“I’m sorry,” I whispered in response, because even if I was jealous of whoever they’d been, the pain etched on his face was very real. I instantly wanted to hug him, to chase away the shadows that clung to him and bring back the man who’d tossed my son in the air and made him laugh.
I wanted to see him smile and hear that rough laugh.
And then I instantly wanted to kick myself for it.
“Me too, my Sunshine, but it also taught me to appreciate what I have now. To protect it. This house is the safest you can ever be. You’ll understand everything soon enough,” he murmured, stepping toward the bathroom. He paused at the last minute, turning back to gaze at me. Any hint of jealousy that I felt evaporated in response to the way he looked at me. Like he could devour me if I gave him the slightest hint of encouragement. “You should make yourself at home. Put your things where you want them. Your moisturizer and lotion on the nightstand. I know you’re all unpacked, but movers don’t put things where you would want them. This is your home now. Get used to it.”
I grimaced at his words, the harshness of them chasing away my moment of sympathy over our shared losses.
Which was the point, I suspected. Ryker, like me, hated pity and would do anything to avoid it. Even piss me off, evidently.
But something else struck me so harshly that I could practically feel the tendrils of shock creeping over my skin.
He knew what I kept on my nightstand.
Fifteen
Calla
Spending time with Ryker and the kids, pretending everything was okay and calm, it was easy to see exactly how our lives would play out. Even in the earliest days of what he considered to be an actual relationship, he made it obvious we were his priority. He doted on me, refused to let me lift a finger, and in the absence of being busy, I grew more and more depressed with the reality of my life.
I didn’t know what to do with myself, and that alone was a sad indicator of what my life had become. I didn’t know how to not be busy.
After we dropped Axel at school and Ines off with my father, I glared over at Ryker. He’d told Dad that Ines would be home with us for a few days, so it seemed strange that we were back to business as usual.
Even if I couldn’t go back to the studio just yet. He’d called in my absence the day before, explaining that I’d be out for the near future.
I could just imagine how my boss would rage at me for it when I went back. That she hadn’t called me herself didn’t bode well for me or the likelihood of my job still being there whenever I went back.
“I wasn’t supposed to work today,” Ryker said as he seemed to sense my glare. “Matteo knows that I’m off for now, and he wouldn’t have called me in if it wasn’t important.”
I grunted back at him. “So why can’t I go to work?” I tugged at the distressed jeans where they gaped open on my knees and clung to my skin. It seemed like it had been forever since I’d worn anything that wasn’t elastic. The black T-shirt was simple, and as we drove out of the city and toward the wealthier suburbs of Chicago, I felt underdressed. The only comfort was that Ryker wore black jeans and a black shirt with boots on his feet.
“I’ll arrange your security for the next time this happens, but for today, Matteo said to just bring you to the house.” He cast a glance at me from the side of his eye as he drove.
“What house?” I asked him, hating the cryptic way he seemed so desperate to avoid telling me where he was taking me. Ryker seemed comfortable in his opinions with no fear of confrontation with me, so it made the entire situation more ominous as apprehension made my palms sweat.
“Matteo’s. You can meet the women. This way you’re more comfortable by the time we bring the kids over,” he said, turning toward a long driveway. The gate at the end was the epitome of luxury, making even Ryker’s secure fortress look like child’s play.
“What women?” I asked. The guard at the booth nodded to Ryker, and he returned the gesture as the gates swung open.
“The other wives, Ivory and Samara. Matteo’s daughter, Luna. Ivory’s friend Sadie,” he explained as the gate slid closed behind us. The house in front of me was the very definition of Italian luxury, and Ryker didn’t hesitate to pull the Maserati up in front. I supposed given the fact that he drove a Maserati, it shouldn’t have been surprising.
I was definitely underdressed.
“Who is Matteo again?” I asked when he came to the passenger side and opened the door.
“Matteo Bellandi. My boss.”
“Ryker!” I blanched. “You are not leaving me here!”
“This is the safest place you could ever be aside from with me, Sunshine. Nobody here will hurt you,” he laughed.
