CHAPTER XII.
_Of a Philosophical Entertainment._
After I had Proclaimed this, in the five great places of the Town, myAdvocate came and reached me his Hand to help me down. I was in greatamaze, when after I had Eyed him I found him to be my Spirit; we werean hour in embracing one another: "Come lodge with me," said he, "forif you return to Court, after a Publick Disgrace, you will not be welllookt upon: Nay more, I must tell you, that you would have been stillamongst the Apes yonder, as well as the _Spaniard_ your Companion,if I had not in all Companies published the vigour and force of yourWit, and gained from your Enemies the protection of the great Men inyour favours." I ceased not to thank him all the way, till we came tohis Lodgings; there he entertained me till Suppertime with all theEngines he had set a work to prevail with my Enemies, notwithstandingthe most specious pretexts they had used for riding the Mobile,[1] todesist from so unjust a Prosecution. But as they came to acquaint usthat Supper was upon the Table, he told me that to bear me company thatevening he had invited Two Professors of the University of the Townto Sup with him: "I'll make them," said he, "fall upon the Philosophywhich they teach in this World, and by that means you shall see myLandlord's Son: He's as Witty a Youth as ever I met with; he wouldprove another _Socrates_, if he could use his Parts aright, and notbury in Vice the Graces wherewith God continually visits him, byaffecting a Libertinism,[2] as he does, out of a Chimerical Ostentationand Affectation of the name of a Wit. I have taken Lodgings here, thatI may lay hold on all Opportunities of Instructing him:" He said nomore, that he might give me the Liberty to speak, if I had a mind toit; and then made a sign, that they should strip me of my disgracefulOrnaments, in which I still glistered.
The Two Professors, whom we expected, entered just as I was undrest,and we went to sit down to Table, where the Cloth was laid, and wherewe found the Youth he had mentioned to me, fallen to already. Theymade him a low Reverence, and treated him with as much respect as aSlave does his Lord. I asked my Spirit the reason of that, who made meanswer, that it was because of his Age; seeing in that World, the Agedrendered all kind of Respect and Difference[3] to the Young; and whichis far more, that the Parents obeyed their Children, so soon as by theJudgment of the Senate of Philosophers they had attained to the Yearsof Discretion.[4]
[Sidenote: Why Parents Obey Children]
"You are amazed," continued he, "at a Custom so contrary to that ofyour Country; but it is not all repugnant to Reason: For say, in yourConscience, when a brisk young Man is at his Prime in Imagining,Judging, and Acting, is not he fitter to govern a Family than aDecrepit piece of Threescore Years, dull and doting, whose Imaginationis frozen under the Snow of Sixty Winters, who follows no other Guidebut what you call the Experience of happy Successes; which yet are nomore but the bare effects of Chance, against all the Rules and Oeconomyof humane Prudence? And as for Judgment, he hath but little of thatneither, though the people of your World make it the Portion of OldAge: But to undeceive them, they must know, That that which is calledPrudence in an Old Man is no more but a panick Apprehension, and amad Fear of acting any thing where there is danger: So that when hedoes not run a Risk, wherein a Young Man hath lost himself; it is notthat he foresaw the Catastrophe, but because he had not Fire enough tokindle those noble Flashes, which make us dare: Whereas the Boldnessof that Young Man was as a pledge of the good Success of his design;because the same Ardour that speeds and facilitates the execution,thrust him upon the undertaking.
"As for Execution, I should wrong your Judgment if I endeavoured toconvince it by proofs: You know that Youth alone is proper for Action;and were you not fully perswaded of this, tell me, pray, when yourespect a Man of Courage, is it not because he can revenge you on yourEnemies or Oppressors? And does any thing, but meer Habit, make youconsider[5] him, when a Battalion of Seventy _Januarys_ hath frozen hisBlood and chilled all the noble Heats that youth is warmed with?When you yield to the Stronger, is it not that he should be obligedto you for a Victory which you cannot Dispute him? Why then shouldyou submit to him, when Laziness hath softened his Muscles, weakenedhis Arteries, evaporated his Spirits, and suckt the Marrow out of hisBones? If you adore a Woman, is it not because of her Beauty? Whyshould you then continue your Cringes, when Old Age hath made her aGhost, which only represents a hideous Picture of Death? In short,when you loved a Witty Man, it was because by the Quickness of hisApprehension he unravelled an intricate Affair, seasoned the choicestCompanies with his quaint Sayings, and sounded the depth of Scienceswith a single Thought; and do you still honour him, when his wornOrgans disappoint his weak Noddle, when he is become dull and uneasy inCompany, and when he looks like an aged Fairy[6] rather than a rationalMan?
