Not Until Forever (Hope Springs Book 1)

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Not Until Forever (Hope Springs Book 1) Page 10

by Valerie M. Bodden


  He dropped his arms. “Should we go inside?”

  She blew out a long breath. “Will you stay with me?”

  The gash in Spencer’s heart deepened.

  There was no way he could say no.

  He held out a hand, and she grasped it, letting him lead her toward the stairs. As they stopped to put on their shoes, she studied him.

  Her eyes were clouded, and he had no idea what she was thinking. “What?”

  “Just— Thanks.” She ducked her head and swiped at her eyes again. They were darker now, as if letting out all her feelings had deepened them. “That’s the second time that you’ve come after me when I tried to run away.”

  Spencer wanted to say, “You’re welcome,” but his throat had closed off. He may have come after her these two times, but they couldn’t make up for the one time he’d let her go.

  Chapter 14

  Sophie clutched Spencer’s hand as he opened the church door. The final strains of a hymn faded, and Sophie had to resist the urge to turn around and run. Spencer squeezed her hand and offered an encouraging smile. She drew in a breath and stepped through the doorway, Spencer right behind her. What would she do without him right now? And how had she come to rely on him so thoroughly when she’d promised herself that would never happen again?

  “Oof.” Sophie gasped as she was tackled in a hug.

  “Oh, thank goodness.” Vi gave her another squeeze, then released her. “You okay?” Her eyes traveled to where Sophie’s hand was locked with Spencer’s. Sophie gave a short nod and followed Vi to a seat near the back of the church, ignoring the curious looks directed her way. She clung tighter to Spencer’s hand as they sat.

  Pastor Zelner was just standing to deliver his message. “I knew Alice Harris almost my entire life. Whenever there was a potluck, I made sure she was going to be there. She made the best cakes.” He patted his rounded stomach, and there was a smattering of laughter in the congregation. “Alice was an accomplished pianist. An avid boater. She was kind. Generous almost to a fault. She donated that beautiful playground we have outside. When she was younger, she gave her time to mission trips in Thailand. And when she couldn’t physically make those journeys anymore, she provided funding so that others could.” Pastor Zelner paused, letting his eyes travel the congregation.

  Sophie’s heart swelled with pride at all Nana had accomplished. She’d been a remarkable lady. Sophie only hoped she could accomplish half as much in her life.

  “But—” Pastor Zelner picked up, and Sophie’s eyes trained on him. “None of that matters.”

  Sophie shifted, ready to flee again. She wasn’t going to sit here and listen to Pastor Zelner tear down everything Nana had done. Treat it as worthless.

  But Spencer squeezed her hand and gave her a significant look.

  Fine.

  Back stiff, she focused her attention on Pastor Zelner, who continued, “And Alice would have been the first one to tell you that life wasn’t about anything she was or anything she did or anything she achieved or gave. She knew that without Jesus, we are all worthless in God’s sight.”

  Out of the corner of her eye, Sophie could see Spencer nodding. But she wanted to stand up and argue. If her achievements were worthless, what was the point of anything she’d done?

  “But here’s the thing Alice knew.” Pastor Zelner’s gaze roamed the church until it fell on her. Sophie stared back, daring him to go on.

  “She knew her worth was in Christ alone.” He shot her a gentle smile, then moved toward the other side of the church, letting his eyes sweep over the people. “The last time I met with Alice, she knew the end was near. And though she was sad to leave her family behind, she knew with absolute certainty where she was going. She told me there was one thing she wanted me to tell you all at her funeral. And if you knew Alice, you know that if she asked you to do something, you were going to do it.” Sophie couldn’t help but smile a little. He was right about that.

  “So here’s her message: You will never be enough on your own.” Pastor Zelner’s eyes locked right on hers—this time she was sure of it. Nana had probably orchestrated that. “But that’s okay. Because you don’t need to be enough. God doesn’t care what you’ve accomplished. He loves you without condition. When you look to Christ, you will triumph. You will have everything. You will have the victory.” He paused. “Just like Alice.”

