by A. m Madden
During it all, besides putting on such a spectacular act, I needed to keep repeating over and over it was just a blip of time. It was the same claim she’d made after Cannon’s offer. Just a blip of time.
Come tomorrow, Alivia would be boarding a flight, and I wouldn’t be seeing her off. On her insistence, our goodbye would happen tonight and not curbside at JFK Airport. In hindsight, I now agreed with her reasoning. But I wasn’t sure I’d still feel the same in the morning.
Pushing all that out of my head, I gave the suite one more glance before checking the time. I knew that Alec had already picked her up, and she was due to arrive any second. Unlike our last time in a subpar hotel, we would be spending our last night at the Plaza. After a romantic dinner, I’d be making love to her all night long. We wouldn’t check out until we absolutely had to the next day. After hearing my plan, Trey hadn’t dared cockblock me.
The candles were lit. The rose petals were scattered. The table was set for a dinner that would be delivered later. The tub was filled. There was only one thing left to do… wait. Back and forth, I paced the room until a knock sounded.
“Hey,” I said as I yanked open the door. She always made shorts and a T-shirt look fucking amazing. Her tanned legs called to me, and her wildly wavy hair begged for my hands. I refrained… tonight wasn’t just about sex.
“Hey,” she repeated with a smile. “The Plaza, huh?” I had refused to give her a clue as to where we were going.
“Yeah… I want to erase our last hotel experience.” For many reasons.
When I moved aside to let her in, she swirled in a circle, appreciating what I had done. “It’s all so pretty. Reminds me of prom night.” That night seemed an eternity ago. “You’re so romantic.”
I stepped closer with open arms, and when she moved right into them, I kissed the top of her head. “I can be. I wanted to make this special. Being apart will be pure torture for me.”
“For me too.” She pressed herself closer, and we stood that way for a long time. Wrapped around one another, lost in our own sad thoughts. The need to override that sadness forced me to pull away.
“Dinner will be here at eight. Do you want to take a bath with me?”
Her pretty eyes widened. “Yeah, I would.”
Arm in arm we walked into the bathroom and to the large tub already filled with a steamy bubble bath. We then undressed slowly, each watching the other quietly. I watched her pull those waves into a sloppy bun on the top of her head. I then closed the distance to kiss her like my life depended on it before lifting her into the tub and following right behind.
She settled against me, her back to my chest. My arms immediately snaked around her body, our legs entwined beneath the balmy water, and her hands slowly caressed my thighs.
I kissed a path along her neck to her earlobe, before whispering, “I’m excited for you.”
“Thank you,” she said, pressing my hand between both of hers. “That’s how I felt when you got Cannon’s offer.”
“I know you did… and I get it now. I get what you were trying to tell me that I stubbornly refused to hear.” Her head twisted until our eyes met. “I don’t want you to have regrets either. I want you to find something to love, something apart from me and my world.” When a small smile played on her lips, I kissed her. “I love you, Liv.”
“I love you too,” she responded in a raspy whisper. Our love wasn’t the issue… I just hoped it was enough.
“Do you know what I want from you now?”
“Anything,” I easily responded.
“Make love to me.” My hands needed no more than that to mold over her breasts, and she arched her back, pushing herself into my touch.
It would be difficult to take it slow, especially when my hard cock breached the space between us. Determined to, I skimmed my hand lower to caress her with my fingertips. Her moans fed my state, and my moves fed hers. Reluctantly, I pulled my hand away, and she groaned with disappointment.
“Shh, baby… turn around.”
Gently, I helped arrange her thighs on either side of mine. Some warm water sloshed over the sides, and neither of us cared. The only thing I saw was the way she pierced me with her eyes.
Needing to taste those gorgeous lips, I cupped her face and pulled her mouth to mine. One stroke of my tongue against hers caused an erotic moan, and that caused me to grip the base of my dick, prompting her to lower herself over me.
A small gasp escaped her lips as I filled her so perfectly. She rested her hands on my shoulders while she controlled our pleasure with her movements. Slowly, her eyes closed for a few seconds, but when she opened them, the intensity of her stare overwhelmed me.
Her warmth pulsed around my swollen cock. Every plunge caused a new wave of heat to course through me, and it had nothing to do with the water churning around us. My attention fixated on how with each thrust I disappeared in and out of her. Every roll of my hips, every inch of my length, every beat of my heart created such an intense energy below my waist, it bordered on being painful.
Her ice-blue eyes continued to spear right into my heart without apology. Through that stare she further infiltrated my soul, pulling me deeper under the spell she had cast over me since day one.
Alivia reached climax first, and during it she rested her forehead on mine. A guttural groan was my own giveaway as I trembled, speechless from the force of my own release.
That desperation I’d been feeling returned, but worse than ever before and leaving me no chance to brace myself for it. I had no idea how to deal with it. It ripped my heart into pieces, leaving it in tatters in one swift motion. All this occurred as I was still buried balls deep inside my girl.
I wanted to crawl into a hole with her and never leave. Regret, sadness, loss, and confusion further destroyed what was left of my heart, adding a new realization to the mix.
