by Nikki Rae
Master Lyon attempted to help me into the elevator, but I pulled away, keeping a few feet between us as we waited. Once we were inside, I squeezed myself into the opposite corner from him until we reached the appropriate floor.
Our room wasn’t far, and he unlocked the door and led me in. This space was smaller than the last one; two twin beds again. Setting down our bags, Master Lyon stepped into what I assumed was the bathroom before coming back to me.
Passing me to return to my backpack, he said, “Have a bath, but don’t make the water too hot.”
He opened the zipper and gave me more new clothes he’d bought. When I looked more closely at the items, I found them to be nothing more than a plain white tank top and black shorts.
“I’m cold,” was all I could get out.
Without touching me, he used his arm to usher me towards the bathroom. “It’s not uncommon for the fever to return, especially after Orpheus is added. It’s meant to wean you off gradually instead of all at once.”
That sounded familiar—what they’d given me after Jäger had made me his personal dart board.
He was hesitant to let go as I took the clothes from him. “Is it as severe as before?”
I shook my head, wrapping my arms around myself. Leave it to me to think the worst was behind me; there was always more ahead.
He turned on the faucet, testing the temperature before he let the tub fill. “You can lie in bed once you’re finished,” he said on his way out, as curt and brief as ever.
Undressing, I caught my reflection in the lighted mirror. My backside was painted in red and purple marks. I’d been beaten with hands before—more than I could count—but none had ever left anything behind. It usually took more. I hadn’t expected Master Lyon’s punishment to last, and the fact that bruises were showing up now was too obvious to be a coincidence.
Patience.
I had to carefully lower myself into the bath, and the lukewarm water washed across my sore muscles. When I was fully seated, even this amount of heat was too much for my sensitive backside, and the sting brought with it an onslaught of tears. I wrapped my arms around my legs, burying my face so my Owner couldn’t hear my sobs. I could lie and tell myself it was the withdrawal, some side effect of the drugs that made me overly emotional, but I simply lacked the energy. I’d spent every moment since Master Lyon had found me trying to covey that while I didn’t agree with any of his choices, I’d given up. I hadn’t believed it until this moment.
I somehow managed to make myself stop by the time I emerged from the bathroom, but my eyes were puffy and my whole body ached with the effort of keeping everything concealed. I might as well have been naked, but I didn’t bother covering myself. Seeing as he’d already set my backpack on the bed by the window, that was where I climbed under the blankets.
Master Lyon watched, then handed me my book from where I’d left it on the end table by the door.
“I don’t really feel like reading, sir.” I’d intended to sound how I felt, but it came out weak, too soft.
He slid it onto the nightstand and sat on the edge of the mattress. After some hesitation, he pressed the back of his hand to my forehead. “You need rest.”
I squeezed my eyes shut like he’d hit me, and they began to water as if he had, too. While he removed his hand, he didn’t back away. I’d anticipated the anger, the mistrust, but I was unprepared for his dismissal. I felt like less than nothing and besides trying to escape, I was not at fault.
“I don’t deserve this.” It came out in a whisper and I hoped he hadn’t heard.
When I could bring myself to gaze up at my Owner, he was staring right back. “No. You don’t.”
At least we agreed on one thing.
He traced absent circles on the comforter, too far away for me to touch.
Master Lyon struggled for the words, hand resting over his pocket before he dug out his cigarette case and lit another. Tossing the container on the empty bed, he slowly released the smoke.
“I’m not trying to be cruel.” he said, glancing at me. “I promise you, when I next speak to Marius, you will speak to him, too.”
Master Lyon’s voice cracked, and he tried to cover it by clearing his throat. He breathed a heavy sigh then took another puff. Unconsciously, I reached for him but stopped. He didn’t deserve my comfort. He was the one in control of where we were, but not how I acted. That was all my responsibility.
“And…” He seemed to search for the right words. “I shouldn’t have accused you of taking the Cerberus on your own. That was wrong of me.”
I didn’t have a response, and I didn’t want to soften with his attempt at an apology.
Licking his lips, he stepped into the bathroom and flushed the rest of his cigarette down the toilet. When he returned, he opened the drawer to the nightstand and rooted around inside until he found a hotel pad and pen. Seemingly pleased by this, he set the items in my lap.
Staring up at him with wide eyes, I couldn’t figure out what he wanted.
He sat closer, thigh grazing my shin. Gently, he patted my leg, but left the physical contact at that. “The chills might come back and you’re more tired now, so there will be more pain.”
I tried to force my mouth closed but I couldn’t help it. “What is your point, sir?”
Master Lyon briefly closed his eyes, as if absorbing a powerful blow. “The point, Doe,” he said, tilting his head to the side as he studied me, “is you need something to occupy your mind.”
Now I crossed my arms, indicating I wasn’t about to listen to any more of his demands.
This time his soft sigh sounded frustrated.
Judging by the set of his jaw, the way he longingly glanced at the cigarette case as he hung his head between his knees and ran a hand through his hair, he was uncomfortable. He acted as though his dark golden locks were still long enough to hide behind, but I could see it all.
