by A. Giacomi
I sit between two of the people I care most about in this world. They are in pain, and I am the only one who can make it stop.
I stand to face Agent Williams. “I want you to let these two go. I’m the one you want.”
I feel Alex grab my ankle. I look down at her, and she’s shaking her head. “Eve, you don’t have to do this!”
I shake free of Alex’s hand and walk towards Agent Williams. He looks intrigued.
“I was under the impression that I wanted some girl named Claire. Are you Claire?”
I shake my head. “No, sir. Claire’s dead. I killed her.”
Agent Williams looks confused. “Why did you kill her?”
I take a deep breath before laying all my cards on the table.
“I killed her because she was infected with the Azrael Virus. I was the one that infected her, and unfortunately, she proved to be much more dangerous than I could have ever imagined. I am the one Dr. August has been studying and trying to help, but I guess I’m beyond help.”
Agent Williams signals to his minions. “Restrain her.”
Before they can continue their approach, I tell them, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
The men seem a little afraid. Their fear makes me hungry, even though I just had a rather large meal.
I turn to look back at Agent Williams, who must be watching my fiery eyes because he looks a little afraid himself.
“Agent Williams, I wasn’t finished yet. If you think you can take me without my permission, you must be out of your damn mind! I’m going to come with you willingly. I want to continue my tests with Dr. August, under your supervision, of course.”
Agent Williams looks skeptical. “So you are just going to come quietly then?”
“Yes, that’s the plan. I go with you, and you let these two go. They’re not infected. They just have the misfortune of knowing me. I promise you they won’t tell anyone about what took place tonight. They never even told anyone about me. They are excellent secret keepers.”
From behind me, I hear, “No, don’t!” It’s Alex shrieking. I can see her attempting to get up.
“Eve, why would you want to go with them? Are you out of your mind? Do you know what they’ll do to you?”
I hear the sadness in Alex’s voice, but I ignore it. I know this is the very thing they were trying to prevent, but it is the only alternative I see.
“Al, I need to do this. I need to find out what I really am. Plus Agent Williams can contain me and keep me where I can’t hurt more people. Everyone will be safe again.”
Alex is unsteady on her feet, and I wish she will just give it a rest entirely. My mind is made up.
“Eve, how do you know they won’t use you to hurt others? And forget what they might do for a second. What about us? What about your family?”
My un-beating heart stings as I think of leaving my mother and father. I shed a tear as I think of how they’ll react once they find out I’ve gone missing. I imagine my mother sobbing in my empty room and my father becoming so silent that people will forget what his voice even sounds like. This is the mental picture of hearts breaking. This image angers me, and I end up yelling back at Alex.
“Don’t you think I’ve thought of everything? I know this is best! I have to do this. Don’t think for a second I haven’t thought about you guys. I’m doing this for you. You can have your normal lives back. Be grateful!”
Alex is crying. I don’t really want to leave on bad terms, but it looks as though it is going that route. I look down at Cam, who is unconscious. I am glad I won’t have to say goodbye to him. It would be too difficult. The short time that we shared together is most likely to be the highlight of my life. I will have to hold onto that.
I stare at Alex, knowing this is the last time I will ever see her.
“You will forget me. Forget our history, forget our friendship, and forget my name. I don’t exist. Got it?”
Alex whimpers but manages to get out a few last words.
“Is that what you want me to tell Cam? To tell your parents?”
I ponder this for a moment. “No, tell them the truth… I’m dead.”
Alex sobs harder. I can’t watch. I turn to leave and step over Cam to show Alex that I am truly serious. Our friendship is over; it is for the best. As I leave, I feel Agent Williams and his minions following close behind me.
My face is like stone as Agent Williams points to their vehicle. We walk towards the dark limousine, and he opens the door for me. I step inside readily. He sits across from me in the car and stares at me. I can feel his confusion as well as his eyes on me as we begin to drive away.
“What?” I reply irritably.
“Why are you doing this, Eve? What do you really want?”
I grab Agent Williams by the collar; he is shocked but shows no fear.
“I want to work for you. I want you to give my life purpose again. I will do anything you ask. Just promise me you will leave my friends alone. Let them live their lives in peace, and I will give you whatever you ask of me. Are we clear?”
He smirks and says, “Of course. I’m glad you will join us. This makes my job much easier.”
I know immediately that I hate this man, but whatever chance I have of finding out what I truly am and perhaps finding a cure depends on him.
As we continue driving, I doze off. This is the first time in a long time that I am able to shut my eyes and not worry about the virus. I know that if it acts up, CSIS will be there to take me down. I am no longer a threat. The rest is beautiful in a very literal sense. For the first time since the incident, I am dreaming something semi-blissful.
***
I am sitting in a field of golden wheat on a sunny day. My hair glistens in the sunlight. I see someone walking towards me. The approaching body is out of focus until it comes closer. Coming towards me is Cam. My excitement wills me to rise and run to him. I run through the glittering wheat fields and crash into him. He holds me in his arms so tightly. I sense him sniffing my hair and running his fingers through it playfully. We say nothing, but our smiles say it all. The embrace is warm; it feels so real.
