by Lea Coll
Kristen had said something similar, but it was more meaningful coming from him. “I’ll talk to him. What are you doing tomorrow for Thanksgiving?”
“We usually eat here for lunch and then go over to the senior home and take some food for dinner there.”
“Oh, that sounds nice.” I thought of all the holidays they’d eaten alone. All of the holidays when it was just me and my mom or just me. All that time had been wasted, and I didn’t want to waste anymore.
“Would you like to join us?” Grandma started knitting again. I was comforted by the familiar sight.
“I’d love to. I’m supposed to be spending the day with Tanner, his daughter, Rylan, and his parents. Maybe—”
Grandpa waved his hand. “Invite them. We always have more food than we can eat.”
The ease with which they’d accepted me back into their life was surprising. “Are you sure?”
“Of course, we’re sure,” Grandma said.
I glanced at my phone. I was reluctant to leave so soon after we’d reconnected but the knowledge that I could come back whenever I wanted buoyed me. “I’d better get going. I’m supposed to meet my boyfriend—Tanner, for dinner.”
I stood hugging my grandfather and then my grandmother. She touched the side of my face. “Thank you for coming by. You have no idea how you being here has lifted my heart. Your absence weighed on me over the years.”
“Never again, Grandma. We’re in each other’s lives and Raina won’t manipulate us anymore.”
“Now, go meet your young man. You don’t want to keep him waiting.” Grandpa’s eyes filled with emotion and his voice was thick.
Tanner
I pulled open the door to find Sadie standing on my porch with a bakery box. She looked happy but the rim of her eyes was pink as if she’d been crying.
She stepped into my arms as I shut the door behind her. I breathed in the scent of her shampoo as my chin rested on her head.
“Is Rylan here?” She leaned back slightly to search my face.
“No, Bree wanted her tonight.”
Sadie raised her eyebrow at me. “That wasn’t planned, was it?”
“No, but Rylan hasn’t seen her in awhile, it’s a holiday, and Bree was sober. I drove her to Bree’s parents’ house so she should be safe there. I told her parents to call me if she leaves with Rylan.”
“Good.” Sadie stepped back and placed the bakery box next to Rylan’s book bag on the bench. Then she hung her jacket on one of the hooks next to Rylan’s. I realized I should make her a key so that she could come and go as she pleased. I wanted her to feel at home here. I cleared my throat. “I’ll pick her up in the morning and she’ll be with us all day.”
I followed Sadie into my kitchen—me still reveling in the idea that Sadie should have a key to my house. That Sadie should move in. That Sadie fit in my life, in Rylan’s life.
Sadie stood by one of the kitchen stools as I rounded the island and readied the tacos I’d made, separating the toppings into bowls on the island so she could pick whatever she wanted. I wanted to ask her why she’d been crying but I wanted her to open up to me when she was ready.
“I went to my grandparents’ today.”
“Really? How did that go?” I raised my eyes to hers.
“Good. I wish I’d gone there sooner.” Her eyes were lost in thought as if she was sifting through memories.
“They could have come to you too. You were a child when they left.” When she remained quiet and introspective, I asked, “Did they tell you why they stayed away?”
Her eyes cleared as she focused on mine. “My mother told them to. I guess they’d warned Raina about Dennis. They didn’t like him, but she didn’t listen. And then when the worst happened, Raina was afraid I’d be taken from her. Honestly, it’s not like she cared for me or took care of me. She was always worried about herself.”
“Maybe.” As positive as I was of Dennis’s actions, I wasn’t so sure about Raina. Her relationship with Sadie was complicated.
“Anyway, they invited us for lunch tomorrow, and I was hoping you’d come.” Her tone was hesitant as if she wasn’t sure of my reaction.
Happiness bloomed in my chest at her invitation. I slid the taco plate in front of Sadie—the hard tacos lined up neatly. “You want Rylan and me to come to your grandparents’ for Thanksgiving?”