He made no sound, much like I had cried in the bathroom less than five minutes ago. I’d only seen my Owner this way a handful of times if I didn’t count when I’d come back from the Wolves.
And when he’d left me alone in the cabin.
“I just keep hurting her.”
Everything was sharp and tangled now, thorns and brambles piercing our tongues, blinding us. It was a miracle we could see each other at all.
I brought my knees to my chest, unable to offer him anything. With a stuttering breath, he finally straightened and wiped his face. Folding his hands between his knees, he kept his gaze trained on the floor.
“When I was younger,” he said quietly, yet he already sounded as though he hadn’t just broken in front of me. “I was drugged. Just like you.”
As he’d grown up on the other side of the Grimm Order, I’d assumed as much. The Compounds only resorted to chemical assistance when a charge was unaffected by other methods—they only ever used them on me when I was being transported. Members preferred their slaves compliant after years of brainwashing. Using the help of mind-altering substances was frowned upon and viewed as weak, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t a common practice.
“I was lucky,” he went on, but I got the sense he didn’t believe that fact. “My Owner used an early version of Cerberus dust to keep me in bed at night. Then it was suddenly ended, and I was sick for weeks.” Straightening, Master Lyon cleared his throat, and with it, any trace of tears. “He made me crave it; beg him to give me peace.”
I understood that feeling as well; the utter nothing the substance provided, the crash after. I would have pleaded for the same relief. He’d thought I’d turned to Cerberus because I was unable to live with my decision to return to the Wolves when that had never been an option in my mind. I almost interrupted him again, but I refrained, waiting for him to finish.
“That was when I started thinking about the new crest.”
I stared down at the blank paper like it would appear there.
“I thought if I had something more complicated to focus on, I...I cou
ld get through it.”
He paused, so I asked, “Did you?”
Master Lyon gave me a partial shrug, a tug of his lip. “Eventually,” he said. “Though it is difficult to recall.”
At least he felt bad. That was a start.
“Now,” he got to his feet as if nothing had happened. “You need to eat and there is a restaurant downstairs. I’m going to leave you here.”
He was already unbuckling the belt, but he wouldn’t meet my eyes as he did so, as if he could possibly be ashamed. “Would you like to draw or not?”
It wasn’t threatening, the way he spoke. Just a question. Not looking forward to the prospect of being bound and alone, I nodded.
Instead of clasping my wrists together, he lifted the sheet and secured me to the bedframe by the ankle. My Owner never was very good at taking responsibility for his actions—or apologizing for them. I could easily untie myself the second he was out of sight, but that wasn’t the point. He needed me to know he had me—not just conquered me—and that I would accept his attempt at expressing how he truly felt. It reminded me of how Marius and I would nod to one another and just know what we weren’t able to say. We’d done it alone and visiting Vultures; whenever we weren’t safe or needed to believe the opposite.
“I’m not going anywhere, sir.” My voice was unfathomably small, and I couldn’t for the life of me determine why I’d said it.
The corner of his mouth twitched. “Not too tight?” I shook my head and he gestured to the pad in my lap. “I expect to see a sheet filled up when I return.”
He squeezed my calf as he covered me back up. “Yes, sir.”
With one glance at the bed where he’d left his cigarettes, he disappeared into the hall without them. It was a signal, I was sure: he wouldn’t be gone long, so I’d better not get any ideas. He watched me as he shut the door, lock gently clicking behind him. I hadn’t lied; I truly wasn’t going anywhere. I didn’t need to.
The nightstand was close enough to the bed that I wouldn’t have to stretch far to reach the phone. I waited a full forty seconds before opening the book and confirming the card was still in its proper place.
Long before my first meeting with a Vulture, Marius had made sure I memorized the important numbers, and his was one of them. I’d misjudged the distance from where I sat to the nightstand and had to strain a little to pick up the receiver. I’d spotted the old landline phone on what I supposed was Master Lyon’s nightstand, which was right beside mine. The belt around my ankle tightened, and I could only hope it didn’t leave any red marks.
If my Owner wouldn’t give me information, Marius would.
The dial tone met my ears and I punched in the number, eyes traveling to the door every two seconds. Master Lyon could come back any moment, but I had enough time to make one call.
My vision had become a bit blurred and as soon as the phone started ringing, I lifted the pen and wracked my brain for all the details of House Chimera’s crest. The same one he’d marked me with, the one which was mimicked behind the three-headed beast on the necklace I wore.
I’d lost track of how many times the phone had rung, but surely it couldn’t go on forever. Then abruptly, the sound stopped, but there was nothing on the other side.
“M-Marius?” His name stumbled out of my mouth.
“Well, this is certainly a surprise.” The voice was wrong. Too deep. Too cold. Gone was the French accent with English undertones, replaced with the gruff tonality of a German insect.
“I assume your Owner has left you unattended,” he went on. “You’re being very naughty, using—”
“Where’s Marius?”
I couldn’t bear to let him speak another word until I knew.
“Oh, precious,” he breathed, obviously enjoying every second I was left wondering what had happened. “Don’t worry about your little friend. He will remain safe for the time being. I suggest we meet so it stays that way.”