I continue holding him blissfully but feel a chill rising between us. I furrow my brows. Where has Cam’s warmth gone? The body I am holding is unpleasantly cold. I slowly break the embrace and glance up, trying to see his face. His face is frozen in a terrified stare. His skin is now a bluish gray. I shake him, trying to revive him, but his eyes sink back into his head, leaving black holes. His mouth widens, and he shrieks at me. This is not Cam. I fall to the ground, and the horrid monster drags his feet towards me. I am crawling backwards as fast as I can and feel the ground crumbling beneath me. It feels like an earthquake. As the ground shudders, it splits between Cam and me. The crack in the earth swallows Cam, and he falls into the abyss. The crack is getting larger and larger. I try to escape it, but it eventually swallows me as well. I feel myself falling into the darkness and scream as if there is someone who may hear me, but no one will be there to save me.
***
Agent Williams shakes me awake.
“Eve, are you alright?”
I shake him off. “I’m fine. Why do you care, anyway?”
“You were screaming, and I need you to be okay, for testing, that is.”
I think I may have seen a glimmer of kindness from Agent Williams. Does he actually care about me? I shrug it off. Most likely he is hoping his lab rat won’t die on him before he can administer some tests. I should be very cautious with this man; he has a lot of power.
“Agent Williams, I’m fine, just a bad dream. I have had many of those lately. You’ll get used to it, and perhaps you can study them as well.”
The limousine stops, and I find myself feeling anxious about what my future will look like in this private camp. Will I be tortured or treated with respect? Either
way, I chose this fate, and I have to live with it.
The car door opens, and another agent greets Williams. We both step out of the car into a very white parking lot. It looks like the ceilings are made completely of lights. Blinding lights actually. Do they really need it to be this bright? I squint as I follow the agents through a sliding doorway.
We walk through the winding hallways until we reach a metal door. Agent Williams scans his ID card, and I follow him inside. This is a door to a gigantic laboratory. It is a scientist’s playground.
As I scan the room, I see something familiar, and I am so grateful I can cry.
“Dr. August!”
I run over to him, and despite the nurse tending to his wound, I hug him as hard as I can. He squirms in pain, but his eyes are content. He is happy to see me, but there is also an air of concern in his body language. He knows what I am giving up to be here. He pats my hand, trying to comfort me. This gesture is more appreciated than he knows.
I feel Agent Williams behind me.
“You will be working with Dr. August. I thought that someone familiar would increase testing productivity since you already have a rapport with him.”
I am more than happy about the arrangement than I let on. I don’t want Agent Williams to see my jubilation, so I simply nod.
“Good, glad you’re on board. Testing begins tomorrow. Let me show you to your sleeping quarters.”
I wink at Dr. August, who gives me a brief smile as I exit.
I’m following Agent Williams for what seems like an eternity. Every hallway looks the same. They are dim with many doors. There are red beams of light on the floor that give this place a spaceship feel. I don’t care much for the colour red anymore. When we reach my room, I am standing in front of a white door with the number eleven on it.
“This is to be your room, Eve.” He allows me to enter first.
The room is very sterile. Every wall and even the floor are white. My bed is small but seems to be comfortable when I sit on it. There is a small night light and a book shelf. I go over to the shelf and glance at the titles. There’s a little Shakespeare, Byron, Hemingway, Woolf, and then Stephen King? An odd assortment, but I will most likely read any of them.
I notice a small door next to the bookshelf. Inside is my bathroom. As expected, it is also white. There is a shower, toilet, and sink, but no mirror. This is feeling more like a prison cell than a bedroom. I know why they don’t have mirrors in prison—it’s so people won’t smash them and kill themselves with the shards or try and attack others with the glass. Glass is a weapon for the desperate.
My first question is an obvious one. “Why can’t I have a TV?”
Agent Williams laughs at my observation. He laughs like such an a-hole!
“Part of the experimentation process is removing you from all outside stimuli. They may distract you, and we need you focused at all times. A clear mind makes for a successful test subject. There are books for your entertainment. Studies have shown them to increase brain function. Television, not so much.”
I silently mimic him and make faces as he looks through my little library.
“Agent Williams, what is your first name? I’m getting awfully sick of calling you that, and since we’ll be working together for an indefinite amount of time, wouldn’t it be nice to be on a first-name basis?”
Agent Williams raises an eyebrow. “No. I like to keep things professional. The only people in here that know my first name are my superiors, and even they don’t call me by my first name. You will continue to call me Agent Williams.”
I stick my tongue out at him.
“Very mature. I will take my leave so you can get some rest. See you in the morning.”
He shuts the door behind him, and I hear a click.
I wait five minutes after he leaves and then decide to check the door handle. I want to know if I am as free as they have led me to believe. I turn the handle slowly and then realize I can’t turn it any further. I push on the door. It’s locked. So this truly is my prison cell. Not very hospitable. I will have to mention it to Agent Williams in the morning. I growl and then throw myself onto the bed.
