by Sierra Hill
I stand and walk to my window overlooking the street where I grew up. The small, rambler homes that line the street are a picture of seaside living. Quaint and charming landscaping and white picket fences. It’s hard not to love a place like this with its picturesque neighborhoods. But I don’t know if it’s the place for me to be.
“Why now? This job opportunity is a good one and I think it could work out in the long run for me. But it’s in Seattle. And Deacon is here.” I frown, fiddling with the black and white curtains at my window.
“Have you asked the employer about telecommuting? It’s a thing these days. I know Margie Collins from my book club is a book editor for a San Francisco firm and she works from her home the majority of the time. Perhaps that’s an option.”
Hmm. I hadn’t even thought of asking about that. Since most of my work is done online, anyhow, maybe it could be something they would consider.
Turning to face my mom, I lift my shoulders. “I don’t know. I guess I could ask.”
She nods her head. “There you go. Let’s see about that first and then worry about Deacon and the budding relationship after that.”
My mom is the eternal optimist and always full of great ideas. She smiles and stands, wrapping her arms around me in a reassuring hug, squeezing me tight before letting me go.
While my mom and I haven’t always been the closest, it’s times like these where I’ve really come to appreciate her advice and support.
“Thanks, mom. I really appreciate it.”
I watch her retreat through my bedroom door, pausing at the doorway and turning to look back over her shoulder.
“Anytime, honey bunny. I’ll always be here for you.”
What she doesn’t say, however, is she’ll be here even if I move to Seattle or not.
And that’s a decision yet to be determined.
14
Deacon
“Hello, anyone here?”
I grumble silently and let out a curse when I hear Bethany’s syrupy sweet voice calling from the front of the store. I’m in the back sorting through sales receipts and Cody is out at the beach helping a young family with surf lessons.
“I’ll be right there,” I call back, taking a cleansing breath and rubbing a hand over my bearded jaw impatiently. This is not what I need today.
I was hoping that Bethany had already left town or moved on from me this summer, so I could avoid having to deal with this. Evidently, I’m not so lucky.
Placing a tight smile on my face, I walk up the counter to greet her.
“Hey, Bethany. What can I help you with today?”
She wears a large black sun hat and oversized Gucci sunglasses that cover most of her face. She slowly slides the glasses down her face and bats her fake eyelashes at me, jutting a hip seductively and waving the pair of glasses at me.
“Hello, Deacon. How are you, baby?” She leans across the counter, which I’d hoped would’ve been a deterrent, and places a kiss on my cheek.
I back away and shrug, my tone snippy and impatient. “Doing great, thanks.”
I noticeably refrain from asking her how she’s doing and if she cares, she doesn’t show it. Instead, she seems to be looking around the shop for something.
“I was actually here to see if Cody was available.” She licks her cherry red lips as if just saying his name is a tasty treat.
Interesting.
“He’s out at the beach but should be back up shortly. Do you want to schedule a lesson?”
The idea of Bethany taking a surfing lesson is beyond ridiculous and something she would never do. The only reason she wears a swimsuit is to flaunt her body up and down the beach and to sunbathe.
Bethany taps her chin with a matching red nail, as if considering this ridiculous charade.
“Well, I suppose I could…or maybe I could just go down there and talk to him myself. No need to waste your precious time seeing as you’re so busy.” Her words are saccharine sweet, but I know they are meant as a dig toward me, since I haven’t been getting busy with her.
Just then, Cody strolls in, a towel hanging over his shoulder, his wet hair pushed back from his face, and he comes to a complete stop. The look on his face is priceless.
You know those cartoons where the animated character’s eyes bug out and go, “boing, oing, oing?” Yep, that’s the way Cody stares at Bethany right now.
The dude obviously has it bad for her, which is clear as day in his expression, but it also holds a bit of concern. As if he’s been caught red-handed with his hand in the cookie jar going after something he shouldn’t have.
“Oh, hey Cody. Bethany here is looking to schedule a lesson with you.”
I can’t help but grin as I flick my hand in her direction, fighting back my chuckle, as Cody’s face turns bright red. “She must’ve heard what a good instructor you are.”
I let that innuendo dangle between us like bait on a fishing line. Cody just stares with blinking eyes at Bethany as she saunters toward him, swinging her hips from left to right like a slow-moving pendulum.
She stops in front of him and draws a nail down his naked chest. “I sure could use some practice before I leave for my Hawaii trip this summer.”
Cody swallows hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down, and I choke out a cough.
“Yeah. Sure thing. I’m happy to show you some moves.”
That did it. I burst out laughing, doubling over with my hands to my knees. When I stand back up, both are staring at me with wide, expectant eyes.
“What? Come on. You can’t honestly believe I haven’t figured out the two of you are hooking up. It’s so obvious.”
Shaking my head with mirth, I turn back to the office, giving them a wave, and mumbling my words of advice to Cody as I turn the corner. “Good luck with that one.”
I’m still laughing at the situation when my phone pings with a message. Pulling it out of my pocket, I smile seeing that it’s from Ellie. It’s her day off and I haven’t heard from her yet today. She comes up in my contacts list as Ellie Belly. She hates it but I love it.
