“No, they’re in yours. Haven says our trailer is no fun.” I pour the boiling water into a cup. I stare at the tea bag floating to the surface before raising the cup toward Wyatt, questioning. Inviting him to be here without the kids is a no-no. But we’ve been getting along so well, it’s hard to remember he can’t be trusted.
“Sure.” An easy grin spreads across his face. “I take it Stacy is with them?”
I shoot him an annoyed look. This parenting thing isn’t new to me, and I’ve never been the irresponsible one. The kids move between the trailers with ease, but they’re always supervised. With a spoon, I mix milk and sugar into his tea.
“Thanks for being so good with Jamal.” Wyatt slides into the bench seat of my kitchen table.
“Whatever I might think about your sister, her behavior and these circumstances aren’t his fault. He’s a great kid. Happy. Listens pretty well. Cuddly.” At night, if I’m around, Jamal presses his tiny face into the crook of my neck as I rock him and sing. He loves it. He might not be the only one. I place a hand to my lower abdomen. “She really has no idea who the father is?”
Wyatt shrugs and takes his cup of tea from me. “Says she doesn’t, but I’m not so sure. I’ve never pressed her on it.” He sighs. “But I might ask again. Probably should.” He takes a sip of his tea and winces.
“More milk?” I bring the container over and pour another dollop into his cup.
“Thanks.” The barest hint of a smile touches his lips. “You remembered.”
“Some people are hard to forget.” I return the milk to the fridge, trying not to dwell on what I’ve said. Shouldn’t have, even if it’s true. Wyatt’s focus burns a hole in my back. “What makes you think Anna knows who the father is?”
He takes a long gulp of his tea before speaking. “When she came off her last bender, we had a long talk about you, Haven, what it meant to me that I hadn’t known about her for so long. How much I wish I’d had a choice.”
“I can’t keep apologizing for what I did, Wyatt. It takes us in circles.” When I turn to face him, I rest my hip against the counter.
“I know.” He nods, and there’s no animosity in his expression. “I’ve been trying to remember what we said to each other the day you left. But it won’t play. You didn’t tell me about Haven, but I can’t remember everything we said to each other. The next day I realized what an ass I’d been. The biggest ass. Bits and pieces of our fight came back. What I can remember, I shouldn’t have said.”
“It was a long time ago.” My heart flutters.
“It was, but how I behaved that day changed everything. Would you have told me if I’d stayed?”
I bite my lip, searching for an honest answer. “Only if you agreed to try rehab. Whether you were successful wouldn’t have mattered. I wanted you to try. To be sure you were capable of wanting what I wanted. What Haven and I needed.”
“I’ve thought about it a lot, and there’s no way to be sure what I would have done if you’d told me. Would I have gone? Even if I did, would one stint in rehab have been enough? You were always looking after me. Not sure it would have occurred to me you might need help sometimes too.”
There’s a knock on the trailer door, and the director’s assistant pops his head in. “Ellie.” He glances around until he spots me. “Oh, hey, Wyatt.” He gives Wyatt the universal head tip. “Ellie, they need you in hair and makeup. We’re trying to get back on schedule for the lighting tonight.”
Wyatt and I were finally getting somewhere. I suppress a sigh and drain my tea. “Okay.” From the couch, I gather my winter clothes. The door clicks closed, and the director’s assistant is gone.
Wyatt appears beside me, swoops my hat off the couch, and sticks it on my head. When we make eye contact, his grin fades. One of his hands slides behind my neck. “A little practice before our scene tonight?” His voice rumbles through his chest, low, seductive.
Giving in would be so easy. If I didn’t have to worry about Haven’s safety and security, I’d have jumped into his arms long ago. I’d sacrifice my sanity, but I won’t risk hers. “There are two things wedged between us. One is your drinking or your lying—one of those. The other is your sister’s living situation.”
“Then what? You’ll be with me?” Wyatt’s focus is locked on me. “You’ll give me a chance?”
Someone has to relent or we’ll never move forward. The last two weeks with Jamal here, we’ve been more like a family than I ever could have hoped for. We have a chance to change our future. Deep down, I believe we want the same things.
