by Lea Coll
It was crazy because we weren’t dating. We hadn’t even admitted we were interested in each other, but she had come to mean something to me—something more than she would if she were just Rylan’s teacher.
I’d called the junkyard before arriving to discuss the issue, the part I’d need, and find out if they had it. Sadie needed more than a reliable door handle, but this was the best I could do for her without being more than a casual acquaintance.
Luke’s warning about her was fresh in my mind, but the more time I spent with Sadie, the more ridiculous his accusations seemed. I still had so many questions. She’d opened up to me about her mother and her grandparents, and she didn’t open up to many people.
My hand stilled as I reached to take my credit card from the junkyard worker. Was it a good idea to go from co-parenting with an addict to dating the daughter of an addict? I wanted to help Sadie, but I also needed to reduce the chaos that addiction brought into my life—to my daughter’s life. I should be cautious even though my body said I want more.
I couldn’t wait to see her tonight, and so much of that was due to the look on her face when she’d realized she could rely on someone—and that someone was me. Something told me she wouldn’t easily accept my offer of help and that made her more appealing.
I worked my shift and avoided Luke. I figured he’d want an explanation as to why I jumped when I heard the emergency call for Sadie’s house last night. I didn’t want people gossiping about us or assuming we were in a relationship, but at the same time, I wasn’t sure what we were—friends, or something more?
After work, I parked near Sadie’s vehicle and made sure she couldn’t see me from the studio before I tested her unlocked door. Usually, I’d be pissed she hadn’t listened to me, but I wanted this to be a surprise. Pulling out my tools, I replaced the handle. I tested it several times until I was satisfied it worked. I didn’t want to lock the car without telling her, so I walked inside. I ignored the little voice that said I wanted to talk to her for more reasons than just to make sure she was okay.
Class was just letting out, so little girls and their parents were streaming through the doors. I waited a minute for it to clear before walking inside. Kristen sat at the front counter and stared at the computer screen. She looked up when I approached.
“I’m Tanner Green, my daughter takes a hip-hop class here. I wanted to talk Sadie for a minute.”
Kristen’s brow raised and her lips tilted up. “In her capacity as a teacher or something else?”
I shifted on my feet but kept my face blank. “Something else.”
“Tanner, what are you doing here?” Sadie came over to stand next to Kristen.
“He wants to talk to you.” Kristen smirked at Sadie.
“If you have a few minutes,” I added.
“I have another class starting soon.” Sadie tugged at the bottom of her tight tank-top to pull it down—drawing my attention to the sliver of toned skin showing between her top and her leggings.
Kristen smiled, her eyes bouncing back and forth between Sadie and me. “You have ten minutes until your next class, and I can cover for you if you need a few more. No rush.”
“I’ll be right back,” Sadie said to Kristen as she pulled on her sweatshirt. I held the door open for her. Sadie walked under my outstretched arm without ducking, her hair brushing my jacket, her fruity scent teasing my nostrils. I wanted to take her on a date. I wanted to see her eyes soften as her body brushed mine. I wanted to brush her hair out of her face. I wanted to touch the warm skin at her nape as I pulled her into my body.
“You know she’s going to grill me about this.” Her voice broke into my thoughts as she stopped on the sidewalk, a smile playing on her lips.
Remembering the smirk on Kristen’s face, I said, “Probably. Is that going to be a problem?”
“I guess that depends on why you’re here to see me.” Her head tilted slightly and her eyes were playful.
It was the first time I’d come to see her for a reason outside of dance, volunteering, or her mother. I was here to see her, and nerves crept in. Would she like what I had done? Or was I overstepping?
“I have something to show you.” I gestured at her car.
“Okay.” She gave me a look, all playfulness gone, and headed toward her car. “It’s registered and it passed emissions.”
I was in my uniform, but did she think I’d show up at her place of work in any official capacity to issue her a ticket? I’d hoped she thought better of me. “No, that’s not why I’m here.”