“For lunch. I know your family is having a big meal at dinner, and no one else will be there so it will be low-key. If you don’t want to bring Rylan to family events yet, I understand.” Her brow furrowed as she drew her top lip under her teeth. “But I think I’ll still go.”
I walked around the island, spinning her stool, so she faced me. Her legs between mine, I gripped her shoulders and willed her to look at me. “Sadie, I was going to say yes, I’d love to go to your grandparents’.”
“Really?” Her hand flew to her chest.
“Yes, thanks for including us. I want to be involved with your family, however, you define it—friends, grandparents, Raina.”
Her forehead wrinkled. “It’s weird because it would be like bringing a man home to introduce them to my parents, but it’s my grandparents. I’ve never done that.”
I brushed her hair out of her eyes. It was sweet that she was worried about what they’d think. “They’ll like me.”
“Oh, I’m not worried about that. It’s just a new feeling is all.” She relaxed slightly but something was still bothering her.
“Did your visit with your grandparents upset you?” At her quizzical look, I continued, “You were crying.”
“Oh, um, I wasn’t—” She looked away.
“Your eyes are pink.”
She was quiet for so long I wasn’t sure she was going to answer, so I gave her space. I grabbed my taco plate and sat next to her, placing cheese, peppers, cilantro, and lettuce on top before she finally spoke.
“Annabelle’s mom confronted me at the bakery.” Her voice was hesitant, her eyes filled with trepidation.
I tensed, my taco halfway to my mouth. “What did she say to you?”
Sadie’s body was strung tight as a bow, her eyes pinched. “She said it was my fault that Annabelle overdosed.”
Anger shot through me as I lowered my taco to my plate. “That’s bullshit. Dennis is to blame.”
At my harsh words, Sadie’s muscles relaxed slightly. “I know that, but she doesn’t.”
“Do you know that?”
Her eyes pinched. “I do feel guilty. Logically, I know he’s the cause but I’m the one who invited everyone, knowing there’d be alcohol.”
“You were the kid. He was the adult. I’m going to repeat that until you get it.”
Sadie’s eyes remained on the counter in front of her. “You should have seen her. She was so angry. She blames me for Annabelle’s death.”
“I get that, but she shouldn’t be confronting you in stores. Let me know if it happens again. I’ll talk to her as a cop and your boyfriend.”
“You’d do that?” She looked at me with an expression mixed with surprise and awe.
“Of course. She can’t be harassing you like that.”
“Thank you. Raina told me it was my fault, and no one ever refuted it. You hear things enough, you believe them.”
I pointed at her tacos. “Exactly, I’ll keep telling you it’s not your fault until it sinks in. Now eat before it gets cold.”
She added cheese and tomatoes to her taco. “I am starving.”
I waited until she took a bite before I dug into mine. This woman was quickly becoming everything to me. I wanted to hear about her day. I wanted to soothe her when her day was bad—celebrate with her when it was good. I wanted to be by her side. I wanted her to come to me, to rely on me. My heart was so full of love for this woman.
Sadie ate three tacos before pushing her plate away.
I cleaned up the dishes while Sadie wiped the counter of lettuce and cheese with a washcloth. I wanted her in my arms more than anything. Holding out my
hand to her, I said, “Come on. Let’s sit in the family room.”
She placed her smaller hand in mine and let me lead her to the couch where I tugged her down into my side and flipped on the TV.
After a few minutes of silence, Sadie asked, “How are you so sure all the time?”
“You mean about Dennis Moore?”
“Well, about everything.”
Is that how she viewed me? As confident and sure? Because I wasn’t. “I’m insecure about how to deal with Bree, how I’m raising Rylan, and if I’m doing things right with you. But I know Dennis Moore’s type. He was an opportunist. He might never have done something like that had the perfect opportunity not presented itself.”
I felt her muscles stiffen under my arm. I whispered into her hair, “I’m not telling you that because I believe it’s your fault. You know it’s not, but to tell you weren’t wrong in trusting him even though it probably feels like you were.”