  Sophie stood mechanically with the rest of the congregation, joined in singing the next song, bowed her head for prayer, but in the back of her mind, she kept hearing those words: Look to Christ. Victory.

  Was it really that simple?

  “Soph?” Spencer nudged her. “The service is over.”

  Sophie shook herself and glanced around. The church had largely emptied already.

  She let Spencer pull her to her feet and lead her to the lobby, Vi following behind with a hand on Sophie’s back.

  In the lobby, Vi engulfed her in another hug. “I have to get back to the store, but let’s get together before you leave.”

  Sophie startled. She hadn’t even thought about returning to Chicago over the last few days. But there was really no reason to stay now. She nodded to Vi.

  Seeming satisfied, Vi walked toward the doors but then looked back. “I mean it, Soph. Don’t leave without telling me.” Under the teasing note, Sophie heard the fear. She wouldn’t do that to her friend again.

  Sophie scanned the lobby, feeling lost. She was supposed to go bury Nana now, but she wasn’t sure she could face that. Not alone.

  She leaned toward Spencer to ask if he’d come with her. He’d already given her more than she deserved. She knew that. But she wasn’t sure how else she could get through it.

  “Hey, Spencer.”

  The eyes that fell on her were warm and open, and she stumbled. “I know I have no right to ask, but—”

  “There you are.” Her mother’s call pulled their gazes across the lobby. Sophie turned in time to watch her close the last few feet to reach them, her lips set in a thin line, eyes dry, makeup perfect.

  How could the woman be so composed when she was about to bury her own mother?

  Mom’s mouth tipped into a frown as her eyes fell on Spencer. Sophie could almost see her cataloging him: off-the-rack suit, bargain shoes, worn tie. The frown deepened as her eyes landed on their linked hands.

  Instinctively, Sophie drew hers back. She couldn’t deal with both Spencer and her mother right now. And this was the easiest solution. Even if the hurt in Spencer’s eyes made her feel sick.

  “Mom.” She tried to keep her voice steady. “This is Spencer. We—” Oh, boy. How did she finish that sentence? “We went to college together.”

  Next to her, Spencer stiffened, but he held out a hand to her mother. “I’m sorry for your loss, Mrs. Olsen.”

  Her mother accepted his handshake about as eagerly as she would have taken a dried fish.

  The moment she dropped it, she turned to Sophie. “The limousine is waiting to take us to the cemetery.”

  “Oh.” She hadn’t known there’d be a limo. Being confined in a car—no matter how luxurious—with her parents was the last thing she could handle right now. “Actually, I was just about to ask Spencer if he could—”

  “It’s okay, Soph.” Spencer’s voice was detached, and he refused to meet her eyes. “I should get back to help Tyler with the boys. And you should be with your family.”

  A crack opened right in her middle, and she wrapped her arms around her shoulders to keep her feelings from spilling out all over the floor. “Of course.” She wasn’t sure if the words actually came out or if she only thought them.

  “Goodbye, Soph.” With a last look she couldn’t read, he disappeared through the doors.

  And she wondered: Was this how he’d felt when she’d walked away?

  Chapter 15

  Even the twins’ giggles as they zigzagged between the trees couldn’t touch the cold spot in Spencer’s core that refused to thaw despite the sweat trickling d
own the front of his shirt.

  “Uncle Spencer, can’t get us,” Lucas taunted from behind him.

  Spencer shot the boys a half-hearted smile and made a vague gesture as if to chase them, but the twins weren’t buying it. He didn’t blame them. He wasn’t buying it either.

  “Un-cle Spen-cer.” William had sure perfected the art of whining.

  “Leave your Uncle Spencer alone.” Tyler wrestled a dead branch out of the tree they’d been pruning. “He’s a grumpy pants today.” Behind the funny voice, Spencer detected the note of I-told-you-so.

  “Sorry, boys.” He shook himself. “I’m not a grumpy pants. Just thinking.”

  About how Sophie had dropped his hand in front of her Mom yesterday. How she’d introduced him as a college classmate. She’d apparently never told her parents about their relationship.

  He’d always suspected she’d rejected his proposal because she was ashamed of him.

  Now he knew.

  That’s her problem.