“If it wasn’t for Haven, I would never have left you. Would have followed you to the ends of the earth. I loved you with everything I had in me. I would try again, see whether we can be good for each other. But I cannot do that if I’ll be putting Haven in any danger because of your drinking or your sister’s violence and addiction.”
He presses his lips to my forehead. “You mean that?” he murmurs.
“If I don’t leave soon, I’ll be late.” I frame his face with my hands. “I’ve been honest. You need to be honest too.”
He searches my expression before stepping back and thrusting his hands into the pockets of his jeans. I close the door behind me, hoping he takes my words to heart.
Kissing Wyatt after telling him I have feelings is a slow torture unlike any other. The man can kiss. Soul deep, wet-my-panties kinds of kisses. My very first love scene was with him, and it was eye-opening. We had fun during those scenes.
After him, any of those types of scenes were professional or invasive or boring or too technical. None of them were fun, and while I wouldn’t call tonight fun, it’s been a neon reminder of how good we can be together. But by the time we’re done for the night, I’m emotionally spent.
When I open the door to my trailer, I’m happy Haven is sleeping, and Nikki keeps such odd hours. She’s wide awake, but I suspected she would be since we were texting back and forth between takes. There will be zero temptation to go to Wyatt’s and follow through on those hours of foreplay. No matter how badly I want to.
“You look wiped.” Nikki closes her laptop.
“Tell me about it. I don’t know what’s with me lately. I’m tired all the time. The last time I was this exhausted was when . . .” Realization dawns.
“Please tell me your sentence finishes with ‘was when I had mono’ and not ‘was when I was pregnant.’”
“Let’s pretend it’s the first one, okay?” I grip the chair in front of me and ease around to fall into it.
“And if it’s the second one?” Nikki winces.
I sink deeper into the chair. My winter clothes are still layered on, so I’m sweating for two reasons. “Please tell me I haven’t done this again.” Taking out my phone, I count the weeks to determine whether I’m crazy or if it’s possible I’m pregnant. My body flashes hot and cold, hot and cold. We’ve been on set for two months. Wyatt and I were apart for almost a month before the shoot started.
“And?” she asks.
“Want to do me a favor and take a cab into town for a pregnancy test? Maybe, like, three or four of them?”
“Oh my God, Ellie. Are you serious?”
“I hope I’m not. Can you imagine?” I flop my head back against the chair.
“What a mess.” Nikki grabs her coat off the rack and sighs.
“But I’m not pregnant.” I rub my face. “I’m not. It’s the stress of the last few months. Stress.” My boobs are a bit tender. Pent-up sexual frustration, that’s all. “Stress.”
“Right.” Nikki opens the trailer door. “I’ll be back as quickly as I can.”
While Nikki is gone, I pace in my trailer and drink water. I’m tempted to mention my situation to Wyatt. We’ve come to rely on each other the last few weeks. But telling him now is a bad idea. He’d get his hopes up. Might think my reasons for keeping us apart no longer matter. And they matter. They’ll matter twice as much.
Nikki returns
and drops a pharmacy bag and a jug of water on the table. “The package says it’s best to do the test first thing in the morning.”
“I’m doing it now.” My bladder will explode soon with all the water I’ve been chugging. “I’ll take another in the morning and then another tomorrow afternoon. I’ll tell Wyatt if all three say I’m pregnant.”
“How has Wyatt been since you’ve been here?” Nikki falls into a chair and puts her head in her hands.
Everything I ever wanted him to be. Realized he could be. Wyatt might not have been capable of being a genuine partner or parent before, but he’s exceeded my expectations while we’ve been on set. I’ve been on the hunt for any of his old tells that he’s been drinking or using, and there’s been nothing. While I’m positive he drank on the island, I’m equally positive he’s been dry here.
“Except for his sister and her situation, and the fact he still won’t fess up about his drinking in Bermuda, everything has been so good. So good. We could be a family.”
“Those two obstacles are big.”
