoked in weeks since I started hanging with one of the co-captains. The smell starts to bother me now, and I lean away, hoping I don’t stink.
“You’re the one who made friends with Arielle,” he hisses. “And you’re the one who posted Natalie’s pictures. Those pictures were private.”
“Why do you think I did it? You think no one else goes to those sites?”
“You gonna deny it?” he asks. “No, you can’t. And now that you’re in the back row with me again, you want to make up and be friends again.”
“I want to apologize to her, which has nothing to do with you. It’s called learning from your mistakes. Try it sometime.”
Anthony shakes his head as if he cannot believe I’m talking about fucking up. I push him back over onto his side.
“I know I fucked up,” I whisper. “What about you?”
The girl turns and shushes us. Nothing Cromwell is saying can be that interesting.
In unison, we flip her the finger, and she turns around quickly. I want to laugh at that, but a part of me knows that it’s not cool to be like Anthony. I wore the leather and the edgy clothes because I liked it, but maybe I was too much of an outsider. I wanted to flip the good kids off rather than be one. I’ll never be a good kid, but I’m not a fuck-up either.
“Arielle used you and kicked you to the curb, Beth.”
“Natalie kicked you to the curb, Anthony. That’s why you’re back here with me.”
Oh, the look. He can give me a dirty look all day, but I’m not done with him yet. All the hurt, all the pain is on my tongue, and he is going to hear it.
“Just because you’re sharing her with the captains doesn’t make you one of them.”
He takes his arm off the armrest as if I just burned his skin with my lighter. I like it. I like that I’m getting a reaction from him. I may not have gotten his love, but I have his attention because he knows I’m right.
“Your hands aren’t clean, honey,” I whisper. “You sold the roofies because you probably thought you’d get your turn.”
“You shut the fuck up,” he bites out.
It’s apparent that the kids sitting around us, including the girl, aren’t listening to Cromwell, but to me. A weight lifts off me as I sit straight in my chair. I messed Natalie over in the worse way, but now, I can make amends. The rumor machine is listening, and I take the opportunity to say my piece.
I’ll let the mob come to its own conclusions. Anthony grabs his backpack off the ground. I take one more swipe as he hurries away:
“You did more damage to her reputation than any of the captains, because you kept chasing after something you shouldn’t have.”
CHAPTER 13
Jacob
“You look pleased with yourself and your lame life.”
Lucas gives me a slight shrug. He has a stupid grin on his face that could only be described as shit-eating. At his desk, he stretches his arms over his head and smiles even wider, like the world is his and no one else’s. It can’t be calculus causing the excitement. With her back to the room, Ms. Petrenko is scribbling problems across the whiteboard. She must be transcribing infinite pi on the board because she’s still writing numbers. Ms. Petrenko looks content, but not as content as Lucas.
I stare at him hard—the pink cheeks, the bright eyes, the relaxed posture, and that big easy grin. Ms. Petrenko’s back is toward us as I shove his shoulder hard, causing him to put two feet firmly on the floor. Lucas scowls at me, but only for a second before he’s smiling again.
“You had sex, didn’t you?” I whisper.
He gives me the goofiest grin, and that answers my question immediately. Lucas’ personality is cool to the point of being frigid like freezer burn, but not today. He’s beaming brighter than the sun and about to cause global warming.
“You did, didn’t you?” I whisper again.
Before he can answer, Natalie walks into class seconds before the late chime. She’s dressed in some white furry sweater thing and a short white skirt, looking like a delicious angel. Not the school colors, but who cares? Natalie looks hot as usual.
Smiling, she glances over, but her eyes glide across me and rest on Lucas. He winks at her, and her cheeks turn red as she sits down in her seat.
I’m not quite sure how I feel about this. Natalie turns sweetly toward me. Looking over her shoulder, she mouths, “Hi, Jacob,” then she faces forward again.
I shake my head and almost laugh; they did have sex. It’s plainer than the numbers scribbled on the board in marker. I ignore them both as I process my feelings, keeping my eyes on the board. It is the agreement: we share her and don’t make her choose one over the other. And I’m good with it as long as Natalie is with me. But it looks like I’ve been benched.
I shake my head, folding my arms over my chest. Ms. Petrenko pauses the lesson and looks over at me.
Oh God, don’t pick me. I give her my best studious look. I furrow my eyebrows so tight together it looks like a unibrow. She nods and continues explaining the problem.
It’s three days before Valentine’s, and I’ve made plans to take Natalie out on a real date at a restaurant with tablecloths and low lights in the city. My mom found a receipt for a hundred bucks from a restaurant in my dad’s suit pocket, so the place must be all right. Should I ask Lucas to come along?
Ms. Petrenko shoots me a nasty look as I groan a bit too loud at my daft thoughts.
