Although I am grateful for the promotion and the increase of $6 to my salary, I am really uneasy about being in the same block as the criminally insane. I don’t feel safe.
I questioned Dr Wetson about which doctor I will report to and he waved his hand and said the doctor will introduce himself to me on Monday on my first day.
I confided in Elsa over lunch about my promotion, but she seemed distant and cold and didn’t offer any insight as to why I am moving to such a dangerous block. I think she is upset that I received a promotion and she didn’t. I tried to explain that if she adjusted the way she saw things and treated people, she could also be promoted with me and we wouldn’t be separated. She got angry at that comment and said it wasn’t a promotion to work in Block E, but a punishment, and the increase in salary was just a cover.
We haven’t spoken since.
Sunday 26/07
It was my day off, so I took the bus to the closest town to do some shopping. I had a nice chat with the cashier at the local grocery store and when I explained what I did and where I was from she seemed afraid. I explained that the facility was fast becoming the top facility in the country and that it was safe, but she shook her head.
I pressed her for information, hoping she would open up to me for the opportunity to correct the assumptions often made about Asylum’s, but she simply muttered it was a cursed place and not another word was said.
After that I went for a quiet lunch at a nearby Cafe since the bus wouldn’t be there to take me back until four in the afternoon. The lunch was delightful and I was happy to be away from the Asylum for a bit. It made me feel like I am still free. I think, sometimes, because I both live and work at the facility, it feels like I am a patient and I am never going to get out.
Upon my return I retired for the evening.
Monday 27/07
I am most delighted! It was my first day at Block E and, instead of being absolutely horrible, I discovered there are two doctors running the block, Dr Brock and Dr Wellbottom. Dr Brock explained that the reason I hadn’t seen him was that he had relocated to this Block to oversee it with Dr Wellbottom.
Dr Wellbottom, on the other hand, is a lazy doctor who doesn’t seem to care for the patients, or Dr Brock. Although they haven’t done anything outwardly in front of me, there seems to be an invisible tension that hangs in the air whenever the two men are near each other. I’d almost say that Dr Brock fears Dr Wellbottom ever so much.
Unfortunately, the reason I was transferred here is because the other nurses are too afraid to work in this block, and I don’t blame them. There are six patients up here, all criminally insane, and all extremely dangerous and it takes every inch of my willpower to stay.
John, the man sent here for attacking the coloured family, is the worst of the lot, in my opinion. Dr Brock says he is insane and needs to be treated, but I think he is just plain evil and there is nothing we can do for him.
He has shouted lewd things to me. He asked me to give him a sponge bath, to touch him, to touch myself. I try my best to ignore him, but the way he stares at my breasts makes me extremely uncomfortable. I have passed my concerns to Dr Brock, who assures me that, once we cure him, he will do nothing else of the sort. I trust Dr Brock wholeheartedly and feel that if anyone can cure John, it will be him.
18 August 1970
Today was the first day I had seen Elsa in a long time. She asked me how it was going in Block E and if I was settled. I chose to be as nice as possible; after all, I don’t want to stoop to her level.
She seemed puzzled when I mentioned how I didn’t like Dr Wellbottom, but I put it down to her not having met him yet. Our duties keep us so busy it is almost impossible to know every patient, nurse, orderly and doctor.
Afterwards she asked me to join her for dinner, but I had already been invited, once again, by Dr Brock, and I didn’t want to disappoint him. He seemed so excited about talking to me about John’s treatment that I didn’t want to pass up the opportunity. I felt important, being so engaged by a Doctor as esteemed as Dr Brock.
Elsa didn’t understand why I wanted to spend so much time downstairs, and asked me what I was up to. I simply responded that I was researching new ways to treat patients and left it at that.
Dinner was most interesting!!! Diary, I cannot convey enough what an absolute genius Dr Brock is. Granted, at first I thought he was mad; however, after he explained himself, and after what followed, I completely understand now.
Dr Brock explained, in order to cure a patient, you needed to show them what the victim suffered. Of course, this is where I thought he was mad, because there is no way to make John truly understand his victims.
That was when Dr Brock showed me a paper he is busy publishing about a cure for race crimes. This love for humanity, that he wants to stamp out hatred, just pushed me to adore Dr Brock even more. Yes, I adore him. He is just amazing!
The paper is radical, but as Dr Brock says, the insane require radical methods in order to become whole again. The drastic procedure calls for us to harvest the coloured skin John hates and slowly, piece by piece, replace his own skin with it. This way John will become one with his victims and understand the hurt he caused. This will cure him!
Dr Brock has confirmed that the reason he has his own laboratory is because he is allowed to experiment. He isn’t just a doctor of medicine, but a scientist. I am so excited. He wants me to be a part of his discoveries. He wants me to assist him in his procedures and has promised to mention my name in the paper as his main assistant.
I am going to be FAMOUS!
Dr Brock has assured me that it is going to be a lot of hard work, and that I may not like many of his decisions, but I have to trust that every decision he makes is in the best interest of the patient. I know I can do that; he is such an amazing doctor!
