~A year and four months after Drew~
“You’re finally going out with him tonight?” Jenna asks, genuinely surprised.
“It was last minute. His date canceled. He asked if I could go with him.” Then I add, “as friends,” before Jenna can get any ideas.
“Friends, my ass.”
“Jenna, we are just friends.”
“But you like him.”
It’s the first time I hesitate in my response. “I don’t think I’m ready. Drew—”
Jenna cuts me off. “This is going to sound harsh, but Drew is gone and he’s never coming back. And we are all sorry that’s the case. But you promised him you would live. I’m sorry I have to pull that card, but it’s been long enough. No one is going to fault you for moving on.”
Her words still bounce in my head as I drink my glass of wine. When he turns his back, I down the rest and give the empty glass to the waiter.
When he turns back to me, I feel the need to fill the space. “You know everyone,” I say, nervous for the first time.
“My parents know everyone and thus they know me.”
“Your family and Jenna’s.”
Jenna would probably get stopped every few steps. This benefit has all the old families in attendance.
“It’s tough sometimes, like tonight when I would rather be talking to you than some stuffed shirt who knows my dad or mom.”
I find myself staring at his lips while he talks. I wave a hand at my face suddenly feeling flushed.
“Are you hot? Do you want to want to walk out on the terrace?”
I nod frantically because I can’t stop staring and it’s stupid.
He takes my hand and leads me outside. The night is cool and we stand by the marble railing staring out into the night. We start to talk at the same time.
“No, you go ahead,” I say.
He seems to take a breath. “Cate, I’ll be honest with you. I’m glad you’re here with me and not someone else.”
“Really?”
“I like you, Cate. I think I like you more than you’re ready to hear. And I’ve tried to be patient and not push, but Cate—”
It might be the wine, but I move in and silence him with my lips. I press them to his and savor the moment for a second. His hand snakes behind my back and I start to feel warm all over. It has to be the wine. Three glasses might have been the courage I needed.
When I pull back his eyes are heavy on mine. “Cate—”
I shake my head. “I want this. I want you, if you’ll have me.” I take his hand. I’ve known him for almost a year and a half. This isn’t rushed, my subconscious tells me. We’ve taken time to get to know each other. And I need to know. I need to know if I can move on. “Let’s see if they have a room.”
He stops and holds my hand so I can’t move toward the doors.
“Are you sure? I can wait.” He scrubs a hand through his hair. “Hell, I have been waiting.”
His words puzzle me for a second.
“You had a girlfriend?”
He shakes his head. “I had a girl. She was more than a friend but not by much. And maybe that was my fault because I’ve been infatuated with you since the first time I saw you. It was the wrong time, so I backed off. Now—”
“Now you’re talking too much. Let’s just see where this goes.”
When I wake up in the morning with him naked in the sheets, I completely freak out. I get dressed while he sleeps and I rush out without saying goodbye.
~A year and seven months after Drew~
It takes Jenna talking me down from the ledge before I’m able to talk or see the good doctor again. I’m scared of the feelings he’s creating in me. He’s been a great friend and being with him beneath the sheets made me want more. Still, I feel like I’m cheating on my dead husband.
He finally coaxes me out to have lunch with him. He’s been understanding, letting things take a step back in a slower gear. I’m grateful for that. I still feel somewhat guilty for feeling anything for anyone other than my late husband, Drew McKnight.
Yet, Drew Mercer makes it impossible not to have a good time. He’s telling me horror stories about working at the hospital.
“I walked into the patient’s room without knocking. Mind you, he’s a ninety year old man, and his wife was in there with him.” Drew’s brow rises. “The two of them were getting it on like they were newlyweds. I have to say, it gives me hope for the future.”
“He was in his nineties?” I ask.
He nods. “And she was probably in her late eighties.”
He gives a shudder but laughs. We’re both cracking up while enjoying an afternoon eating outside at a bistro when I see Ben.