I lay there thinking of the people I love and if they’ll manage without me. My thoughts automatically go to my mother. She will be devastated. How can I do this to her? I choke back tears as I pull the locket out of my shirt so I can look at it. In my head, I keep telling myself that this is the right thing to do, but my stomach is still full of regret.
I don’t think I will be able to sleep. I feel much too guilty and depressed. While I lay there feeling sorry for myself, I hear a hissing sound. I glance around and notice a gas entering the room from the floor. It is moving quickly. I stand on the bed looking around. I am cornered; there is nowhere to escape to.
“What the fuck is this shit?” I yell into the mist as I choke on it.
I start to lose control of my body, and I goes limp. The last thing I see before closing my eyes is Cam’s smiling face.
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
ALEX
As I sit there watching over Cam, I don’t know how I will find the strength to tell him the truth. I don’t want to believe it myself. We failed to protect her. She walked right into their hands and out of our lives.
“How could you, Eve?” I whimper.
“What’s that, Al?”
Oh shit, he is coming to.
“Take it easy, Cam. You won’t feel too great at the moment.”
He rubs his face and slowly tries to sit up.
“What happened? My head is spinning.”
“You were tasered by those asshole agents.”
He looks around, and his eyes go wide. He tries to stand but is still too disoriented.
“Where’s Eve? We need to find her.”
He keeps trying to stand, but I grab his arm and pull him back to the floor. This is going to be difficult.
Damn you, Eve, for leaving me with all the dirty work.
“Cam, she’s gone.”
Cam looks stunned but undaunted. He clearly doesn’t understand me.
“I know she’s gone. We need to go get her! We can’t waste any time!”
I start sobbing again. I can’t help it.
“No, Cam, she left with them. She chose to go with them. She wanted to keep everyone safe, and she hoped they would quarantine her or something.”
Cam still looks confused. He doesn’t want to believe me, but this isn’t a lie or a joke. These are the facts.
He begins to yell at me. “Al, why didn’t you stop her? How could you just let her do that! They’re gonna kill her!”
I can feel his pain. The ache in his voice is choking me. There’s nothing positive I can say, so I stay quiet and let Cam get it all out.
Cam smashes a lamp on Dr. August’s desk before continuing his rant.
“Damn that piece of shit Claire. It’s all because of her! She wanted to get rid of everyone I cared about. Before she took me, she killed Mark. I saw him die, Al. That bitch didn’t want me to have any friends left. And now because of her, Eve is gone too. I have nothing now! Nothing!”
I am crying so intensely that it’s hard to catch my breath. It’s a wonder I get the next few words out.
“You have me.”
Cam looks at me with tears in his eyes. He comes over to me and hugs me so violently that I fear I may break in his arms.
“I’m so sorry, Al. Of course, I have you. I didn’t mean… I’m just...” He sighs in frustration.
“It’s okay, Cam. I know you’re hurting. I’m hurting too. I wanted to help her so badly. Now we’re never going to see her again.”
My voice cracks. This is a very harsh reality to swallow. My best friend all these years is gone, forever. Who am I going to talk about boys with? Surely not Cam! Who is going to come shopping with
me? Who is going to scream like an idiot when N*SYNC finally does their comeback tour? These are all stupid things, of course, but it’s the little things that make up a friendship. It is as if I have lost a part of myself.
“Alex, you’re bleeding.”
I look down at the wound in my thigh. “Oh yeah.” I am so distraught I forgot about the pain in my thigh. Cam puts his arm around me and helps me limp towards the door.
“Come on, Al. I’m gonna get you to a doctor.”
I’m not sure I need one, but then again I have never been stabbed before, so what do I know? I hold onto Cam. The pain in my heart makes it harder to walk than the wound in my leg.
As we limp away, I ask Cam to fill me in on what happened with Claire. I want to think about something else for the moment.
We both find joy talking about Claire’s demise. She wasn’t very pleasant as a human and even less so as a zombie. The details are gruesome, especially the part about Mark’s death, and although it is painful to hear, it’s better to get it all out.
Cam puts me into the passenger side of my car and then hops in on the other side. He is very quiet on the ride to the hospital. I have a feeling he may never be the same again. I watch his face as we drive. His expression goes from anger to sorrow over and over again. He slams his fist on the steering wheel a few times, and I don’t bother asking him what that is about. I know it hurts. His girlfriend, his best friend, left without so much as a goodbye. I know that this will haunt him for the rest of his life. He will always wonder why, and he will always wonder where she is. I just hope he won’t try to go looking for her; it will only lead him to dead ends and more pain.
While in the car, I think I see Cam wipe away some tears streaming down his cheek, and that says it all. He isn’t ready to let Eve go, not now, not ever.
TWO YEARS LATER...
CAM
I drive up to her house and park out front. I’m having trouble finding the strength to go inside. This house is full of amazing memories and painful ones.
The clock in my car says 2:15 pm.
“Holy shit! I’ve been sitting out here for forty minutes?!”