by Eva Shepherd
He picked up his own teacup, then returned it to the side table. ‘It hardly matters, does it? I asked her to marry me, she said no, that’s the end of the matter.’
Amanda took another sip of her tea, put the cup back on the table, and sat up straighter, staring firmly at him, as if he was a child in need of instruction. One would think she was the elder sibling about to explain the ways of the world to her younger, less knowledgeable brother.
‘I’ve only known Nellie Regan for a short while, but I think I got to know her quite well while she was doing my hair. And there’s a few things you should realise.’
Dominic sighed in exasperation. It seemed now that his sister was being courted by a duke’s son she had assumed the role of family matriarch.
‘Even in that short time I could tell she is an independent woman and proud of the life she has made for herself,’ Amanda continued, ignoring his loud sigh. ‘But when you proposed to her, it sounds as though you forgot all about that. You effectively insulted her life by assuming she wanted to be taken away from it. That this is what she wants.’ She raised her hands and looked around, to indicate the surrounding drawing room and Lockhart Estate. ‘And you’re surprised that she rejected you?’
‘Well, surely she could see the advantages of living here.’ He followed her example and waved his arm around to encompass the large, elegantly furnished drawing room, the even larger house, which was one of the biggest in Kent, and the extensive lands that surrounded it. ‘And surely she could see how much I was giving up for her. If that’s not an expression of love I don’t know what is. I was prepared to marry an ex-lady’s maid. To give up the possibility of making an advantageous marriage and of elevating the family’s position in society. Instead I was risking our family being further shunned by society. And all because of her. Surely that shows how much I love her.’
Instead of the expected nod of agreement, Amanda’s eyes grew wide and her mouth fell open, before she recovered and quickly shut it. ‘Did you say that to her? Please tell me you didn’t say that to her?’
‘I don’t remember. Yes, I suppose so. Something like that. I wanted her to see how much I was prepared to sacrifice for her. How much I wanted to marry her.’
‘Oh, Dominic. You’re hopeless. You proposed to her by insulting her and the life she had made for herself. Then you went on to further insult her by telling her just how much you were prepared to demean yourself by marrying someone who was once in service. I don’t blame Nellie one little bit for turning you down. You’re a complete snob, Dominic.’
He stared at his sister, too stunned to answer.
It was her time to sigh loudly. ‘You think everyone wants to be rich, everyone wants to be titled, everyone wants to advance their position in society, just because you do. But Nellie wants something different. She’s good at what she does. She’s building up her business and wants to succeed in an area where she excels. She doesn’t care about status and I very much doubt she wants everything handed to her on a platter.’
Dominic needed something stronger than tea if he was to be forced to continue with this infernal discussion. He strode over to the sideboard, poured himself a large brandy from the crystal decanter and took a long, fortifying drink.
‘She made it very clear to me she doesn’t like being treated like a servant, that she expects people to respect her.’ He poured himself another drink and returned to his seat. ‘Well, if she was the wife of a wealthy man, she would never be treated like a servant again. Nor would she be treated like someone in trade. She would get all the respect she deserves.’ Dominic sent his sister a grim smile. He had proven his point.
Instead of accepting that he was right she shook her head slowly, as if surprised by his lack of intelligence. ‘She wants respect for who she is, what she’s achieved, not because of who she’s married to, who her husband is.’
Dominic swirled the brandy round in his glass. ‘Well, if she had married me, that would be who she was, my wife. She’d be Mrs Lockhart and she would get all the respect she deserves.’
Amanda raised clenched hands to the sides of her face and grimaced. ‘That’s not what Nellie wants,’ she said, slowly enunciating each word. ‘She wants to succeed on her own terms. She doesn’t want to get respect through someone else. And all you did was show her how little you respect what she’s achieved, what she’s done with her life. How little you respect her.’
‘That’s not true,’ he said, his voice rising. ‘That’s not true,’ he repeated, his voice lower. After all, he was not arguing with Amanda, just explaining what had happened and why he and Nellie would not be marrying. ‘Of course I respect her. I admire the way she is so independent and so determined to succeed. I admire the way she has made a life for herself, built up a business.’
‘And did you tell her any of this?’
He stared at his sister and she raised her eyebrows, knowing the answer.
‘No.’ He absorbed the implication of what he had just said. ‘You’re right, Amanda. They are qualities I admire about her. If she wasn’t independent, if she wasn’t doing things her own way, then she wouldn’t be the Nellie I fell in love with.’
His sister sat back in her chair, picked up her teacup and smiled in satisfaction.
‘Nellie’s business is important to her,’ Dominic said as much to himself as to his sister. ‘Succeeding is important to her.’ He looked over at Amanda. ‘But if she doesn’t want my money, my houses, my estate, then I have nothing to offer her.’
Amanda’s eyes grew wide again and she looked as if she was tempted to throw her cup at him. ‘Dominic, you are hopeless. You have something very important you can offer her. Your love. If you love Nellie Regan, then that is what you should have told her. You should have told her why you loved her. You do love her, don’t you?’
He flicked his finger against his brandy balloon.
Wasn’t that obvious? Hadn’t he already said that?
‘Well?’