20 August 1970
We started with the experiment on John yesterday. I have to keep him restrained and sedated the entire time we are busy with the procedure or he may rip through his stitches. I also have to feed him and give him water when he is awake, as well as a bed pan, and I hate it.
I hate it because he hurls insults at me I have never before heard and it upsets me. Yesterday he called me something so terrible that I started to cry and had to leave the room. Dr Brock continued on his own, and when I returned John was out cold and Dr Brock was busy with our cadaver.
It is genius. No need to use a live person. Dr Brock removed skin from a deceased black man and replaced John’s skin with it. Thus far we have done a large portion of his chest, his right arm and part of his stomach. It was long tedious work that required a lot of sutures.
I was starving when I went to dinner tonight. It felt like I hadn’t eaten anything in days. Elsa seemed concerned and told me I look thin and that she thought I should transfer out of Block E. I told her it was nonsense and I loved the work I was doing.
She commented something about a missing patient. Dr Brock said it will happen because, although he had approval, the other doctors will be jealous and try and stop him. I can’t say anything, not even to Elsa. And I didn’t. I simply said I knew nothing about it, which caused her eyebrows to rise right up, and then I took my food and came to eat here in my room.
Elsa has made it very clear how she feels about Dr Brock, in my eyes at least, and I know I cannot trust her with a secret as big as this one - one that will surely change the world forever.
22 August 1970
Dr Brock is beside himself and I do not know how to comfort him. I am beside myself for him; I can’t stop crying.
Early this morning I was with John when he started to gag. I didn’t know what to do and thought of calling Dr Brock, but I was afraid to leave John in case he died. I tried my best to save him.
I had undone the dressings from the night before to inspect them and everywhere Dr Brock had replaced skin oozed with infection. Where he had previously looked like someone who had a mixture of black and white skin, he now looked like a leper. Some pa
tches of skin had broken out in what looked almost like blisters.
“Dr Brock!” was all I screamed out and it seemed like he was there in no time. I could do nothing more than sit back and watch as Dr Brock did his best to clean up the mess and pus oozing from John’s clammy body. I hadn’t even noticed how hot he felt, burning with disease from the transplant.
I still feel sick, because I remember the sour smell that seemed to permeate the air, starting from his body and just pushing out into the room.
When I couldn’t take it anymore, I retreated to come here and record my thoughts. I first got ill. I have nothing left in my stomach now. I am also ashamed. Perhaps Dr Brock won’t allow me to help him anymore and I am heartbroken about that. I should be stronger. I was top of my class, dammit.
23 August 1970
The laboratory stank when I walked in tonight, but I hadn’t had anything to eat, so I had nothing to wrench up. John’s body was still there, but Dr Brock was nowhere in sight. I bit my lip and pulled on my surgical gloves and cleaned the body. Dr Brock did an autopsy - I assisted with a few during school so I know what it looks like - and his notes lay next to the body on the table.
I finished cleaning as Dr Brock entered, surprised to see me. It turns out he thought I wouldn’t want to help him anymore, while I thought he wouldn’t want my help. He quickly disagreed with me. He said that my reaction was perfectly normal, even he had been ill, and he was so glad I returned to assist him with the body and prepare for the cremation. I was surprised John had opted for cremation upon his death - he looked like the kind that wanted to be buried - but Dr Brock knew best.
We wheeled his body to the crematorium downstairs. Dr Brock and I chatted along the way and he explained that we have to cremate the bodies ourselves as per hospital policy. I was surprised, I thought there would be a dedicated staff member, but Dr Brock confirmed that unfortunately too few people in the country were willing to work in a crematorium, let alone one in a sanatorium.
After we disposed of the body, Dr Brock brushed my hair out of my face and, I have to admit, I had butterflies in my stomach. He kissed me then, softly on the lips, and said I was perfect, before he just left.
It feels like the romantic way to do it and I can’t believe he has chosen me.
I will die for him.
Chapter Eleven
KAREN
01 December 1970
Block E is starting to fill up quickly now and I am run off my feet. I am the only nurse willing to work that block and I have to say I don’t understand why the other girls are so scared. The orderlies and the doctors here always make sure I am safe and protected and I am always aware of where all my patients are at any given time.
Today we got a new patient. This one completely disgusts me and, I won’t lie, if it weren’t for Hans I would let him starve, especially after I read his file.
Oh, I forget that I have been so busy I haven’t let you know, Dear Diary - Hans Brock and I am in love! He declared it one night while we worked together. I am over the moon.
Of course, our relationship will never be allowed by the authorities, so I can’t say anything. Elsa already questions where I go every night, and I can only assume she is fishing for information.
I cannot trust her.
The new patient is a child rapist. Can you believe it? Someone who enjoys raping children. It took almost two years to catch the man and he simply claimed insanity and landed up here.
Hans says someone like Mitchell Lee is not curable. Anyone that hurts children is not. When we spoke about him, we discussed how we would feel if it was our children. Although it was a gruesome topic, the idea that he thought of ‘our children’ set my heart fluttering.
