Elizabeth had no reply. She looked down at the pastry in her hand and decided that stuffing what was left in her mouth was a good excuse not to say anything.
“If you are questioning anything, Lizzie, you must let us know. Your father will want to know. He should be told that Mr. Darcy is teasing you.”
Elizabeth grinned, chewed, and swallowed. “Do not be silly, Mother. I am a grown woman. I can take care of myself without having my daddy come to my defense. I am not a little girl anymore.”
“No. You are not. I just know that your father is concerned about you and often asks me how things are with you. But lately, I do not know how to answer.”
“I will talk to him later,” Elizabeth said, nodding. “Do not worry about me. I will be fine. I am more worried about Jane.”
“I am not sick anymore. There is no need to be worried about me.”
Elizabeth smiled at her. “I am talking about how smitten you are with Bingley, Jane. You have given your heart to him, have you not?”
Jane blushed and looked down at her tea cup, which tilted to the side a bit suddenly, but she managed to right it with only a tiny bit spilling over the top and onto the saucer. “It is not news to Mother or Mary,” Jane said. “I have spoken to both of them about it for some time now.” She looked at Elizabeth. “You are just trying to make me take the attention so we will stop talking about Darcy.”
Elizabeth nodded. “Yes,” she laughed. “As a matter of fact, you are correct.”
Chapter 16
Elizabeth could feel the tension as she walked down the stairs. It was mostly from the voices coming from the parlor. The voices themselves were tense, with words cut short suddenly by another voice interrupting.
“I was under the impression an arrangement had already been made,” she heard Mr. Collins say. She went down to the bottom of the stairs and moved closer to the parlor door, but didn’t go in.
“It was not set in stone,” her father replied, his voice equally as harsh. “It was merely discussed on a possibility basis.”
“That was not my impression. I do not wish to cause your family any distress, but I must also think about my future. I desire a wife and family.”
“We may not be able to provide you with that.”
“It was my impression…”
Elizabeth moved away from the door and went quickly through the front door. She looked up. It was another sunny day. She wanted to get away and get some time for herself. She wanted to think.
Before long she was dressed and riding through the fields around Longbourn, going down a hill and then up the other side. She stopped the horse so she could look across the landscape stretching out in front of her. Houses and farms dotted the land. Trees and streams were mixed in, making it one of the most beautiful sights Elizabeth had seen in her lifetime. She enjoyed this spot more than any other. It let her see so much more of the world.
She wondered how much there was that she didn’t see. How many people, what their cultures were like, how they lived from day to day.
She couldn’t imagine anything other than what she had experienced so far in her short life. Tea with her family and friends, dancing, enjoying life. She realized there was little she needed to stress about. Her only pressure was who she would marry.
If she married Mr. Collins, her family would be safe in their home. She wasn’t completely convinced Mr. Collins would move her family out after her father’s demise or not. He could possibly be bluffing in order to wed one of the Bennet girls. But whenever she thought about marrying him, her stomach turned and she felt like her soul was draining. Her entire future, spent making a man happy that she barely even liked, sounded like being cast into Hades for eternity.
To have a family with him she would be required to be intimate with him, and that was another thought that made her cringe. At least Mr. Darcy was handsome and desirable.
As soon as she thought about Darcy, all thoughts of Mr. Collins left her mind. She pictured him in her mind, walking beside her through the gardens and grassy hills of Netherfield, his hands clasped firmly behind his back and his head down. Every now and then, he would cast her a look to let her know he was listening, or he would respond with thoughts of his own. They enjoyed similar things, and she rarely felt uncomfortable talking to him.
Then, they would be in the presence of other people and Darcy wasn’t the same. He was less genteel with people. She had observed that the only person Darcy behaved normally around was Bingley. If anyone else was around, Darcy became someone else. He was more brash and arrogant. He would barely listen to something someone would say and, at times, he would walk away while they were talking. She had seen him do it many times. He had never done it to her. Nor to Bingley.
When they were alone, he was attentive and interested. The only harsh words he ever said were about Jane and Bingley. He had never stopped insisting it was not meant to be. They didn’t talk about it anymore than necessary. There was nothing either of them could do about the situation. Jane and Bingley would need to sort it out on their own.
And yet, Elizabeth couldn’t help thinking Darcy did have some influence over the situation. It was something she didn’t share. He was able to speak freely with Bingley, who was always willing to listen to his friend. She had overheard their conversations a few times, and knew that Bingley held Darcy’s opinion in high regard. She had heard Darcy change Bingley’s mind on a number of occasions.
Was it possible that Darcy was feeding negative things about Jane and her family to Bingley, in order to get him to break up with Jane? She didn’t want to think that was possible.
She turned her horse around, and they walked slowly down the hill to go back in the direction of Longbourn. She wasn’t sure she wanted to go back quite yet. She had many things to sort out in her mind. She would be taken care of if she married Mr. Darcy. His wealth would help her family in some ways, as well. But it wouldn’t rescind the document stating that, upon her father’s death, Mr. Collins would inherit Longbourn.
