In the days since he’d picked her up from the hospital, he’d focused on work and kept contact with her down to a minimum, figuring that distancing himself from her would be the best way to sow the seeds for their parting. It was working too—the last text she’d sent him, a couple of hours earlier, had very politely asked him to let her know when it would be convenient for her to call him, as she thought they needed to talk. The text also had a sense of apprehension about it that made him ache to take her in his arms and put everything right.
Of course, that entirely depended on whichever definition of right one wanted to use.
Instead, he resigned himself to a one-way journey to the hell of spending the rest of his life alone. He couldn’t be with Stacie because of the risks his work posed to her safety. Any other woman he got involved with beyond a superficial extent would be subject to the same risks…not that he would ever be interested in any other woman that way. If he couldn’t have Stacie, he didn’t want anyone.
This was not what he’d been expecting to be doing just a couple of days before Christmas. The call he was about to make was going to be the hardest thing he’d ever done in his life, harder even than seeing his oldest friend more dead than alive. His bag was packed and by the door—the car would be picking him up to take him to the airport in about ten minutes. After take-off, he’d have seven or eight hours to finish what he’d started and get shit-faced drunk—then he couldn’t think about Stacie and remember what he was about to do to her.
He picked up the phone, knowing it was the last time he’d dial the number that was branded on his heart as much as his memory. He’d rehearsed this moment until he’d almost been physically sick with self-hatred, but there was no other way—he had to protect her and the only way he could be sure of doing that was to make her hate him as much as he hated himself.
Her voice. She called it her telephone voice, so sweet and clear. He swallowed hard. He was about to lose the only thing that would ever mean anything to him—no, not lose, reject.
He had to protect her and this was the only way—by destroying her hopes and her dreams, along with his own. She’d call him a bastard and he’d deserve it. She’d hate him for a while—he deserved that too—and then she’d move on, to some lucky sod who could give her the happiness she deserved.
She was everything he’d fought against wanting for as long as he could remember. She was the woman he would always love, the future he could never have, the family that would never be his. It was time to say goodbye.
“It’s over, Stacie. We’re done. I don’t want to see you again.”
Chapter 14
Three months later
Beth Lombard stepped out into the sunshine and took a deep breath—maybe not such a good idea, given that she was in the heart of London. Still, the meeting with her editor had been a good one. Her second novel was performing well, even better than anticipated, and the idea she’d pitched for her next endeavour had been well-received—just as well, since she’d been unable to resist the temptation to make a start on the first volume in the series.
The sunshine was a welcome change and a sign that spring was struggling into life. Beth felt a twinge of sadness—it was also a reminder of just how long Cam had been out of the country. His sudden departure just before Christmas was, she knew, linked to the shock break-up of his relationship with Stacie Matheson, the reasons for which remained a mystery. Cam had never spoken about it in his occasional emails and infrequent phone calls—determined to respect his privacy, in spite of her concern, Beth had never asked.
The fact that Stacie herself had apparently disappeared from the face of the earth also seemed to indicate an irretrievable breakdown. Beth hadn’t seen the younger woman since she and Cam had parted company, but had often thought about her. She didn’t even have a number for Stacie—not anymore. A couple of days after Cam’s departure for the Middle East Beth had tried calling Stacie’s mobile phone, only to discover that it had been disconnected. Since she had no choice but to respect Stacie’s privacy as well, Beth had turned down her husband’s offer to use his connections to find her. After all, Stacie had Beth’s number and she knew where Beth and Alex lived, so if she decided to get in touch again, there was no reason why she couldn’t.
Beth, however, had other things on her mind, things of a more personal nature. Another month had gone by, another month of failure, another month older, another month of waiting. When she left the house early that morning to take the train to London, she’d avoided sharing with her husband the disappointment of yet another negative pregnancy test.
Telling herself that they hadn’t been trying long enough to justify this level of distress was getting old fast.
What hurt even more, though, was the knowledge of how Alex would react—the same way he always did, soothing her pain without giving her the opportunity to do the same for him, as if he didn’t think that his feelings mattered. Her blood still ran cold at the memory of the time he’d blamed himself, the haunted look that returned briefly to his beautiful dark eyes when he spoke of the things he’d suffered in the past and their possible impact on his ability to create a baby with her.
She couldn’t face getting the train home—not yet.
Beth turned the corner, her intention to catch a cab and pay a visit to her favourite chocolatier, when her eye was caught by a familiar curtain of honey-coloured waves, on the opposite side of the road. Stacie?
It took Beth all of three seconds to act—the first to make the decision, the second to check the traffic, and the third to start running.
“Stacie!”
The voice was one Stacie had never really expected to hear again. When Cam had told her so abruptly that their relationship was over, she’d made a decision to also sever all ties with the people who were his friends—the risk of her path crossing his at some point in the future would otherwise have been too great. So much for her grand plan.
Her steps faltered only slightly as she continued walking. If she could pretend that she hadn’t heard Beth Lombard’s voice, she could pretend that she didn’t want to greet the other woman with a warm hug and a million questions about Cam Fraser. When she felt the hand on her arm, she had only a fraction of a second to school her features so that they didn’t betray her thoughts and her foolish feelings.
