He turned on the night light, picked up Sammy, and carried her to her room. He had a feeling he would be talking to Tristan very soon about moving the girls into the same room until they were old enough to decide otherwise. That was assuming they all lived together, he reminded himself.
With the kids settled in bed, Nathaniel had to give himself a pep talk. Still, he decided to stall for a little while and get his wits about him. So he jumped in the shower. Chickening out would be so easy. He could simply go to bed now and pick up where he left off on the book he’d been reading, and that would be that.
But if he had a shot at maybe having someone else on the other side of the bed, reading their own book, comfortable in the silence, then he had to take it. He knew it sounded ordinary, but he wanted someone to just “be” with.
He wasn’t going to let the voice in his head talk him out of it. Even though he had used being a good example for his kids as a reason, it was so far from being the only reason. Of course, he wanted to teach his kids to live life without fear holding them back. But this was something for him; he wanted his own happy. Whether or not it was with Tristan was the only question. He really hoped it was though.
He rushed through his shower, put on some comfortable sweatpants and an old T-shirt, and made his way downstairs. He couldn’t wait for life to happen to him, he lectured himself inwardly. He hadn’t hesitated with his company or with the kids. He knew what he wanted with both of those, and he went for it, no holds barred. So why was he such a wuss when it came to taking control of his love life?
Tristan made him feel like the lanky, geeky teen he had been. He felt like he was the dork trying to date the jock. Which he knew was ridiculous. He was pretty sure Tristan hadn’t been a jock. But he was feeling like that outcast kid whose clothes smelled like garbage because all he owned was stuffed into a garbage bag as he moved from home to home. That kid that had never fit in and had never found his place in the world. He had to remind himself that he was a successful, well-respected entrepreneur and that he had a lot to bring to the table.
He couldn’t keep assuming he knew what Tristan was thinking. It was time for him to ask. Regardless of what the outcome was, he needed to not have this weighing on him. If the kiss was a fluke and the sexual tension was only in his head, then so be it. He would move on. He was an expert at that by this point anyhow.
35
Tristan
After tidying up in the kitchen, Tristan was too restless to sit still. The girls had done some damage in the living room. Puzzle pieces were jumbled on the floor, and dolls strewn as if two pint-sized hurricanes had gone through the room. He was happy to see it. Emma hadn’t been playing much since they got back from the hospital, but today she seemed like she’d gotten some of her energy back.
He sorted everything into the bins full of other toys they kept in the room. As he put the last of the toys away, Nathaniel appeared in the doorway. In faded, well-worn, “I can see which way your dick is leaning” sweatpants and a black T-shirt that looked like it had been through one too many spin cycles. Hair wet and finger-combed, he was breathtakingly sexy and had a look in his eye Tristan couldn’t quite decipher.
Tristan could see a drop of water fall from Nathaniel’s hair to his T-shirt, and never had he been so envious of water before in his life. He wanted to use his tongue and trace… Before his mind could devolve into a cocky boys scene, Nathaniel interrupted him, saying, “I think we should talk,” while anxiously running his fingers through his hair.
Tristan was surprised. He’d been trying to talk to the man since they’d gotten home. But Nathaniel had made a concerted effort to stop that from happening. He wondered what had brought on the change of heart.
“Okay?” Tristan replied worriedly. “Is everything okay with the girls?”
He’d had to ask because that was all they seemed capable of talking about these days.
“Yes, yeah, they’re fine. I mean, they’re sleeping.” Nathaniel hurried to reassure him but then went on to say, “I wanted to uhh… talk, you know.... about us. Not that I think there’s an us or anything. I just thought we should talk about, you know, the thing that happened at the hospital,” Nathaniel babbled adorably.
Tristan smiled inwardly and decided to help the poor man out, so he helpfully added, “You mean the kiss?”
Nathaniel blushed and replied, “Yeah, I mean the kiss.”
Fuckin’ finally was Tristan immediate thought. He’d wanted to have this conversation since he got back from the hospital. Hell, he would have had it at the hospital, but every time he brought it up, Nathaniel scurried away like he was the mouse and Tristan was the cat hunting him. But now he had his prey within his grasp. He just had to reel him in, gently.