“No one will hurt me? You’re psychotic,” I shot back, making him huff a soft laugh. But I didn’t miss the decided shift in his personality. The dark tint to his personality seemed to grow even stronger the moment he closed the car door behind me.
I stood still, making him go through the effort of grabbing me by the elbow and leading me to the front of the house. The grey booties on my feet scuffed the ground as I tried not to move. I knew I was only prolonging the inevitable, but there was no way I could walk inside the home of Matteo fucking Bellandi.
When he’d said he was a criminal, I hadn’t expected he was quite that much of a criminal that he associated with the Bellandis.
That was on another level.
“Ryker!” I whispered, protesting as he dragged me forward, but he didn’t seem to care. Didn’t even pause in his steps as he brought me closer and closer to what I felt certain was my doom.
I hadn’t even put makeup on. Who didn’t wear makeup to meet a mob boss?
Me. That’s who.
He shoved the front door open and strode in like he belonged, and I resisted my urge to gasp. Fuck, he didn’t even knock.
We were going to get shot.
“Calla!” a familiar voice shouted gleefully, and the sight of Samara’s coppery hair came flying in through the sitting room to the entryway. She crashed into me, making Ryker grunt and step back.
“Samara?” I asked in surprise, pulling back and looking up at her the slightest bit. When my eyes went down, I realized why she seemed like she’d packed an extra punch to my ribs. “You’re pregnant!” I said with a laugh. The bump on her belly was tiny, but when I touched it with delicate hands, it felt unusually firm compared to what I’d remembered. It had been years since I’d seen Samara, since I’d stopped going to yoga classes when I was pregnant with Axel, but she barely looked a day older. Her smile seemed brighter, her laughter when she squeezed my arms tight seemed more genuine.
“I am, and I heard you have two already!”
“I do,” I confirmed. I nodded as a woman I didn’t know stepped up. Taller and leaner, her eyes were a bright sea green as she smiled at us.
“That’s Ivory,” Samara introduced, and I nodded. “Matteo’s wife.” I blanched, darting my gaze over to Ryker where he stood like a silent sentry and watched us.
“Matteo said to tell you he’d see you at the warehouse,” Ivory said to him. A huge hulk of a man stepped out of the kitchen, and Ryker moved over to touch his shoulder and whisper to him.
“Nobody likes secrets!” Samara teased, and the man who towered over even Ryker smiled at her.
“I’ve got her,” he said to Ryker. “Sal, Dante, and Leo are on the perimeter. She’s safe.”
“I’m not worried about her being in danger,” Ryker grunted. “I’m worried about her trying to run.” When Samara and Ivory laughed, I felt like I’d entered the fucking twilight zone.
“Come on, honey. Let’s get you something to drink. You look like you need wine,” Ivory said, touching my arm with her hand and gesturing me into the kitchen.
“It’s nine in the morning,” I whispered, and she shrugged.
“So we’ll do mimosas, and I’ll feed you.” She guided me toward the kitchen, and Ryker stepped into our path. Ivory rolled her eyes, stepping aroun
d him to leave me to his mercy.
“You don’t leave Scar’s sight,” he announced, and I glanced over at the big guy who just grinned at me. Ryker’s hand lifted to bury in my hair, tugging my head back until I met his eyes. “I mean it, Calla. Do not make me chase you,” he warned.
“I’m not sure what kind of spider monkey you think I am, but I am not capable of climbing the barricades, Ryker.” I rolled my eyes at him.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can. Get to know Ivory and Samara. Enjoy the quiet until Sadie gets here to interrogate you.”
“Fine,” I sighed. I was just grateful that the legendary Matteo Bellandi wasn’t there. Wives I could handle, but a mob boss I was not ready for. “We need to have a conversation when you get your meatball ass back here,” I said through gritted teeth.
Scar roared out a laugh beside us, stepping into the kitchen and staring back at us. “Come on, Hellcat, you’re going to do just fine here,” he murmured, and Ryker glared at him over the top of my head.
“Don’t push me,” he grunted, and the other man just smiled in response.