‘Yes, of course I love her. With all my heart.’
‘And do you want to live without her?’
‘No, of course I don’t.’
‘And do you want to marry her?’
‘Yes, of course I do. I’ve already asked her and been turned down.’
‘Well, ask her again. And this time tell her how much you love her. Let her know all the things about her you love, all the reasons why you fell in love with her. Even a dunderhead like you must be capable of doing that.’
He stared at his sister. She glared back at him, her expression uncompromising. ‘What’s the problem, Dominic? Are you too proud to ask again? Are you too proud to admit you got it wrong and your last attempt at proposing marriage was worse than bad, it was awful? If she had said yes to that preposterous proposal, she would have been saying yes to your homes and your money, she would be agreeing to a business proposition, not a marriage proposal, not a declaration of love.’
He continued to stare at Amanda, weighing up her words.
‘So, this is what you are going to do. You are going to go back to London and you’re going to propose to Nellie again. And this time you’re going to do it properly.’
Dominic drew in a deep breath, exhaled slowly, then smiled at his sister. ‘How did someone as young as you get to be so clever?’
Her glare turned into a gratified smile. ‘Oh, it’s very easy to be clever when it’s someone else’s love life you’re trying to sort out. Now off you go.’
Dominic stood, kissed his sister on the top of her head and departed for London.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Nellie knew what she had to do, but was unsure how she was going to do it. What do you say to a man who you’ve told you don’t want to marry and you never want to see again? How do you say that, um, you’ve changed your mind, and if he’s still interested, then, yes, you would like to marry him after all?
Should
she write him a letter? Spill out her heart on paper? Should she take the train down to Kent and burst into his home, or should she lurk about outside his town house and wait till he came up to London so she could accost him? None of these options seemed particularly appealing as all of them involved Nellie admitting she was wrong, something she was unfamiliar with doing.
But she had to do something. She had to let him know how she felt. Of all the options she had available, writing a letter seemed like the least difficult to do. Well, it was the easiest from an organisational point of view, but it was hardly easy. Seating herself at the counter, she placed a clean white sheet of paper in front of her, uncapped a bottle of ink and dipped in her pen. Then she stared at the blank page, her pen poised above it, her mind equally blank.
Why was this so hard? All she had to do was tell him how she felt. She wrote Dear Dominic at the top of the page, then stared at it. Should she have started with My Dearest Dominic? Yes, that would be better.
She screwed up the piece of paper and threw it on the floor, took another one from the pile and wrote My Dearest Dominic.
Then what?
She chewed the end of her pen. Suddenly, the idea of lurking outside his town house or surprising him by turning up unannounced at his estate was becoming more appealing.
The bell above the door rang. ‘I’m sorry, we’re closed, you’ll have to...’ She looked up and the words died on her lips. ‘Dominic. I was just...’ She looked down at the page bearing just three words, then looked at the man standing in the doorway. ‘What are you doing here?’
He stepped into the shop, closed the door, then stood in the middle of the room looking uncharacteristically awkward. ‘Nellie, can I have a few minutes of your time to talk to you?’
Nellie nodded, climbed down off the stool and went around to the other side of the counter. It looked as if Dominic had made the decision for her. She did not have to write him a letter or stalk him in London or Kent. She could now tell him in person how she felt. She clasped her hands together, then released them. It was now her turn to feel uncharacteristically awkward, to be uncharacteristically tongue-tied.
But they could not just stand in the middle of the shop, staring awkwardly at each other.
‘Please, come through to the back room, it’s more comfortable there.’ Her voice came out surprisingly calmly, despite the frantic words spinning round in her head. Words that she was going to have to get into some sort of order before she would be able to say them to him.
He followed her through to the parlour. She took a seat, but he remained standing, so she stood up again. ‘Please, Nellie, sit down.’
Nellie sat and gestured to the other armchair. He sat down, then immediately stood up again, so Nellie followed his example and also stood. Now they were standing in the parlour staring awkwardly at each other instead of in the shop. It wasn’t much of an improvement.
Nellie knew she should say something. She just wished her brain, which could be so quick when she was being rude to people, could be just as quick when she was trying to tell the man she loved how she felt.
‘I came to apologise,’ he finally said, breaking the awkward silence. ‘I believe I insulted you the last time we spoke and I’m profoundly sorry for that.’ He paused, looked down at his hands, clenched in front of him, then back up at Nellie. ‘No, that’s wrong. I did insult you the last time we spoke and for that I am profoundly sorry.’
‘No...’ she shook her head ‘...you have nothing to apologise for.’
His face scrunched up into a pained expression and he closed his eyes. He opened them and took in a deep breath. ‘I’m doing all this wrong again and sounding pompous. I had a speech prepared and now that I’ve started to say it, I realise it’s not what I want to say at all. All I really want to do is tell you how I feel, what’s in my heart.’
‘Oh?’ Nellie gasped.
He turned his hands palm upwards. ‘I love you, Nellie. It’s as simple as that. I think I fell in love with you that first time I saw you in the servants’ hall at Hardgrave Estate. I know you were making fun of me, but you were so funny and so risqué. How could I not be captivated? I knew I should have been offended, but if anything I was envious of all the servants who were watching you, laughing and enjoying themselves. I also envied the man who would some day have you in his life, a woman who could make him laugh and make him laugh at himself.’
