by Leslie North
He tried not to think about it—god knows he’d spent enough of the previous night pondering the source of her strange mood swing—and the only thing he could come up with was the sex. Even though it had been amazing—life-changing, as she’d said—maybe she just didn’t want to go there with him. Maybe he’d been reading her all wrong.
And that possibility sent a cold fear cycling through him. He didn’t want to lose Jackie. He wanted to keep this thing between them moving forward. No matter what.
Once everyone was seated and drinks orders were placed, Daniel lifted his glass of water.
“To the groom. May you and your bride find happiness forever,” Daniel said, looking around at all the smiling faces of his friends and Grayson’s colleagues. “Because I’m not sure any of us can take off this much time from work again to join you in another wedding with a second wife.”
Laughter rippled through the table. Blake whooped, clinking glasses with Grayson and Daniel. After a few congratulations from others at the table, Daniel and his two best friends sank into their own world.
“So now that I’m heading to the altar, I think Daniel’s next,” Grayson said with an easy smile. “You and Jackie look solid. I’m surprised.”
Daniel smirked, both because of the jab about his commitment problems and because the current truth of that couldn’t be more different. “Yeah, well, I guess we’ll see.”
“You don’t sound so confident,” Blake said. “Should we be expecting a break-up announcement sometime next week?”
The joke felt more like a spear landing in his chest. He didn’t want to consider that. “Definitely not. I want to be with her. I just feel like this wedding week has been a little…hard for her.”
“Hard how?” Grayson asked.
“I have no idea. But I do know she’s withdrawing from me. I don’t get it. We haven’t talked about getting married yet, but I feel like I already know she’s the one. If I get married to anyone…it’ll be her.”
The words had tumbled past his lips before he’d even been able to think them over. Were they true? It seemed somehow preposterous to be so certain so soon, but also…oddly right.
“So she is a keeper. I knew it. I could tell.” Grayson clapped him on the back. He must have noticed Daniel’s uncertainty, because he added, “But listen, if you want this to be long term, you’re gonna have to make a real effort. We all know how you do relationships: you don’t. So if you want to keep a woman—especially someone like Jackie—you’re going to have to give it your all.”
Daniel sighed, rubbing at his face. “I know. And believe me, I want to. I just feel like my two-week trip right after your wedding is going to ruin us.”
Blake shrugged. “Just call her every day.”
“But after that? I’ll be heading away on another trip. For maybe longer. I’m gone more days than I’m home. I just don’t know how much longer she’ll put up with it.” He was stretching the truth—they’d never had to deal with it before, so he had no idea whether she’d put up with it at all…if she even wanted to try her hand at something serious with him.
She deserved to have someone who’d come home to her every night—who’d be there for all the important events and milestones a couple shared. And maybe he deserved that, too. Deserved a home he could share with someone he loved rather than a life lived out of a suitcase with no one to welcome him back but his fish.
But he’d never gotten that far. Not with anyone. And for as much as Jackie made him eager to try…he was terrified he didn’t have it in him.
He might not be cut out for the long-term love game.
“Buddy, if you guys are starting with a strong foundation,” Grayson said, squeezing his shoulder, “which it seems like you have, then I know you’ll figure something out. Relationships grow, and change. You make sacrifices. Especially if it’s meant to be.”
Daniel knew Grayson was speaking from the heart. Grayson had been as hungry for financial success as anyone Daniel had ever met—and yet, the man had side-stepped his plans to launch his business’s IPO earlier that year because his focus on work had gotten in the way of a committed relationship with Mila. It had rocked their world. He’d never seen Grayson as someone to step away from the IPO dream. Yet here he was. Happy…successful…a dad-to-be. And not an IPO in sight.
It made Daniel wonder how he could reconfigure his own life, to allow some more happiness to peek through. Conversation swirled around him, but he stayed stuck in his head. It was a conundrum he just couldn’t look away from.
Creating something long term with someone seemed so impossible. His job and his father—they were the perpetual roadblocks barring the way to any personal fulfillment. Finding a different job was technically an option…and then again, so was colonizing Mars. There was too much involved with the prospect, and more than that, he had no idea where to start.
Which meant that he was better off just staying put.
Jackie’s cheeks hurt from all the fake smiling she’d been doing that day.
And it wasn’t even eleven o’clock. This ladies-only breakfast was dragging, despite how laid-back and delicious it was. With a belly full of omelet and two mimosas down, she was buzzed and sullen when she should be buzzed and bubbly.
She furtively checked her phone, already wishing for the soft comfort of that king-size bed in the plum orchard. Which felt like further proof that she’d already been ruined by her little taste of luxury. Dipping her toe into the waters of Daniel’s life had now made her accustomed to king-size beds with down comforters and pillow-top mattresses. How was she supposed to return to her drifting, homeless lifestyle now? She’d never be able to acclimate to Geri’s bumpy fold-out couch again.
Inevitably the house-sitting gig at Daniel’s would expire, and she’d move onto her next assignment, with far less comfortable surroundings.
If only that were the main thing plaguing her about the future.