He let Nathaniel rattle on.
“What I’m trying to say is, ever since I brought Emma home from the hospital when she was born, I’ve been parenting by myself. Fumbling my way through it with parenting books, blogs, and with a Hail Mary or two thrown in, and I sure as shit ain’t Catholic.”
The man must be really agitated for him to be using curse words, Tristan thought to himself but didn’t interrupt him.
“I don’t have a mom to call and ask how to handle an infant that refuses to sleep, or when I damn near lost my shit when she had croup. And the whole list of other fears I’ve had,” he said, pacing back and forth.
Tristan didn’t interrupt, letting the man get it all out because they needed to have their cards on the table. Nathaniel took a deep breath and continued, “Now I have you and your whole crazy, wonderful family, and I don’t want to fuck that up. What if we do this,” he pointed between them, “and it all goes horribly wrong?”
The man was working himself up into an overwrought mess, Tristan thought while trying to make sure he took note of all Nathaniel’s fears and concerns about them so he could work on putting them to rest. Not with words but with actions. Nathaniel was the kind of man you had to convince through actions, and even that might not be enough.
“They’re your family, and sure, they’ll always be there for Emma, but I want Wyatt to have that as well. I…. I want to have that too,” he whispered. “But if we hook up or whatever, then break up, everybody will take sides, and we both know I’ll come up as the loser.”
Tristan had to stop the man before he worked himself into a full-on meltdown. He walked up to where Nathaniel stood looking lost in thought and did the one thing he wanted to do since the hospital, which was sure to distract the man.
He kissed the heck out of him.
Fuck! It felt like an eternity since he’d done that. Apart from the initial surprise, he loved how Nathaniel melted into him. Tristan didn’t want to stop kissing, but he needed to set the man straight on some things before they could carry on, and he hoped, go all the way.
Damn! When last had he used all the way like he was back in high school or something.
Tristan admitted to himself that Nathaniel elicited a reaction from him from the second he laid eyes on the man. Something he’d felt guilty about because of the situation they’d found themselves in and the circumstances of their meeting. He couldn’t understand it. It was so foreign to him. It was a feeling like nothing he’d ever experienced before.
Nathaniel needed to know that this wasn’t something that was born out of proximity or convenience for Tristan. He held Nathaniel’s face in his hands and looked the man straight in the eye. Those mesmerizing eyes he could get lost in.
“This isn’t a joke to me. It isn’t an experiment or a stop along the way for me. If we do this, if we go down this road, you will never get rid of me. You need to be absolutely sure. There’ll be no more hiding, no more retreating and second-guessing, or at least if you do talk to me about it. I can’t fix shit if I don’t know what’s wrong. It’ll be me and you and those kids upstairs and heaven help us, my whole crazy family. I’m all in.”
He could see the emotion swirling in the man’s eyes and the doubt he couldn’t quite conceal behind his normally
cool, detached facade. But that would soon change. He took a deep breath, inhaling that masculine scent that was pure Nathaniel. He couldn’t help himself. He pulled the man closer, and his lips caressed Nathaniel’s in a fervent kiss hauling him up close against his chest, his stomach, his thighs, and tasting every inch of that luscious mouth.
This warm responsive man who was lost in the moment and sliding his hands around his neck, completely melting into him. That was his Nathaniel. Not the insecure mess that doubted what they were becoming. That second-guessed his self-worth at every turn. If he had to kiss the man every minute of the day to chase away those insecurities, well, that was just a sacrifice he was willing to make. He’d take one for the team on that one, he thought, grinning inwardly.
Tristan knew it would take a while for Nathaniel to see he was for real, but he was a patient kind of guy.
He breathed the man in, taking in that cedar, musky smell he had begun to think of as exclusively Nathaniel’s. His hands splayed over his waist, drawing him even closer. His tongue danced across his. Finally, everything was beginning to make sense. This! Them! They were the real deal, and he just had to get Nathaniel to believe that too.