Jenna’s brother looks lost and I know he’s been having a rough time. My laughs quiet and suddenly guilt consumes me like a ball of fire. How can I be laughing with another man? Drew’s best friend is still bereft with grief. I’m Drew’s wife. I should be worse off.
“I can’t,” I say, my mood changing lightning fast.
“What?”
My face feels flushed as I suddenly feel out of breath and I know I appear like a crazed bipolar patient off their meds. “I can’t do this. I’m not ready. How can I possibly be happy when he’s in the ground?”
“Cate, please.” He reaches for me. For the briefest second, I pause. “I think I’ve fallen in love with you.”
His words only catapult me from my seat because I’m starting to fall myself. How can I possibly take that leap with someone else? I belong to Drew. I bolt from the restaurant and from his life. I ignore his calls. I refuse to see him.
Weeks later when my boss offers me the transfer of a lifetime, I know I have to take it. I can move to DC and start fresh in a new city where memories of my Drew won’t haunt me.
“You can’t move without telling him,” Jenna berates me.
She’s right. Yet, I can’t talk to him either. He doesn’t deserve what I did to him. He’s been nothing but good to me. So I write him a letter explaining that I’m leaving town. I ask for his forgiveness and for his understanding. I leave with strict instructions to Jenna for her not to tell him where I’ve gone if he should ask. Only fate put us together again.
~Present Day~
I take Andy’s hand in mine. “There are a few things I need to show you and do before I can answer you.”
When we get to my place, he sits on the couch when I go to my room to get something. I come back to the room and sit next to him before I hand him the letter. It’s the letter Ben gave to me from Drew those many, many months ago.
Thirty-Two
Present
I walk up to Andy, or Drew, as I should now call him, and hand him the manila envelope I received last week. It was from Ben, which surprised me a little, but the mysterious contents intrigued me even more. Inside were two more envelopes, one addressed to me, and the other said, “The One—Cate—DO NOT OPEN!”
When I read the letter in the one addressed to me, my emotions were all over the place as I was thrown by the handwriting. Of course, I should have known he would’ve thought of everything. And he did.
Cate,
If you’re reading this, then Ben has deemed it was the appropriate time to pass this along, which means you have found THE ONE. Ben’s instructions were to send you this when he knew you had either fallen in love again, or were getting married. I hope, for your sake, that you are the happiest woman in the world. It is my most fervent wish that you live life to its fullest with the man of your dreams.
The other envelope is for him. Don’t you dare open it. If he chooses to share it with you, that is his business.
Be happy. You deserve nothing less than the best.
Yours,
Drew
Tears clouded my vision when I read it.
Now I stand before my other Drew, or Andy, and hand him his letter. His eyes ping back and forth between it and me. “What is this?”
“It’s from Drew. Ben sent it.”
&nb
sp; A V forms between his brows and he turns it over a few times in his hands as he stares at it. He sits on the couch with his forearms resting on his thighs. I can’t even imagine what he must be thinking as he holds a letter from his girlfriend’s deceased husband.
“This is pretty weird, Cate.”
“Yeah, I know. If you don’t want to read it …”
“No, I do.” He fills his lungs with air and very gently opens the thick paper. Inside, I see the familiar handwriting, but I don’t dare peek. I walk to the other side of the room as he reads. He stops for a moment, wipes his face, and continues. When he’s finished, there isn’t a dry part of his face. Tears freely run and he does nothing to stop them. His arm extends out to me with the letter in his hand.
“You should read this.”
I take it from him and exchange it for a handful of tissues. Then I begin.
To THE ONE,
Since you’re reading this, Cate has either consented to marry you or has told you she’s fallen in love with you. If you haven’t yet asked her to marry you, you’d better do so. Love—those words don’t come easy for her, nor does she say them frivolously to just anyone. So you are one lucky bastard, let me tell you. And with that being said, I would ask that you treat her like the most precious bird alive. Most people think their loved ones need to be treated like gems. But gems are hard, and don’t need special care. Cate does. Don’t let her fly away. I’m sure she wanted to run from you. She probably felt guilty about loving you. Tell her I said to forget about that damn guilt. It’s a useless emotion that will bring her nothing but more pain. If she’s chosen you, you’d better do everything in your power to deserve her, because she’s special.
