by McKayla Box
“No? You didn't just put my face over yours and load it up?” I ask. “That wasn't you riding him like a cowgirl?” I pull out my phone. “Let's check and see.”
Her eyes go right to my phone and she tries to say something, but nothing comes out.
“Maybe you're right,” I say, opening my phone. “It's hard to believe you hate me enough to both sleep with my best friend's boyfriend and then put my face on your body, right?” I laugh. “I mean, who would do that shit? I'm probably wrong. Let me double check.”
“Don't,” she whispers.
I look at her. “Don't what?”
Her hands are shaking. “Don't.”
“Don't what?” I ask louder. “Don't what, Athena?”
“I did it,” she whispers. “I did everything you just said.”
I march up to her so that we're nose to nose. “A little louder for the people in the back. Or I'll fucking rent the biggest fucking screen I can find and show this fucking thing in the parking lot.” I hold my phone up. “Now or never.”
She stares at me and I see something in her eyes I've never seen before.
Fear.
“I did it,” she says, her voice louder now. She clears her throat. “Everything she just said, I did.”
“One more time,” I say. “So there's no doubt.”
She looks at the ground.
“Right now or I hit play, then rent my big screen for a second showing,” I say. I raise my phone in the air. “Now.”
“I did it!” she says in a loud burst. “I fucking did it, alright? Just like you said!”
I hear “holy shit” and “oh my god” from all different places in the ground.
I bring my phone down and close it. I shove it back in my pocket and turn to my bike.
“I want that video,” she snaps.
“Fuck off,” I say, picking up the bike.
“Then how do I know you won't show it to anyone?” she asks.
I throw my leg over the bike. I look at Bridget. She's staring at me, her mouth open in a tiny circle. The crowd has quadrupled in size since it all started.
I throw my leg over the bike and look at Athena. “You don't.”
FIFTY THREE
I delete the videos as soon as I walk into my living room because I don't ever want to see them again. I drop my bag in my bedroom, strip my clothes off, and walk into my shower. I stand there for a long time, rinsing the day off of me.
When I'm done, I dry off, I pull on shorts and a T-shirt, and grab my phone. I dial a number I haven't dialed in a long time.
“Presley,” my mother says when she picks it up. “This is a surprise.”
“I know,” I say, sitting down on the edge of my bed. “I...I've been busy.”
“I'm sure,” she says. “How are you?”
“I'm okay,” I lie. “How are you?”
“I'm much better hearing from you.”
I swallow hard. “Yeah. Hey, Dad said I should call you and maybe figure out having me come up there during Christmas vacation or something.”
The line buzzes for a moment.
“He told me you weren't very hot on the idea,” she says. “I don't want to force you to come, Presley.”
“You're not,” I tell her. “I...I want to come. Not for like the whole time, but for a few days maybe?”
“I would very much like that,” she says and her voice sounds funny. “When do you want to come?”
The bed squeaks underneath me. “I don't know yet. Maybe I should talk to Dad first? See what he thinks? Then maybe you guys can figure it out? I can talk to him tonight when he gets home.”
“That's fine with me,” she says. “I don't have anything planned. I was hoping you'd change your mind.”
“Okay,” I tell her. “I'll talk to him and then he can call you.”
“That would be great,” she says. “Presley?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you okay? It's not that I'm not thrilled to hear from you or that I don't want you to come to Seattle,” she says. “But this a pretty abrupt change from out last conversation.”
I push the wet hair from my face. “I'm fine. I just thought I should call because it's getting close to break and we have to buy a ticket and all that.”
The line buzzes again for a moment.
“Okay,” she says. “Talk to your dad and then let me know. I'm thrilled that you're coming, Pres. I really am. It'll be so good to see you.”
“Yeah,” I say. “Same.”
We hang up and I toss the phone on my bed. I put my head in my hands.
I'm not sure if calling her is the right thing. I'm not thrilled about going, but I know my dad wants me, too.
And I know, that right at this second, it sounds far better than spending my Christmas break in Sunset Beach.
FIFTY FOUR
My dad calls to say he'll be at the office late. I'm not surprised and tell him that's fine. I also tell him I've talked to my mother and we need to figure out when I'm going. He's surprised, but says he's glad and we'll talk about it in the morning.
I text my mom to tell her that and she responds ten seconds later, telling me that is fine by her.
I'm warming up a piece of pizza in the microwave when the doorbell rings. I ignore it and pull the pizza out and put it on a plate. It rings again.
I sigh and go to answer it.
Bridget is standing there. “Hi.”
“Hi.”
“Do you wanna go to a party?” she says.
It's a weird question, given everything that's happened. “Uh. No, not really.”
“It's kind of for you,” she says.
“For me?”
“People were pretty fired up about...today,” she says. “They wanted to celebrate.”
“Celebrate what?” I ask.
“I don't know,” she says. “What you did. Fighting back. Winning.”
“I didn't win anything,” I tell her.
“I'm sorry, Presley,” she says, tears pushing out of her eyes. “I'm so sorry.”