He stroked his face and looked deep into Nathaniel’s eyes now glazed with desire, and claimed his mouth again.
He’d realized the impulse to kiss this man, to claim him, wasn’t going away any time soon. He’d been patient, hoping Nathaniel would come around, and now he didn't have to wait any longer. He ran his fingers through Nathaniel’s hair, and the other hand roamed over the planes of his back. His man shivered, pressing tighter into him. The planes of his chest fit into Tristan’s like it was meant to be, and his own body responded in kind.
“Bedroom,” he said. They practically raced each other up the stairs to the room. There was no more logical thought after that. Barely making it to the bed before diving back into savoring some of Nathaniel’s intoxicating taste. He couldn’t get enough. He took Nathaniel’s mouth in a deep, bruising kiss, stoking the fire even more. Holding him tight, he stared down at his swollen lips in the dim light.
“Nathaniel,” he purred, brushing the hair from his face, fingers tracing over his lips, his jaw. “So beautiful,” Tristan whispered almost reverently.
As he lay there on top of Nathaniel, he made the decision that, no matter what, this was not going to end with just tonight. It was not going to end in this bed with him naked beside him, well, on top of him. He never wanted this to end. He knew it was a huge statement to make before even having sex, but he knew in his heart it was the truth.
36
Nathaniel
Nathaniel hoped Tristan felt the same way he did. And he hoped the fog of lust and hormones wasn’t what made Tristan look at him like he was the most precious thing in his universe. He couldn’t take that.
“You should be naked. I really want to make love to you. If you don't want this, now’s the time to say…” Tristan queried.
Tipping his head, he offered, and Tristan got the message, teeth nipping gently at his collarbone, his thumb skimming ever so lightly, and he sucked in a breath, a shiver of desire crawling up his spine.
Watching him carefully, Tristan finally took off Nathaniel’s shirt. He lifted his arms, letting him peel it off. He tossed it to the floor and leaned back, simply looking at Nathaniel. He would feel self-conscious if it wasn’t for the look in Tristan’s eyes.
“Fuck,” Tristan whispered. “So fucking perfect.”
Tristan lowered his head and used his tongue to tease his nipples. When he closed his mouth, he sighed, threading his fingers through the man’s shorter hair. Nathaniel hadn’t been with anyone in a while. Too long to think about. It had been him and his hand for so long.
Using fingers and lips, Tristan explored Nathaniel’s body like he was trying to commit it to memory. He was causing the most delicious sensation in Nathaniel. The man paused just below his belly button, his fingertip circling his skin making Nathaniel shiver. The ridge of Tristan’s arousal pressed into the apex of his thighs, only very thin pieces of clothing separating them. Nathaniel needed him with an intensity that almost scared him. He shifted beneath him, seeking more, hoping Tristan got the message.
God, he wanted this man. Want didn’t seem adequate, but he was hesitant to use need. Was it possible that he could…? No, no, the cynic inside him shouted. Don't even think like that. You know how everything works in reality. Everyone leaves. Shut up and take what you can get now.
“Make love to me, Tristan.” He forced his hips up, grinding against the other man. The sensation was so good, he moaned, shutting his eyes.
“You still have too many clothes on,” Tristan said, hooking his thumbs in the elastic waistband of Nathaniel’s sweats and boxers, pulling them down. He then shucked off his sweats and dark blue boxer briefs, tossing them aside.
“Condom? Lube?” Tristan asked while caressing his skin, starting at the hollow of his throat. Then his nipples, circling one, drawing the other into his mouth. The aching need soared higher with each stroke of his fingers, each hot caress. He’d never realized how sensitive his nipples were.
“Tristan, please!” he gasped when he grazed his finger across the juncture of his thighs, slowly working his way down.
