by Iris Taylor
Her earnestness was refreshing. I knew it was part of her job description to care for people, but I could see in her eyes that she truly was worried for me.
“It was just an unfortunate set of circumstances. My...father, he passed away, and my mother had to go work to keep us fed. It was during that time that my uncle made his first move.”
I could see more questions in her eyes that I wasn’t sure our brief encounter today could ever allow answers for.
“And I basically kept it from my mother because, well, I knew it would break her. She’s sort of...naïve. She doesn’t see evil in the world at all. I’m sure her views are completely uprooted now.”
I let out a bitter laugh. “But my uncle’s now been taken in by the police, and I hope that will be the end of it.”
Dr. Alice leaned towards me and replied, “I’m sorry to hear about your loss. And it’s true that there are people out there who you trust without a doubt and completely fail you. You’ve been through so much in such a young age.”
I shrugged. It seemed like my way of taking any form of sympathy from anyone nowadays. “Life happens, and we have to deal with it. I just hope to come out stronger.”
Dr. Alice nodded. “You speak like the adult you are soon to become.” She looked down at the clipboard she was holding. “Your birthday’s only a few weeks away now isn’t it?”
I nodded.
She patted my hand and smiled. “I’m so glad to see how well you’ve coped. I want you to know that you can come here anytime if you need to talk, or want any help from me at all.”
I hesitated. A question had just popped into my mind. “Dr. Alice, I do have something to ask.” At her expectant look, I continued. “If a young girl is being...taken advantage of by someone my age – and I happen to know about it – what can be done for her?”
She looked at me with her intelligent gaze and said slowly, “It would be important that the matter be brought to the attention of an adult – say her parents, or the school, so that it could be further looked into.” She paused. “Is there anything you would like to tell me?”
I shook my head. I hadn’t heard from Lucia yet. “I’m just hoping to prevent what happened to me from happening again to another girl.” Taking her hand, I squeezed it and said warmly, “Thank you. I really appreciate everything.”
I did. I could have gotten a doctor who would have judged me, or asked me questions endlessly, without caring about my privacy or emotional state.
After leaving the hospital with a lighter heart, I sent a text to my mom to ask her to fetch me. She was the first person who deserved to know my test results were back and that they were okay. I hadn’t had a chance to check in with her and see how she was doing, and felt guilty about that. My plight was not mine alone, even though it seemed that way.
She arrived in less than ten minutes. It seemed as if she had been waiting for my text all along. Once I got into the car she asked, “How’d you get from the bookstore to the hospital, sweetie?”
“A friend of mine sent me.” When I saw the hurt look in her eyes, I quickly added, “He swung by the bookstore so I hitched a ride.”
She was silent for a while. “Angel, I don’t want you to think that I’m not a reliable mom. I just...I don’t...” Her voice broke, and I held her shoulder but let her speak. It looked like she had a lot more to unload. I was sure being away from me for one night made her question herself and everything that had happened to me without her knowledge. “I feel so blind. Like, how did I not see what was happening right under my nose? That...man...Sam...“ My mom started to break into hiccups, and I waited to hear if she would curse him or give him some evil name. “He was always around but I couldn’t see it, Angel, oh god, I just didn’t see it coming...”
I felt my emotions drop the more she cried. We needed to pull over, fast. But she wiped her eyes and her voice grew steady and she carried on. “I want you to tell me something. Did you...did you think to talk to me at all after he hurt you the first time? Or any of those times.”
She was beating herself up over it. I didn’t know how to answer her, and I decided it was best to go with the truth.
“I didn’t want to burden you. I really thought it was something that would break you, that would pull you down, especially since the first time happened barely a week after Dad died.” I heard a sob break through her, and held her hand to keep her with me.
“Oh god, Angel, I really did mess up with you...”
I turned in my seat to look at her. “Ma. Listen to me. This was all beyond our control. What Uncle Sam did – it’s all him. He chose to hurt me when Dad was gone – and that’s something he did, by choice. It’s not your fault, not in any way. It was a low blow, at a time when we were both vulnerable. Please don’t blame yourself. I won’t have you do that to yourself.”