Cate changed my life. She has a way of putting her handprint on things and when she does, they are never the same again. She did that to me. She put the extra beat in my heart, made the blood flow faster through my veins, made my soul burn brighter and my sprit grow deeper. Once she entered my life, I knew there was no going back. I hope she does that to you, too. I once said that getting cancer made me more empathetic. That wasn’t true. It was Cate who did that to me.
I wanted her to move on and to find someone else after me, and I’m glad she did. My friend, Ben, has my permission to kick your ass if you’re not good to her. And he will. He’s that kind of guy. But I’m hoping he doesn’t have to because I truly want you to make her the happiest woman on Earth. For everything I put her through, she deserves it.
Now go and do her right. Treat her well and love her with everything you’ve got. You won’t be disappointed.
Drew McKnight
The letter flutters out of my hand because I’m incapable of anything, standing, seeing, talking, or breathing. Andy’s scent is all around me, so I know he’s there as I break into all the pieces Drew loved.
“Cate, baby, it’s going to be okay.”
I’m not so sure. Drew has been gone now for almost three years, yet the pain still stabs me in the chest like it happened yesterday. I feel like one of the pieces of me left with all the pieces of him when they departed this world.
“I’m sorry. It just came back. He was always a good guy and here he proves it in death.” I sob. “I’m sorry,” I say again.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for. You wouldn’t be the woman I fell in love with if that letter didn’t affect you. He loved you and I have big shoes to fill.”
I let him hold me as I continue to cry. Somewhere as Andy holds me with no judgment, no jealousy, no anything but all of his love, a piece inside that was missing fits into place.
As the tears slow, I realize I’m blessed for having Drew for the time I did. He showed me what love is, what it was meant to be. He gave me the tools to know when love was right. He gave me all of him as I had given all of myself in return. He wanted me to find love again. And I have. I hadn’t been sure until this point that I had a hundred percent to give back to someone else. But I was wrong.
I think back to something Drew said long ago. He said he didn’t believe in one soul mate for everyone. And I’m grateful he’s right. Not that I wanted him to pass from this earth and from me. But I’m humbled to have found someone else I could love so completely, who loves me the same way.
Immeasurable eyes, the color of calm clear seas, cornflowers blowing in the breeze and the skies on the clearest days, wait patiently as I break over another man. It’s then I know for sure that I’m the luckiest woman in the world. Not many people are given a second chance at love. I won’t waste mine.
“Yes,” I say.
He has no idea that while staring at him, I know I’ve built myself up again and I’m ready to take the plunge.
“Yes?”
“Yes, I’ll marry you if you’ll have me.”
Epilogue
Andrew (Drew) Mercer
The drive isn’t long and neither is the walk. Cate’s hands are linked in mine and she’s not sure why I brought us here because I haven’t told her. There’s no noise as we walk across the grass to a place of eternal rest, or so they say. The birds are even respectful as a peaceful calm greets us as we make our way to the stone.
It isn’t fancy, because according to all I’ve learned, it wasn’t Drew’s style to be. The marble headstone is simple and has just the right number of words.
Andrew Standford McKnight
Cherished Son
and
Loving Husband
I glance down at Cate. Nerves are starting to get the better of me. I squeeze her hand while I run the other over my hair. I try to smile to encourage her as I search for the words I haven’t exactly practiced. I turn away from her to give my attention to the headstone.