“Stacie, I thought it was you! We’ve missed you! How are you?”
She should pull away from the warm hug, but the truth of it was, she couldn’t. The friendship she’d shared with the other woman, though brief, was too deep to be pushed to one side, and she found herself wishing that she could have had a hug like this almost five weeks earlier, when she’d really needed it.
She’d missed Beth—Alex too, scary though he could be—almost as much as she was still missing Cam. Jen had been a wonderful friend through that awful time, but she didn’t really know Cam, knew nothing of the dynamic of their relationship, and consequently Stacie hadn’t felt able to share everything she’d gone through with her friend. As for telling her parents…she still didn’t want to think too much about how that had gone.
“I’m all right,” Stacie replied, even though she wasn’t—not yet. “How are you? What brings you to London?”
“Oh, I’m fine, thank you. I’ve just been in a meeting with my editor.” Beth’s smile became a self-conscious grin. “Do you know, I still can’t believe people want to read what I write, much less pay for it.” She glanced at her watch. “It’s nearly lunchtime. I don’t suppose you’d like to join me for a bite to eat? On me—I feel like celebrating.”
For a moment, Stacie was taken back to the night she met Cam, and the weekend of the party to celebrate the publication of Beth’s second novel. Yep, it still hurt. Three months, give or take, since he’d turned his back on her, and it still hurt. Like hell.
“So what are we celebrating?”
Beth looked delighted. “I’ll take that as a yes. We’re celebrating the fact that my second book is doing pretty well, an
d my editor loves the idea for a series that I’ve just pitched to her. And last but not least, the fact that completely by accident, I’ve bumped into a dear friend I haven’t seen for far too long. I’ve missed you, Stacie—and I’ve been worried about you. You disconnected your number.”
She’d thought it best, at the time. All part of her plan to cut herself off from everything and everyone connected with Cam. Everyone except for…
“It seemed like a good idea at the time,” Stacie said ruefully, “and if I’m honest, the way things ended between us, part of it was that I didn’t think you and Alex would want to stay in touch. A clean break seemed to be the least awful option at the time.”
Fifteen minutes later she was sitting across the table from Beth in a smart café restaurant, waiting for the salad she’d ordered. Against her better judgment she’d rung the office as well, to ask for the afternoon off. The truth of it was, though, that she’d missed talking to Beth, and although she was determined not to ask about Cam, she was kind of hoping that he might crop up during the conversation.
She didn’t have to wait long.
“You do know that Cam went out to the Middle East again, right after you and he split up?” Beth said, after the waiter had served their food. “It was all very sudden.”
No, she hadn’t known that and now Stacie wished that were still the case. Not only had he not wanted to see her again, he couldn’t even bear to be in the same country. How much worse was it going to get? What had she done that was so wrong? He’d never even known about the pregnancy. In that moment, she wished she’d ordered something stronger than mineral water to drink. “How is he?”
“Busy,” Beth said as she buttered a roll. “I don’t know how he does it. Eighteen-hour days and one day off every other week, if he’s lucky. It’s no wonder he’s trying to get Alex back into the business.”
Something he’d been trying to do that first weekend, if Stacie recalled correctly. “Alex still hasn’t decided?”
Beth’s smile faded a little. “It’s my fault, I think. I’m fairly certain he wants to go back. He didn’t at first, but after Cam spoke to him, he started talking about what would be involved and I think it’s really fired his imagination—ways he can see the business developing for the future, but…” A troubled look met Stacie’s eyes. “We’re trying to start a family and it’s just not happening. And I’m pretty sure that that’s the reason for him holding back from making a commitment to the business. It’s as if he sees it as one or the other, but I want him to have both, if that’s what he really wants.
“I’m sorry.” Beth forced a brighter smile. “I didn’t ask you to lunch for you to hear me moan on and on. How have you been? Are you really all right?”
Debating whether or not to tell Beth Lombard the truth, Stacie hesitated just a fraction too long. It didn’t take much pressure from Beth for her to cave in.
“Beth, please…promise me you won’t say anything to Alex or Cam about what I’m about to tell you.”
~~*~~
The euphoria of a successful meeting with her editor was long gone as Beth sat on the train, heading for home. What Stacie had told her had left her in a state of shock. If only she hadn’t made a promise to her friend that she wouldn’t share what she’d been told with her husband. How she was going to keep this from him, she had no idea.
Beth stared blankly out of the window at countryside that she just didn’t see. Her mind was fully absorbed elsewhere. Silent tears occasionally fell, for Stacie and the child she’d lost, and for herself and the child she seemed destined never to have. Why did it all have to be such a mess?
Still, there was one positive thing that she’d accomplished, even if she had been sneaky and underhanded about it. When Stacie had disappeared to the powder room, she’d inadvertently left her mobile phone on the table…and Beth had taken advantage by using it to call her own phone, to get the number. At least she now had a line of communication, even a means of finding Stacie if necessary.
