poetry of Zen Buddhism, 152–55, 198
post-exertional malaise (PEM), 19, 20
post-viral syndrome (PVS), 18
postural tachycardia syndrome, 18–19
practices used with specific challenges, 185–98
Present Moment, Wonderful Moment (Nhat Hanh), 152–53
present-moment experience, objectively describing your, 124–25
push–crash cycle, 142
R
Rahula, Walpola, 99
Ram Dass (Richard Alpert), 43
resentment, 52, 53, 88–89, 117, 164, 192. See also anger
Rumi, Maulana, 135
Ruth, Babe, 3
Ryokan, 107, 159, 160, 165
S
Saint James, Susan, 94, 192, 194
Salzberg, Sharon, 11–12, 56, 69, 70
schedule, making a, 143
secondary gain. See illness: benefits of being sick
Seeking the Heart of Wisdom (Goldstein and Kornfield), 41
Sekida, Katsuki, 149
self, lack of fixed. See no-fixed-self
self-compassion, 16, 53, 61–63, 76–78, 104, 105, 145
becoming a lifelong habit, 67
caregiver, 145
practices to cultivate, 65–76
practicing, 71–72
turning it into a living breathing practice, 67
See also compassion
self-compassion phrases, 69, 91, 144, 178, 186, 190–92, 194, 196. See also self-compassion
self-inquiry. See inquiry practice
Selfless Persons (Collins), 42
senses, six, 100
Setcho Juken, xxiii
Seung Sahn, 139, 151
seven points of mind training, 108
shocking the mind (Zen Buddhism), 147–50, 187
“should” and “shouldn’t,” 66. See also inner critic
silence, noble, 161
sky-gazing practice, 44–45, 188
sleeplessness, 105, 151
social events, inability to participate in, 191–92
social media, 174
solitude, 167, 175–79, 192, 194–95. See also aloneness
speech, wise. See wise speech
Spirit Rock Meditation Center, xxv–xxvii, 11–13, 29, 39, 62, 69, 87, 111, 117, 120, 122
overview, 12
Still Forest Pool, A (Chah), 81, 90, 138
Stricken: Voices from the Hidden Epidemic of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (Munson), 169–70
stroking arm with hand of other arm, 69, 104, 186
sublime, defined, 49–50
sublime states, four, 49–50, 72
breathing out, 108, 110
combining awareness of the wheel of suffering with, 105
cultivating, 50–53, 95, 151, 164, 178
directing at one’s self, 186, 189, 190, 192, 196
moving mind toward, 104, 105, 186, 188–90, 192, 196
nature of, 49–50, 61
overview, 49–50
practicing with, 102–6
turning negative mental states into, 103
See also specific states
suffering
Buddha on, 23–28, 49, 100, 181–82
causes of, 56–58
crafting phrases that address your, 67–69, 178, 186, 190–92, 194, 196
end of, 49, 56–58, 78 (see also solitude)
“life is suffering,” 23–26
opening heart to, 75–78, 186, 190, 192, 194, 198
present in lives of all beings, 25, 185, 193, 195, 197
speaking directly to the source of your, 69
terminology, 24–25
tonglen and, 111 (see also tonglen)
See also dukkha; wheel of suffering; specific topics
surrender, 92
Suzuki, Shunryu, 49, 53, 113, 148
sympathetic joy. See empathetic joy
symptoms, coping with, 185–88
systemic exertion intolerance disease (SEID), 19–20
T
tasks
doing them more slowly, 143
See also multitasking vs. one thing at a time
tea, mindfulness while making, 126
ten perfections, 72
Thoreau, Henry David, 167
thoughts and beliefs, 113–15
Buddha on, 67, 117, 159
compared with wind, 32–33
labeling, 76
practices to curb constant stream of thoughts, 128
See also inquiry practice
three-breath practice, 128–29, 132, 187, 188, 191, 194–97
used to stop yourself when doing too much, 143–44
three marks of experience, 29, 40
Tibetan Buddhism, 44. See also tonglen
Tillich, Paul, 175, 177
tonglen, 65, 178
examples of, 186, 188, 190, 192, 194, 196, 197
overview and nature of, 107–12
treatment advice, unsolicited, 82–83
treatments, coping with, 76, 84–85, 88, 130, 151, 189–91, 196–97
Try Mind, 95, 144, 185
turnaround (Byron Katie), 115–20
Two Zen Classics (Sekida), 149
U
uncertainty and unpredictability, 31–32
handling uncertainty about future, 195–96
in the lives of the chronically ill, 83–87
See also “Am I sure?” practice
upekkha. See equanimity; sublime states
V