She didn’t meet my gaze and her arms wrapped around herself like she was cold.
It was chilly and I didn’t want her to linger outside any longer than what was necessary, even if I enjoyed her company. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask where her winter coat was but I suspected there was a similar answer as to why she drove this heap of metal. I gestured at the driver’s side door. “I fixed your door.”
Her eyes went from worried to shocked. “You did what?”
“I replaced your handle.” I tipped my head toward her car. “Try it.”
She tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear before moving to the driver’s side and pulling back on the handle. When the door opened, her eyes shot to mine—wide with surprise. “I can’t believe it. You fixed it.”
“I said I did.” I smiled, an unexpected surge of happiness filled me that I’d done something to make her life more comfortable. Something she hadn’t been able to do for herself.
But her forehead was wrinkled in worry, her body tense, and her eyes on her car. “Why?”
It killed me that kindness was not something she trusted. “It’s not safe. I wanted to fix it.” I shrugged. “It’s not a big deal.”
She shook her head and I knew what she was thinking—nothing was easy for her. She was used to working hard for everything. I knew this about her intrinsically—it was her happiness when I asked how she was, her surprise when I appeared in the ER, and her shock I’d fix her car. No one did things for her. She either didn’t allow anyone to help her or it didn’t happen. If her mother was an addict and she had no other family, the later made sense. And now she was prickly—unused to anyone’s help or interference.
An odd feeling washed over me—I wanted to show her she could trust me. I wanted to be the person she’d never had. I wanted her to count on me.
I’d never felt this way about Bree. I’d never made a conscious effort to be with her. But here, right now, I wanted to take this next step with Sadie despite whatever the town believed about her. Whatever Luke believed about her. My instinct was that she was a good person caught in bad circumstances.
I stepped closer, taking a chance and brushed her hair behind her ear. “I wanted to help you. I don’t want anything in return. I don’t expect anything. I just—” I searched for the right words to convince her and express my feelings, “wanted to make one thing easier for you.”
She shook her head as if she couldn’t believe it but then she smiled, and her shoulders relaxed. Her smile was the most beautiful sight I’d ever seen. “You did. Thank you.”
We were only inches apart and I wanted to close that distance and pull her into my arms to reassure her that I’d be there for her.
She pulled her cell phone out of the pocket in her leggings. She’d tucked cash into the case of the phone. “What do I owe you?”
“Nothing. I got it at a junkyard.” It wasn’t expensive and there was no way I’d allow her to pay me back.
Her eyes flew to mine. “You went to a junkyard? I can’t believe you went through all of that effort for—”
She was going to say for me. “You’re worth it, and you can’t find parts to old cars like this just anywhere.”
“Right. Of course.” She chewed her lip as if she wanted to argue about the effort I’d put forth for her.
It might take some time, but I’d prove to her that she was worth it. I forced myself to take a step back. She needed some time and space.
“I need to get Rylan from after-school care.”
“Of course. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to keep you from her.”
“You didn’t.” I carefully guarded any time I had with Rylan but here I was.
“Thanks again.” Sadie brushed past me and stepped onto the sidewalk.
“Make sure you lock your doors.”
She turned to face me. A small smile played on her lips. “You know, it still doesn’t matter if I lock the door, right? No one would steal this heap of junk.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to ask why she didn’t have a newer car, but I suspected it wasn’t an easy answer. “How’s your mother?”
Her face fell. “She’s coming home tomorrow.”
“That’s good.” But I wasn’t sure it was. I’d only lived with Bree for a short time when Rylan was a baby to see if we could work it out. I knew if I moved out, I’d see Rylan less, but when I finally made the decision, that’s when the drinking seemed to start. Maybe Sadie thought her mother’s drinking would be worse if she moved out.
“Thanks again.” She glanced at her phone. “I better get back.”
“Right.”