“Is his ass a meatball because it’s so round?!” Samara yelled from the kitchen, and I giggled when Ryker’s face pinched in annoyance and he dropped his forehead on mine. It didn’t stop me from seeing the way his cheeks flushed the slightest bit pink.
“Think you can maybe behave for just a few hours?”
“Probably not,” I admitted with a shrug. “But you have fun doing whatever it is you do, Mr. Secret Pants. I’ll just be getting all the gossip to use against you.”
“Calla,” he warned with a growl. When I didn’t respond and didn’t cower in fear dramatically, he shook his head at me and then dipped his face down and touched his lips to mine briefly before pulling away. It was an even more chaste kiss than he gave me in front of my kids, as if a public display in front of his friend was something horrific.
I imagined a man like Ryker wasn’t particularly fond of showing emotion in front of others, not that there were emotions involved in what we had. Unless ownership was an emotion.
I shook my head when I realized I’d been staring after his ass when he walked away. I couldn’t afford to give anyone the impression that I wanted him.
Not if I had any hope of keeping my sanity or trying to be free of the cage he’d put us in.
With a sigh, I turned and went into the kitchen, feeling like my world had been turned on its head. I hadn’t expected to find Ivory putting muffins in the oven or Mr. Lombardi hovering at the edge of the room and bouncing a baby around in his arms. “Calla,” he said with a smile, stepping forward. “How are you?”
“Seriously?” I asked, stepping away from him. I took a seat next to Samara at the island, watching as the woman plucked raspberries off a tray and shoved them in her mouth. “How do you think I am? You lured me into a trap!”
“Don’t be mean to Don,” she mumbled around the mouthful, and I had to giggle. I’d been the same way with cookies when I’d been pregnant with Axel. She should just be grateful her craving was healthy. “He just does what Matteo and Lino ask him to.”
Giving Don one last glare, I shifted my focus to Samara. As much as I wanted to poke at the man, his expression was sympathetic. “You married Lino?” I asked as the pieces finally snapped together in my head. I remembered her vaguely mentioning that she was friends with him when we’d gone to classes together, but it hadn’t seemed important back then.
I could have never predicted I’d find myself in the Bellandi Estate.
“Yep,” she said with a brief grin. “Ivory and I both suffered like you for a bit, but it all works out in the end.”
“For what it’s worth,” Don interrupted, stepping to the side of the island so he could look at me. “I am very sorry for my involvement in what I’m sure feels traumatic right now.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I mumbled. I wanted to blame him, but I couldn’t when I suspected it wouldn’t have made a difference if he hadn’t been involved. From what I’d seen of Ryker, he would have done whatever it took to have me trapped under his thumb. Don’s involvement didn’t matter in the slightest, because if it hadn’t been him it just would have been someone else.
The only person to blame for trapping me in a pseudo-relationship I didn’t want was Ryker himself.
“Where is she?” another woman’s voice asked from the entryway, and then the tiniest woman I’d ever seen stormed into the room.
“Oh, she’s blond!” she yelled, stepping up and standing next to me on the stool. I knew I probably wasn’t much taller than her, but her muscular and petite form looked so small from where I sat. “You’re all like a complete set now! Brunette, redhead, blond.” Her honey eyes were upturned almonds, and those combined with her dusky skin made her high cheekbones and strong bone structure even more prominent.
“Hush you,” Samara swatted her away. “You’ll scare her off.”
“She’s sharing a bed with Ryker. If she can survive that man, then I’m a piece of cake.”
Ivory rolled her eyes as she cleaned off the counter. “That’s Sadie,” she said. “She’s a lot. If she annoys you, just slap her.”
“No, don’t do that. She’ll knock you on your ass and then Scar will get in trouble with Ryker,” Samara laughed.
“But then we could watch them spar. That’s always fun,” Sadie said with a teasing grin. “I don’t get to watch that nearly enough, if you know what I mean. Want to take one for the team?”
“Uh no?” I asked, and she pouted at me.
“I don’t know if I like you,” she whispered, but there was still a smile on her face when she took a seat. Ivory slid a mimosa in front of me, and I only stared at it for a moment before I looked back at her.