"Conclude then from thence, Son, that it is fitter Young Men shouldgovern Families, than Old; and the rather, that according to your ownPrinciples, _Hercules, Achilles, Epaminondas, Alexander_, and _Caesar_,of whom most part died under Fourty Years of Age, could have meritedno Honours, as being too Young in your account, though their Youthwas the only cause of their Famous Actions; which a more advanced Agewould have rendered ineffectual, as wanting that Heat and Promptitudethat rendered them so highly successful. But you'll tell me, that allthe Laws of your World do carefully enjoin the Respect that is due toOld Men: That's true; but it & as true also, that all who madeLaws have been Old Men, who feared that Young Men might justly havedispossessed them of the Authority they had usurped.
"You owe nothing to your mortal Architector, but your Body only; yourSoul comes from Heaven, and Chance might have made your Father yourSon, as now you are his. Nay, are you sure he hath not hindered youfrom Inheriting a Crown? Your Spirit left Heaven, perhaps with a designto animate the King of the _Romans_, in the Womb of the Empress; itcasually encountered the _Embryo_ of you by the way, and it may be toshorten its journey, went and lodged there: No, no, God would neverhave razed your name out of the List of Mankind, though your Father haddied a Child. But who knows, whether you might not have been at thisday the work of some valiant Captain, that would have associated youto his Glory, as well as to his Estate. So that, perhaps, you are nomore indebted to your Father--for the life he hath given you, thanyou would be to a Pirate who had put you in Chains, because he feedsyou: Nay, grant he had begot you a Prince, or King; a Present losesits merit, when it is made without the Option of him who receivesit. _Caesar_ was killed, and so was _Cassius_ too: In the mean time_Cassius_ was obliged to the Slave, from whom he begg'd his Death, butso was not _Caesar_ to his Murderers, who forced it upon him. Did yourFather consult your Will and Pleasure, when he Embraced your Mother?Did he ask you, if you thought fit to see that Age, or to wait foranother; if you would be satisfied to be the Son of a Sot, or if youhad the Ambition to spring from a Brave Man? Alas, you whom alone thebusiness concerned, were the only Person not consulted in the case.May be then, had you been shut up any where else, than in the Womb ofNature's Ideas, and had your Birth been in your own Opinion, you wouldhave said to the _Parca_, my dear Lady, take another Spindle in yourHand: I have lain very long in the Bed of Nothing, and I had rathercontinue an Hundred years still without a Being, than to Be to day,that I may repent of it to morrow: However, Be you must, it was to nopurpose for you to whimper and squall to be taken back again to thelong and darksome House they drew you out of, they made as if theybelieved you cryed for the Teat.
"These are the Reasons, at least some of them, my Son, why Parentsbear so much respect to their Children: I know very well that I haveinclined to the Childrens side more than in justice I ought; and thatin favour of them, I have spoken a little against my Conscience. Butsince I was willing to repress the Pride of some Parents, who insultover the weakness of their little Ones; I have been forced to do asthey do who to make a crooked Tree streight bend it to the contraryside, that betwixt two Conversions it may become even: Thus I have madeFathers restore to their Children what they have taken from them, bytaking from them a great deal that belonged to them; that so anothertime they may be content with their own. I kno
w very well also that bythis Apology I have offended all Old men: But let them remember, thatthey were Children before they were Fathers, and Young before they wereOld; and that I must needs have spoken a great deal to their advantage,seeing they were not found in a Parsley-bed:[7] But, in fine, fallback, fall edge, though my Enemies draw up against my Friends, it willgo well enough still with me; for I have obliged all men, and onlydisobliged but one half."
With that he held his tongue, and our Landlord's Son spoke in thismanner: "Give me leave," said he to him, "since by your care I aminformed of the Original, History, Customs, and Philosophy, of theWorld of this little Man; to add something to what you have said; andto prove that Children are not obliged to Parents for their Generation,because their Parents were obliged in Conscience to procreate them.
