by Tina Beckett
Sex might blur reality for a little while, but it soon showed back up, shining a spotlight on every character flaw he possessed.
And he was finding out his biggest flaw of all was running from his problems. He’d used work after Leticia died to flee from not only the pain of her death, but also the breakdown of his marriage. He swallowed. Maybe he was even using his position as administrator to run from the possibility of practicing medicine again.
“A philosopher? Not hardly. Just throwing out the first thought that came to mind. I seem to be good at that.” She propped her chin on her board. “You up to catching a few more waves?”
Anything to keep from dissecting her words any more than he already had.
“I am. And thanks for coming with me today.” He might not be sure of the wisdom of spending more time with her, but she was right about surfing being good for his hand. The muscles were aching slightly from the work. He normally used that hand as little as possible. Not only was it faster just to use his dominant hand for most things, it was also a way to keep the damaged hand out of sight. Running from the reality of his situation by hiding it away?
Just as he’d run from her house.
“You’re welcome. I’m trying to turn over a new leaf of working less and enjoying life more, but it’s going to take some time.”
He couldn’t argue with that. He’d been forced to go cold turkey when he’d had his accident, since he’d been unable to work at all, much less put in too many hours. But he’d made it through the worst of it. The desire to put in long hours was still there, but it no longer consumed him. Maybe his grief was fading. Or maybe he just never wanted to go through months of grueling physical therapy again.
While the waves were still decent, Garret worked on his hand during the pop up. Eventually, his digits said “enough” in no uncertain terms, and he was forced to call a halt to the day.
“I think I’m done.” He carried his board out of the water and walked toward where Addy was already sitting on her towel, her hair in chaotic curls from the salt water.
Unlike their other trip to the beach, Addy’s swimsuit was blue. And it was all one piece, this time. She’d even put a white lace cover-up over it as she sat on the sand.
Because of him?
He hoped not.
“You outlasted me, this time,” she said, putting her hand over her eyes to look up at him. “How did it feel?”
“Like I’ve swallowed a couple more gallons of salt water, but I was able to actually stay upright longer than the last trip.”
“So I saw. I thought you did great. And how’s the hand?”
“Tired and sore. But it’s a good kind of sore.”
“Surf therapy. Kind of has a nice ring to it. You could start a whole new trend.”
Laying his board down, he sat on the towel next to hers and leaned back slightly. The salt water drying on his skin caused a prickly tightening sensation that he combatted by rubbing his palm over his chest. “Thanks for this. I needed it.”
“Any time.”
He probably wasn’t going to take her up on that. Because being with her here today—indulging in small talk and having her take a genuine interest in his hand—was taking its toll on his resolve.
He wanted her. Again. There was no doubt about that.
But to travel back down that road right now would be a mistake. His marriage had been a disaster. Addy’s current marriage was a disaster. Neither one of them had the best track record in that area.
The truth was, Garret didn’t know how to have a healthy relationship. He’d been so consumed with grief over his daughter’s death that he’d added the final boulder, which had collapsed an already teetering marriage. Where shared pain might have drawn them together, his unbending selfishness had hurt both him and Patrice.
He wasn’t sure enough of himself to know that he wouldn’t do it again, given the right circumstances. He’d like to think he was done running, but until he was sure, he wasn’t going to take that chance.
But what he could do was sit next to this particular woman and enjoy being with her. No strings. No commitments... No running.
“Garret, are you okay?”
“Sorry, my mind was on something else. Did you say something?”
“Just that Leo signed the divorce papers, so hopefully there will be no more scenes at the hospital.”
Meaning she would stick around. Maybe she wasn’t so unlike him after all. Hadn’t she thought about leaving the hospital if things got too tough? Although that wasn’t exactly the same thing as running. Was it?
“That has to be a relief.”
“It’s not exactly what I’d hoped for when I married him.” She sat up and crossed her legs. “But it is what it is. There’s no way to change it, and I wouldn’t even if I could. I never really knew him. We never gave ourselves a chance to learn about each other before rushing into marriage.”
He and Patrice hadn’t rushed in, but the marriage had ended just the same. “Relationships are hard under the best of circumstances.”
“You sound like you speak from experience.”
“Let’s just say my marriage didn’t survive my stupidity. Not that it was all that strong to begin with. But Leticia’s death was the final straw. I started working, had the accident...and the rest is history, as they say.”
She frowned. “You were grieving.” She pulled her cover up closer around her, and he noticed the shadows were growing longer. How long had he been out there anyway?
He glanced down at his watch. “Hell, I’m sorry, Addy. I had no idea it was almost seven o’clock.”
Only a few intrepid surfers were still out there trying to find a wave to make it worth their while.
“It’s fine. I had a good time.”