“Drink,” she ordered, and I didn’t need to be told twice.
I chugged it, wiping my hand across the back of my mouth when I finished. “I think she needs like six more of those,” Sadie said.
“No! I can’t get drunk.”
Samara looked over at me with a little smirk on her face. “Oh? Would that have anything to do with the meatball ass and the fact that you want to jump on and ride him until tomorrow?”
“I changed my mind,” Sadie chirped, sipping at her own mimosa delicately. “I think I do like you. I have to ask though, do your legs even wrap around him?”
I nearly spit out my first sip of my second mimosa. “I wouldn’t know. I’m usually trying to get him off me. And I do not want to ride him until tomorrow!” I whispered at Samara, glancing nervously at Scar where he stood in the corner and tried not to laugh. Finally snapping my attention to Ivory, I widened my eyes at her shoulder, wondering just how much champagne she’d put in my drink. “Is that a lizard?”
“This is Smaug. He’s everybody’s favorite, aside from Luna over there.” She gestured to the baby Don held, and he brought her over like he might drop her in my arms.
“Nope!” I squealed. “My biological clock is sensitive. I swear if I hold her, I’ll be pregnant in a week and that is not happening.”
Samara chuckled, but bit her tongue when I turned a glare at her. “These men don’t have the best reputation for waiting long before they get us pregnant,” Ivory said.
“Well, it takes two to tango, and I am not dancing.”
Sadie looked over to Ivory gleefully. “I give it a week.”
Ivory responded with, “two weeks.”
“I give it three days,” Samara said, and she shrank back from the glare I leveled her with.
“I am not having sex with Ryker,” I mumbled.
“You will, and you’ll love it. You’ll do it constantly. Next thing you know, you’ll be married, and then a month later you’ll be pregnant. I swear, all they have to do is look at us and we’re knocked up.” Ivory’s smile was warm as she dropped the lizard in my hand and went back to check the muffins. I looked down at the lizard who tilted his head and blinked at me as he settled in to sleep.
“Don’t fight i
t,” Samara whispered, suddenly seeming more serious than they’d been since I arrived. “It won’t matter either way, but Ryker will take good care of you and the kids. He might not be a good man, but he’ll be good to you. That’s all that matters,” she added.
“How can he be good to me if he doesn’t give a damn about what I want?”
“So did Matteo really, and Lino,” she returned. “These men aren’t like normal men. The lives they live mean they take what they want. They wanted us: they took us. It really is that simple to them.”
“And I’m just supposed to be okay with that?” I asked, bewildered.
“He’s going to make you fall in love with him. The way that he fell for you. He won’t stop until he’s imprinted himself on your soul and ruined you for other men. It’s much smoother when you just go with it,” Ivory argued, and I glanced over at Scar where he stood for a moment. He nodded to me, as if agreeing with everything Ivory said.
I dropped my head to the table, banging it on the island while Sadie laughed.
“This isn’t normal,” I whispered.
“Normal is boring, baby girl. Enjoy the ride,” Sadie said.
“Speaking of normal,” Ivory interjected. “How’s Patrick?”
Sadie’s entire frame went still, and she glanced at us before shrugging and continuing on like she didn’t care that a practical stranger would intrude on her private discussion. “I know he’s a nice guy. I know that I should want that.”
“But you don’t?” I asked, sipping at my mimosa until I realized the effing thing was empty.
Again.
Shit.
She sighed dramatically, tipping her head back to stare at the ceiling. “I’m so bored. I swear all he wants to do is stay home and binge watch movies.”
“What’s wrong with that?” Samara asked, glaring at the smallest woman.
“Nothing, if your name is Samara,” Sadie teased, dropping her head into her hands. “Women like me, I think it takes a powerful personality to handle us. Let’s be honest, I’m intense on a good day. I want a man who is all about that, not one who wants me to be quiet so we can watch a movie.”
Grieved Loss: A Dark Mafia Romance (Bellandi Crime Syndicate Book 3) Page 11