For once Beth was glad that Alex wasn’t meeting her at the station—it would give her an extra twenty minutes to compose herself. She certainly needed it, especially since she was going to have to keep something from him. The problem she had was that her husband had an uncanny knack for knowing when she was hiding something, and no compunction whatsoever about doing whatever it took to get her to unhide it.
As she turned off the road and proceeded down the drive that led to her home, Beth concentrated on the result of the meeting with her editor—the original reason for her visit to London. She would at least be able to share that with Alex, and not only that, it was a good outcome too.
She saw him before she even stopped the car. Her heart skipped a beat. Alex never stood at the door like that—never. The expression on his face was frighteningly grave.
“Alex? What is it? What’s wrong?”
~~*~~
The last time Alex had gone through anything remotely like this, it had been more than a decade and a half earlier, while on deployment in the Middle East. The intervening years had not made it any easier to deal with.
The call a couple of hours earlier had been totally unforeseen. He’d picked the phone up, glanced at the caller display and on seeing the international number had expected to hear Cam’s voice greeting him with the usual friendly abuse. As soon as he’d heard Conor Devlin’s voice, he’d known something bad had happened. Devlin’s message had made Alex’s blood run cold.
Cam was missing in action.
Years of training ingrained in every cell in his body had enabled Alex to listen to the cold facts of the report. His old friend had been on a rescue mission—a small group of consultants, employees of the international conglomerate that had retained Cam’s company, among other security specialists, had been abducted some seventeen days earlier, and were being held hostage.
Although his people hadn’t been responsible for the protection of the kidnap victims, Cam had been tasked with retrieving them. The authorities hadn’t been informed of the kidnapping—a decision made by the senior representatives of the company that employed the hostages. The motive behind the decision was simple—it was in the best interests of the corporation not to appear incompetent in the eyes of their client, the government of the country. Instead, they had dismissed the security contractor that had bungled the protection assignment and asked Cam to mount a covert rescue mission.
Conor Devlin had been a member of the team Cam put together, along with Dylan Baxter. The rescue had gone according to plan, but it was at the extraction that the mission had gone horribly wrong. Cam had been covering their escape and would be the last one to head for the helicopter, but the enemy had got lucky…unlike Cam.
“He saw them setting up the rocket launcher before we did. He was yelling at us get out of there, Alex. I had no choice—I had to order the pilot to take off before they could hit us with an RPG. The last I saw of him, he was going down under half a dozen of them and then they were dragging him off—and he was still fucking telling us to go.”
Stupid bastard. If Cam had gone and got himself killed…Alex didn’t want to contemplate the possibility. As far as he was concerned, it wasn’t an option.
Having taken the hostages to safety, Conor had taken the team back to the extraction point to search for Cam, but so far, they’d come up with nothing. Cam had now been missing for almost a week and their client was now disclaiming all knowledge of the incident. They’d been hung out to dry.
Having some idea of what had happened to Alex the last time he was in that part of the world, Conor had called him to request assistance as a last resort. He knew Alex had contacts that might be able to help, although Conor had been reluctant to drag Alex back into a world he’d left years earlier for those very personal reasons. A week of so far fruitless searching had left him with no choice. Time was running out for Cam.
Since the call, Alex had been fighting the urge to drop everything and head for the Middle East—his instinctive re
action to his friend being in trouble. However, even if he were in a position to do that, at the present time he couldn’t add any value to what was already being done on the ground to find the blasted idiot.
The best-case scenario was that Cam had somehow already made good his escape and would be found soon. The worst-case scenario was that he was already dead and they’d never find his body—that wasn’t going to happen. One way or another, Cam was coming home.
Alex just hoped to God that it wasn’t in a body bag.
Realistically, though, the truth was likely to be somewhere between the two extremes—whatever it was, Cam was going to need help. Wherever he was being held, the chances were there would be a lot of guards. Until he had more solid information, Alex couldn’t come up with a detailed strategy for getting his old friend out and home, but he could look at the bigger picture—mainly logistics and weapons, the kind of weapons to which Cam’s team on the ground wouldn’t necessarily have ready access. Now those he could start working on immediately. He still had the contacts he’d need to get things moving.
Alex pulled up a map of the region on his laptop. It wasn’t going to be easy, but there was one saving grace—he’d known the country’s ruler for years, ever since they’d gone through officer training together. Alex didn’t give a damn about the reputation of the company that had got Cam into this predicament, and once he knew what kind of backup he’d need, he’d have no qualms about asking the prince for assistance or explaining why he needed it.
Hell, if they didn’t find Cam soon, he’d be more than happy to call the prince to request support in the search, and he didn’t give a damn about dropping Cam’s client in the shit in the process.
His most immediate worry, though, was his wife. Beth was due back from her meeting in London soon, and then he’d have to break the news about Cam to her. Knowing how much she was missing their friend anyway, Alex was deeply concerned about how she’d take it—on top of the repeated disappointments she’d had over the last few months. If he could take away that pain, he would—each time, the haunted look in her eyes almost killed him and for her sake he wanted it to stop.
Love Is Danger (Club Aegis Book 3) Page 22