“Yeah, I know, and that’s why we aren’t together.” The difference between how I raised Haven and how Jamal is shuffled around, desperate for a solid connection, has been laid bare. Wyatt might not say much, but I see the expression on his face when Jamal cuddles into me, clings onto me, cries for me. Children need stability and safety. Jamal is not getting either from Anna.
I protected Haven no matter the cost, and if I’m pregnant again, I’ll do the same for this baby. I will not risk my children no matter how much I love Wyatt.
With a sigh, I snatch the bag off the table and then I disappear into the bathroom.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Wyatt
Present Day
Ellie’s avoiding me. Except for our scenes together earlier today, she’s stuck to Nikki like glue. I don’t get it. She admitted she’s willing to try again under the right circumstances, and then she ignores me. Is this some sort of parry and retreat thing? She tells me what I need to do and then sits back waiting for me to do it? Someday, I’ll figure women out. Today is not that day.
Maybe I should go to her trailer, admit I drank while I was on the island, but it wasn’t much. Tell her I haven’t touched a drop since I found out about Haven. I wouldn’t dare risk my family. Alcohol, for me, has never been like drugs. The cravings don’t hit me as hard. But I have no idea if those declarations are enough, or whether she’ll use that confession against me at some point.
Jamal is napping. Haven is upstairs doing her schoolwork with Stacy. The only thing stopping me is Nikki. She doesn’t like me. She’s made that clear. Eating crow while she looks on isn’t on the top of my list.
My phone buzzes in my pocket. An automated alert from the credit card company. I’ve purchased a plane ticket to Ottawa on United Airlines. Not a surprise. I was expecting this notification. Anna’s coming for Jamal. Without missing a beat, I dial Camila and ask her to get on a flight as soon as she can. If Anna arrives here without a buffer, she’ll be explosive. When she comes out of her spiral long enough to realize she’s abandoned her son again, she’s a bear. And not the soft, cuddly kind.
I tell Stacy I’m leaving, and after throwing on my winter clothes, I aim for the head of security. Rick needs a warning that Anna’s coming—and to keep her away from Ellie and Haven at any cost.
“Rick!” I call, and I jog to the small crowd gathered around him. He’s talking to a group of uniformed officers and private security agents.
“Wyatt.” Rick raises a hand to the group and half turns to me, cutting his conversation short. “Everything okay?”
“I need a word.”
He steps away from the other men and women to follow me. “A security concern?” Rick asks when we’re out of earshot.
“My sister, Anna.” Flicking through my camera roll on my phone, I find a photo and turn the screen toward him. “Don’t let her on set, in my trailer, around Ellie or Haven, anywhere near Jamal, unless I’m present. I can’t stress this enough.”
“Send me that photo, and I’ll push it out to the team to get everyone on the same page.” He scratches the back of his neck with a gloved hand. “Violent?”
“Sometimes. Mostly with people she knows.” I scroll through my photos, looking for the most recent ones of decent quality.
“Sounds pleasant.” Rick grimaces. “Is this a just-in-case thing or do you have information?”
“She’s purchased a plane ticket. I’m guessing she’ll be here tonight or first thing in the morning, depending on her connections.”
“Got it.” Rick’s phone pings with the photos I sent.
The rest of the day passes in a blur. Anna’s imminent arrival is a constant distraction. I miss marks, flub lines, and we have to do more takes than normal. Ellie shoots me concerned glances but doesn’t ask. She isn’t behaving like herself either.
Something is in the air.
Maybe she regrets saying she’d give us a second chance. I need to buck up and talk to her, whether or not Nikki is in the trailer.
When I finally work up the nerve to knock on her trailer door, it’s late. Lights are on, so I know she’s awake. Or maybe it’s Nikki. Either way, I have to try.
“Ellie’s busy right now.” Nikki cocks her head to the side.
“I’ll wait.” I step up. Nikki lets me in, but she doesn’t give me much space. “Showering?” There are noises coming from the bathroom.
“Uh,” Nikki says. “A bath, maybe? I’ll go check.” She walks to the bathroom at the back of the trailer and knocks. “Wyatt’s here. You want me to leave?”
