His expression turned serious. “When you’re getting shot at, your brain focuses on the most important facts. What I focused on was how empty my life would be if I lost you.” He ghosted a hand over her hair. “Maybe it’s too soon to say this, but I know from my mother’s death that tomorrow could be too late.”
Her heart seemed to stop beating as his gaze skimmed over her face before he continued. “I want to see you every day and sleep beside you every night. I want to make love to you in every room in your apartment and my penthouse and anywhere else we feel like it.”
Dawn started to say she was good with that program, but he laid a finger across her lips. “I want to go back to Carmella’s and eat a whole dinner there with you. I want to take you to my favorite restaurant in Paris. I want to learn what movies and books you like, what TV shows you hate, what you like to cook. I want to wake you up in the middle of the night when I miss my mother. I want to comfort you when you feel a panic attack rising. I sure as hell want to make sure you never get shot at again.” He bent down to kiss her slow and deep.
Her heart began to dance, skipping around in a fluttery, exuberant rhythm as his lips moved over hers. He lifted his head, locking his gaze with hers before he said, “I want to love you, Dawn.”
“I want you to love me.” She summoned up all her courage to say, “Because I love you.” It was hard to form those words because she’d been hiding them from herself, so she tried again. “I love you. A lot.”
He gave a short, triumphant laugh. “I wasn’t sure. You don’t give much away. But I hoped, especially after you told me about what happened to you. I thought that meant something.”
She combed her fingers through his soft hair. “It meant so much. I told you the ugly truth about me and you didn’t run away.”
“There is nothing ugly about you,” he said, feathering his fingertips over her face so that tendrils of delight rippled over her skin. “Something ugly happened to you. It’s a very important distinction.”
“You’re helping me to understand that.”
“Even more important is that you turned the ugliness into good. You taught other women how to defend themselves so they could avoid the horror you lived through. You saved Alice’s life. Hell, you saved our lives.”
“We saved our lives. It was mutual.” She pulled his head back down to kiss him. She couldn’t get over the wonder of being loved by this brilliant man who believed she was just as brilliant as he was, in her own way. And now even she was beginning to believe it.
When they finally came up for air, Leland stroked his hand down her back to squeeze her butt. “You can’t tell a man you love him and then refuse to make love with him.”
“But your arm!”
“Exactly! Shouldn’t getting shot while saving your life earn me some significant gratitude?” He raised his eyebrows while giving her a hot smile.
“Okay, but if you bleed to death, don’t blame me.” She ran her palms down his chest to untie the cord of his sweatpants.
He slipped his hands up under her shirt. “At least I’ll die a happy man.”
Epilogue
Six months later
“Hard forward!” their guide, Boof, shouted. “Dig in! This one’s gnarly!”
Leland wedged his feet more firmly under the raft’s side and shoved his paddle deep into the madly frothing water before hauling it back. The bow of the craft rose up as it hit the standing wave and then plunged down the other side like a roller coaster.
“Wahoo!” Tully yelled as frigid water crashed over them. The other side of the raft rode up over a rock so that Derek was tilted upward and nearly toppled down on top of Leland, but then the boat righted itself and settled into surfing the cascading waves.
“Back right!” Boof yelled.
Leland back paddled with all his strength to keep the boat going straight as they headed for a drop. When they hit the lip, they seemed to hang in the air before the raft smashed down into the crazed waves tossing foam at the foot of the falls.
Somehow they got through without flipping or without anyone going overboard.
“Take a break and give me a high paddle,” Boof said. “You just made it through Knock Your Socks Off rapids and over Ballistic Falls.”
Leland laughed at the dramatic names and raised his paddle to tap it against those of his fellow rafters.
“That was a hell of a ride.” Derek’s voice held the same exhilaration sparking through Leland.
“We can do it again,” Boof offered. “There’s a takeout not far from here and we could portage back up.”
