by Swan, T L
He chuckles. “Okay, I’ll eat enough for the two of us.”
I smile broadly. “Deal.”
* * *
I sit in the café waiting for Brooke and Jolie. I’m nervous to tell them everything that’s been going on. I’ve missed them, and I can only hope that they are as excited as I am. I spoke to April today, and she’s ecstatic. I’m not telling mom and dad until I see them in person.
Brooke and Jolie walk in, and I can hear Jolie laughing.
“Hello.” They both kiss me and fall into their seats. “How was Majorca?” Brooke smiles.
“Look at your tan,” Jolie gushes. “You look so refreshed.”
“It was fantastic and I am so refreshed.”
The waitress comes over. “Can I take your order?” I quickly scan the choices.
“I’ll have a Greek salad with poached chicken, and a mineral water, please,” I say.
“Oh, me, too,” Jolie says.
“Me, three,” Brooke pipes in. “But can I have a Diet Coke instead?”
“Sure thing.” The waitress leaves us alone.
We chat for a few minutes about Majorca and what’s been going on back here.
I turn to my friends; how do I word this…. I’ll start with deflection, “Um, how is Santiago?”
“Don’t encourage her.” Brooke scoffs.
Jolie rolls her eyes. “You get yourself some sex that is this good and then you can compare, okay?”
“Is it really good?” I smirk.
“I’m not even fucking joking, Eliza.” She grabs my hand across the table. “My legs are jelly for half an hour after sex because the orgasms are so good. I can’t even get up to go to the toilet.”
“Does he film you while you go to the toilet?” Brooke asks, deadpan.
“No, but he did ask me to pee on him the other night.”
“Oh God,” Brooke cries. “What the fuck?”
I burst out laughing. “Are you serious?”
The waitress puts our drinks onto the table. “Thank you,” we all reply.
“You know, like squirting.” Jolie shrugs.
Brooke’s eyes widen as she leans closer. “What do you mean, like squirting?”
“Don’t tell me you don’t know what squirting is?” Jolie whispers. “Who are you? Motherfucking Theresa?” She turns her attention to me. “You know squirting, don’t you?”
“Yes.” I frown. “Everyone knows what squirting is, but I do think that actual real squirting is different to porn squirting.”
Jolie points her fork at me. “Right, so do I. There lies the question.”
Brooke frowns as she looks between us. “What are you talking about?”
Our salads are put on the table in front of us. “Thanks.”
I continue explaining, “So, some women, when they orgasm, squirt their come out of their pussy.”
Brooke screws up her face in disgust. “What… like a clamshell?”
Jolie and I laugh. “Yes, exactly.”
“But in porn,” I explain, “women piss while they are taking it up the ass, or they piss while they are getting fucked.”
“Why on earth would someone want to piss while they fuck?” Brooke whispers, mortified. “That’s just fucking wrong, and who’s cleaning the goddamn sheets?”
“It’s supposed to be a turn on.” Jolie shrugs. “God, Brooke, you really need to get out more.”
Brooke widens her eyes. “Obviously.”
“Anyway,” Jolie says. “He wants me to squirt on him.”
“Are you going to?” I wince.
“Yeah.” She shrugs. “Why not?” She takes a forkful of her salad. “And he asked me last night if I wanted his friend to join us in bed.”
Brooke and I stare at her, dumbfounded.
“Who are you?” Brooke holds her temples. “I can’t deal with this guy. He’s stressing me out.”
“You know what?” Jolie scoffs as she chews a huge mouthful of food. “He’s fucking hot, that’s who he is. I’m in the prime of my life, and I’m having fun while I can. Fuck it.”
“And fuck all his friends,” Brooke mutters dryly. “If you film that, I swear to God, I’m getting you sectioned in a fucking straight jacket.”
I get the giggles. This really is hilarious.
Jolie picks up her drink and frowns as she stares into it. “Oh no, a little bug just flew into my drink.”
“Scoop it out,” I say.
“Well, I can’t drink it now, it’s ruined.”
Brooke looks at her. Deadpan. “I know for a fact that you’ve had worse things in your mouth.”
Jolie rolls her eyes, and I giggle.
“So, tell us about your trip?” Brooke says to change the subject.
I swallow my food whole and it scrapes all the way down my throat. “Well.” I hit my chest to try and make the food go down. “Something happened… something wonderful.”
They continue to eat.
“Nathan and I…” My voice trails off.
They both look up from their plates, waiting for my reply.
“We… we… fell in love.”
Brooke’s fork hits the plate with a clang. “What?”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “We’ve been having these feelings.”
“Since when?” Jolie screws up her face.
“Before we went away, Nathan told me that he had feelings for me, and it kind of went from there and just happened.”
They look at each other, and then look back to me, horrified.
“Eliza, he’s gay,” Jolie says.
“N-no,” I stammer. “He’s just been with men before. It doesn’t mean he’s completely gay.”
“Eliza, honey.” Brooke takes my hand over the table me. “Don’t mistake one night of sex with love.”
“It’s not just sex. We’re in love. I thought you’d be happy for us.”
“Eliza, men don’t just turn straight one day. It doesn’t happen,” Jolie says softly.