Really, she was still completely unable to accept the fact that as of tomorrow, her and Daniel’s bet would be over, and they’d be back to their true stations in life: wealthy businessman and lowly house sitter. Her early bedtime and full night of sleep had done nothing to help her overcome her doubts and insecurities. If anything, they’d only festered overnight—turning into something unwieldy and ugly.
As plates were cleared from their long table of smiling and beautiful faces, Mila’s mother turned her attention toward Jackie.
“So, Jackie. Will you and Daniel be the next ones to have us out here for a fantastic wedding weekend?”
Mila laughed, rubbing her stomach over the white cotton sundress she had on. “Mom. They can pick a different venue. It doesn’t have to be here.”
Jackie forced a laugh of her own, toying with the wisps of hair at her neckline. “Oh, who knows. Daniel and I haven’t even talked about any of that yet. Knowing us, we’ll probably just date for the rest of our lives.”
Mila’s mother’s smile fell slightly. “Oh, come on. That man would throw you a proper wedding. One that all your friends and family could come to.”
Jackie’s gut cinched. No, her family wouldn’t be attending. Not like Mila’s mother knew that, of course. But still, the comment sliced at her in the way that all reminders of her sad, lonely upbringing did. Pushing her back into that dark space she struggled to climb out of daily.
This had happened countless times in her life. People were always well-meaning—nobody ever truly meant their off-handed comments about family to be so depressing to her. Luckily, after her twenty-five years navigating this situation, she knew just how to brush this kind of blow off and keep moving. To hide the pain and swallow the ache.
“Mom—” Mila began.
“What?” Mila’s mom returned. “They are gorgeous together. I just want to know when I’ll be getting the invite to their wedding.”
The table tittered with laughter, and Jackie tried to join in. To play the coy, demure girlfriend part. To conjure all the energy associated with
oh, it’s just a matter of time.
But she couldn’t. It was too hard. It was too sad. So she did the only thing she could do. She deflected to talking about somebody else’s happiness. Since her own was never a sure bet.
“I just want to celebrate Mila and Grayson today,” Jackie said, sending her best sweet smile toward Mila. “And their little nugget, of course.”
Murmurs of approval rippled through the table, and soon everyone had their glasses lifted in cheers. She felt like she’d managed to avoid the heat—she just hoped that others didn’t try to pry throughout the day. She wasn’t sure how many more times she could hold it together like that with so many pairs of curious eyes on her. She was barely holding it together now.
Because god, she wanted what Mila’s mom talked about. She wanted the grand proposal, the gorgeous wedding venue, the hullabaloo and the excitement. More than that, she wanted the stability. The assurance that someone was there to scoop her up if she fell. Someone to lean on, someone that she could always turn to.
But she’d never have it. Not just because she’d fallen for a man who didn’t slow down for anybody, but because she had no family to back her up. No father to give her away. Nobody to root for her, except for the small handful of friends she considered family. And wasn’t that what made weddings special? Friends and family coming together to celebrate not just a new couple, but the lives that led them together?
Nobody knew about her life. Nobody could speak to it. Jackie didn’t even freaking know where she came from—whether she was California-born or secretly from Nevada, or maybe even a Canadian transplant. Her ancestors had equal likelihood of being from Sweden as Kazakhstan. So why bother celebrating the unknowns?
After all, it wasn’t worth celebrating. Not like these people’s lives.
Sadness clawed at her, and she was the first out the door when their big party began the trip back to the villa. Nobody was more excited than her to get back to the resort. While everyone planned on getting ready with hair and makeup for the wedding, Jackie had different plans.
Fortifying her emotional fortress.
It had been a long time since she’d spiraled this far into the abyss. But it only proved to her how fragile she was, and how dire it would be if she truly ever opened herself up to love. Look what happened to you after a few months of flirty notes and two weeks of actual knowing each other.
God forbid she and Daniel actually started dating and developed something serious. Then when it tumbled to the ground, six months or years later, she might actually perish.
She took a deep breath as she strode back into the plum orchard. Now it was time to prepare herself for the hardest part of the day.
Watching two lovebirds exchange vows while the man she loved—and could never truly have—sat at her side.
14
Finally. After a whirlwind breakfast and early afternoon of getting ready, the wedding was here.
Daniel felt like he and Jackie had barely exchanged ten words, though he had to admit that was not due to anyone’s fault. They’d been too busy. The breakfasts had run long, which meant that Jackie had gotten a late start to getting ready, which meant that she had been distracted by her makeup application process while Daniel had a hell of a time finding the shirt he’d brought for the wedding.
By the time they were ready to go at two p.m., Daniel felt like he needed a nap.
“You look amazing,” he said reverently, dragging his gaze up and down her body. She wore a sparkly blue floor-length gown that hugged her body in all the right places. Big, sparkling diamond earrings dangled from her earlobes, and she’d done her eye makeup in such a way that her green eyes popped more than usual. In a word, she was stunning. Breathtaking. And his.
“Thanks,” she said, giving him what felt like the first genuine smile in thirty-six hours. “I feel pretty amazing. You don’t look so bad yourself.”
“Thanks. Though, I kind of look like I do every day,” he said with a laugh, glancing over to the full-length mirror at their side. “Even though it’s a tux, it’s still just a fancy shirt and pants. What a departure.”