I lean against the door. “It's okay.”
“I jumped to conclusions,” she says. “I know I shouldn't have believed it. I know that.”
“But you did,” I say.
She nods. “Yeah. I did. And I don't know what I was doing with Kane. He was obviously using me. I just wanted a boyfriend and I chose the wrong one. I was too dumb to see it.”
“You aren't dumb,” I tell her. “You saw what he wanted you to see. And what Athena wanted you to see.”
“It doesn't make it okay,” she says.
“No, it really doesn't,” I tell her. “But I get it.”
“I'm so sorry,” she says. “So, so sorry.”
“Thanks,” I say.
She hesitates, then leans forward and hugs me. I stiffen against her, then wrap one arm around her and pat her back.
She pulls back and wipes at her eyes. “Do you forgive me?”
I think for a moment, then nod. “Yeah. I do.”
She forces a smile onto her face. “Are we cool then?”
I think again for a moment. “I'm not sure.”
Her smile fades.
“You didn't trust me,” I tell her. “You really thought I'd do that. I'm having a hard time with that. I can't just forget that. It can't just go back to the way it was before.”
She blinks, then nods. “Oh. Right.”
“I do forgive you, Bridget,” I tell her. “Really. I'm not mad. I just don't know how to go back to being friends like we were before.”
She nods. “Sure. I get it.”
“It's not that I don't want to,” I tell her. “But I'm not sure I know how to do it.”
She looks at me for a moment, then looks away. Then she turns back to me.
“You wanna try?” she asks.
“What do you mean?”
She takes a deep breath. “I hear what you're saying. It hurts, but I get it. But I don't want to give up on being your friend. I screwed up, s
o I'm the one that has to make the effort. I'm willing to do that. If you'll give me chance.” She pauses. “So what I mean, is do you wanna try being friends again?”
I hesitate, then nod. “Yeah, but I'm not sure what that means. Or how long it'll take.”
“No promises,” Bridget says. “I get it. But let's start now.”
“How?”
“Come to the party with me,” she says. “We don't even have to hang out if you don't want. But just come.”
I don't want to go. I'm really not thrilled with the idea of being looked at anymore than I already have been. And I know it will be awkward with Bridget. I'm not lying about being willing to try, but that doesn't make it any easier to learn to be friends again.
But I also know that I'm going to have to face people again, I'm bored, and I want her to know that I do actually mean it.
“Give me ten minutes to get ready,” I say.
FIFTY FIVE
I need something to calm my nerves when we get to the beach.
The conversation in the car on the way over is stilted and awkward. Neither of us knows what to say and we end up just driving in silence. It's not bad, but it's certainly not what it used to be. When we pull into the lot, Maddie and Gina are already there.
I wish I'd had a drink before I left the house.
Gina holds up a hand as we walk over. “Hi. You came.”
I look at Bridget.
“I told them I was going to try and convince you,” she says.
“We owe you an apology,” Maddie says.
“A really big fucking apology,” Gina says.
I don't say anything.
“We suck,” Maddie says. “We believed it, we turned on you, and we shouldn't have. I'm sorry, Presley. I'm embarrassed.”
“Thanks,” I say.
“I'm sorry,” Gina says. “I feel like an asshole. We fucking blew it and I'm so sorry we didn't believe you.”
I nod. “Thanks.”
We all stand there awkwardly for a moment. It's like with Bridget. I appreciate the apologies and I accept them.
But it's going to be very hard to forget that they didn't stand by me and they thought I was capable of doing what Athena made it look like I did.
Gina hands me a cup. “Rum and Coke. Cool?”
I take it. “Thanks.”
We all stand there, drinking for a minute.
“Well this is super fucking weird,” Gina says.
It breaks the ice and we all laugh.
It feels good to actually laugh.
“Really wanted to see that actual video,” Gina says. “Not gonna lie.”
I shake my head. “It's gone.”
“I told her I knew you'd delete it,” Bridget says. “She didn't believe me.”
“You didn't want to hang on to it?” Gina asks. “For, like, insurance?”
I shake my head again. “No. And I'm not sure I would've hit play if she wouldn't have said no.”
“Why not?” Maddie said. “What she did was horrific.”
I think for a moment, trying to find the right words. “Because, yeah, she fucked me over. No doubt. But should anyone be shamed because they had sex and because it's on video? I don't think so. I mean, I think the act of sleeping with another girl's boyfriend is way worse than the act itself. But everyone would've focused on the fact that she was having sex and acted like that was the bad thing.” I made a face. “I'm so tired of girls being treated like we should be ashamed of having sex. I hate Athena. She's the fucking worst. But I'm not doing that to another girl. Ever. I don't care who it is.”
They look at each other.
“You're better than I am, Presley,” Gina says. “Because I would've played that shit all over the place if she'd done that to me.”
I shrug. “Maybe. And I'm not saying that would've been wrong. I'm sure she'll look to get me back. That's fine. But I'm not doing that to her or anyone else. We can all be shitty to one another in our own way, but girls shouldn't give boys more ammo to treat us like shit.”