Tully surprised Leland by saying, “Nope, let’s keep going.”
“What’s with that, Gibson?” Leland asked. “You’re usually all about the thrill ride.”
“I’m gettin’ hungry,” Tully said from the bow. “Time to get to camp and have me some venison.”
“Okay, guys, this is a calm stretch. I’ll steer, you rest,” Boof said.
Leland pulled his feet out from under the raft edges and shifted to sit on the inflated thwart that crossed the rubber craft, his paddle resting across his knees. He scanned the riverbanks, admiring the wild forest rising from their rocky soil. He blinked in the slanting late afternoon light that glinted off the water carrying them swiftly toward their camp. His gaze pulled in to rest on the men with him, their scruffy but so-familiar faces framed by helmets and reflecting the same sense of peace and wonder he felt. “I never thought I’d say this, but I’m almost sorry it’s our last day on the river.” Except that Dawn’s absence was a continual ache in his chest.
“Ha!” Tully said. “Told you so!”
Derek laughed. “Yeah, there’s nothing like being dumped in freezing-cold water, bashed into a couple of boulders, dragged back into the boat headfirst, and getting abused for falling out in the first place.”
“An experience we all shared—even Boof,” Leland pointed out, although Derek was the one sporting a black eye to prove it. Leland hoped like hell it would fade before the wedding or Alice would be very unhappy with them.
“Hey, I did it on purpose,” Boof protested. “Solidarity, man.”
“Think of the positives. No need to shave for four days,” Tully said.
“No client meetings and no neckties,” Derek said.
“You get to piss in the woods,” Boof contributed.
Leland chuckled before he said soberly, “No getting shot at by arms dealers”—he glanced over at Derek—“or crazed computer criminals.”
“Yeah, there’s that,” Derek agreed. “And you know a drug cartel won’t come after you here.”
Tully looked over his shoulder. “Hey, I made sure to keep Leland and Dawn out of the official reports. You’ve got to trust me on that.”
“I trust Chad and Vicky’s sense of self-preservation even more,” Leland said. In fact, he trusted Tully, especially as time had passed and no attempts at retaliation had been made.
Movement caught his eye and he glanced up. “Look! Another bald eagle!” He gestured to the huge bird that had just launched itself from a treetop. They’d seen several already but the fierce hook of its beak and the slow power of its wings still made them all watch in awed admiration.
“That never gets old,” Tully murmured, his head tracking the eagle as it winged its way across the river.
“I’m going to say this now in case I get bashed in the head by another rock before we reach camp.” Derek knocked his fist against his helmet. “Thank you for this time. For this experience. For being the two best friends and partners a man could ask for.” He shook his head. “I don’t know how I got so lucky.”
“Group hug!” Boof yelled.
“I think that might capsize the raft,” Leland said.
Tully, however, swung his legs around and enveloped Derek in a bear hug that rocked the boat. “Remember, we’ve always got your back.”
Leland waited until Tully had settled back into the bow before he eased over to wrap an arm around Derek’s shou
lders for a man hug that kept the raft level. “I understand now about Alice. How you feel. I know you’ll be happy so I don’t have to wish you that. Instead I’ll wish you good health and a long life to enjoy it.”
Derek gave him a return squeeze. “Dawn’s an amazing woman. I wish you the same.”
Leland sat back. “I haven’t asked her yet but I’m going to soon. I need to find the right time.”
“Fair’s fair,” Derek said with a grin. “If you want me to wear a wig to help with your proposal, I will.”
“Okay, slackers,” Boof interrupted. “Time to put your backs into it. This next rapids are Class V plus. You’re gonna get rocked.”
An hour later, they drifted down the last stretch of calm water before reaching camp. Tully had involuntarily gone swimming in the last set of rapids and they’d barely escaped flipping the raft, so the run had ended well. Boof congratulated them on being true river men.