  He had plenty of other things to worry about. Like getting the rest of these trees pruned before they reached full bloom. And helping his brother move on with his life. And keeping his nephews entertained.

  He set his clippers down. “Watch out, the tickle monster is coming.” He wiggled his fingers at them and roared. The laugh that burst out of him as his nephews shrieked surprised even him.

  He let himself forget everything else as he chased the boys, catching first one and then the other and tickling them until they were overcome with deep belly giggles. Finally, Tyler joined in and tackled him. Spencer struggled to escape his brother’s pin as the boys set to tickling him.

  William got a hand in Spencer’s armpit, and Spencer’s howl set them all to laughing.

  Spencer’s heart swelled. This was what he’d longed for when he’d come back to the farm. Family. Warmth. Fun.

  Over the last few years, the financial hits, the constant work and worry, had taken their toll, but if that’s what it had taken to get to this point, it had all been worth it.

  A strange sound cut through their fun, and they all paused.

  “What’s that?” Lucas’s eyes were wide.

  The noise sounded again. “It sounds like it’s coming from under you.” Tyler pointed through Spencer.

  “It’s my phone.” Spencer tried to roll to the side. “Get off me, you oaf.” He gave his brother a shove, then reached to grab his phone out of his back pocket.

  “What’s up, Violet?” With Cade gone, he’d become the one she relied on when she needed to move big pieces to her shop floor.

  “Hey, I was just thinking—”

  Spencer held back a sigh. Violet’s “just thinking” usually ended up with him on a terrible blind date with someone she’d met who would be “perfect” for him. Problem was, he’d already met the woman who was perfect for him—only she didn’t want anything to do with him.

  “Sophie’s leaving tomorrow after church,” Violet continued, “and I thought it’d be fun if we all got together before she goes. We’re going to meet at Sylvester’s, okay? Seven o’clock. You have to come.” She crammed it all into one breath, probably knowing he’d interrupt her to say no if she gave him even a split second.

  Spencer hated to say no to Violet, no matter what she asked. Which is how he’d ended up on so many awful blind dates. But this was asking too much. Seeing Sophie when he knew he couldn’t be with her. Knowing how she really felt about him. Saying goodbye to her all over again.

  “I’m sorry, Violet, I don’t think—”

  “Please, Spencer.” Her voice went up. “I need her to know she’s welcome to come back. In the future. I don’t want her to stay away five years again. Or longer. I’ve missed her.”

  So did he. Too much. Which is why he should say no and hang up right now.

  But his traitorous mouth made the decision for him. “Fine. I’ll see you at seven.”

  Chapter 16

  Sophie groaned as she pushed her plate away.

  Across the table, Vi grinned at her. “Yeah, the Hidden Cafe has a way of making you eat way too much.”

  That was an understatement. The pile of fries on her plate had been stacked taller than her burger. And she’d eaten every last one.

  But even better than the food had been the chance to reconnect with Vi. She’d done the right thing, giving in to Vi’s plea that she stay for the weekend and head back to Chicago tomorrow afternoon.

  She sighed. “This was great, but I should get back to my parents’ to pack.”

  Vi tossed her napkin on the table and rummaged in her purse. “Oh, no, you don’t. You’re mine for the night, remember? We’re going to Sylvester’s.”

  “Sylvester’s?” She couldn’t hold back the surprised laugh. “Aren’t we a little old for mini golf?”

  Vi brushed off her argument and dropped some money on the table, then led the way to the door. “Never too old for mini golf. Anyway, we used to go all the time in college, if you remember.”

  But remembering was what Sophie was afraid of. All those trips to the mini golf course just blocks from campus. The way she’d pretended not to know how to putt, so Spencer would put his arms around her and help her. How they’d been mini golfing when he’d first asked if she’d consider going on a date with him. The way he’d ducked his head as he’d asked but then couldn’t resist giving her a hug when she said yes.

  “I’m sorry, Vi, but—”

  “Nope,” Vi cut in, steering her to the car. “You disappeared on me for five years. Tonight I get to decide what we do.”