She waved her fingers in a good-bye and headed back to the door to the dance studio. I couldn’t stop myself from watching her. The leggings left nothing to the imagination, and I was almost positive there was no way she was wearing panties. The thought caused all of the blood to rush to my cock. Fuck.
Everything about this girl called to me. Her demeanor—how she took care of herself and her mother, how she didn’t trust easily, how she watched everyone with carefully guarded eyes like she was waiting for someone to say something bad about her. I wanted to protect her. I wanted to care for her. Despite my common sense, I wanted her.
Sadie
I walked into the studio with only a minute to spare before my class started. I smiled at Kristen, who raised her brow at me, a smirk playing on her lips as I avoided her and went to stand by the door to the dance studio.
“It’s time for class. Please remember to bring your tap and ballet shoes.”
The girls shuffled past me and talked excitedly, greeting me with big smiles. Between their smiles and what Tanner had just done for me, my heart was full. When he told me he fixed my door and I was able to open it for the first time in forever, tears sprang to my eyes. I was the girl born into the trashy family with an alcoholic mother who brought home questionable boyfriends.
The one time I’d relaxed as a teen and invited friends over for a sleepover, it had ended horribly. After that, I didn’t have friends over, I didn’t maintain friendships, and I kept to myself. It was easier that way. Let the rumors circulate. Let people believe what they wanted. Nothing I could do or say would ever change their minds. But Tanner, he seemed to see something worthwhile in me and that scared me more than anything ever had—more than my mom’s addiction and my distrust in other people.
The fact that Tanner thought I was a good person was inconceivable. And he must, why else would he come to the emergency room to sit with me or fix my door?
I moved about the room handing out props to the kids. When I had moved back to Chestertown after law school, I discovered my mother’s deception—how she’d stolen my identity and ruined my credit. I put a block on my credit so no one could open up anything in my name again, but the damage was done. I was desperate for money to pay the outstanding credit card bills, my law school loans, and to pay the mortgage so we had a place to live. With my credit score, it was unlikely I’d be allowed to sign a lease for an apartment.
I wasn’t my mother. I wasn’t deceitful or a manipulator. But I had been … once, out of sheer desperation. I wouldn’t resort to anything like that again, but once Tanner found out, that wouldn’t matter. Any good things in my life—if they existed at all—were fleeting.
I turned on the music I’d planned for the class and called them to attention. I ran through the class with a lightness I usually only felt from teaching, but this time, it was because of Tanner. I smiled brighter, I danced harder, and I sang with more enthusiasm than usual and it was all because of him. I’d never experienced any happiness from a man before. Even the idea it couldn’t last wouldn’t bring me down today. When class ended and the girls filed out, I kept myself busy to avoid Kristen’s impending questions. I tidied the room, returned props to the storage room, and wiped fingerprints from the mirrors.
“Stop avoiding me.” Kristen stood with her shoulder leaning on the doorway. “Everyone’s gone. I want to know why Tanner Green was here to see you.”
I sighed. I wasn’t entirely sure myself. I put down the cleaner and paper towels and sat on a mat. “I don’t know what to tell you other than he fixed my car door.”
“He did?” She smiled wider.
I wouldn’t tell her about last night and how he’d come to the emergency room and sat with me. That would require talking about my mother. “I’m not sure what he wants.”
“He’s interested in you. No man fixes your car unless he wants you.”
That comment made me shiver.
Kristen sat next to me. “I don’t mean it in a get-in-your-pants kind of way. He’s really interested in you.”
Was she right? I’d never had a boyfriend so protective or thoughtful. “What do you know about him?”
“Luke and Tanner went to the police academy together, but Tanner worked in Baltimore City for a while. He was involved in a traffic stop where someone pulled a gun on him. After that, Luke convinced him to move here. He met Bree—” She rolled her eyes. “That girl was trouble even in high school. Anyway, she got pregnant. I don’t think they dated long after Rylan was born.” She shrugged. “He’s a good guy—he’s a police officer.”