Vipassana Meditation as Taught by S. N. Goenka (Hart), 100
viral induced central nervous system dysfunction (VICD), 18
viruses, 18
W
“Want/Don’t-Want Mind,” 27, 31, 68, 100, 101, 103
Weather Man, The (film), 32
weather practice, 32–36, 178, 186–87, 189, 195
What the Buddha Taught (Rahula), 99–100
wheel of suffering
getting off the, 99–106
practicing with the, 102–6
When the Iron Eagle Flies (Khema), 100
“Who am I?” practice, 40, 43–44, 187–89, 198
“Why not me?” practice, 183
wise action, 135–37, 198
finding the middle ground, 138–39
one thing at a time, 139–41
vs. unwise action, 135–36, 187
See also pacing
wise inaction, 135–37, 142, 144–45
defined, 135
wise speech, 83, 159–64, 193, 198
Buddha on, 83, 159–61, 163–65
wishlessness, 92
“Work, the” (Byron Katie). See inquiry practice
working in the face of illness, 14–16, 108–10
Wumen (Mumon), 148
Y
Yamada, Koun, 149–50
Z
Zen Buddhism, 43, 70, 147–48, 187
poetry of, 152–55, 187, 198
About the Author
TONI BERNHARD is the author of How to Live Well with Chronic Pain and Illness: A Mindful Guide and How to Wake Up: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide to Navigating Joy and Sorrow. She’s been interviewed on radio and for podcasts across the country and internationally. Her blog, “Turning Straw into Gold,” is hosted by Psychology Today online. She maintains a personal relationship with her many thousands of fans on Facebook and other social media sites.
Toni fell ill on a trip to Paris in 2001 with what doctors initially diagnosed as an acute viral infection. She has not recovered. Until forced by illness to retire, she was a law professor at the University of California–Davis, serving six years as the dean of students.
She has been a practicing Buddhist since the early 1990s. She lives in Davis with her husband, Tony, and their gray Lab, Scout. Toni can be found online at www.tonibernhard.com.
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“The greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love and compassion. The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It is the ultimate source of success in life. Awake at the Bedside supports this development of love and compassion.”
— His Holiness the Dalai Lama
About Wisdom Publications
Wisdom Publications is the leading publisher of classic and contemporary Buddhist books and practical works on mindfulness. To learn more about us or to explore our other books, please visit our website at wisdompubs.org or contact us at the address below.
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Somerville, MA 02144 USA
We are a 501(c)(3) organization, and donations in support of our mission are tax deductible.
Wisdom Publications is affiliated with the Foundation for the Preservation of the Mahayana Tradition (FPMT).
Wisdom Publications
199 Elm Street
Somerville MA 02144 USA
www.wisdompubs.org
© 2018 Toni Bernhard
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photography, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system or technologies now known or later developed, without permission in writing from the publisher.
The Library of Congress has cataloged the earlier edition as follows:
Bernhard, Toni.
How to be sick : a Buddhist-inspired guide for the chronically ill and their caregivers / Toni Bernhard.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 0-86171-626-4 (pbk. : alk. paper)
1. Religious life — Buddhism. 2. Chronically ill — Religious life. 3. Caregivers — Religious life. 4. Chronic diseases — Religious aspects — Buddhism. I. Title.
BQ5400.B46 2010
294.3’4442 — dc22
2010025648
21 20 19 18 5 4 3 2 1
ISBN 978-1-61429-478-8 eBook ISBN 978-1-61429-503-7
Cover design by Philip Pascuzzo.
Interior design by Gopa & Ted 2, Inc.
“To Know the Dark” copyright © 1985 by Wendell Berry from The Collected Poems of Wendell Berry, 1957–1982. Reprinted by permission of Counterpoint. Author photo by TJ.
How to Be Sick Page 19