  “Fine.” Sophie let her head fall onto the headrest of the passenger seat. “But that’s the last time you get to play that card tonight.”

  “Deal.” For the one hundredth time, Sophie was overcome with gratitude at how easily her friend had forgiven her—she’d welcomed Sophie back into her life as if Sophie hadn’t completely abandoned her for nearly half a decade.

  As they got closer to Sylvester’s, Vi tapped her finger against the wheel. Then she started bouncing her left leg. When she began to shoot surreptitious glances her way, Sophie threw up her hands. “What’s going on, Vi?”

  “Don’t be mad.” Vi’s fingers drummed like mad on the steering wheel.

  “Why would I be mad?” Sophie shifted in her seat to face her friend.

  “There might be a few other people meeting us there.”

  “That’s fine. You know—” But the realization hit her hard in the center of the chest. “Vi, no. I can’t.”

  “Please.” Vi turned down the street leading to Sylvester’s. “You’ve been gone—”

  Sophie held up a hand to stop her. “You just promised not to play that card again.”

  Vi laughed. “Fine. I won’t.” But she pulled into the driveway of the mini golf course and jumped out of her seat as if the matter had already been decided.

  Sophie twisted Nana’s ring around her finger. Either she sat in the car and looked like an idiot, or she got out and acted like an adult who could handle seeing her ex without going to pieces.

  The first option seemed better all the time. But just when she’d decided to stay put, a familiar truck pulled into the space next to her.

  Spencer gave her a grim not-quite-smile as he pushed open his door and climbed out. Before she knew what he was doing, he’d opened her car door, too.

  She sat frozen for a moment, feeling suddenly exposed, as if he could read every thought of longing she’d had for him since he walked away yesterday.

  “You coming?” Spencer’s voice was bland, emotionless.

  Fine. If he could do this, so could she.

  They joined Vi in front of her car.

  “Who else is coming?” Sophie tried to keep her voice even, despite the fact that standing so close to Spencer had set her stomach flip flopping.

  “Ariana and Ethan are hoping to come, but she texted a little while ago to say we should start without them. Ethan got called to an accident, and it’s hard to sa
y when he’ll be back.” Vi linked her arm through Sophie’s.

  “What about Emma?” Not that she really wanted to know.

  “She teaches riding lessons on Saturday nights.” Spencer ran a hand over his face.

  So it was just going to be the three of them. Sophie swallowed. That was fine. As long as she had Vi, everything would be fine. She wouldn’t be tempted to do anything stupid. Like reach over to brush at the errant lock of hair that had fallen onto Spencer’s forehead.

  Sophie forced herself to look away as they got into line.

  But she could feel Spencer behind her, and nothing could block out the welcoming, woodsy scent that always clung to him, as if he’d spent his whole day among the trees.

  Which he probably had.

  Sophie tried to take short, shallow breaths so she wouldn’t become intoxicated from being so close to him. As soon as they had their clubs, she burst through the door leading to the course, leaving Vi and Spencer to grab the balls and scorecards. She sucked in a lungful of the popcorn-tinged air.

  There, that was better.

  Her head was clearer now.

  “You okay?” Vi held out a ball and scorecard as she approached.

  Sophie nodded. She was fine.

  Absolutely fine.

  But then Spencer came out of the building, his white button-down shirt failing to hide his broad shoulders, and she had to admit it. She was far from fine.

  “We ready?” He didn’t look at either of them.

  “Yep.” Vi’s voice was overly cheerful as her eyes darted from Spencer to Sophie and back again. Obviously, things were not going according to her plans.

  Well, serves her right.

  Vi may have been responsible for getting them together in college, but that was a long time ago. Things had changed, and even Vi’s matchmaking talents weren’t up to this task.

  They moved toward the first hole, but before they reached it, Vi’s phone rang. Relief crossed her face as she pulled it out of her pocket. “It’s Ariana. I’m sure they’re on their way.” She lifted the phone to her ear. “Hey, Ari. What’s up?” She listened for a second. “Just a sec. I have terrible reception.” She pulled the phone down and turned to Sophie and Spencer. “I’ll be right back. You guys go ahead and play.”

 

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