‘Oh?’ Nellie repeated, still tongue tied.
‘Then my love continued to grow. When we spent those days together in your room, despite my pain I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt so comfortable, so at home. But I’d also never met a woman who affected me so deeply. And I don’t just mean...’ He waved his hand in the air, causing Nellie to smile.
‘Oh, you mean that standing ovation you gave me when you saw me in my nightdress.’ Nellie bit her tongue. Once again she’d slipped into being cheeky and now was not the time for that.
He smiled back at her, that lovely smile that lit up his dark eyes. That smile Nellie had feared she would never see again. It seemed her comment hadn’t offended him. It seemed he was telling the truth, he enjoyed being teased by her.
‘Yes, that.’ He laughed lightly. ‘My standing ovation. But it’s not just that you’re the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.’ His face became more serious. ‘And you are beautiful, Nellie, you have a beautiful soul, a beautiful mind.’ He smiled, that lovely warm smile. ‘As well as a beautiful body. And when I finally did have you in my arms, I knew that was what I wanted, what I had to have. I realised I wanted you in my life, that I loved you.’
He looked down at his hands, clasping and unclasping in front of him. ‘Then I made that stupid, clumsy proposal, which you were right to turn down.’
‘Oh, yes, that.’ Nellie nodded. Now was her time to tell him what she felt, but her annoying brain was still blank.
‘I’m not surprised you said no,’ he said before she could formulate the words she was so desperate to say.
‘You’re not?’
‘No. I insulted you with my proposal and I’m sorry.’ He paused and drew in a deep breath. ‘What I should have said was, Nellie, you are a beautiful, clever, talented, funny, delightful and wonderful woman. I admire your talents. I admire the way you have made a successful life for yourself. I admire your way with people. After just one meeting with my sister you transformed her, made her see the joy in life, and that’s what you do with everyone. That’s what you’ve done with me. You make the world a joyful place with your fun and your laughter.’
He looked down, drew in a deep breath and looked back at her. ‘Nellie, I’m sorry I insulted you with my proposal. My mother married for love and I had never understood it. I thought she had thrown away everything she had, but now I realise how wrong I was. When I judged her harshly it was because I didn’t know what love meant. Now that I do, I realise that it is worth more than titles or property. My mother gave up her position in society, but she gained so much more. For you Nellie, I would give away everything, my wealth, my position, even the clothes off my back.’ He shrugged off his jacket and threw it on the chair, then crossed the room and took both her hands in his.
Tears sprung to her eyes and she held her breath as she looked up at his tense face.
‘I know I’m not worthy of you. I know that a man like me has nothing to offer a woman like you. But all I can offer you is my undying love. Nellie, will you let me love you, cherish you, honour you? Will you make me the happiest man who ever lived by consenting to be my wife?’
Nellie nodded quickly, wanting to drive away the anxiety gripping his face. ‘Yes, yes, I will, yes.’
‘You will?’ His eyes grew wide. ‘You will?’
She continued nodding vigorously.
He took hold of her hands, his face no longer tense, his lips and eyes smiling. ‘Oh, Nellie, I love you so much and I will do everythin
g in my power to make you happy. Truly happy. Whatever that takes. I know you don’t want to live at my home in Kent. If you want us to live here, then I’m happy to move in with you. Anything you want is what I want as well.’
Nellie looked up at the ceiling and thought about her small rooms, rooms barely big enough for herself, never mind two people, particularly a man as energetic and vigorous as Dominic.
‘Well, let’s not be too hasty about that. I’m sure I can cope with living in your town house.’ She laughed, her happiness bubbling out of her. ‘Oh, Dominic, we can work out details like that later. As long as I’m with you I don’t care where we live.’
She forced herself to be serious. She had promised herself she would tell him how she felt and now was the time. ‘I have to tell you that I have fallen in love with you as well. I didn’t want to. I tried not to fall in love with you, but I failed, miserably.’
‘Well, I’m pleased there’s one thing you failed at,’ he said, still smiling.
Part of Nellie wanted to just smile and leave it at that, but he had been honest with her, so it was her turn to be honest with him. ‘And I also want to make an apology. I have been rude to you, made fun of you, put you in a compromising position, even caused you to be beaten up...’
‘No, Nellie, you...’
She squeezed his hands and shook her head. ‘I did. And all because I judged you harshly, because you’ve got money, because you mix with aristocrats. I’ve been so rude to you I can’t believe you could fall in love with someone like me. I’m sorry, Dominic, and I promise to try to change, to not be so rude in the future.’
‘No, no, no, Nellie. Don’t change a thing.’ He pulled her hands up to his lips and lightly kissed them. ‘I love your rebelliousness. I love the way you can be so cheeky and, yes, I love the way you can mock people who deserve to be mocked, especially me. I was a pompous buffoon when I met you and you taught me to laugh at myself. Being cheeky when people deserve it is part of your spirited nature, it’s part of what caused me to fall so hopelessly in love with you from the moment I saw you.’