Hans and I agree that Mitchell Lee cannot be allowed to continue to rape children. If he gets out, he will simply do it again. He isn’t insane, he is a monster. My Hans is going to make sure that Mitchell Lee never takes another child’s innocence. I am just waiting for him to get the approval from the head doctor before I bring Mitchell Lee down for his surgery.
03 December 1970
Hans and I are busy with a cure for homosexuality. I have read his work and it makes so much sense. I used to think that homosexuality was a choice, but actually, after reading Hans’ paper, I understand it is simply a miscommunication in the brain. If you can demonstrate to the brain that it is simply mistaking a fetish for a lifestyle, then you can ‘rewire’ it, so to speak, and the person is no longer homosexual.
Hans explained how he cured a few men this way. It involves corpses, which to me seems logical. Nobody gets hurt. Hans is an absolute genius.
I will bring down some of the homosexual patients to Hans’ for curing once we have finished with Mitchell Lee, who I will move once I start my new shift on Block E. I have been temporarily assigned to work with Elsa while her assistant nurse is off sick. Elsa bores me now. She questions everything I do and I have even found her following me around.
Hans says I cannot trust her. He is sure that Elsa is working with Dr Wellbottom to discredit my love’s work. He has worked with Wellbottom before and apparently it didn’t end well. Hans says it ended in a hellfire and I can believe him. I have seen Wellbottom watch us and have to be careful not to let my feelings show.
I don’t know if Hans is aware that Wellbottom is watching us. I assume so. Sometimes he looks up at him with such fear that I know Wellbottom can only mean bad news for us. He is waiting for us to slip up, to make an error, so that he can have Hans fired. I don’t know if he will have me fired as well, but if Hans leaves, I will leave as well. We are destined to be together.
We spent the evening having supper again and we kissed a few times. It was magical. I love the taste of him on my lips. He tastes like smoke, like fire. He says he doesn’t smoke, but I can taste the bitterness on his tongue.
This week we will start on Mitchell Lee. If Hans can’t get proper approval we are going to do this under the cover of darkness. It has to be done.
We need to protect the children.
10 January 1971
I have been back on Block E for several weeks now. We have a new doctor, Dr Reed, who likes to keep all patients sedated.
Hans claims that the hospital thinks that John, our first patient, escaped. They are embarrassed and don’t like to admit that experiments are done here. I sighed and he agreed with me; these idiots just don’t understand the genius that Hans is and don’t offer him the support he needs.
As a result, Dr Reed is not aware that John was part of an experiment and is under the impression he escaped. This makes him strict about when and where patients are, and makes it difficult for me to get Mitchell Lee to Hans. I have to get him to Hans. I need to do it for everyone’s safety.
I spoke to Hans about it and he promised to arrange for someone to assist me, a patient from another Block that he has a good relationship with. She is a self-check-in and he promises I will be absolutely safe.
He will let me know what night we can do it, and then I must act quickly. We have to complete the surgery and have Mitchell Lee back in his room before anyone notices.
13 January 1971
Hans came to my rooms in the early hours of this morning. I was excited to see him, but he was there purely on business. He let me know that tonight was the night we would deal with Mitchell Lee.
He explained how two of his friends would get Mitchell Lee out and lead him to the basement where I was to be prepared with a rag filled with chloroform to knock him out. I was scared and excited all at once.
After the long day was over, I was in position and I waited with bated breath for what felt like hours. I wondered if perhaps Hans’s friends had run into some trouble. Then I heard Mitchell Lee’s voice coming down the corridor, teasing and cooing at someone. Clara. He called her Clara. I wanted to peek out and see who was helping Hans, but I didn’t want to give my position away. Hans was in the operating room waiting for me and I didn’t want to mess this up.
A little gi
rl flounced into the room and looked up at me with wide eyes. I had seen her before, in the corridors of the hospital. She is a patient here. She continued into the room, towards the laboratory with Mitchell Lee following behind her. He didn’t pause to look at me; his hungry lust-filled eyes were focused on the short skirt she wore or perhaps it was the anticipation of what was under the skirt that excited him.
I did exactly as Hans instructed me to. I quickly put the cloth over his mouth and nose and held onto him for dear life. He struggled, but a few short breathes of the chloroform and he was out cold. I let his body drop like a ton of bricks to the floor, not caring if he got injured in the process.
I looked up, but the little girl, Clara, was gone and standing in her place was Hans. He asked me to be quick and helped me get Mitchell Lee onto the gurney. We wheeled him into the laboratory and Hans immediately began to work, with my assistance, of course.
There will be no documenting on this night. We were doing a service to the community, to the world, and when we were done I quickly wheeled Mitchel Lee back up to his room and rolled him onto his bed.
I placed his scrotum and penis in his hands, making it look like he ripped them off himself, and left him to bleed to death.
14 January 1971
A breathless Elsa woke me up this morning. Dr Reed wanted to see me immediately. A patient was dead in his room. A lump formed in my throat. I did not feel guilty, only worried that we would be prevented from being together, or doing greater work together, because Wellbottom or one of the other doctors had seen us.
Asylum Box Set Page 10