"The strictest Philosophy of their World acknowledges that it is betterto dye, since to dye one must have lived, than not to have had a Being.Now seeing, by not giving a Being to that Nothing, I leave it in astate worse than Death, I am more guilty in not producing, than inkilling it. In the mean time, my little Man, thou wouldst think thouhadst committed an unpardonable Parracide, shouldst thou have cut thySons throat: It would indeed be an enormous Crime, but it is far moreexecrable, not to give a Being to that which is capable of receivingit: For that Child whom thou deprivest of life for ever, hath had thesatisfaction of having enjoyed it for some time. Besides, we know thatit is but deprived of it, but for some ages; but these forty poorlittle Nothings, which thou mightest have made forty good Souldiers forthe King, thou art so malicious as to deny them Life, and lettest themcorrupt in thy Reins, to the danger of an Appoplexy, which will stiflethee."
This Philosophy did not at all please me, which made me three or fourtimes shake my head; but our Preceptor held his tongue, because Supperwas mad to be gone.
We laid our selves along, then, upon very soft Quilts, covered withlarge Carpets; and a young man that waited on us, taking the oldest ofour Philosophers, led him into a little parlour apart, where my Spiritcalled to him to come back to us as soon as he had supped.
This humour of eating separately, gave me the curiosity of asking theCause of it: "He'll not relish," said he, "the steam of Meat, nor yetof Herbs, unless they die of themselves, because he thinks they aresensible of Pain." "I wonder not so much," replied I, "that he abstainsfrom Flesh, and all things that have had a sensitive Life: For inour World the _Pythagoreans_, and even some holy _Anchorites_, havefollowed that Rule; but not to dare, for instance, cut a Cabbage, forfear of hurting it; that seems to me altogether ridiculous." "And formy part," answered my Spirit, "I find a great deal of probability inhis Opinion."
[Sidenote: The Soul of Plants]
"For tell me, Is not that Cabbage you speak of, a Being existent inNature, as well as you? Is not she the common Mother of you both? Yetthe Opinion that Nature is kinder to Mankind, than to Cabbage-kind,tickles and makes us laugh: But seeing she is incapable of Passion, shecan neither love nor hate any thing; and were she susceptible of Love,she would rather bestow her affection upon this Cabbage, which yougrant cannot offend her, than upon that Man who would destroy her, ifit lay in his power.
"And moreover, Man cannot be born Innocent, being a Part of the firstOffender: But we know very well, that the first Cabbage did not offendits Creator. If it be said, that we are made after the Image of theSupreme Being, and so is not the Cabbage; grant that to be true; yetby polluting our Soul, wherein we resembled Him, we have effaced thatLikeness, seeing nothing is more contrary to God than Sin. If thenour Soul be no longer his Image, we resemble him no more in our Feet,Hands, Mouth, Forehead and Ears, than a Cabbage in its Leaves, Flowers,Stalk, Pith, and Head: Do not you really think, that if this poorPlant could speak, when one cuts it, it would not say, 'Dear BrotherMan, what have I done to thee that deserves Death? I never grow but inGardens, and am never to be found in desart places, where I might livein Security: I disdain all other company but thine; and scarcely am Isowed in thy Garden, when to shew thee my Goodwill, I blow, stretch outmy Arms to thee; offer thee my Children in Grain; and as a requitalfor my civility, thou causest my Head to be chopt off.' Thus would aCabbage discourse, if it could speak.
"Well, and because it cannot complain, may we therefore justly do itall the Wrong which it cannot hinder? If I find a Wretch bound Handand Foot, may I lawfully kill him, because he cannot defend himself?so far from that, that his Weakness would aggravate my Cruelty. Andthough this wretched Creature be poor, and destitute of all theadvantages which we have, yet it deserves not Death; and when of allthe Benefits of a Being it hath only that of Encrease, we ought notcruelly to snatch that away from it. To massacre a Man, is not sogreat Sin, as to cut and kill a Cabbage, because one day the Man willrise again, but the Cabbage has no other Life to hope for: By puttingto death a Cabbage, you annihilate it; but in killing a Man, you makehim only change his Habitations Nay, I'll go farther with you still:since God doth equally cherish all his Works, and hath equally dividedthe Benefits betwixt Us and Plants, it is but just we should have anequal Esteem for Them as for our Selves. It is true we were born first,but in the Family of God there is no Birthright. If then the Cabbageshare not with us in the inheritance of Immortality, without doubtthat Want was made up by some other Advantage, that may make amendsfor the shortness of its Being; may be by an universal Intellect, ora perfect Knowledge of all things in their Causes; and it's for thatReason, that the wise Mover of all things hath not shaped for it Organslike ours, which are proper only for a simple Reasoning, not only weak,but many times fallacious too; but others, more ingeniously framed,stronger, and more numerous, which serve to manage its SpeculativeExercises. You'll ask me, perhaps, when ever any Cabbage imparted thoselofty Conceptions to us? But tell me, again, who ever discovered tous certain Beings, which we allow to be above us; to whom we bear noAnalogy nor Proportion, and whose Existence it is as hard for us tocomprehend, as the Understanding and Ways whereby a Cabbage expressesits self to its like, though not to us, because our senses are too dullto penetrate so far.
