by J. Daniels
“I seriously love that name,” Mia says.
“Me too.” Beth presses her lips to Layla’s hair, hiding half of her smile as she peers behind me. She motions with her head for me to turn around. “Look,” she murmurs.
I peer over my shoulder.
The guys are standing together in the hallway.
CJ says something under his breath to Ben and gestures at Reed with his beer. I imagine he just cracked on his future brother-in-law, considering Ben and Reed’s reaction. They’re both laughing now. CJ joins in, everyone except Luke finding humor in whatever was said.
He’s focused solely on Beau, cradling him in his arms, his face inches away from Luke’s. My hot as fuck husband looks transfixed, and is there anything sexier than a man holding a baby?
Luke smiles at Beau, and I melt, sinking lower in my chair.
Nope. Nothing sexier than that.
I turn back around and sigh, dropping my head back and gazing at the ceiling.
The girls all laugh at me.
Mia stands when the oven timer goes off again and announces for everyone to come sit down—she knows it’s ready. She hollers for Nolan and Chase, who are playing together in the family room.
Ben scoops both of them up when they try and sneak past him. He carries them into the kitchen like two barrels under his arms. The boys kick and squeal in delight, trying to wiggle free.
Counting all the kids, there’s twelve of us now. Extra chairs need to be pulled up to accommodate everyone at the table.
It’s crowded, with elbows touching and too many seats on one side, and I love it.
We eat the meal Mia prepared, talking and laughing, passing around babies. Once the table is cleared and Nolan and Chase return to their paused Wii U game in the family room, Ben grabs the cards and shuffles them.
“What are we playing?” CJ asks, leaning back in his seat and throwing his arm behind Riley.
“Don’t we always play hearts?” My phone vibrates in my pocket.
I lean onto my hip to dig it out, sinking my teeth into Luke’s bicep before I straighten up again.
He smirks at me.
“I thought maybe we’d play something involving money so I can win some,” CJ says. “I got a honeymoon to pay for.”
Reed chuckles. “That’s a guaranteed way for you to walk out of here broke.”
I smile as I swipe my thumb across the screen, reading the text as the conversation carries on around me.
Headed to the hospital now! He’s coming!
My heart slams, shuddering to a stop and then skipping into a galloping beat.
I shove to my feet, knocking over my chair.
“The baby’s coming!” I yell.
I’m greeted with gaping mouths and stunned stares.
Was I not loud enough? I just shouted that. In English.
Luke slowly stands beside me. “Are you serious?” he asks.
“Yes!” I grip onto his arm. “We need to go. Now.” I sweep my gaze around the table as I stuff my phone back into my pocket. “Hello! We all need to go. Let’s go.” I motion for everyone to get up, then I turn into Luke. “Oh, my God,” I whisper over the sound of chairs scooting across the tile floor and excited chatter. “It’s happening. He’s coming today.”
Luke grabs my face. He’s panting now.
“Are you ready to meet our son?” I ask him.
He smiles, sliding his hands to the back of my neck and gently pulling me closer until our foreheads press. “Yeah.” His voice is low and even. He’s ready. “Let’s go get him.”
We rush out of the house with chaotic urgency. All of us.
We’re a family, and we’re going to pick up one more of our own.
YOU’RE SO CLOSE to meeting your son. To holding him, looking into his face and recognizing him as belonging to you.
You’re so close to becoming a father.
Hunched forward, I rake my hands down my face as my heartbeat pounds in my chest. A nervous energy passes through me, warm and suffocating. I’m anxious as fuck. It’s a miracle I’m even sitting right now. I want to pace the floor.
I thought I would know what this would feel like. I thought I was prepared. For the past three weeks, I’ve pictured being here, just not in this same room we’ve sat in before while we waited on Beau, Layla, and Chase. I thought we’d be able to go back where every other parent gets to be, which might seem really fucking weird to everyone else since it isn’t Tessa delivering, but it’s what I’ve been expecting. And because we’re not allowed back there, this doesn’t feel like I thought it would.