Reading through it, my smile slowly turns into a frown.
Ellie Belly: Need to talk tonight. Got a job offer.
Fuck. I knew to expect this, but I was hoping it wouldn’t happen so soon.
I want the best for her, but at the same time, don’t want to lose her, either.
But I don’t want to end up returning to the friend zone again.
That ship has sailed.
And there’s no going back.
15
Ellie
It’s Tuesday, two days after I shot an email to Destiny, the company recruiter, asking if teleworking was an option they’d consider. Teleworking from Hillside Cliffs, specifically.
When I sent my letter of acceptance, I included that as a request, but not necessarily a requirement. If they say no, it’s not a done deal. I’d still likely take the job and move to Seattle.
Now I sit here quietly ruminating over this decision and the fork in the road life has dealt me and what it will mean for Deacon and me. Being responsible for this choice – knowing that whichever way I choose, it’ll have ripple effects on the rest of my life – scares me to death.
After I texted Deacon, he called and asked me to go out on a date with him to our favorite burger place, Spike and Reba’s, a little joint on Main street. I’m finishing my make-up when I hear the doorbell ring and my mom’s voice sing-songing her greeting from down the hall.
“Deacon! My goodness, it’s so good to see you,” she exclaims, and without even being a witness to it, I’m sure she’s thrown her arms around him in a hug. “Come in and sit down. I’ll go see if Ellie is ready to go.”
Stepping out into the hallway, I nearly run into my mom, who wears a cheeky grin across her face.
“Deacon’s here, honey.”
Flipping the light switch and closing my door behind me, I nod.
She stops me before I turn the corner and places a gentling han
d on shoulder. “Whatever you decide, Ellie, he’ll understand and will be happy for you. Deacon’s far too good of a friend not too.”
“I know, mom. He’s a pretty great guy.”
We walk down the hallway and find Deacon in the kitchen talking to my dad, who just walked in from his garage where he spends most of his time when not in front of the TV.
Deacon turns and upon seeing me, smiles a devastating smile that turns my heart to mushy goo.
“Hey, Ellie Belly. You ready to go?”
He reaches for my hand and takes it in his – a warm and friendly gesture, but also one that screams possession. I catch the look on my dad’s face, who so far has been oblivious as to what’s going on in my love life. And my mom just crosses her hand over her heart and sighs.
“See you later. Don’t wait up.”
My dad grumbles his goodbye and my mom wiggles her fingers at us, probably secretly counting the number of grandchildren she’s hopeful we’ll give her.
Don’t hold your breath, mom.
“Bye, Mr. and Mrs. Green. Have a good night. Good to see you both.”
We head out the front door and toward Deacon’s car, my mom calling out her goodbye from the front porch.
“Say hello to your parents for me, Deacon. Have a good time tonight.”
Deacon opens the car door and watches me as I slide in. When I turn to grab the seatbelt, I catch his gaze.
He leans down so his lips are at my ear and whispers, “I want to kiss you so bad right now, but I think if I did, your mom would be on the phone in seconds with my mom planning a wedding date.”
I snort laugh and grab his shoulders, pulling him down and planting a big kiss on his lips. He tastes like spearmint and Chapstick. The stubble of his beard tickles my lips as he laughs through our kiss before tearing away with a smirk and shutting my door.
Resting my head back against the seat, I sink in and allow the afterglow of his kiss to lift my heavy, tingling body. Prickling from the explosive chemical reaction that comes alive every time we touch.
Has it ever been like this with anyone else before him? Certainly not Tom, my former boyfriend. And no one else that I can recall, either.
I honestly don’t want to give this up. There’s too much at stake, and I can’t see a life in the future without him.
Deacon slides into his seat, starts the car, reversing out of the driveway before reaching across the console for my hand, lacing his fingers with mine. He strokes his thumb over my knuckles. I look down at our joined hands and wonder if this is how it would always be between us. Always this good. This loving.
“Did I mention how beautiful you look tonight?”
Scoffing, I give him a sarcastic eye roll. “I’m wearing a T-shirt and shorts. Not exactly haute couture.”
Bringing my hand to his lips, he kisses the top of it and smiles. “I think you always look beautiful.”
By the time we get to the restaurant and have ordered our meals, the entire town is talking. It’s not that they’re surprised to see us together – because obviously we’ve been friends a long time. Their looks of shock are from the level of PDA we’re demonstrating tonight.
Deacon hasn’t stopped touching me, constantly kissing my cheek, my neck, keeping his arm draped around my shoulder.
I think this is his way of holding onto me and keeping himself buoyed in light of what’s coming. And I love him for that.
“Deacon, I got a job offer.”
“I know. I’m excited for you. Tell me about it.”
God, this is so hard.
“It’s in Seattle. A small start-up company. It’s a really good opportunity.”
I watch his face transform, from his congenial grin to an expression of sadness and sorrow. I hate that I’m the one who put it there.
“Oh. I see.”