“Mr. Fleming?” she asks.
Here we go. I sit up, ready to go to the board, putting my feet solidly on the ground. I don’t think I can pull off another miracle like the last time. Betting on whether my answer is right today would be a mistake. If I placed a bet on it, I would bet that the class will end up taking a pop quiz every day for a week until graduation.
“Yes, Ms. Petrenko?”
“Are we boring you today?” she asks.
“No, but I missed the last part. Could you repeat it?”
She nods and starts at the beginning. Good save. I try not to grin at my good luck. Ms. Petrenko watches me as she explains the equation again. I keep my eyes on the board, and not on Natalie.
The bell chimes and Natalie rushes out without a backward glance, leaving Lucas and me to figure out who will pursue her. Lucas is walking out the classroom door like he rules the hallways, and I want to know how long he expects his reign to last. Before Lucas can chase Natalie down the hallway, I grab the smirking Romeo by the collar.
“So,” I ask. “When did it happen?”
“I don’t kiss and tell, Fleming. This isn’t the fieldhouse.”
“The way you were grinning,” I smile stiffly, “it must have been some kiss.”
Lucas arches a brow at my insinuation. “Hey,” he says, “no hard feelings?” He holds out his hand to shake.
I ignore his hand. “None here,” I reply, tossing my arm over his shoulder.
“We agreed,” he wraps his arm over mine.
The question is buzzing around in my mind as we walk awkwardly down the hall. “So, how do we share the girl we both love?” I finally ask.
Lucas shrugs his shoulders. “We could split the days of the week between us.”
I have to pause, that sounds so weird to my ears. “Natalie isn’t a timeshare in the Caribbean. Isn’t that a poor investment, Lucas? What would your father say?”
“Look, I’m waiting for your suggestion,” grumbles Lucas.
“Okay.” I take the challenge seriously, and it taxes my brain. Math is hateful. “There are seven days in a week.”
“Well, on Wednesday, neither of us gets Natalie.”
We’re both quiet, and I pull my arm off Lucas’ shoulder,
disentangling myself from him. We walk along without speaking as the conversation stalls. I can handle Lucas. I can make myself accept him. But Anthony?
“I don’t like the guy.” I don’t need to say who I’m talking about.
Lucas shrugs. “I don’t like him either. But I haven’t seen him around Natalie since the semester started.”
“Good.” I don’t need to list the reasons why I don’t like Anthony again. I recall the hurt look on Natalie’s face when we discussed him. I must have pissed her off badly, and she must have gone running to Lucas for understanding. I will always have a bad case of FOMO when Lucas and Natalie are together. But if it’s Anthony, I’ll be there to keep my eyes on the creepy bastard.
“I don’t trust him either,” Lucas replies, as if he’s read through my list of reasons. “I’m not sure if Natalie meant splitting her time.” He pauses, then continues. “She may want to see one of us more than the other one.”
“We’ll ask her.” My words sound too stern.
“Okay, we’ll ask her now.”
CHAPTER 14
Natalie
“You both need help with calculus?” I ask.
Lucas and Jacob walk into the private study room on the lower level of the library. The lower level offers more privacy with rows of stacks filling the center of the room. Students can’t sit at tables outside the door eavesdropping, because there are no tables, just rows of books. Lucas has that embarrassed grin securely on his face, but Jacob looks distracted. He yanks out a chair across the table from me. Is Jacob bothered knowing that Lucas and I spent a night together? I didn’t think he’d brood over it. I don’t love him less. I give Jacob a concerned look, and he meets my gaze.
“It’s not what you’re assuming,” he says, plopping down into a chair.
“What am I assuming?” I ask evenly.
He shakes his head. “Not whatever it is you are thinking.”
Lucas pulls out the chair beside me and sits down with a smile that won’t fall off his face. I sigh. Our night together was beautiful, but I’m able to function the day after.
“It isn’t what you think,” Lucas confirms. “We’ve been talking about our missing fourth.”
My shoulders drop a touch, and I stare at the plain wood table as if it’s entertaining. I don’t want to have this conversation again. “I haven’t talked to Anthony in a while,” I wave my hands to ward off the discussion, “not since you bloodied his nose. Let’s not talk about him.”
“Okay, let’s talk about something else.” Lucas drags his chair closer to mine. “We want to discuss the logistics of the sharing agreement.”
“Spoken like a future accountant,” sighs Jacob. “We want to know which days we can have you on.”
I am speechless as I sit there, shocked and stunned with amazement. The nerve of them to ask that tacky question. “What do you two think I am?” I ask, crossing my arms. “I’m not a rental.”
Jacob’s mouth opens, but it takes a minute before he can form the words. “It was your idea, Lucas.”
That wipes the stupid grin off Lucas’ face as he sits up and glares at Jacob for putting him on the spot.