I have shit on my mind I didn’t expect to think about, worries I can’t shake, no matter how hard I try and keep my mind focused on this amazing fucking thing that’s happening to us.
What if something wrong goes down during the birth? What if Bri has some complication, and my son is born with no one besides complete strangers surrounding him? What if no one holds him because everyone is focused on Bri, on making sure she makes it, and he’s put aside and left there all alone?
Did she tell them about us? Would the doctors and nurses know he was ours, and to come get us so we can hold him before he’s forgotten about?
What if something happens to Kai? What if he doesn’t make it, and I never get the chance to see him because I’m not fucking back there . . . I’m not allowed. It’s family only and I’m not family. It doesn’t matter that’s my son being born, I can’t watch it happen.
I grit my teeth as I stare at the tile floor.
I need to stop with this shit. I shouldn’t be feeling anything besides complete fucking joy. I’m about to become a father.
Any minute now, I’m going to meet my son.
Focus on that. Who gives a fuck about the rest? It doesn’t matter. It won’t matter in another minute or hour, however long this takes.
Tessa slides her hand across my back, rubbing my right shoulder blade. “You’re being quiet. Are you tired?” She sits forward and kisses my arm.
I check my watch.
It’s nearly one in the morning. We’ve been sitting here for close to five hours. Even though I want this to be over with, I’m grateful it’s as late as it is.
I can lie right now and say I’m tired instead of filling Tessa’s head with worry. I don’t want her knowing the thoughts circling inside my mind. I don’t want her thinking them herself.
“Yeah.” I peer over at her. “You?”
“No way. I’m wired.”
Her eyes are bright green and alert. She pinches her hands between her bouncing knees and shifts her hips side to side in the chair, smiling at me, her one, lone dimple caving in her cheek.
She’s excited, anxious for all the right reasons. And she’s never looked more awake.
“You can sleep if you want,” she says. “I’ll wake you the second they come out to get us . . .”
I shake my head.
No fucking way could I sleep right now even if I was tired. I’d be scared to miss something.
Looking around the group, I wonder if everyone’s feeling the same way.
Aside from Ben’s kids and Layla, our friends are still awake. Unless I missed a few seconds of shut-eye, no one has dozed once.
Ben and Mia are seated across from us, watching something on Ben’s phone. Chase and Nolan are sprawled out on chairs on either side of them. And Beau’s asleep in the carrier at Mia’s feet.
Reed and Beth grabbed open seats along the wall. Their talking low, keeping their voices quiet so they don’t wake Layla, who Reed refuses to pass off, no matter how many times he’s offered a break.
“I can’t wait to surprise my parents by just showing up at the house with their new grandson,” Tessa says, hugging her knees against her chest. “And your dad.” She smiles at me. “I have a feeling he’s going to cry.”
“Probably,” I mumble.
My dad doesn’t look it, but he’s soft as shit. He teared up when I told him we were adopting. I’m expecting an emotional introdu
ction.
I smile, picturing that. Then movement turns my head.
CJ and Riley return to the waiting area with coffee carriers and bags of snacks. Their hands are full.
“How many trips to the vending machine is that for you?” I ask, directing that question at CJ since this is the first time Riley has gone off with him in search of food.
“I’ve lost count,” he says. “But if I stop eating, I’ll fall asleep.” He bites the corner off a bag of Skittles and pours them into his mouth. Riley giggles at him.
“If you choke, I am not doing mouth to mouth,” Reed warns.
“I’ll do it.” Riley stands on her toes and kisses CJ’s cheek. Then she sweeps her gaze around the group. “Who wants coffee?”
“Me.” Tessa reaches out with both arms, fists grasping at the air.
“Isn’t this your third cup?” I meet her eyes after she takes one of the coffees. “Maybe you should break it up with water. You’re gonna get dehydrated.”
“I’m fine. I barely feel it.” Tessa removes the lid and blows steam across the top. “That machine coffee is so weak. It doesn’t affect you like regular coffee.”