Ellie’s reply is muffled, but Nikki collects her computer and gathers her things.
“Nikki, can I talk to you for a minute?” Might as well meet her dislike of me head-on. Whether Ellie and I can work things out doesn’t change her role in Haven’s life.
She raises her eyebrows as she shoves an arm into her coat and picks up her gloves.
“I wanted to thank you for the help you’ve given Ellie over the years. The role that you’ve taken on in Haven’s life—I realize you don’t like me, that you told Ellie to leave me back then. I get it. I get why.”
“You’ve got the wrong end of things there.” Nikki chuckles and gives me a rueful smile. “I was on your side when Ellie was pregnant. I couldn’t understand why Ellie’d want to leave you. Her love for you was so clear, and if I’m honest, how much you loved her was obvious too. It was everywhere you looked, shining out of the two of you. Then she left. I grew up, and I saw the truth. How reckless you were, consumed by fame. I got it, then—why she couldn’t stay.”
“That was me. I’ll own that. I was that guy.” I shove my hands into my pockets. “More than anyone else, I loved your sister, and yet not quite as much as I should have. Not that I loved the drugs more, but I had myself convinced I needed them. Couldn’t function without them. Now”—I nod my head toward the bathroom—“now I can say with absolute certainty there isn’t anything I wouldn’t give up for Ellie.”
“Except the truth?”
“Touché, Nikki.” I tip my head. “It’s why I’m here. No more bullshit. We’ve got to trust each other to do right by one another.”
She searches my face for a long beat. “I want Ellie to be happy. The happiest I’ve ever seen her was with you. I don’t understand your relationship, knowing what I know now, but there’s a light in her when you’re around, and no one else seems able to turn it on.” She frowns. “If you hurt her or Haven, I’ll hire a hitman. I’m not kidding.”
“I’ll help pay for it.”
“Do you truly believe you’re better?” Nikki zips her coat. “That you’ll always be better?”
“Truthfully? I won’t ever be better.” The gum in my pocket rattles. “The minute I convince myself I’m fixed, I take risks and chances I shouldn’t. So for the rest of my life, I’m an addict. Each morning when I wake up, I choose Haven. I choose Ellie. I d
on’t choose the bottom of a bottle of pills or alcohol.”
“You seem sincere.” Nikki’s pale eyes are serious.
“I am. I’ve never meant anything more.”
“Why is it so cold here?” She tugs her hat onto her head and glances at me one last time before smiling.
“Canada, eh?” I use a thick Canadian accent. “The movie’s supposed to be set around Christmas . . . I guess that means there has to be snow.”
“Next time you make my sister do a movie with you, can it be in a better location?”
“I like it here.” That’s actually true. The only drawback is the layers Ellie wears. Layers. A valid point. Maybe a beach next time.
“Let me know when I can come back.” Nikki closes the door behind her.
The couch calls to me and I sink into it with a sigh. When Ellie emerges from the bathroom, her face is devoid of color. With a frown, I get up and close the distance between us. “Are you okay? Are you sick? I’ll talk to James and get things rearranged if you’re ill.”
“You going to hold my hair back if I throw up?” Ellie’s dark eyes connect with mine. Her lips quirk up.
“All day long if that’s what you need.” I envelop her in a hug. “I’ll talk to him and come back.”
She wraps her arms around me and sighs. When I try to leave, she tightens her embrace. Her face is buried in my chest. My hands rise on her back as she sucks in a deep breath.
“There’s something I need to tell you, Wyatt.”
“I gotta talk to you too.”
Both of our phones buzz in unison on the kitchen table. Ellie glances up at me and lets me go to cross the room. If it’s possible, she gets paler. “Anna’s on set?” She throws on her jacket. “She’s in your trailer. Nikki sent an SOS for help.”
“Holy fuck.” I grab my coat.
Ellie clatters out the door, and I leave my coat undone, running past her. There’s no way I’m letting Ellie in there before me. Well, Rick. You did a shitty-ass job on security.
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