She shook her head, responding to her own thoughts. Nothing was going to make that document go away. Therefore, she would need to make her decision and stick with it. She needed to be smart and logical, taking everything into account.
Somewhere in the back of her mind Elizabeth knew that, no matter what happened, she wasn’t going to marry Mr. Collins. It wasn’t a possibility for her. Her parents now knew that she wasn’t anxious to marry a man she didn’t love.
She felt a strange desire for Darcy that she hadn’t expected. It wasn’t something she had experienced before. She was wary of him, unsure if she could trust him. His attitude changed depending on who he was with. That made her feel he was untrustworthy.
As she neared the house, she was pleased to see Mr. Collins’ carriage was no longer in front of the porch. She would speak to her parents and see what was decided. Her heart fluttered a bit in her chest. Surely her father would support her and Darcy. It wasn’t as though Darcy was a penniless farm boy. He had the wealth to help her family in many ways.
She had no idea what her mother might say, or whether she had even been in the room with the men. It wasn’t likely she would have much input. The decision didn’t lie with her mother. It was her father who would make the final decision.
She looked down the path to town and noticed a cloud of dust in the distance. Someone was coming up. She urged her horse on quickly, afraid it was Mr. Collins coming back. She didn’t want to see him. He would only annoy her with his begging behavior. It made her feel ill. She went quickly around the side of the house and turned around, holding her horse in one spot as she watched the visitor arrive.
It was a single rider on a large, majestic black horse. Her heart pounded in her chest when she realized it was Darcy. He was looking handsome in his riding gear, his back straight and his grip on the reins in front of him firm. Yet the rest of him looked completely relaxed. His eyes rested on the house in front of him as he approached. She detected the tiniest of smi
les on his lips.
Her heart did a flip in her chest. She couldn’t decide whether to come out from the side of the house and reveal herself or let him dismount and go inside. She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. Why was she afraid to reveal herself? This was still her home. This was her family.
She came out from the side of the house, trying to look as casual as possible, as if she didn’t know he was coming down the path. She feigned seeing him for the first time, smiling and waving. He lifted one hand in a return wave and then rested it on his thigh. They got closer together and stopped their horses, to stand swaying in the middle of the pathway.
“I trust you are out enjoying this beautiful day,” he said as a greeting.
“Oh, yes. It is quite beautiful. I wanted to clear my head and think. Mr. Collins was visiting the house when I left, and I had no desire to be around him. So I got dressed and took a ride around the fields.”
“I often do that at Pemberley House. I have some of the most beautiful hills and valleys surrounding my home, it is nearly impossible to see the same sight twice. Something always changes, making it seem even more unique than ever. It is a good way to clear the mind.”
Elizabeth nodded. “I agree.”
“Would you like to join me in another trip around the lands here? We can talk.”
“If you would like.”
He laughed and shrugged. “My dear, you are the one who has just returned from a ride. And I did happen to pass Mr. Collins on my way down the path to Longbourn. He did not have a pleasant look on his face. You do not suppose he just found out about us, do you?”
Elizabeth like the sound of Darcy’s reference to them being “us”. She shrugged back. “I do not know. I suppose Mother and Father could have simply sent him a message by post and they were also surprised by his visit today.”
“I think that is something we will never know,” Darcy replied matter-of-factly.
Elizabeth gave him a tense look. “I agree.”
Chapter 17
They moved away from the house, Elizabeth leading Darcy in the same direction she had gone the first time around. She was quiet, thinking about showing him her favorite spot. She sensed him looking at her and turned to see that he was, in fact, looking closely at her. He smiled when he saw that he’d been caught.
“May I ask what has you so deep in thought?”
“There is a place up here on the next hillside that allows you to see far beyond normal,” she answered honestly. “And I was just there. I think you will find it as beautiful as I do. I hope you do anyway.”
“I am sure I will,” he responded. “There are many beautiful spots around Pemberley House. I hope that you will find them as beautiful as I do when you see them.”
Darcy’s referencing his house and her being there made Elizabeth feel strange. She knew it was inevitable that she would be going to Pemberley House in some fashion. But his mention of it reminded her of Jane’s question about where the two of them would live if they were to marry the men in their lives.
Without a doubt, marrying Mr. Collins would mean she would live at the parsonage. It was a nice house, but there was no way she would ever be able to consider it home. And then she would most likely move back into Longbourn when the time came.
Marrying Darcy meant living in his huge mansion, Pemberley House. How could that be a bad thing?
Elizabeth didn’t realize she was smiling until she moved her eyes to Darcy’s face; he was gazing at her once again, this time with an amused smile spread across his face.
“You are having some intense thoughts, Miss Elizabeth. Perhaps I should have let you ride alone to dwell on them.”
“I am terribly sorry, Mr. Darcy. I do have a lot on my mind,” she admitted apologetically. “I am glad you are on this ride with me.”
“I do not wish to interrupt the time you are taking for yourself. Shall I go back?”
“No, please do not.” Elizabeth shook her head, running her eyes over his handsome face.
“You are sure?”