“A-fucking-men,” Maddie says.
Bridget puts her arm around my shoulders. “Gina said it and she's right. You're better than we are.”
I don't know if that's true, but I hope they're listening.
Because I mean it.
I wanted Athena to apologize, but I wasn't going to slut shame her.
I don't have it in me.
And it ultimately wouldn't change anything. I know that even though I called her out and she admitted to making the video, there will still be people who think it was real. I'll still be Porn Girl. I'll be the girl on that video.
Just not to everyone.
And I have to be content with that.
“Have you talked to Trevor?” Bridget asks.
I shake my head.
“He's here,” Gina says. “He was looking for you.”
My stomach does a little flip-flop. “If he wants to talk to me, he'll find me.”
“You don't want to talk to him?” Maddie asks.
I shrug. “I'll talk if he wants to, but I don't need to track him down. He was the one who said he was done with me.”
There is a tension that settles in the air. I know what they're thinking. They want to know if I'm going to go to him and try to make up like I'm doing with them.
But I didn't seek them out and I'm not seeking him out.
He broke up with me.
When I didn't do anything wrong.
And I'm not sure we can fix that.
FIFTY SIX
I've been at the party for an hour, pretending to have a good time, when he finally comes to me.
I see him coming up the beach, walking with a purpose, striding across the sand. He's wearing blue shorts and a long-sleeved black T-shirt.
My fingers tighten around the cup as I stand near the fire and wait.
He spots me, lowers his chin, and keeps coming.
He reaches me and stands there for a long moment, staring at me, his head tilted to the side, like he's trying to figure me out.
I stare back.
“I wanna talk,” he says.
“Good for you,” I say.
He starts to say something, then stops himself. He looks down at the sand for a second, then back at me. “Can we talk?”
“My mouth is working,” I say. “Yours seems to be. I think that means we can.”
He shoves his hands in his pockets. “I'm serious, Presley.”
“So am I.”
I'm angry with him. He didn't believe in me. He didn't trust me. He thought I was capable of the worst possible act. He was the one I trusted the most, the one I knew would have my back.
But I was wrong.
He takes a deep breath. “I'm trying here. Can we please talk?”
I can't put it off forever, so I nod.
We walk away from the bonfire and I know everyone standing there is watching us leave, wondering what's going to happen next.
Same.
We walk up the sand a ways until we're past the hump and near the point. There are a few scattered people around, but for the most part, we're alone.
My stomach knots.
“I saw the video,” he says finally, as he comes to a stop. “The one of Athena.”
“Okay,” I say.
“Why didn't you tell me?”
“Tell you what?”
“That it was all a fake,” he says. “That it wasn't you.”
“I actually fucking did,” I say. “You just didn't listen to me.” I shake my head. “You didn't believe me.”
“I'm sorry,” he says.
“Thanks,” I say. “And just so you know. The video of her was fake, too. I made it using the same app she used to create the one of me.”
He looks at me. “What?”
“The same app she used to create the video of me and Kane? I used it to make the video of her apologizing and admitting what she'd done.”
He thinks for a second. “Why didn't she tell anyone
that?”
“Because she actually did make the fake video of me,” I say. “All I did was create a video that had her say what she should've said. I threatened to show the real video of her and Kane. There was nothing for her to do. Because what she said in the video I made was the truth.”
He shakes his head. “That's fucking crazy. And I heard you threatened her. I woulda thought you would've played it.”
“I didn't need to,” I say.
He shuffles his feet in the sand. “I'm sorry, Pres.”
The wind pushes off the water and I brush the hair from my face. “Me, too. Me, too.”
“I should've believed you,” he says. “It just seemed so real. You were...there. I didn't know what to think.”
“And I guess that's the problem, isn't it?” I say.
“What do you mean?”
“You didn't know what to think,” I tell him. “That it didn't even really occur to you that I never would've done that. And no matter how much I denied it, you didn't want to hear it. You were certain it was me.”
He hesitates, then nods. “Yeah. I guess so.”
The wind comes up again and I wrap my arms around myself.
He steps closer to me. “I'm really sorry. I thought you cheated on me. And it broke me.”
I look at him. “I wouldn't do that to you. Ever.”
“I know,” he says.
I laugh and shake my head. “But you don't. Because if you did, you would've listened to me. You would've at least given me a chance. Brett was the only that one believed me.”
He nods slowly. “I know. He told me from the start he didn't believe it. I got pissed at him, too.”
“He helped me,” I tell him. “He helped me figure out what happened.” I pause. “And that should've been you, Trevor.”
He looks away from me, toward the water.
My stomach is one giant knot.
And my heart hurts.
Trevor looks at me again. “Can you forgive me?”
I nod. “Yep. Same as Bridget and Gina and Maddie. I can forgive them and I can forgive you.”
He watches me. “But?”
The wind rushes up again and I push my hair off my face so he can see me. “But I don't think we can go back to the way it was.”
His mouth sets in a firm line. “Why not?”