“I’m not sure how to do this.” I pause, still unsure of what I want to say. Diving in, I say what’s in my heart. “McKnight, I don’t really expect that you are here, but I hope in some way, you hear me. I would like to respond to the letter you wrote. Most importantly, I hope for your blessing of Cate’s hand. Just so you know, I asked her father and he approved, but I need your approval as well.” I blow out a breath. The guy wrote a letter that could have moved a mountain. “I can’t reply to your letter with words on a page, so here I am. You’re right that Cate is someone special. And I know that part of who she is today has been shaped by how you loved her. I’m grateful for that role you played in her life. I promise you I will treat her like she is the last of her kind because she is. I plan to only love one woman and she’s the one. She’s my bird and I promise to keep her heart safe and love her with all of me, the same way you did. She had no idea why we came, by the way. But it was important for me to tell you that she’s in the right hands before she walks down the aisle. I don’t ever expect her to stop loving you. I’m not that petty or jealous because I know she’s capable of loving both of us. You mean the world to her and I plan to do my best to make her as happy as you did. You are sorely missed and this woman, our hospital, this world was a better place with you in it. And without you, there is a part missing. I expect you to watch over our girl when I can’t. And may we meet again one day sometime very far in the future.”
Still holding Cate’s hand, I watch as she lays a bunch of flowers at the foot of the headstone. I didn’t ask why she chose the flowers she did. I figured they meant something and according to the web, they did. The white carnations represent remembrance. The purple lilacs mean first love and the gladiolas represents strength of character. They are great choices for everything I know about the man.
I hand Cate some tissues from my pocket. She gives me that shy smile she gave me the first day we met. Then I knew there was something special about her, but she’d been a colleague’s wife. Today, she will become mine.
We get to the church on time, but Cate’s mother still hustles her away. Something about me not seeing the bride on her wedding day.
I’m sent to the boys’ room where I find Mitch, Dave and Ben sitting around talking, looking hung over.
“Where have you been? Jenna’s fu
rious you both missed the brunch buffet.”
“I had business to take care of,” I say offhandedly. Ben was Drew’s best friend, but what Cate and I did this morning is between us. If she chooses to share, she will.
Mitch laughs. “That’s code word for banging his bride before the wedding.”
He’s wrong about that. Jenna convinced Cate that us not having sex the month before the wedding would be good for the honeymoon. As much as I’ve tried to explain to Cate that my balls in fact do appear to be blue, she’s been unwilling to give me a second opinion. She tells me she’s just as needy as I am.
“No sex, thanks to his sister.” I point an accusatory finger at Ben.
He shrugs. “She has all kinds of stats on that shit.”
Dave just looks amused and changes the direction of the conversation. “Your sister is really hot. Is she still dating that guy?”
Ben’s eyes grow horns and appear as though they are glowing red. “I’ve heard enough about you two to know neither of you should ever think about my sister.”
Mitch laughs. “All’s fair in sex and booze at a wedding.”
Ben’s about to say something, but Dad knocks on the door. “Time.”
The guys eye me, but I’m not nervous. I want Cate with every fiber of my being. My only wildest fear is if she’ll break her promise and run. And even that fear has diminished over the last several months. I trust her completely.
At the altar, when they begin to play that familiar tune, I stand and stare at the door opening. I wait until Cate appears and when she does all the air is sucked out of my lungs. She’s so fucking beautiful I can only blink. Mitch taps my back and I remember to breathe.
Her hair is pulled back in some elaborate way I can’t focus on because her face is radiant and I still can’t quite believe she’s mine. My gaze lowers to the dress I hadn’t been allowed to see, let alone hear about. It isn’t quite white and has fabric that hangs purposefully off her shoulders, leaving her collarbones exposed. That skin alone is enough to get my dick hard. Like the sex deprived guy I am, I focus on the little amount of cleavage she has on display and lick my lips. I feel like an asshole as I try to hide my hard on as my gorgeous bride walks toward me with tulips that look almost white in her hand. But from what I overheard the bridesmaids say at the rehearsal dinner, they are actually a pale yellow. Knowing what I do about Cate, I’d searched for the meaning and yellow tulips means hopelessly in love. She has no idea that she’s talking about me because I’m just that far gone when it comes to her.
The Cruel and Beautiful Series Boxset Page 42