Her sobs quietened and I watched as the sadness in her eyes turned into a resolute look. “I’m going to try and do my best not to become sad and depressed again. The last time that happened I failed to notice someone taking advantage of you. Never again.” Her voice hardened towards the end of her vow, and I saw my mother turn from the gentle woman I knew her to be to a lioness determined to protect her cub.
I squeezed her hand hard, and let go. We had already reached the house and I saw that Julian’s car was parked out front.
I realized I had yet to tell her my test results. “I have the results of my hospital checkup back. They’re all okay.” Her sharp intake of breath showed me how much this news meant to her, and she nodded.
“I’m so glad to hear that. My little girl deserves to have a fresh start. We will see this through together.” She nodded towards Julian’s car. “He has something to tell you.’
I found Julian sitting at the kitchen table, reading a newspaper. He put it down when he saw me, and motioned for me to take the seat next to him. “Angel. How are you doing?”
“I’m okay. I heard you have something to tell me?”
He nodded, his expression serious. “The police called your mother. They want to speak with you soon, to be able to start the process of convicting Sam. He hasn’t denied anything you said, but he’s not saying anything either. Would you be alright to go and meet them soon?”
I hesitated before nodding. I wasn’t sure I was ready to go through the entire thing again, at least not today. “Did they leave a number to call? I can set up an appointment with them.”
Julian looked at my mother and she nodded. “I have Officer Williams’ number. Here.” After putting the number into my phone, I excused myself. It had been a long day – I needed some time to myself and to my thoughts. I quickly hugged my mother and waved goodbye to Julian and walked into my bedroom, keeping the lights on so I could see every corner of my room. I knew it was silly – Sam was still being held by the police – but I couldn’t help myself. Just for a little while, whilst I’m not yet over this.
I lay down on the bed and closed my eyes, hoping my body and mind would shut down, wishing my thoughts would give me a break.
Chapter Seven
I was running. My heart was about to burst out of my chest from how forcefully it was beating. The adrenaline rush was one that was mixed with sheer terror, and I chanced a backward look, only to stumble on my feet and fall forwards.
“You will always be mine,” said the raspy, familiar voice that was far too close to me for my liking. Where was he? Getting back on my feet I saw Sam coming towards me, slowly, and I turned to run the other way, only to find Elijah and Adrienne standing by the doorway, blocking it. They were both smiling, and I watched as Adrienne leaned forwards and kissed Elijah on the lips, her head dipping again and again so that soon they were openly tonguing each other, oblivious to my distress.
“You slut,” Jessica said, appearing to the right of my visual field, but I could see that this was addressed to me. “You disgusting, boyfriend-snatching slut. I bet you didn’t tell anyone because you actually enjoyed the attention.” She cast a glance behi
nd me.
“Where are you going, Angel? You and I belong together. No one loves you the way I do.” I could feel Sam’s hot breath on my neck now, and I turned around to find him towering over me, his eyes menacing, lustful, as if he was about to ravage me next.
“No, Uncle Sam!” His fingers gripped either side of me, and I could feel his bruising grip tighten around my arms. His hard length rubbed against my back, making me jolt forwards in disgust, and his mouth latched onto the skin of my neck, the prickly stubble on his chin scratching the tender skin there. “No! Get away from me!” There was no relenting. I could feel his teeth sink into my skin, gently at first, then piercing my flesh.
In front of me, Victor appeared, his grey eyes unreadable, almost disinterested in my plight. Almost. His full lips curled into a smile, watching me being held back by Sam, struggling against his tight hold, trying to run from his desire to plunder me. He remained silent, then reached out his arm to the side and pulled someone towards him – Jessica, her perfect face lit up in laughter now, the cruel expression she had earlier now completely replaced by one of happiness and contentment. As I felt Sam pull down the waistband of my shorts, his tongue now lazily lapping away the dull pain on my neck from his bite earlier, I could see all four of them – Adrienne, Elijah, Jessica and Victor – laugh gleefully as they watched me struggle against the bonds that were Sam’s arms.