“Yeah. So did I.” He really had and that bothered him on a level he was afraid to examine. Because it was no secret to either of them that he wanted her physically. But now he was enjoying her company more than ever. And the thing he was afraid of most was that he might even come to want her friendship. Might already be on his way to getting it.
And at this moment, Garret had no idea what to do about it. Or how to stop it from becoming a reality he could no longer ignore.
CHAPTER NINE
HER PERIOD WAS OVERDUE. By almost four days.
Standing at the auction in her new dress, she found herself shivering.
It was so unlike her body that she’d taken a pregnancy test this morning even though she knew it was too early to know.
He’d used a condom.
But, looking back, neither one of them had wanted to break that intimate connection between them. Had it been long enough to cause a leak?
The rehearsal yesterday had gone smoothly, but her life right now was pretty much a blur of which she could remember nothing.
God, what if she was pregnant?
Hadn’t she just been thinking about the fact that she and Leo had never had children and that she was getting older? Could she have somehow willed her body to find a way?
And then along came Garret, revving her hormones up to a fever pitch. Had the fates conspired against her?
She swallowed. So far she hadn’t seen him tonight, but she was pretty sure he had to be here somewhere in the crush of tuxedos and dark suits.
There was no way she was going to tell him unless her test revealed a pink plus sign. She actually clasped her hands and sent up a quick prayer that that would not happen.
There were a lot more people than she’d expected there to be, so many that it was standing room only in the conference center of the swanky hotel. After the auction there was a buffet of finger foods and a dessert line. She wanted nothing to do with either of those two things.
“Addy, you all set?”
The low voice behind her was both familiar and strange. She spun around to find Garret stan
ding there in a dazzling white shirt and the requisite tux. Only he did for it what few men here could do: transform it into a sexy, meet-me-at-the-dessert-bar siren call.
One she was going to resist with all her might. But at least it made her feel better about things. She wasn’t pregnant. She couldn’t be.
He glanced at her dress and his Adam’s apple bobbed dangerously.
“Wow. Green suits you. You should wear it more often.”
That made her smile, despite the craziness that had gone on in her head. “Well, since I’m an ER doc, white lab coats are kind of the color of the day. But I’ll keep it in mind. You look great too.”
“I’m serious. We better make sure no one thinks you’re up for bid.”
“I’ll be sure to set them straight.” Something inside her shifted, his words giving her a shot of confidence she’d been lacking since Leo’s unfaithfulness. She might have backed out, if she hadn’t promised him she would be here. And since she’d promised him she wouldn’t put in crazy hours at work, here she was. She needed to be somewhere that she didn’t have time to think.
At least she hadn’t been worried about a possible pregnancy at the beach last week. She was glad. It had been a wonderful day. And talk about confident... Each time he’d paddled out, he was becoming more and more proficient at the mechanics. Watching him from shore had been a treat.
It wasn’t beautiful, yet, but that would come with time—the flowing motion of becoming almost one with your board.
She was proud of him. And a little nervous that she cared enough to feel that way.
“How’s your hand?” she asked.
He lifted it and made a slow painful fist with it. “It’ll never be normal and I might be absolutely crazy, but I think I see a little improvement in flexibility.”
“That’s great! Now you just need to keep up the good work.”
“Do you want something to drink before we get started? We still have a few minutes to go.”
“I’d love one, actually. Just something refreshing.” She hesitated before adding, “Nonalcoholic.”
You are not pregnant, Addy.
“I know just the thing. I’ll be right back.”
Thank God he hadn’t seemed to notice that pause before she’d specified that she didn’t want any alcohol.
Addy watched him head toward the cash bar. His back was ramrod straight, eyes on where he was headed. He was a proud man.
Realizing your surgical career was over couldn’t have been an easy thing to get to grips with. But he seemed to have made the shift. He was doing a great job at the hospital, but there was a part of her that wondered if he wasn’t selling himself short. Taking the easy road, rather than the best one.
Leo had done that. He’d kind of skated along in his job, content just to do the bare minimum required.
Not fair, Addy. Garret is nothing like Leo.
And it wasn’t up to her to tell her boss what he should or shouldn’t be doing. He had to decide that for himself.
When he came back, he was carrying a margarita-sized glass containing something with orange on top and pink on the bottom. It sported a little umbrella. His own drink of choice was sparkling water.
“I bet that got some looks. What is it?” She took the drink from him, intrigued by what he thought she might like.
“Pomegranate and citrus.”
“Sounds delicious.” She touched the glass to her lips, expecting the strong taste of orange juice to assail her taste buds. But this was sharper, notes of lemon and maybe grapefruit cutting through the sweet. She took another sip. And yes, there was the pomegranate. “I love it. Thank you.”
“I was hoping you would.” He took her arm. “Come see the auction items.”