“I’m not a room for rent,” I reply as my voice rises. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
Lucas sighs in his nonchalant way as he crosses his ankle over his knee. “I don’t think anyone knows what to do. No one lives a normal life, but we’re all expected to know how. So what happens when one goes off the script?”
“There’s nothing in the code?” My tone is snippy, and the boys look around the room like four beige walls are incredibly fascinating. Even if there is something in the code, I’m not going to follow it. My body, my life, and I choose when I sleep with someone, if ever again.
“I should be studying, not negotiating times with you two.” That remark makes them look at the floor, and I sigh. “I love you both,” I continue, “but I’m not sure how this works, and I don’t want hard feelings.”
“Sorry, Nat,” Lucas sighs. “No pressure on you. We weren’t coming here to make demands. I’m okay with Jacob, and he’s okay with me. We just want to keep it that way.”
“You’re okay with it?” I ask Jacob.
Jacob looks over at Lucas, who’s beaming again. “He looks so happy,” he replies, “how can I complain?”
I understand that I’m asking for a lot. They can have any girl all by themselves, but they are willing to humor me and make me happy.
My phone is face-up on the table by my tablet. It vibrates, and I fiddle with it as Anthony’s name appears on the screen. I swipe left quickly and hold the device in my hand.
“We’re not doing days,” I state in a firm voice. “I’m not a part-time job.” My lame attempt to distract fails miserably.
“What about Anthony?” Lucas looks at me squarely, his grin gone.
I don’t know how to answer, so I sigh deeply, letting my indecision fill the silence. Jacob watches me, but I refuse to return his gaze. He gives up trying to make me crack and looks away.
“Natalie, Anthony’s not your ... friend.” Lucas is careful with a topic that leads to arguments. “It troubles me, your complete trust toward him. I love you. Jacob loves you. Anthony? That’s not love.”
I haven’t told them about Uncle Phil kicking Anthony out of the house. I don’t speak, and Lucas continues, “If it wasn’t for Anthony, your selfies would never have been leaked.”
I throw my phone down on the table, and it makes a loud thump as it spins off the table and onto the floor. Those stupid selfies were the means of my downfall, and I’m not sure how far I’ve fallen yet. The phone makes a racket on the floor, and we freeze, waiting for the librarian to appear at the door. She’s a floor above us, but we lower our voices anyway.
Lucas hands me my phone. “I’m sorry, Nat.”
“It’s okay.” I wave off his concern. Lucas presses a kiss to my cheek, and Jacob reaches for my hand and holds it. Their love creates a calm that descends over me and wraps me tight in a feeling that no matter what, I will be okay because I am loved. But why do I feel I still need protection?
“I have doubts about him, too,” I reply softly, “Lately, I’ve been avoiding Anthony.”
“Maybe it’s for the best that you cut Anthony out.” Jacob holds my hand tight, and I have to pull it out of his grasp.
“I have a lot to think about,” I reply.
I have a good reason for stalling and not talking about Anthony’s visit. It’s not because I want Anthony but because I don’t want Jacob to hit him again. Jacob has to control his temper, and he’s got to stop giving out bloody noses if he wants to graduate on time. Then a thought comes to me.
“Knowing your worth—is that the code?” I whisper.
“It’s a big part of it,” Jacob replies, “Not just on paper but in your head. It’s not about being cocky, but knowing your value in the world.”
“Knowing your place?” I ask, lifting my head to meet his gaze.
“It’s more than that,” he answers. “For example, if you’re playing chess, you have to know just where you stand on the board, no matter how painful the truth is. You have to know where you can move. More importantly, you have to know the both rewards and consequences for that move should you ever want to change your position on the board.”
It strikes me as funny that Jacob also uses the chess analogy. Perhaps Ms. Petrenko knows the game better than she lets on. Well, I hope I’m playing it right.
“Do you know where your place is, Natalie?” Lucas takes my hand.
“Right now,” I smile, “it’s with both of you.”
CHAPTER 15
Natalie
On Saturday afternoon, Lucas and I sit in the kitchen nook finishing up our homework. It’s his day, but I also asked him over to help me with physics. Yesterday, I made it clear to both boys that sex would be my call, and immediately, they agreed. There was no pouting or pleading, at least, not yet. I also made it clear that they may not get a day, o
r they might have to share a day together. They looked interested in that arrangement, but I made it clear that nothing might happen. Still, Lucas and Jacob didn’t complain. It was all up to me. It was my call ultimately.
“So, do the lovebirds have plans for the holiday?” Uncle Phil grins at us while he tosses his sweat jacket into his gym bag.
My face heats up. I can’t tell my uncle that Valentine’s is Jacob’s day. But then Lucas handles the question in his calm manner.