I WOKE UP IN A SWEAT, twisted in a tangle of bedsheets and pillows, the morning sun streaming through the windows. I took several deep breaths to calm down the palpitations I was having and wiped away the drops of sweat on my forehead. That was way too vivid. I had to pause for a few seconds so the cobwebs of sleep would go away and I could remember what was real and what was part of the nightmare.
I glanced around the sunlit room and reassured myself. Sam is in jail. It was a reassuring thought, and I remembered that I had yet to call the police officer to set up an appointment with them. Still – Sam is in jail. The rest of the dream was true, unfortunately. Rubbing my eyes, I ignored the unsettled feeling I had and walked to the bathroom to get ready for school. I could tell from how bright the morning was that I was late – I just hoped my mom wouldn’t be late because of me.
After getting dressed I quickly grabbed a granola bar and an apple and checked to see if my mom’s car was still outside since I hadn’t heard her moving about at all. Looking out the window, I could see Jack and Lily climbing into the Audi, looking every bit as normal as other siblings do. Perhaps minus the bickering. I wondered what other secrets the school held, and resolved to uncover the ones that were keeping me firmly placed in a dangerous spot. Starting with those involving Adrienne and Elijah.
I arrived just as the first bell rang for class. It was English, and I hoped to find some time to quickly talk to Lucia and see if she had learnt anything from her cousin Zoey. We needed to find out who the girl Elijah had been with was, before she was either subject to Adrienne’s threats or paid off by Elijah’s dad. I sat in a seat between April and Lucia and flipped open my books.
Lucia eyed my neat, handwritten notes and raised an eyebrow. Despite all the recent events in my life, I did find time to revise for most of my classes. It was my way of keeping control, and feeling a semblance of comfort, knowing this important part of my life was still going well.
Still, my heart leapt in my throat when I saw Victor walk into class, Jessica following closely behind him. His gaze travelled towards me and I looked down before I could see what his eyes held. I was going to shield my heart the best I could – and that included stopping myself from wondering whether those grey eyes held any emotions as they looked at me, time and time again.
I STEPPED OUT OF BIOLOGY lab and immediately stopped. Leaning against the wall, waiting, was Victor. I hated how my pulse went into overdrive seeing him there, in his six-foot-plus glory, a picture of careless perfection, of natural, devastating good looks. What was he doing here?
He looked up when he saw me and I attempted to sidestep him, only to have him hold my wrist gently. "Cara."
The soft tone in his voice made me pause. There was an almost desperate quality to it, as if I had something that he wanted, and the warmth of his skin made my skin tingle. I missed him, I missed his gentle touch, his hooded eyes as he lavished me with soft kisses.
I wasn't ready to forgive him, however. “No. You don’t exist to me anymore.”
With those words I walked away from him, my bruised heart cracking into a million pieces, my head held high.
Chapter Eight
Victor’s POV
I watched as she walked away from me yet again, a sign of the ultimate failure that I had become. My life was a joke, and until she arrived, I had no clue. There was a definite pain in the dead center of my chest, one I ignored, and I pushed off the wall and turned to go to my Calc class before the second bell rang. I could see her friend Simon giving me the evil eye and I cast my own gaze down and walked away. I deserved every evil look there was in this world, and I knew Simon was just looking out for her, something I should have been doing.
I wondered at what point in my existence I had become such a repulsive creature. I felt the itch under my skin, a filth that would not go away, not with mere apologies, not with the soul-sucking remorse that kept me awake at night. Not until I righted all the wrongs I had committed. Starting with Cara. Poor, beautiful Cara, who had been the object of envy and mindless hatred. Envy that spawned evil transgressions. Something I was intricately involved in, and in the worst way.