She laughed, reaching up to adjust his collar. “No, but this is different. This is black.”
Finally, there it was. The old spark between them. Relief trickled through him at the thought that the chill might be dissipating at last. Why had he assumed that she was ready to jump ship?
Even though he’d been forecasting their demise, he was still willing to give it a shot. Whether or not it worked out, he wanted to try.
“Huge difference,” he said, slipping his hands over the tops of her hips. “God forbid I try something wild, like navy.”
“Oooh.” She giggled, eyes shining as she looked up at him. “Now that’s too far.”
“Definitely too far,” he agreed, before leaning down to brush his lips against hers. She stiffened—or maybe he imagined it—but when he dove in for a second kiss, she didn’t protest. Had he kissed her at all yesterday? It seemed like between working and the rehearsal dinner and her going to bed early, he’d been deprived the entire day of these luscious lips.
“Mmmm.” He cupped the side of her face as he snagged another kiss. “This reminds me. You’re not allowed to go an entire day without kissing me anymore.”
She grinned through the next kiss. “Oh no?”
“Absolutely not.” He coaxed another hot kiss from her lips.
She tugged on his bottom lip before disconnecting, looking at him with something unknown swirling in her gaze. “Then what are you gonna do during the next business trip?”
Her words landed like a hammer. He could feel the smile fall off his face and shatter on the floor. The sudden pivot to what came after this weekend riled up all the unresolved doubts he’d been struggling to answer—and simultaneously ignore—all day.
And worse yet, he didn’t know what to say. The conversation was too big, too looming. They needed an entire evening to sit down and hash things out. Bare their souls. Reach a consensus on future plans. Not a mere two minutes before they headed to his best friend’s wedding ceremony.
“We need to talk about that another time,” he finally forced out. “We can’t possibly—”
“No, no. I get it.” She pulled away slightly, her expression closing off.
“There’s too much,” he added. “We need to be at the ceremony in five minutes.”
She nodded, her gaze stuck to the floor. “Yeah. Totally.”
It was half-assed at best, but it was the best he could muster for now. He wasn’t prepared to have the conversation now.
He squeezed her hands, leaning down to coax her into another kiss. But she turned away, breezing toward her discarded handbag on the bed. “So are you ready?”
The rejection had been swift. Discreet. And now they were on a moving train that wouldn’t stop until much, much later that night.
“Yeah. Let’s go.” Anxiety formed a tight knot in his gut as she brushed past him toward the door. He followed her, wanting to say something but not knowing what. He wasn’t used to talking about his feelings. He wasn’t used to wanting to even give something a go. This was totally uncharted territory for him…and he was drifting through the ocean without a life raft.
They walked down the hallway, roughly an arm’s length apart. When they finally approached the main foyer that led back to where the ceremony would occur, Jackie finally drifted closer to him. Even took his hand once they walked out into the sunny back patio with the acres and acres of vineyards as their backdrop.
Because she was sticking to the bet. Giving him what he’d asked for. The public performance.
Compartmentalization became his friend. With how badly his confusion swirled, he needed to get his head in the game if he was going to enjoy his best friend’s wedding. He kissed Jackie’s knuckles—because he wanted to, not for show—before he told her where to sit among the five rows of folding chairs facing a Tuscany-inspired columned gazebo.
The set-up was stunning
. Grayson already waited in the garden alcove that had been set aside as the place for the groomsmen to gather. From their spot, they could see where a long white runner ran between two groups of chairs, all of which looked toward the gazebo. The officiant who would be performing the ceremony was the only one inside the gazebo while a trio of violinists softly played Pachelbel’s Canon in D.
Blake showed up a moment later, and the three of them waited for the rest of the guests and family members to filter into the patio area. Mila’s two bridesmaids, a best friend from college and another bestie named Lainey who Mila had claimed was her equivalent of Daniel or Blake, were probably doing their final bits of primping and preparing from their position, hidden from view, tucked behind a grove of palms.
“This is fucking awesome,” Blake murmured, squinting out into the vineyard.
Daniel clapped his best friend’s back. “Perfect weather. Perfect day. Perfect couple.”
Grayson drew a breath, looking between both of his friends. “Yeah? I’m glad you guys are here. Seriously wouldn’t have done this without you.”
“Aww, I think Grayson’s nervous,” Blake teased.
Grayson grimaced, his gaze stuck on the cluster of trees that blocked him from his bride. Daniel scanned the crowd, seeing plenty of familiar faces as guests settled into their spots. When he finally spotted Jackie, tucked into the second row, he grinned, waiting for her to look his way.
But she didn’t. The knot in his gut yanked harder.
“Not nervous,” Grayson finally said, manically adjusting the lapels of his coat. “Just ready to get her here in front of me and say ‘I do.’”
“I’d call that nervous,” Blake confirmed.
“It’s normal wedding day jitters,” Daniel said, trying to console his friend. If he had wedding day jitters, then what did Daniel have? Barely-dating shivers? “Just try to relax and enjoy it. You’re going to have a wife in, like, twenty minutes.”
Grayson smirked at him. “Sounds like something you pick up at a drive-thru.”