"_Moses_, the greatest of Philosophers, who drew the Knowledge ofNature from the Fountain-Head, Nature her self, hinted this truth to uswhen he spoke of the Tree of Knowledge; and without doubt he intendedto intimate to us under that Figure, that Plants, in Exclusion toMankind, possess perfect Philosophy. Remember, then, O thou Proudestof Animals! that though a Cabbage which thou cuttest sayeth not aWord, yet it pays it at Thinking; but the poor Vegetable has no fitOrgans to howl as you do, nor yet to frisk it about, and weep: Yet,it hath those that are proper to complain of the Wrong you do it, andto draw a Judgement from Heaven upon you for the Injustice. But ifyou still demand of me, how I come to know that Cabbage and Colewortsconceive such pretty Thoughts? Then will I ask you, how come you toknow that they do not; and that some amongst them, when they shut up atNight, may not Compliment one another as you do, saying: Good Night,Master _Cole-Curled-Pate_; your most humble Servant, good Master_Cabbage-Round-Head_."
So far was he gone on in his Discourse, when the young Lad, who had ledout our Philosopher, led him in again; "What, Supped already?" cryedmy Spirit to him. He answered, yes, almost: The Physiognomist havingpermitted him to take a little more with us. Our young Landlord stayednot till I should ask him the meaning of that Mystery; "I perceive,"said he, "you wonder at this way of Living; know then, that in yourWorld, the Government of Health is too much neglected, and that ourMethod is not to be despised."
[Sidenote: The Physiognomist]
"In all Houses there is a Physiognomist entertained by the Publick,[8]who in some manner resembles your Physicians, save that he onlyprescribes to the Healthful, and judges of the different manners howwe are to be Treated only according to the Proportion, Figure, andSymmetry of our Members; by the Features of the Face, the Complexion,the Softness of the Skin, the Agility of the Body, the Sound of theVoice, and the Colour, Strength, and Hardness of the Hair. Did not youjust now mind a Man, of a pretty low Stature, who ey'd you; he was thePhysiognomist of
the House: Assure your self, that according as heobserved your Constitution, he hath diversified the Exhalation of yourSupper: Mark the Quilt on which you lie, how distant it is from ourCouches; without doubt, he judges your Constitution to be far differentfrom ours; since he feared that the Odour which evaporates from thoselittle Pipkins that stand under our Noses, might reach you, or thatyours might steam to us; at Night, you'll see him chuse the Flowers foryour Bed with the same Circumspection."
[1] The people, the populace. _Cf_. pp. 74 (starts with "... without anydifficulty, and...") and 168 ("... But you'll say, some are...").
[2] "Libertinism" in seventeenth-century English is like the French_libertinage_, applied rather to licentiousness of opinion than ofpractice; so here it means rather "free thought" than free living.
[3] Deference.
[4] _Cf_. Gulliver's Voyage to Lilliput, chap. vi.
[5] Respect.
[6] Fr., _Dieu Foyer_. The change seems to be an interesting embroideryof the translator's fancy, since he has correctly translated the wordsas "Household God" on p. 76 (starts with "... Companions had retreatedto Temples...").
[7] Fr., "sous une pomme de chou" under a cabbage-head; where, as toocurious children are sometimes told in France, the babies are found.The English expression is exactly equivalent. Cf. Locke: "Sempronia dugTitus out of the parsley bed, as they used to tell children, and sobecame his mother."
[8] Supported by the State. _Cf_. p. 34, n. 1. (See note 10 chap. III.)
Histoire comique des états et empires de la lune. English Page 15