“He was the only one of Raina’s boyfriends that took any interest in me. It felt like how it would feel if I had a father. It was nice.” Her voice was so quiet I had to strain to hear her.
“Sometimes you want something so badly in your life you’ll do anything to get it. You’ll ignore the red flags, your intuition, your good sense to make it happen. I’m not saying that’s what you did, but maybe he wasn’t as good a guy as your teenage self believed.”
She lifted back to look at me. “You mean, I wanted so badly for him to be that guy, I made him better in my head?”
“Yes, but I don’t know for sure. I wasn’t there.”
She nodded. “That’s a possibility.”
“And if it’s a possibility, you can stop blaming yourself for what happened. You wanted what any child would want—someone to take an interest in you, care about you, and show you you’re important.”
“You make things sound so easy.”
Sadie
As I sat on the couch with Tanner, it was like he’d severed the ties that bound me with shame and guilt and my body flew free. I felt lighter, better than I had in years and it was all thanks to him. He made me feel like a better person. He made me want to be a better person. He made me hope for more than I had. He made me wish for everything—a relationship with him, a home in this town, a life free of negative feelings. Was it possible? A world where Tanner, Rylan, and I were a family?
“It’s not easy but isn’t that why you take a chance on someone? You let me into your life and maybe I’m good for you.” Tanner’s fingers sifted through my hair, sending a tingle through my scalp.
“You are. So good,” I said softly. He was everything to me. I startled as the realization struck me—I loved him.
He squeezed me tighter to his side as he flipped through the menu and searched for a movie.
Our relationship was so intense—so emotional. Was he too good to be true? Was it too much to hope I’d met a man who’d be on my side, who’d support me when things were bad? I wanted Tanner—he was like a crutch I needed to make my way in this world—to feel better, want more, be more. I wanted him. I wanted Rylan. I wanted this house, his family. Everything.
Suddenly, I had a vision of them being ripped away from me by Annabelle’s mom, this town, and Dennis, but I’d hold on tighter. I wouldn’t let them take this one goodness out of my life. But was that fair to Tanner? To Rylan? To drag them down into the mud with me? To subject them to the gossip surrounding me and my family?
My head lay on his shoulder, his arm around my back, and his lips in my hair. I was surrounded by his scent, his protection, his love. And I was just selfish enough to discard my worries and believe he could be mine.
Sadie
I woke up in Tanner’s arms—sunlight streaming through his blinds and onto the bed we shared. I turned in his arms to watch his face as he slept—so relaxed, so peaceful. My chest filled with an incredible feeling of hope and love. His eyes slowly opened, crinkling at the corners to find me watching him.
“Morning.” He kissed my forehead. “Happy Thanksgiving.” He kissed the corner of my eyes, the corner of my mouth.
“Good morning to you—” my words were cut off as he captured my mouth, rolled on top of me, and his hips settled between my legs.
“I love waking up with you.” He rested his forearms on either side of my head as he played with my hair. “Move in with me.”
A slowly lazy smile spread over my face before reality set in. “What? That’s crazy. What about Rylan?”
“Hmm. I like you here. Rylan likes you here.”
I’d gone from being prepared to leave town yesterday to considering moving in with Tanner. Would it hurt his feelings if I asked him for more time? “Let’s go slow.”
“Know that I want you to move in. We’ll wait until it feels right for Rylan, okay?”
A warmth spread through my body and it had nothing to do with his cock, hardening against my thigh.
“I want to slide into you bare.” Tanner’s voice was low and rumbly as it slid over my skin setting off goosebumps in its wake.
I moaned at the picture that entered my head. Tanner braced above me, his biceps bulging, the muscles in his shoulders bunched as he held himself off of me. One flick of his hips and his cock would be inside me, filling me up. “I’m clean and I have an IUD. Do it.” My voice sounded breathless, husky, needy to my ears.
“I am too.” But before the words were out of his mouth, his cock slid inside my already slick entrance—I could feel every ridge of his cock. His mouth captured mine.