That was quite an assumption—he was a police officer, so he must be a good guy. I was aware most people believed that, but my faith had been blown after the assault. The officer who’d accused me of covering up for Dennis had blown my trust in officers, in people. The accusation made my skin crawl, and even if I wanted to, I’d never confide in someone like that—who’d made up his version of the truth to scare me into talking. I didn’t want to believe Tanner would do something like that—but it was so hard to trust anyone.
I wanted to trust Tanner. I wanted to trust that his actions toward me were genuine and real. I wanted to believe that he didn’t want things from me as much as he wanted to be with me.
“I don’t know what’s going on with you. You don’t talk about what happened in high school, but I’m here if you want to talk. You can trust me. I’m not going to pass your business on to everyone around town if that’s what you’re worried about.”
I wanted to trust her—I wanted to trust someone. Keeping everything inside was exhausting. “It’s such a habit to keep everything to myself that I’m not even sure I could tell you.”
“Why don’t you start with everything that happened with Tanner. Maybe I could offer some insight.”
This wasn’t the same as talking about what happened with Dennis and I could use someone else’s opinion. “We met here. We talked before and after class. We worked together on the fundraisers, so we met for dinner and we’ve talked a few times on the phone. He texts to check in on me each night. He saw me getting into my car and he replaced the handle.”
“He’s interested. He has a daughter, so he probably wants to be cautious before he takes the next step.” She smiled as if she’d solved my issues.
“It can’t be that easy.” I tried to tamp down the feeling of hope threatening to surge through my body.
“Why can’t it be? It’s pretty clear to me.”
“That’s because you’re not in it.” It was clear to her because she was on the outside looking in. Where I stood, everything was murky and uncertain.
“I saw the way he watched you walk back into the studio.”
My head shot up at that. “What?”
“He looked at you with a mixture of lust and longing. I say go with it and see what happens.
What’s the worst thing that could happen?”
“He only wants sex or a one-night stand.” It wasn’t until those words were out of my mouth that I realized I wanted a relationship. I yearned for a deep connection with another human being—something that would last. I wanted someone there at the end of the day for the easy stuff, the hard stuff, and everything in between.
Her forehead wrinkled and her eyes filled with concern. “It’s possible, but you won’t know if you don’t take a chance. Are you okay with him having a child?”
“Of course. I love kids.” The only issue was that Bree came with Rylan and Tanner.
Kristen’s face relaxed into a smile. “Then go for it.”
I wanted to move forward in my life. “The other thing is that I need to move out of my mom’s house.”
Her eyes widened.
I didn’t speak about my family life, so this was the first time I’d ever brought my mother up to Kristen. “Do you know of anyone who needs a roommate?”
“You know I’m moving in with my boyfriend, but I need someone to sublet my apartment.”
“I have to be honest with you. My mom took out a credit card in my name, so my credit score took a hit. I’m working hard to get it back up, but it takes time. How much do you want for it?” I’d never spoken about this to anyone and the confession left me feeling vulnerable.
“I’m not paying rent at my boyfriend’s so whatever you can afford to pay is fine. How about five hundred for rent, utilities not included?”
“That would be amazing. Are you sure?” It was almost too good to be true. Moving out was a real possibility.
“Yes, I’d love to help you out. You don’t talk about your mom. Did the credit card thing make you decide to move?” Kristen winced as if she wasn’t sure she should have asked.
Kristen was trying to be a friend to me, and I wouldn’t ever make a connection with people if I didn’t try. “My mom drinks a lot and she’s in a hole financially. I was trying to help and bail her out but now I’m trying something different. I’m going to let her deal with the consequences of drinking and take my life back. I’m not convinced it will work. I feel guilty for leaving her with the bills. If the bank forecloses on her house, she won’t have a place to live.” The familiar guilt washed over me, but I was determined not to be controlled by it anymore.