When the raft came around a bend, Leland spotted a rocky beach with tents set up on it and four people milling around the orange glow of a fire. His stomach rumbled at the prospect of the venison Tully had mentioned. He would appreciate some dry clothes as well.
When they drew closer, he bent forward to squint at one of the people unfolding a camp table. Joy exploded through his body.
“Good God almighty, that’s Dawn!” he blurted out, his heart doing a backflip.
“And Alice!” Derek said, his face lit with an almost equal joy.
Tully turned around and smirked at them. “You’re welcome.”
Just like that the low-level whine of absence Leland had been feeling through the whole trip went silent and he knew. No more waiting. This was the right time.
“Put your backs into it, boys,” he commanded, digging his paddle into the water. “I need to kiss someone.”
Dawn snuggled in against Leland as they sat in front of the snapping campfire that Tully had built just for them in front of their tent. “I still can’t believe that Tully flew Alice and me out here to meet you guys.” She was so grateful, because Leland’s absence had been a hole in her gut, always there, always throbbing like a wound.
She felt Leland brush a kiss on the top of her head. “Did you enjoy the helicopter ride?”
“Oh my God, yes! Skimming right over the treetops was a rush and a half.” She’d never ridden in a chopper before, so when they’d told her it was the only way to get to this remote site, she’d been a little nervous at first. Especially when she had seen how small the aircraft was.
“I want to bring you back here to go rafting,” Leland said. “I can see you in the bow of the boat, looking like a warrior queen as you challenge the rapids.”
Dawn smiled and patted the hard wall of his chest. “You think I’m way tougher than I really am. But I’d like to try it since you guys had such a great time.”
“Yeah, it was terrific except for one thing. You weren’t with me.”
Happiness surged through Dawn as she looked up into Leland’s face. The reflected flames seemed to dance in his blue eyes. She reached up to run her fingertip over his eyebrow. “I’ve missed touching you.”
He twitched the brow she’d just traced with an expression of dismay. “You missed touching my eyebrows? I was hoping for something a little more, er, significant than that.”
“For that we have to go in the tent. And I’m so ready.”
Leland folded his long legs in and stood, taking her hand to bring her up with him. She started toward the tent that was set away from the main campsite, thanks to Tully’s insistence that they needed privacy. But Leland pulled her to a halt.
“We need to talk about something,” he said.
She looked up at him. The fire painted the elegant planes of his face in warm gold and dark shadow, both of them moving with its flicker. The light ran along strands of his hair as well, picking up gleams of blond amid the brown. “What is it?” she asked, searching his expression for a clue.
He took both her hands in his. She braced herself for some unhappy news because he looked so solemn.
“Remember when I told you all the things I wanted to do with you? Paris, Carmella’s?” He smiled. “And now I’ve added white-water rafting.”
“You’ve added a lot of things and we’ve done most of them,” she said.
“There’s something really big that I want to add.” His grip around her hands tightened and he sank down onto one knee. He brought first one of her hands and then the other to touch his lips, watching her the whole time as he made tingles waltz over her skin and butterfly wings brush against her heart.
“Darlin’, I want to grow old with you.” His voice held a rasp of deep emotion. “Will you do me the honor of marrying me?”
She couldn’t stop staring down at his face because it was so filled with love and tenderness and caring. “Yes! Of course I’ll marry you.”
“Your hands are shaking,” he said, looking down.
“Because I’m so happy. It’s zinging around inside me.” She turned her hands to grab his, trying to pull him up. “Kiss me so you can feel what I’m feeling.” Because it was too hard to find the words to tell him.
“Wait! I want to show you something first.” He bewildered her by reaching into his pocket to pull out his cell phone. She watched in bafflement as he swiped a few times before turning it toward her. “Imagine me putting this on your finger right now.”
She peered at the screen. The photo showed a ring—a large, deep-green, square emerald rimmed with diamonds was set in a wide gold band—nestled in a black velvet box. She touched the screen with one fingertip. “It’s absolutely gorgeous but—” Why did he have a picture of a ring on his phone?