The room spun around me and a sour taste coated my tongue. So this was the reason for it all. Elliot hadn’t been angry with me, but that another member of his family had been stolen. I was all he had left, even if he needed to tie me down.
“Have you forgotten how to speak?” the Wolf prompted when I didn’t respond. “Hasn’t that man taught you any manners?”
“Let me talk to him,” I pleaded. In some desperate effort to hear Marius’ voice, I added, “please.” His satisfaction was a small price to pay.
“Very good,” he said with overexaggerated enthusiasm. “Do you agree to my terms?”
My Owner had asked me many variations of this question, but I’d always known I’d had a choice. Even when things seemed hopeless and I was out of control, at the back of my mind, I knew my freedom lay ahead once it was over. Now the fate of that very freedom was sealed, no end in sight.
“Yes, Master Fabian.” It took all my strength to say it, but I didn’t have time to think. “As soon as I can get away again, I’ll contact you?”
“You appear to be the most level-headed of the group.” It sounded like some kind of compliment, but I was distracted when I heard movement through the receiver.
My eyes swept over the bed with Master Lyon’s cigarette case, to the door, and back to the paper in my lap, the well of ink under my pen that had bled through the page.
“Fawn.”
The oxygen was sucked from my lungs at the sound of his voice, equal parts weak and relieved.
“Did they hurt you?” I could hardly speak as tears rolled down my nose and onto my drawing, further ruining it.
“Tout van bien, mon amour.”
I knew it was in all likelihood a lie, but it was one he knew was necessary to keep certain parts of me safe. Nothing was all right. I didn’t think it would ever be again.
He spoke French, and I was thankful the Wolf couldn’t understand. “Don’t tell Elliot you know.” Marius rushed now; our time together was coming to a close. “And don’t come here. Fawn, please, stay away.”
More shuffling, and then Gregor’s voice returned. “That’s enough for now,” he directed at Marius before turning his attention to me. “Don’t worry, kleine maus,” he cooed. “You will see each other soon. I look forward to it.”
Then my lifeline to Marius was gone, torn from me by the careless jaws of a predator.
Fourteen
Adjusting the belt around my ankle, I covered myself again; the sheet had been rumpled. I even tried to continue the task Master Lyon had given me. The curves and lines blurred and disappeared, and I wasn’t sure how much of it was from my tears hitting the paper or flooding my eyes. The pen was too heavy, and although I shivered, I’d broken out in a sweat.
Now with the added stress, I was dizzier and sicker than before. I held out as long as I could, but my breathing had become too hurried and sharp splinters spread across my chest. Finally, I gave up, throwing the sheets to the end of the mattress and chucking the pad and pen to the floor so I could lay on my side.
That was how my Owner found me when he returned. Once the door was closed, I heard him come towards the bed. I was in more or less the fetal position, just one leg extended due to the belt, and I’d covered my face with an arm like I could make the pounding in my temples stop.
“Fawn.”
My name sent needles through my sternum, bringing forth the tears I’d choked back. He knelt in front of me and even though we couldn’t see each other as I faced the window, I shut my eyes.
“You need to eat so I can give you some medicine,” he whispered, combing a hand through my damp hair. “Do you think you could let me help you?”
I loved this man, yet he infuriated me with his secrets. I wanted nothing more than to be enraged, but I imagined how it must be for him. His wife gone, lover ensnared, and I was determined to join them. Master Lyon was trying to protect me, because he was certain if I had all the information I would run again.
I didn’t have it in me to hate him for this lie. For knowing me well enough to deem t
hese extremes necessary.
“Let’s sit you up,” he said, arms underneath mine so he could lean me against the headboard.
I hugged my middle as another wave of chills coursed through me.
“Cold?”
Unable to nod or answer, he took the liberty of retrieving the blankets from the floor. At the same time, we both glanced at the leather still around my ankle. Once he untied me, he wrapped the sheet around my shoulders, leaving my legs bare.
His hand lingered near my shin, gently pressing. “You’re very warm.”
This was said mostly to himself, and then he let go of me and retrieved a plastic bag from the opposite bed. My teeth practically chattered, and I doubted I could eat anything right now. I couldn’t face my Owner, knowing everything while he was blind to this knowledge.
He pulled out a rather large bottle of pale pink liquid. “It’s a sports drink,” he explained. “It will help.”
I tried to hold the bottle on my own, but my muscles failed me, arms too sore to maintain much of a grip. He noticed my trouble and tilted it to my mouth. I glanced at him once my thirst had disappeared and he set down the drink on the nightstand. It was eerily similar to when he’d come back for me at the cabin, and I wasn’t sure which situation had made me crumble more. We’d created treads in the dirt circling each other, repeating history expecting different outcomes. If this ever ended, I would be in ruins, nothing but rubble at his feet.
Rummaging in the bag again, he took out a Styrofoam package and popped it open. Try a few bites, Doe,” he murmured. “Then you can have something to feel better and get some rest.”
He fed me each spoonful of rice and meat, and I ate without tasting anything. I wasn’t fully attached to my body. No longer in the same room.
Besides my fear for Marius, Odette, and myself, I had become nothing but an accumulation of open wounds and raw nerves.