“Well, it did.” I shake my head, disappointed in their reaction, but on some level, I knew it was coming.
“It didn’t,” Brooke says. “Babe, he’s been having sex with men for twenty years. He’s probably going to go back to wanting men. I know he loves you as a friend, Eliza. He’s mistaking the two. You can’t be so gullible as to think that you could actually hold onto him. You don’t have the equipment he needs. No man ever turns gay to straight and stays that way forever.”
I stare at her in disappointment as she holds my hand.
“Babe, he’s probably curious and he cares about you. He sleeps with you every night, and it’s confusing his emotions.”
My face falls.
Brooke squeezes my hand. “Whatever you do, you can’t fall in love with him. This is a heartbreak waiting to happen.”
My eyes well with tears, I hate that they are saying out loud my greatest fear. “Don’t say that,” I whisper. “It’s too late, I already am in love.”
They sit silent as they watch me angrily wipe away my tears.
“You know, I thought my two best friends would be happy for me to finally fall in love.”
“We are,” they say.
“But you just can’t fall in love with Nathan.”
“Why not?”
“Nathan is perfect,” Brooke says softly. “Honey, if there were any chance that this could work, I would be dancing in the streets because Nathan is the perfect man. But this is going to end badly… for you. Not him, but for you.”
I stare at her as I process her words.
“He won’t even be able to help it, Lize,” Jolie says. “He’s going to be out one night or at a conference, and he’ll have a few drinks, and some guy is going to pique his interest. You can’t pretend to be someone you’re not forever. Primal instincts don’t work that way.” She takes my other hand in hers. “I’m sorry, baby, but this is a tragedy waiting to happen.”
I snatch my hands out of theirs. “You’re wrong. We are moving in with each o
ther permanently this week.”
“Oh God,” Jolie whispers as she puts her head into her hands. “Have you lost your fucking mind?”
I can’t take this. I need to get away from their hurtful words. I screw up my napkin and throw it onto the table. “You know what, I’m not listening to this. I’m happy for the first time in years. I’m fucking happy.” I get up. “And if my friends can’t support me…”
“Sit down!” Brooke snaps as she grabs my arm. “You’re not going anywhere.”
I sit back down.
“It’s our duty of care to you as our friend to warn you of potential dangers,” Brooke says.
“Yes, like you told me Santiago is a bad idea,” Jolie says.
“That is a bad idea.” I pick up my fork again.
“Lize.” Brooke sighs sadly. “Yours is much worse.”
“Nathan is your whole world. He has been for years,” Jolie says. “How do you think you’re going to cope if he leaves you for a man?”
I get a lump in my throat, almost feeling the betrayal wash over me. “I wouldn’t,” I whisper.
Jolie and Brooke stare at me, as if unsure what to say next.
“Anyway,” Brooke says to change the subject. “Back to squirting. What do I put into Google?”
“Go to Pornhub and type squirting into the search bar,” Jolie says. “I can’t believe you don’t know this shit.” She rolls her eyes. “You are one frigid, old mole.”
The girls continue talk and chatter but I can’t concentrate. My mind is fixed on one sentence only:
How do you think you’re going to cope if he leaves you for a man?”
* * *
It’s just after 4:00 p.m. when I arrive home. I’m feeling super flat after having lunch with the girls.
I know they are only trying to look out for me, and I know that most people are going to react the same way and I need to get over it, but I guess it feeds my deepest fear with Nathan. No matter how much we love each other, I will never be everything that he needs. And no matter how hard I try…
I open the door, dejected, and I look around my apartment. We’re supposed to be moving into the new apartment this week.
Supposed to be. What the fuck does that mean?
I am moving in with Nathan, and you know what? He’s right. I am an asshole.
I didn’t want anyone to see us last night because I was afraid of the reaction.
Afraid of judgment, and it happened today with my closest friends.
And Nathan had every right to be disappointed in me. Damn it, I’m disappointed in myself.
I storm through my apartment.
I’m going to snap out of this sad mood and start packing. I’m moving in with a wonderful man who loves me, and I don’t give a damn what anyone else says. This is our love story. The world and their opinions can go fuck themselves.
I throw my bag down, get changed into some comfy clothes, and I begin to go through the kitchen. I throw things into boxes like a woman on a mission. With every item I pack, a little of my doubt disappears. I work and work, and I’m sitting on the floor going through my Tupperware cupboard when the door buzzes.
I climb up and go to the security buzzer. “Hello?”
“I have a delivery for Eliza Bennet.”
“Oh, okay, I’ll be right down.”
I make my way into the foyer and see a man standing with the biggest bunch of deep red roses I’ve ever seen. “Eliza Bennet?”
“Yes?” I beam in excitement.
He hands me a screen. “Sign here, please.”
“Thank you.” He passes me the roses, and I dance back to the elevator.
I ride to my floor with a huge goofy grin on my face, and I run down the hall to my apartment. I open the door and tear open the small white envelope.
Truly. Madly. Deeply.
xox
I hold the card to my chest and swoon. “Oh, I love you too.”
I stare at the beautiful roses and inhale their perfume. I count them. There are forty-eight in total. I don’t even have enough vases for all of them. I smile as my heart sings.