“I bought it for you three months ago.” He kissed her finger just where the ring would go, making her skin shimmer with the feel of his warm lips.
“Three months?! What were you waiting for?” But more joy washed through her because he’d wanted to marry her for that long. And he’d chosen such a glorious ring for her.
“I was waiting for the perfect moment. The one so memorable you couldn’t say no.” He stood up and pulled her into his arms, his tall body a solid, comforting mass. “But being apart from you for this trip showed me that waiting was stupid. Now is the right moment.”
He tilted her chin up with his fingertip. “I love you so much that I know why you were shaking. It’s hard to have that much emotion bottled up inside you.”
She curled her hand around the back of his neck and tugged his head down, needing to feel those warm, firm lips against hers. “Kiss me and we can share the emotion between the two of us.”
“I have a better idea.” He bent and scooped her legs off the ground, the flame in his eyes sending tendrils of electric desire curling through her as he carried her to the tent. “This way you can touch more than just my eyebrow.”
Acknowledgments
The year I wrote this book was a busy one: I renovated and moved into a new house, and my son got married two thousand miles away from home. Both were happy occasions but demanding of time and mental bandwidth. So I am particularly grateful to all the people who let me lean on them in order to bring this story to you, my readers. I’ve been in this business long enough to know how very lucky I am to have such an amazing support network. I sprinkle fistfuls of sparkling appreciation over:
Maria Gomez, my fabulous acquiring editor, who inspires me to challenge myself to reach higher with every book. She also motivates me to improve my wardrobe because she always looks so gorgeous.
Jane Dystel and Miriam Goderich, my incredible agents, who never cease to amaze me with their fierce dedication to making my career soar. I’m not sure what good deed I did in a past life to deserve having them in my corner.
The entire brilliant Montlake team, who takes my pile of pages, turns it into a beautiful, finished book, announces its existence to the whole world in creative ways, and holds my hand in the nicest manner through the whole process. They are all rock stars.
Andrea Hurst, my fantastic developmental editor, who evaluates my work with such intelligence, sensitivity, and finely honed critical instincts. Her judgment is unerring; her understanding vast; her professionalism admirable. Not to mention that working with her is pure pleasure.
Scott Calamar and Claire Caterer, my meticulous, sharp-eyed copyeditor and proofreader, who are my strongly woven safety net. They carefully comb through my story to catch all my “egregious errors” and all my tiny mistakes, so that my wonderful readers don’t get irritated by typos, time-line discontinuities, grammatical awkwardness, or the fact that the color palette of every character’s wardrobe in the entire book was blue and gray.
Eileen Carey, my amazing cover artist, who somehow peers into my writer’s brain and conjures up my vision for my book, only much, much hotter and more exciting. She is truly a wizard of imagination and creativity.
Miriam Allenson, Lisa Verge Higgins, and Jennifer Wilck, my beloved critique group, who are there for me in every way all the time. They listen to my whining and wailing with patience and sympathy. Yet they still tell me what needs fixing in the work. I couldn’t ask for more magnificent friends and fellow writers.
Sally MacKenzie, my ever-faithful RWA conference buddy, who cheered me on through the final frantic days and hours and minutes of finishing this book when the deadline was coming at me like a speeding freight train. She is both motivator and comforter.
Kristen Richardson and all the warm, supportive folks at Jazzercise Verona, who keep this sedentary writer’s body moving and grooving to the music. They get me out of my head and make me so much stronger and more energetic.
Patti Anderson, to whom I dedicated this book, because she was my personal trainer for many years (until she moved to the wilds of Minnesota). She went above and beyond taking care of my body by sharing her hard-earned wisdom about life at times when I desperately needed a lifeline. I will be forever grateful to her for that. (Note: anything I got wrong about personal training in this book is entirely my fault, not Patti’s.)
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