She felt it all too… I could see it in her eyes when she admitted, “Shane, I’m scared.”
“I know, baby. I am too.” Again, we clung to each other, terrified of the changes happening.
As for myself, I couldn’t stop wondering if this separation would be a huge mistake.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Alivia
After one of the most memorable nights of our lives, I cried my eyes out the next morning when it was time to part. I cried when my parents and brother saw me off at JFK. I cried most of the flight. I cried during the drive to my new apartment. I cried when Kim called me to say how proud she was. I crawled into bed exhausted and cried myself to sleep. I cried when I woke in the middle of the night after having had a nightmare that Shane had died.
And then… miraculously, I was all cried out… there wasn’t one tear left in my entire body.
The next day, I woke up in a silent apartment with a spectacular view of Il Duomo outside my bedroom window, engulfed by a new sense of calm. It seemed all my strife was a million miles away. Besides feeling completely lost when it came to my relationship with Shane, my mother and I had fought for the first time in forever. At the last minute, she’d decided she couldn’t watch me go off to a foreign country alone and had booked herself a seat on my flight. I refused to allow her to come, needing to do this on my own.
As it was, she and Dad handled my move to the point that all I had to do was walk into my new apartment with my suitcase and cat. And I appreciated it. Mom thought it would be a good idea to bring her with me, but as Miss Kitty stared at me from her usual spot near the door while throwing dirty looks, I wasn’t so sure.
My parents had secured a fully furnished place with a five-minute walk from NYU’s campus. It was small, and I loved it. I had the sweetest little kitchen opening up to a modest space that served as a living room and dining area. The couch pulled out for my brother to sleep one. The second bedroom had been set up as a guest room / office. My bedroom had a small bathroom attached. The room itself wasn’t large, but the view was amazing.
There was another bathroom that held a small washing machine
and a retractable drying rack… dryers weren’t a thing in Italy. Pathetically, I had to call my mom to get a lesson on doing laundry.
But now it was time for me to grow up a bit. I’d never been alone, ever. My entire life I’d always been surrounded by people, cared for by people. It was both strange and exciting to have this space all to myself, to be on my own.
My first few days were hectic as I ran around registering for classes that had already begun and catching up on the lessons I’d missed. But by the second weekend there, I found my groove and couldn’t be happier. I even began learning Italian and could already get by pretty damn well. My parents and Shane called daily like clockwork, filling me in on things I missed. Shane tried his damnedest to sound upbeat during our calls, but my mom had already told me that he had been miserable.
Typically, Shane’s parents had a huge Labor Day bash at the beach house. This year it also served as a “good luck on tour” party. Lori and Cannon were also there. I was happy they did that to send him off while sad I’d missed it. That would be a common contradiction within me as long as he was there and I was here.
The Wednesday after, Cannon’s band played at the ribbon-cutting ceremony for the hospital wing Jack and Leila had built and dedicated to her mom, Marie. Shane said the event was a big deal, covered on all the news networks, but the best part was being there for his grandfather Anthony.
And then the day we had both dreaded for similar reasons had finally come. September 7… the day Shane and the band kicked off their tour in Portland. He called me once he landed, and to thank me for the gift. I’d had another dog tag added to the one I’d given him for graduation. On it I’d had imprinted a line out of the letter Shane’s mom had left him when she’d died: I’m with you forever in spirit.
Beneath it, I’d had her name added and the day she’d died. The idea had come to me on the flight over to Florence. The message applied to me as well, and I felt it was important to remind him of that.
On that call, I could hear every emotion he’d felt through all the things he didn’t say, and the one thing he did—I love you.
I got it. It was hard to put into words what I’d been feeling as well. We were always great at communicating, especially when our lives were even keeled. These past few weeks I’d discovered that Shane and I had failed in that regard when our relationship was on shaky ground. For the first time we’d truly been tested, and we both hadn’t opened up the way we should have. He’d assumed I knew all that he hadn’t said out loud, and I’d assumed the same of him, while neither of us actually spoke the words.
For obvious reasons, that day had been a difficult one for me. The high I’d been feeling over being in Florence dulled because of the sadness his departure represented. I had to keep reminding myself we were both doing something we wanted to do, and we’d both come out better for it in the end.
Still, the entire situation set me back emotionally for a few days. But today was a good day… my parents and brother were coming to visit.
With Devil’s Lair rehearsals beginning in a few weeks, Mom thought it would be a good time for them all to come see me. She claimed three weeks was long enough to grant my request for space, and they were coming like it or not, leaving me no choice in the matter. I had no issue with it whatsoever. I missed them so much… I even missed my brother, the little shit.
Sitting by my window, I anxiously watched for the car service Dad had hired to pull up. “Any minute now,” I said to Miss Kitty, who sat on my lap. She had finally forgiven me enough to allow contact… plus I’d discovered she loved Italian tuna and bribed her with it often.
The evening we’d arrived, she most definitely wasn’t happy with me and sat by the door, hissing all night. Over the past week, she’d slowly loosened up, becoming more acclimated to our new home, but her attitude would return whenever I left the apartment. The first time I did, one of the throw pillows on my couch had met a tragic death, which forced me to lock her in the carrier to avoid any more decorative murders.