Tropical-themed cabanas were set up in a ring, each containing a different genre of items. Whoever had chosen what went where had an eye for design. It was amazing. There were things that ranged from a children’s book basket topped with a cheerful teddy bear to spa treatments. In the jewelry cabana, she spotted her pearls laid out among piles of faux oysters. The attention to detail took her breath away.
“Is it always this beautiful?”
“Yes. Last year the theme was an ocean voyage. They set everything up like a cruise ship, complete with a buffet line and fake pools.”
“Local businesses pay for all the decorations?” She remembered the auction brochure listing sponsors and what each had helped with.
“Yes. They get some advertising in, as well as knowing they’re helping the hospital expand its services to the community.”
He steered her over toward another part of the room, where a large screen flashed images from the hospital, mostly the children’s ward since this auction would help fund equipment and needed upgrades.
“Look!” She gestured toward the slideshow. Although she’d put in a request for Grace’s family to be included, she could hardly believe the pictures they’d come up with. Grace, her mom, and the children from the house fire were displayed. One picture showed the family in the lobby as they were getting ready to leave. She and Garret were there. Their eyes were focused on each other, and she had a slight smile curving her lips. Heat rose in her chest and suffused her face, but the image winked out as quickly as it appeared. The last picture was the family in what looked like the kitchen of their home. They were smiling, and—a sudden pricking behind her eyes came out of nowhere. Grace was holding baby Matthew, something she’d refused to do when they were at the hospital. Before she could say anything to Garret the picture was gone.
“Did you see that?” Her voice came out as a whisper.
“I did.” His hand touched the small of her back and stayed there. “I went to see them and asked if I could take the picture.”
“You went to their house? Why didn’t you say anything? I would have liked to have known how they were doing.”
“I wanted to surprise you.”
A lump formed in her throat and stayed there, refusing to go down even when she took a sip of her drink. She did her best not to imagine herself holding a baby like Matthew in the near future.
She wanted that. So very badly. But not like this. She wanted it with someone who loved her. Someone that she loved in return.
“You did surprise me. In the best possible way.” She watched other families come on the screen. Patients she didn’t know. “They were okay with these pictures being displayed? I don’t even remember anyone taking the pictures at the hospital.”
“The photographers were working pro bono. They come when they have holes in their schedules and shoot candids for us. We get permission obviously for any that would end up here at the auction.”
“How were they—Grace and her family—when you saw them?”
“They were good. Even Grace. She seems to have worked through whatever she was dealing with when she was here.”
She glanced at the screen, hoping the loop would work its way back around so she could see them again. “Their kitchen?”
He shrugged. “It was repaired.”
Why had he said it like that? As if it didn’t matter at all. It certainly did for that family. “Did they have insurance?”
“No. I don’t believe so.” The response was quick. He somehow knew they didn’t have insurance. But how, unless he’d asked? Unless he’d—
Her heart clenched.
“You paid for the repairs, didn’t you? It’s why you went over to the house.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
Those familiar faces came scrolling by again. She watched as from one frame to the next, they transformed from tragic to healed. She swallowed and turned to look at him. “It does matter. It matters very, very much, and I—”
A booming voice interrupted her. “Welcome to the tenth annual Miami’s Grace Hospital fund-raising auction. If those who are a part of our volunte
er force would take their places, we can get started.”
“That’s us,” he said.
Garret hadn’t wanted his deed made public. Why?
Whatever the reason, it made her respect him all the more. Along with that thought came a quick flash of something else that she soon banished.
Right now, there was no time to think about anything other than her job. She had to find her cabana—of beach items, of all things. That had to have been Garret’s doing as well. To go along with her surfing. Well, she certainly would feel more at home there than in the fashion cabana.
He’d said he liked her choice of dress, though. She glanced down. The scooped neckline was a little lower than she was normally comfortable with, showing a hint of cleavage at the top. But it didn’t go below the tan line from her bathing suit, so that had to be something, right?
The bodice clung all the way down to her upper thighs, where it suddenly swooshed out into a full skirt that swirled with every move she made. It also clung to her derrière in a way that was a little disconcerting, but the salesperson swore it was all the rage right now, that it was supposed to fit snugly.
She’d decided to step outside her comfort zone and buy it. Wow, she remembered when she and Garret had had that conversation about comfort zones and he’d joked about not being as sturdy as he used to be. Looking at him now, she couldn’t see anything in him that was anything but sturdy. He was strong and compassionate—even if he didn’t really want anyone to know it.
Why hadn’t she met him five years ago, instead of Leo?
Well, maybe because he’d been married and had suffered one of the biggest tragedies a person could go through: losing a child.
He’d been a different person back then.
So had she.
The auctioneer introduced Garret and had him go up to the podium to say a few words of welcome as people made their way to their seats, auction paddles in hand. The short speech he gave was flawless and confident and edged with a sincerity that couldn’t be faked. He believed in what he was doing. Maybe he wasn’t just “settling” as she’d basically accused him of doing.