“What’s the rush? We have all night,” the man teased before finally taking pity on him. He reached the head of his cock finally and pulled it up straight before gently enclosing the head in his mouth. Nathaniel could feel Tristan’s tongue gliding over the head, licking up his precum. He slowly began to take more and more of his cock into his mouth, sucking gently and licking him with that talented tongue. The man was very good at this. He thought he was going to suck him off, but he was so wrong. Instead, he let his cock go from his mouth, moving down and began licking at his balls. Without Tristan having to ask, he pulled his legs back, giving him access to his balls and ass. Tristan moved down from his balls and right into his ass.
Nathaniel groaned, closing his eyes for a moment, his body wanting those talented fingers or tongue or something to hurry up and get to where he needed them the most. The sounds coming out of his mouth made his face heat.
Fuck! He sounded desperate, needy almost. The urge to beg for more overcame him. Then he finally felt it, the wet feeling of Tristan’s tongue licking up and down his ass crack.
Nathaniel groaned at the feeling, loving every moment of it. Then finally Tristan’s mouth was on his hole, and he gently began to lap at it. He could feel his tongue pressing against his hole, requesting entry. Nathaniel relaxed and pushed out with his ass muscles, allowing Tristan’s tongue to slowly slide up his ass. He groaned as Tristan began to lick inside of him. Once Tristan swirled his tongue deep inside, that’s when he knew he couldn’t take much more of this.
“Fuck me. Please, Tristan. I need you to fuck me now,” he begged.
The man looked up from between his legs and grinned. “All you had to do was ask.”
He finally heard the sound that could only be him popping open the lube. He spread it over Nathaniel’s hole, pushing until it gave. The burn had him shifting his feet farther apart so he could feel more of those talented fingers, needing it more than his next breath. They finally twisted and spread out. He pushed out even more, and Tristan’s fingers pushed deeper, slowly stretching him until he fucked him with one, two, then three fingers.
Tristan’s fingers grazed his prostate and made stars shoot through Nathaniel. He groaned and tried to bear down, but Tristan wasn’t having any of it, stilling him with a hand on his thigh. The ability to think rationally fled by the time Tristan finally reached to the side, and retrieved the condom.
“Please, fuck... please I need…” he tried to say, his head thrashing side to side. Fuck! He felt so empty without Tristan’s fingers inside him.
“Look at me,” Tristan ordered, poised just over him. He focused on the man, hips straining to join them together. Tristan finally smiled and slowly sank into him. Eyes never leaving his.
> “Oh, fuck, Tristan. Please more. I need more.” He was in heaven. The stretch and the burn, the fullness, he was so full, and he fucking loved it, needed it, craved it. It took a second for Tristan to bottom out. Before he started moving.
Tristan teased him, changing his pace, sometimes fast, and then slowing to a frustrating pace. Sometimes he plunged deep. Then it was all shallow thrust, at one point withdrawing fully. Nathaniel cried out, writhing in frustration until Tristan plunged back in.
He gripped his shoulders, locked his ankles in the small of his back, “More. I need more, please.”
“So greedy. I love seeing you like this, begging so prettily for me,” Tristan murmured. As Tristan grazed his neck with his teeth, he wanted the man to mark him.
“I fucking love it,” Tristan said, slowing his pace again, driving Nathaniel out of his mind with want.
“Stop fucking teasing,” he demanded, which was so out of character for him, and then gasped as Tristan slid even deeper.
“Your wish,” he slid out, “is my command,” he said as he plunged back to the hilt.
This time he set up a steadily increasing pace. Sweat slicked their bodies. Nathaniel arched up to meet him, panting, begging. Tristan must have seen how desperate he was because he reached between their bodies, stroking Nathaniel’s cock, stimulating him to the point of insanity.
Nathaniel could feel his orgasm building. He recognized the sudden tension in his body, and just a few strokes later, his orgasm wracked his body, making him shake and tremble in a way he’d never thought possible. Tristan pumped faster, chasing his own release.
He felt the man’s body lock in place, and he could feel the warmth of his cum through the condom separating them. For the first time in his thirty-two years, Nathaniel wished there was nothing between him and the man on top of him.
Their heavy breathing gradually slowed. Tristan rolled them onto their sides, reaching out to caress his face.
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