Finally, a sleek black sedan pulled up in front of my building. My brother was the first one out, sweeping his unimpressed gaze around my street. When I saw my dad and then my mom, a lump instantly formed in my throat. “They’re here!”
Miss Kitty hopped off my lap, annoyed at my outburst as I bolted toward my door. It felt like an eternity by the time the elevator doors opened, and when they did, my dad grinned, my brother scowled, and my mom burst into tears.
“Welcome to Florence!” I called out enthusiastically.
“This place sucks ass,” Trestan responded before my parents could. And I couldn’t help but rush down the hall, wrap his body in my arms, and squeeze him to death.
“You could be in school right now,” I reminded him. “You got a vacation out of the deal when all your friends are suffering.”
He pushed out of my grip and scowled. “Yeah… but I have to make up the work plus write a ten-page report about this place.” The little shit shook his head and walked past me, adding, “So thanks for that.”
Although we’d accomplished a lot since my parents and brother had arrived—ate our weight in pasta, toured most of Florence, appeased Trestan with kid-friendly activities, such as a trampoline park, because he was sick of seeing another stupid church—his words, not mine—we blinked and the week was practically over.
It seemed when you wanted time to slow down it stubbornly flew by faster. Their visit went by far too quickly, and today we would end our time together with a drive through Tuscany.
“What’s there to do here?” Trestan asked from the back of the large SUV.
“Admire the scenery,” Mom quipped, exasperated with him. It was rare for me to defend my brother, but this week I thought we all needed to give the kid a break.
“It’s just hills and trees.” His gaze swept over the landscape. “Is there at least a cow or a sheep around? I saw pictures where the sheep walk in the streets like they own them. That would be cool to see.”
“You’ll like the beach we’re going to. It’s mostly made of rocks, not sand,” I said. “And Pisa. It’s where this round building looks like it’s about to fall over. Has been that way for centuries.”
“Seriously?” On my nod he added, “Cool. Maybe it will fall today. That would make a great essay.” As our driver pulled up to the restaurant where we were having lunch, Trestan perked up a bit more. “Can I have my own pizza with any topping I want?”
“Sure,” Dad said, probably to shut him up.
“And a beer?”
“Uh… no,” my mom snapped to shut him up next.
“But everyone does it here,” he whined. “I looked it up. You can drink at fifteen.”
“You’re not fifteen… and you’re getting on my nerves, Trestan,” my father grumbled. Dad’s sense of humor took a hike when it came to alcohol. It wasn’t so much that he worried I would ever abuse the substance, but being that my brother had picked up our dad’s smart-ass gene, I wouldn’t put it past Dad to fear addiction could be something else Trestan picked up.
“Sorry… jeez.”
“Don’t sweat it, dude,” he said, ruffling Trestan’s hair as an apology. “It’s kind of your job.”
Since arriving, Dad had been quiet, and I suspected it had to do with how much he missed me and would again after they left. It also could’ve been that he was out of his comfort zone. We really didn’t need to worry, as not many recognized him. There had been the group of college kids who had and had harassed him into taking a picture with all of them. But for the most part, the looks Dad received were because of his tats and not because of his fame.
When we got out of the car, Mom was forced to scurry after Trestan. I hooked my arm around my father’s, and he smiled down at me. “Italy suits you, baby girl.”
“It does?”
“Yeah. You look happy.”
“Did I not look happy before?” I asked cautiously. I had been proud of myself for hiding my true feelings during their visit.
Strangely enough, except for a text message the day they’d arrived, I hadn’t heard from Shane all week. In it, he said to enjoy our visit, and that he’d be very busy but also didn’t want to intrude on our time.
“Not the past few weeks before you left.” I really wanted to argue that wasn’t true, either, but for the life of me couldn’t. He was right. I hadn’t been happy.
Sensing my pensiveness, he kissed the top of my head. “You had a lot of deep shit on your mind, baby girl. Leaving as you did was the best decision for you.”
“I know. I just wish I was there for Shane when he left, and I don’t want him to think that I selfishly put myself first. He’s been very supportive, but I haven’t heard from him all week. He said he didn’t want to intrude on your visit…” I shook my head in frustration. “Something seems off.” Since our calls could last for hours, I’d accepted his excuse. But when my parents hadn’t mentioned him, either, I grew suspicious. I decided to let it go and would ask Shane what had really stopped him from calling the next time we spoke, until my father appeared as if he had something more he wanted to say. “What?”
Instead of responding to me, he called out to my mom. “Camilla, we’ll be right in.” She nodded before taking Trestan’s hand and disappearing inside the restaurant. My father then took my shoulders in his hands and said, “Your mom and I debated on whether to tell you this.” I could literally feel the blood draining from my face and rush into my heart, forcing it to pump ferociously.
“Dad, you’re scaring me. It’s Shane.” It wasn’t a question, and a nod had me feeling light-headed.
“Livi, he’s fine… but last weekend in Seattle he kind of lost control and got very drunk.”
“How drunk?” My mind immediately assumed that meant he had done something stupid.