He gets it.
He’s the only one who gets what’s between us, and damn it, I’m all in.
I lie in the deep bath and relax into the steamy room.
After my confidence crisis today, I’m feeling much better. I have a couple of glasses of red wine under my belt, and I’ve cooked dinner. Now, I’m soaking in the tub as I wait for my man.
I hear the door and then his keys clang as they hit the side table. He appears at the door. His eyes roam over my naked body, and he gives me a slow, sexy smile as he leans against the doorframe. “Hey, there.”
I sink down in the bath as I smile under the water, my eyes above it. “Hi.”
He undoes his tie with a jerk, his dark eyes holding mine. “Do you have any idea how hot you are?”
I open my legs as an invitation. “Get in here with me, Mercer.”
He walks in and bends down to take my nipple in his teeth. “I would but this bath is too fucking small.” He kisses me. “I can’t wait for this new apartment. Get out here with me.”
He takes my hand and I stand. His eyes drop down my body, and he bites his bottom lip, as if excited. He wraps me in a towel and begins to dry me.
“Thank you for my roses.”
His hand goes to between my legs, and he parts me with his fingers. “You’re most welcome.”
We fall silent as he strokes me there, enticing bad things. “I got you another present, too.”
“You did?”
He finishes drying me and takes my hand. He leads me into the living room, where a black box with red ribbon sits on the table. He picks it up and passes it to me.
“What is it?” I smile.
“Something for you... that’s also something for me.” His hand cups my breast and his thumb dusts over my hardened nipple. “Something for us.”
I frown, untie the ribbon and slide the lid off the box, and my eyes widen.
There sits two silver butt plugs in a black, velvet-fitted tray. They look designer or something—expensive and heavy. One is medium and one is large.
My eyes rise to his as I swallow my fear.
“I’ve never…”
“I know.” He leans down and kisses me, his mouth sucking on mine. My legs instinctively part. “That’s what these are for… to get you ready.”
“Ready?” I whisper.
“Training.”
“Oh…”
He licks up my neck. “I need you there, Eliza. Fuck. I’ve never needed anything so bad. It’s all I can think about.”
What… this is all he’s thinking about?
My eyes close. I can’t think when his tongue is on me. “Okay…” I catch sight of us in the mirror—me naked and him towering over me in his custom blue suit.
He kisses me hard. “Come.” He takes my hand and pulls me into the bedroom. My heart begins to race with fear.
Nathan’s big. Huge! I’m a wimp. These things don’t meld well together. This could be a fucking disaster.
He lies me down on the bed and spreads my legs out wide until they are touching the mattress. He takes the box from me. He carefully inspects the two butt plugs.
“I think we’ll start with the medium one.” He takes the smaller one out of the box and holds it up for me to see. It’s big and silver and looks like it has no right to be doing the rude things he wants it to.
“So?” He trails it up between my breasts slowly. “Here’s how this is going to go. I’m going to put this in.”
My scared eyes hold his.
“And then I’m going to make you come so fucking hard that your body will nearly snap it in two.”
Fuck. I have no words for this situation.
“After a while of doing this, your body is going to recognize that something going in here,”—he rubs his finger over my back entrance and gently eases the very tip of his finger in—“is pleasure.”
I sta
re at him, fully dressed in his business suit and having this conversation, as cool as a cucumber.
He kisses me as my senses begin screaming.
Why does he want to do this?
Aren’t I enough?
“How does that sound?” he breathes against my lips.
I nod, nervously. “Good.”
He puts his finger under my chin and brings my face up to his. He wants more than that.
I want to please him. I desperately want to be everything that he physically needs. “A little scary,” I whisper.
A trace of a smile crosses his face. “I’ll never hurt you.”
Not physically you won’t, but are you going to rip my heart out!
“I know,” I lie.
He puts the butt plug into his mouth, and my insides clench as I watch him suck on it. He slides it in and out a few times, and then he puts it in my mouth. “Suck,” he commands.
I close my eyes when I feel the hard-heavy metal in my mouth, and I suck it. I twirl my tongue around the tip, opening my mouth so that he can see. He loves it when I do this to his dick.
He inhales sharply as he watches, his hungry eyes fixed on my tongue.
“I’m going to have a quick shower. Keep warming this up in your mouth for when I get back.”
He bends and kisses my forehead, and then he stands and goes to the bathroom. I hear the shower turn on and the deafening sound of the pounding of my heart echoes in my ears.
Why does he want to do this? Does he miss anal?
I suck on the large, hard, metal thing in my mouth… warming it up for my ass.
God.
I know I said I wanted a big, bad man to teach me bad things, so perhaps he’s doing just that. But after the conversation with the girls today, this all seems a bit too real.
On one hand, the thought of something new excites me. On the other hand, it reminds me of his past life. I know that it shouldn’t but it does and I don’t like it.
Stop it.
I hear the shower turn off.
Here we go. I open my eyes.
He reappears out of the bathroom with a white towel around his waist, his eyes darken when he sees me with the butt plug still in my mouth, he leans on the doorframe and watches me for a moment. “Fuck, Eliza, you look hot.”