“Luke, do you want one?” Riley holds out the carrier as CJ moves around her, passing off cups and food to the rest of the group.
I’ve got enough energy. If I get any more, I’ll definitely start pacing. There’s no way I’ll be able to keep my ass in this seat.
“No, I’m good,” I tell her.
Riley takes a seat next to Tessa and hands over a few snacks. I can’t eat anything. I watch Tessa tear into a bag of Peanut M&Ms, popping several in her mouth. She falls into conversation with Riley about the upcoming wedding.
I turn my head when the doors behind me slide open and a woman rushes in from outside. I watch her stride to the nurse’s desk, her pace quick. She’s carrying an infant carrier.
The nurse seated behind the desk—who I’ve bugged every hour for updates she refuses to fucking give me—smiles at the woman. “Can I help you?”
“My daughter is having a baby. Can I go back to be with her, please?”
“What’s your daughter’s name?”
“Brianna Carter.”
Tessa shifts closer to me, brushing up against my arm. “Luke—”
“I see her,” I mumble.
Bri’s mother produces her ID out of her bag and shows it to the nurse.
“Yep. You’re on the list. Come on back.”
The nurse stands and directs her toward the double doors leading to the birthing suites. They both step through and disappear down a hallway.
“It’s nice that she’s here,” Tessa says. “I was worried Bri was back there all alone.”
I crack my neck from side to side. “They should let us go back. This is bullshit.”
“It’s a pretty private moment, Luke. I wouldn’t want a bunch of people all up in my lady business while I’m spread eagle.”
“I wouldn’t be lookin’ at anything of hers. I just wanna see my kid.” I slouch back against the seat, kicking my legs out. “I wanna be where every other parent is. Can’t we at least stand outside the room? Why do we gotta be all the way out here?”
I realize how loud my voice has gotten when Ben clears his throat and tips his head at the security guard standing by the double doors.
The guy, who’s gotta have at least twenty pounds of muscle on me, is watching me like I’m an actual threat to every patient here. Like I’ve just announced how I’m about to run off with every kid that isn’t mine.
Are you kidding me with this shit? I’m barely raising my voice. Fuck off.
I glare at this asshole.
Try me, you second-rate mall cop.
“Hey.”
I keep my eyes on this big, dumb motherfucker while responding to Tessa. “What?”
She grabs my chin and forces my head to turn. “Please don’t get us kicked out . . .”
“He can fuckin’ try it.”
She smiles, looking like she wants to see me get into it with this guy before letting her hand fall away from my face.
“Bri said as soon as the baby’s here, she’ll tell them to let us come back. We’ll go back there soon.” Tessa sounds completely unconcerned. She isn’t bothered by this at all. “I get her wanting privacy for this. Even though it sucks not being able to watch our son being born, we get to take him home.” She leans over and presses her lips against my shoulder. “Right?”
I pull in a deep breath. We get to take him home. None of this other shit will matter.
“Right.”
The smile that stretches across Tessa’s mouth when she sits up . . . holy shit.
“Am I vibrating? I feel like I’m vibrating.”
Laughter shakes my chest. “Said you were wired . . .”
“I think this third cup of coffee, mixed with M&M’s is equivalent to the effects one would feel taking speed.” She pops a couple more candies into her mouth and washes them down with a generous sip of coffee.
“Maybe you need to stop.”
“Maybe you need to stop.” She sticks her tongue out at me, giggling. “Oh, God . . . I hope I don’t crash. Kai could take another seven hours and I want to be awake for all of it.” She takes another drink of her coffee. “My Mom was in labor for twelve hours with me. I told you that, right?”
“Yeah.” I scratch along my jaw.
Seven more hours.
Fuck.
Tessa’s eyes widen when she looks over at the nurse’s desk again. “There’s a new girl sitting there. Go ask if anything is happening.”
I glance at the nurse.
She’s blonde and younger than the other one who hasn’t been giving up shit all night.