His weight pressed down on me as he slowly thrust inside me, his hips doing all of the work. The fact that he was bare heightened my senses—he seemed larger, harder, his skin hotter under my touch. I’d never felt closer to him. My hands reached around and squeezed the tight muscles of his ass, as I wrapped my legs around him, drawing him in deeper, eliciting a groan from deep in Tanner’s chest.
A sheen of sweat quickly formed over Tanner’s skin. A tingle built as he found the right angle and I was lost in the sensation, the hard ridge of his cock sliding inside, and the friction against my clit. The orgasm crested slowly through my body. I gasped and arched into him as he thrust harder, his muscles drawn tight, his head buried next to me, his breath hot on my neck. A few short thrusts and he was impossibly deep as he whispered into my ear, reverent, “I love you, Sadie Cole.”
A tingle shot from my ear through my body down to my toes as I allowed his love to flow through my body, overwhelming me with the intensity. My fingers stroked his back, his sides, his muscles flexing in response. Could I say it? Just last night, I’d been ready to leave him to save him from me.
I placed a kiss on his cheek as he shifted to look at me, softly stroking my face. “I love you, Sadie.”
The words flew out of my mouth. “I love you, Tanner Green.” Tears sprang to my eyes at this man who filled my vision and surrounded me with his love. I’d be forever grateful for however long he remained in my life. Mine to love. Mine to cherish. Mine to touch. Mine to care for. “I love you too.”
His expression relaxed as if he’d been worried I wouldn’t feel the same way. Then he kissed me as his cock softened inside me. With one last chaste kiss, he went to the bathroom. My heart was overflowing with happiness and emotion. He’d told me he loved me—I’d felt it for a while, but to hear him say it was everything. He returned with a warm washcloth to clean me.
He slid into bed and pulled my back to his front, holding me, caressing my shoulder, my arm, and down my body sending contentment through me. “I wish we could stay in bed all day but we need to pick up Rylan and head over to your grandparents’. Do we need to pick up anything?”
“I picked up some baked goods at Sweet Treats yesterday. We can take those for dessert. I should have gotten pies. I didn’t even think about bringing something to your parents.” I didn’t even know what was in the box. I’d placed it on the bench by the front door when I came in and forgotten all about it.
“I don’t usually b
ring anything to my parents.”
“I’m a guest. I’m expected to bring something.” I hadn’t been to a lot of these gatherings, but I’d seen and heard others talk, and a hostess gift, especially on Thanksgiving, was a given.
“Relax. You’re fine.” He placed light kisses on my shoulder.
“I could get used to this.” Waking next to him naked, making love to him, lazy mornings in bed. It was perfection.
“This isn’t every day for me. Rylan usually wakes me by jumping on the bed and demanding food immediately. If you don’t think you’re ready for that—”
I thought about how it felt to read Rylan a story—sweet, comfortable, soothing. I knew being a parent was much more than those sweet moments reading in bed. It was messy, it was stressful, but I wanted to try for Tanner. I turned in his arms and cupped his jaw with my hand. “I don’t know if I’ll be a great role model because I don’t have one, but I’m willing to try.”
“If you’re half as good as you are when you’re teaching, you have nothing to worry about.”
His belief in me as a person was everything. I never had anyone to lift me up, to convince me I could handle life’s challenges, and it was addicting. He was addicting. Excitement filled me about getting to enjoy this day with Tanner and Rylan. “This is the first Thanksgiving that I’ve ever felt truly thankful for the people in my life.”
“I’m glad that I—that we—can make you feel that way. I can’t say the same, but I can say you’re the first woman I’ve truly been grateful for.”
“Not Bree?” I hated I’d brought her up while we were in bed and right after we’d declared our love for each other.
“We weren’t in a relationship when she got pregnant. I tried, but we weren’t meant to be together. We’re very different and I never developed feelings for her. I tried because I wanted us to be a family, but you can’t force something like that. What about you?”
I sighed in relief that what he had with Bree hadn’t been earth-shattering. He’d done the right thing and tried to be a family and it hadn’t worked out. “Have I been in love before?”