She smiled. “I am sure. I… I suppose I feel somewhat comfortable with you. So that I do not feel I have to hide who I am. When I want to be deep in thought, I will be even if you are with me.” She smiled at him. “Does that sound rude? I apologize if it does.”
“Why would it be rude?” Darcy questioned. “I only want you to behave in a manner suited to you. I do not wish you to change. You are fine the way you are.”
Elizabeth lifted her eyebrows. “Oh?”
He laughed. “But of course, my dear.”
Elizabeth thought about Jane and Bingley. If Darcy didn’t want her to change, why did he want Jane or Bingley to change? Both were good people with good intentions. How could Darcy’s opinion of her be so different than his opinion of Jane?
Surely it had nothing to do with love. Darcy hadn’t mentioned anything about being in love or feeing love for her.
She gave him a few quick glances to satisfy her desire to see his face. She wanted to embed it in her mind so that, whenever he was gone, she could still see him.
Elizabeth sighed. Her thoughts made her realize she was quickly falling for Darcy. She was beginning to want to be his wife more than she wanted anything else. As confusing as he was, as rude as he could be, there was something about him that kept drawing her back in. She was beginning to lose the fight to keep from loving him.
He wandered a few feet away to inspect the darkening leaves on a tree, and she watched him. He reached up and grasped one of the small branches, bringing it down so he could see the leaves better. He sniffed them. She wondered what he was doing.
After a moment, he released the tree limb and was coming back toward her.
“What in heaven’s name were you doing?”
“Just inspecting that pear tree. You will have nice ripe pears this year.”
“That tree grows in the wild. It does not belong to anyone.”
“I feel that is a good thing,” Darcy said, wrapping the reins around one hand and resting his fist on the saddle horn. “Then, if any traveler wishes to partake in God’s fruit, he is able to without repercussions.”
“That is true.” Elizabeth was impressed by his remark. “I have never thought about that before.”
He just gave her a smile and continued on. He pulled slightly in front of her and she examined his body. He was lean, his countenance definitely that of a gentleman. She yearned to have his arms around her.
Inside, nervous anxiety split through her. She was desiring his affections with no guarantee she would get them. That meant if she didn’t get them, she would be heartbroken. She didn’t want that. But the temptation to give in to her desire for Darcy was strong.
She pondered telling him what she was thinking. When they finally reached the pinnacle, Elizabeth’s favorite spot, she stopped and stared. The sun was just past midday, and the shadows were now in the opposite direction as when she had been there earlier. It made for a completely different but equally beautiful sight.
She smiled instinctively and looked at Darcy. “It is beautiful, is it not?”
“It truly is, Elizabeth. You were correct about this being a most beautiful sight to see. There are places, as I said, on my land that I like to gaze upon, but this truly rivals them in beauty.”
“On a nice day, it is like you can see the entire world from here.”
Darcy laughed. “Spoken like someone who has not been many places outside of Hertfordshire.”
“I have been to many other places,” Elizabeth huffed, not truly annoyed. “I have traveled some.”
Darcy snorted. “You have been to London and Meryton, and you think you have traveled? My dear, that is nothing compared to where I have been and what I have seen.”
“I did not realize we were in competition, Mr. Darcy.” Elizabeth covered her mouth with one gloved hand, trying to hide her smile. It came through in her voice, and he knew she was teasing him.
“One is always in competition wit
h whomever one is conversing with,” he responded in a snide voice. She recognized that he was teasing back, and decided to play along.
“I refuse to be in competition with you, sir, as you are a refined gentleman and I am just a lass from the country.”
He snorted again and gave her a look. “Miss Elizabeth, you are more than just a lass from the country. I would consider you a refined woman of the ton, as well.”
Elizabeth felt her cheeks burning. “No, sir, do not say that. You know there are many higher-class women than I. It does make me wonder, though, why you would choose to help me with this task of mine, instead of pursuing a woman much more worthy of you.”
He raised one eyebrow. “You do not consider yourself to be worthy of me?”
Elizabeth felt a bit flustered. She thought it was common knowledge that Darcy was a wealthy, handsome gentleman who could have any woman he wanted. Surely it was something he was aware of.
From the conversations she had overheard and the way he sometimes behaved, she was convinced that he did indeed know of his own personal value. And he wouldn’t hesitate to use it as an influence if he needed to, so that he would get what he was seeking.
“I am worthy,” she said, not sounding very confident. He laughed.
“You certainly do not think you are. You may say the words, but your actions show me you doubt yourself. Why would you? I feel we are compatible. We have much to talk about, and can also enjoy a comfortable silence when we are thinking our own thoughts. It is rare to find a companion who is willing to be quiet.”
“Do you regularly associate with people who enjoy talking more than listening, or being quiet?”
He chuckled. “As a matter of fact, I do. Now that I think about it, I can recall only two people in my life with whom I can be quiet and not feel uncomfortable. One of them is you.”
“And the other is Mr. Bingley.”
Darcy’s eyebrows rose in surprise. He smiled at her. “Yes. You are correct. However did you guess that?”
A Convenient Darcy Marriage Page 8