He shoves his half-eaten hamburger and plate away from him, the clatter of the silverware startling me, as he removes the napkin from his lap and places it on the table.
I reach for him, desperate to alleviate the tension that’s grown in place of the happiness that was just there.
“This doesn’t have to end us, you know,” my hand covering his wrist. “What we have between us is so important to me, Deacon. I don’t ever want to lose you.”
He wrenches his arm away suddenly, standing in a rush and removing his wallet from his pocket. My eyes prickle with tears as he drops two twenties on the table, more than enough to cover our dinner and a tip and turns to go.
“I’m ready to get out of here.” His voice bristles with anger, a mixture of confusion and sadness.
It’s very rare to witness Deacon in a bad mood, so his abrupt outburst surprises me. Cuts me to the bone. Rips my heart to shreds.
I try to grab his wrist to keep him there, to explain everything, but he shrugs it off and walks away. As he makes it to the door, just feet away, he stops and turns, as if remembering his manners. He waits, impatience radiating from his tense body, holding the door open with this arm as an older couple walk through from outside.
My chair legs scrape across the concrete floor and I slowly rise, following behind him out the door to the car.
Maybe this was always bound to happen, and he’s finally had enough of my shenanigans.
Maybe there is a limit to friendship and Deacon has finally met his.
16
Deacon
I haven’t talked to Ellie in two days. That’s honestly the longest we’ve ever gone without talking.
It’s not that she hasn’t tried reaching out, but I’ve been stubborn and have ignored her attempts to appease me. Making an excuse that I’ve been under the weather, I scheduled Elle and Cody to open and close the store in my absence, and I’ve either remained in bed or taken my kayak out on the water to get away from everything.
Unfortunately, I can’t escape my thoughts or my feelings toward Elle. My Ellie Belly. The woman I’m in love with and have been for years.
Why does this have to happen now? Just when things were heating up between us? After I’ve divulged my true feelings and opened up about my love for her. After I laid it all out on the line and exposed my bleeding heart to her.
Maybe it’s time I finally let her go.
Our timing has always sucked, and I can’t seem to make it work. It didn’t happen in high school. It didn’t happen in college. And it apparently, it doesn’t work for us now, either.
“I thought I’d find you out here.”
I’m facing the ocean from the beach, watching the waves wash up on shore, as Cody’s voice from behind me brings me out of my suffering reverie.
He props up his surfboard in the sand and plops down next to me, gangly legs stretched out in front of him.
“Dude,” his gravelly voice is tinged with worry. “I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you about me and Bethany. I hope you don’t hate me.”
I nearly choke on my laughter. Thank God Cody is always good for some comic relief.
Swiveling my head to the left, I give him a once over. The panic on his face is kind of funny.
“Oh, shit. You’re not gonna fire me, are you?”
Shaking my head, I give him a sympathetic smile. “No, Cody. I’m not going to fire you because you’re hooking up with Bethany. That’s been over for a long time and was never anything serious. We’re cool, bud.”
His relief is palpable, a large breath of air gushing out his mouth. But just as he seems to realize his love life isn’t my concern and his job isn’t in jeopardy, his expression turns to confusion.
“So, wait. If that’s not the problem, what is? You seem pretty doom and gloom right now, bruh.”
“Yeah, I guess so. It happens.” I lift a shoulder up and down.
Although there’s only a six-year age difference between us, I feel like an old man next to Cody, having lived through the heartbreak of rejection.
Cody picks at a scab on his knee, as the waves crash three feet from where we sit, the tide inching closer and closer
this time of day. The sun is slowly dropping in the west, melting into the horizon, leaving us once again until the new day dawns.
He clears his throat, his question thoughtful and sincere. “Is it Ellie, then? You got a thing for her?”
I nod. “You could say that.”
“Women, bro. They can really fuck you up in the head. Great sex, but damn if they don’t confuse the shit out of me.”
Laughing at his commentary, I agree with a slap of my palm against the back of his shoulder. “You’re not alone, dude. They are confusing as fuck, but damn if we can’t live without them.”
Cody snorts. “Well we could if we were gay.”
A burst of laughter escapes my chest and I fall back against the sand. Cody’s comments always have a way of in sighting amusement because he’s just that kind of guy. Half-dopey, half lazy, but always genuine.
Standing up, I brush the grains of sand from my ass and zip up my wet suit. Tipping my chin toward the water, I invite Cody to tag along.
“Want to catch some waves with me?”
He smiles broadly and jumps to his feet with the speed that only a nineteen-year-old can possess. “Right on, bro. Let’s do this.”
We spend two hours in the water together, catching a few sets, and just enjoying the silencing peace that only Mother Nature can provide. Waving goodbye to Cody, he heads off to shower and then start his shift. Which means that Ellie will be off and hopefully at home.
I stop at the pizza shop on my way home, ordering a monstrous sized pepperoni and mushroom with hot peppers. My stomach rumbles with the smell of it wafting through the car as I remember I haven’t eaten at all today and worked up an appetite surfing.
Much to my surprise, as I turn the corner down my street, I notice a car in my driveway. Specifically, Ellie’s car.