“Why? She’s not gonna tell me anything . . .”
“She might not know the rules,” Tessa whispers. “Go ask. You don’t know—she might let us back there.”
I’m not trying to be told the same fucking thing again, but what the hell? Maybe there’s a shot she’ll at least tell me what’s going on.
Tell me Bri’s nearly there, it’ll be any minute.
Tell me she’s still in labor and there’s still a ways to go.
Something. Anything.
I rise from the chair and walk over to the nurse’s desk.
The young woman looks up at me and smiles when I approach. “Hello. Can I help you?”
I keep my next words to her low, too quiet for anyone else to hear. That other nurse might be lingering nearby.
“Yeah, my wife and I are adopting, and our son is being born . . . I’m just wondering if we can get an update on him.”
The woman tilts her head like she’s stumped. “Oh um . . . I’m not . . . I’m not sure if we’re allowed to—”
Damn.
“Yeah, that’s all right,” I tell her, saving her the trouble of verifying something that doesn’t need to be verified. “Don’t worry about it.”
“I’m sorry.”
Just as I move to turn away, the double doors slide open and Bri’s mother steps back out into the waiting area.
I linger at the desk and watch her glance around the room like she’s looking for someone, and I know, I fucking know she’s looking for us. And not just because aside from our family, there’s no one else out here.
I can’t linger anymore. I move to her.
“Hi,” I say.
Her eyes snap to mine, and there’s recognition there even though she clearly had no idea what I would look like.
But she did walk out here to find us. That’s clear.
Tessa rushes over, calling out, “Oh, my God, is he here?” before she reaches my side. She grips onto my hand and beams at me, then gives that smile to Bri’s mother. “Hi! How is he? How’s Bri?”
“Bri’s fine. The baby is fine.”
Her words sound hollow. There’s no affection in them. No excitement. Nothing.
Our friends stand from their chairs and gather around, waiting to hear any news.
&
nbsp; “That’s great!” Tessa squeezes my hand. “Can we go meet him now? We’re ready . . . I’m Tessa, by the way. And this is my husband, Luke. We’re so excited. And a little wired.” A nervous giggle slips past her lips. “What does he look like? Actually, don’t tell me. I just want to see him . . .”
Bri’s mother levels Tessa with a look that draws my shoulders back.
“I’m sorry,” she says, lifting her chin. “I’ve only come out here to inform you that Bri has decided to keep the baby.”
A sensation, like a balloon filling to capacity, presses against the wall of my chest as I slip into a reality I forgot to prepare for.
No. NoNoNo.
Fuck, no, please.
“Oh, God,” someone whispers behind us. It sounds like Mia.
Tessa laughs nervously again. “What do you mean? That’s . . . no, we’re adopting him. We’ve already arranged everything with Bri.” Her hand pulls free from mine, and she points at the double doors. “I can go talk to her if you want . . .”
“That won’t be necessary.”
My throat constricts.
I slip my arm around the front of Tessa and grip onto her shoulder. “Babe.” I try to turn her into me, to pull her away from this conversation because we don’t need to hear anymore, but she shrugs me off, keeping her focus on the woman killing us.
“What’s going on?” Tessa’s voice grows sharp. “What is this? What are you talking about . . . we’ve arranged the adoption, that’s why we’re here.”
“I’m sorry, but Bri has changed her mind.”
This woman doesn’t echo Tessa’s emotion. Her voice is cold and even. She isn’t reacting at all to my wife’s slow unraveling. She isn’t sympathetic to the hurt she’s causing by simply delivering this blow.
There’s no remorse. No guilt.
If there was, maybe this would be easier to accept.
“She can’t do that,” Tessa snaps. “She can’t just change her mind—we have a contract with her.”
The security guard looms closer. “Let’s keep it down, folks.”
“Don’t talk to my wife, asshole,” I growl.
His brows pull together. “What’s that, sir?”
“Luke,” Ben warns at my back, crowding close to me.
CJ steps forward then too. He’s still in uniform.