My mind had played again and again the haunted look in her eyes as she lay there, pillaged by men she didn’t want. I should have stopped Adrienne from using the videos the moment she had shown them to me. I knew Cara, and it was obvious she hadn’t been a willing participant in any of those videos. I wondered why Adrienne couldn’t see that and insisted on using them against her. Her cries were that of pain, and the memories of them had kept me up all night, wishing she hadn’t been through the torture, wishing I could protect her from her tormentors. I had memorized their filthy faces and vowed to beat them to a pulp and castrate them if I ever lay my eyes on them. Not one of them should be allowed to walk freely, not after what they had done to such an innocent girl. It was revolting, and I felt nausea and self-loathing bubble up my throat thinking that I had been standing there, watching as Adrienne gleefully played the tape in front of Cara for everyone to hear. I was scum, for not stopping Adrienne, and for being on the wrong side the entire time.
As I walked into class, I could see everyone in their usual seats. Adrienne was smiling, her fingers entwined around Noah’s, and Jessica was in the seat next to mine, or would have been mine. I saw her glance up, her big blue eyes looking as innocent as ever. It was an act everyone fell for, continuously. Looking around the room, I found an empty spot well at the back, and headed towards it instead. I could see the confused glances from my classmates but they remained silent. I placed my bag on the table and sat down. The guy next to me shuffled away to give me more room, and I nodded in acknowledgement. There was enough space for the both of us – he didn’t need to give me more.
My head throbbed as I tried and failed to understand what Mr. Gordon was saying about areas under the curve and integrals. Letting my hair fall forwards to cover part of my eyes, I rubbed my forehead wearily. I wasn’t sleeping well, and it was beginning to affect my days. I had already been called by Coach Jackson for my sloppy performance. I had merely hung my head and nodded, because I knew it was nothing that could be fixed overnight. And although I had not been part of the brainstorming in the plan against Cara, I was definitely one of the perpetrators. The itch under my skin grew again at the thought, and I almost slammed my fist into the table with frustration.
Only sweet Cara would fix this for me. I had to find a way to talk to her. If only she would listen and give me her rare smiles, the ones I looked out for from the beginning. Her eyes would pin me down with their soft, soulful emerald gaze, and in them I would find the re
ason why I wanted her attention to begin with, in whatever way I could. She had a willfulness and strength I had never encountered before, and an unsurpassed beauty that I wanted to behold and be the only one to enjoy.
But of course I had gone about it in the wrong way, being the knucklehead that I was, and now she hated me. As I glanced towards my so-called friends in the front of the class, I felt my heart sink deep into an abyss of darkness. It was right where I belonged.
“OHMIGOD, VIC, THAT’S it, right there...yes!” I winced listening to her shrieks. She was always so loud, it was embarrassing. Her legs started to shake uncontrollably.
I resumed palming her breasts as my tongue lapped her down below. It was mechanical - up-and-down and side-to-side as she writhed under my hold. I almost sighed with boredom.
Releasing her, I pulled away and stood up to clean my face and hands.
"Vic?" Jessica asked in a confused voice. I felt a surge of self-disgust as I looked at myself in the mirror of her bathroom. What on earth am I doing with the wrong girl? So much for ignoring them for all of two hours. Jess had come up to me after school and instead of arguing, I had just fallen back into routine, which at the time seemed easier. The extreme disgust choking me now told me I was wrong.
I quickly walked towards the bed where I had tossed my leather jacket and put it on. I had to fix this. I just had to, before I messed up again, big time.
I felt Jess' arms wrap around my waist from behind and roam down below. Her hands wrapped around my length and she turned to look at me, dumbfounded. I guess she just realized my lack of interest. "You don't want me to return the favor?"
I shook my head. She wasn’t the one I wanted. It wasn’t her fault – it was mine. I had led her on long enough. Life had a funny way of turning the tables on you – the one girl I truly liked wanted nothing to do with me. It was a harsh, bitter reality to live with. I had rejected enough girls before, pushed them aside like an unwanted, half-eaten piece of candy once I was done with them. Still sweet, I just didn’t feel like finishing it anymore. And now I was the unwanted one. But then again, if I knew the real me, I wouldn’t go anywhere near me, either. Not even if I were the last guy on earth.