Mei turned to him. “When you saw Antonia’s body by the lake, you said ‘I killed her.’”
“I did?” He barely remembered. Gemma had filled in most of the gaps, but she hadn’t mentioned that.
John’s eyebrows rose.
Dan said, “It’s complicated.”
“I’ll bet it is,” Mei muttered.
“Look,” John said. “There’s a lot here for us to cover. We can’t do all that tonight, so let’s call Elliot, and we’ll go back to the sheriff’s office. Then maybe Mei can tell us why she works for my brother.”
“You knew?”
John shrugged. “It was too easy. And you’re a pain in the backside, but that made it more obvious. If you’d been a cop already I’d never have bought it. The fact you’re a complete maverick makes way too much sense, in a completely bizarre way.”
“Okay, then,” Mei said. “But I want to know who killed this woman and why she’s been laying in the dirt for fifteen years.”
“So do we all.”
Dan nodded. “I can tell you what happened.”
**
Gemma didn’t want to believe her mom had been a party to bringing someone like Dan’s dad into a place where he could mingle with innocent people. He should have been in prison, then he’d never have been able to hurt Dan, or kill his mother. But then Dan wouldn’t have been born. Gemma would have had to live here without ever meeting him.
Did she wish to give all that up just so he wouldn’t have had the life he had? She didn’t want to say yes, because then she wouldn’t know him, but what kind of friend was that selfish? He should have had a happy childhood, a good life. Instead he’d been basically tortured for years.
What kind of God allowed that to happen? She’d asked the question many times, and she knew Dan’s answer: that God was the one who’d saved his life, not the one who condemned it.
Her mom spoke to the window. “If Bill… Arnold Walden… knew that Hal had a daughter, he’d have used that against him. Hal continued to report to the Marshal’s Service, because they had to know he was, you know, contained as well as protected from the CIA agents who wanted to kill him. But he was allowed to live his life. Hal figured a wife might mellow him. A son.”
“It didn’t,” Gemma bit out.
She turned, her eyes filled with tears. “I know.” Janice swallowed. “That hurt Hal most of all. But there was nothing he could do. He thought Bill was up to something, and couldn’t put his finger on what it was. Aside from keeping watch, Hal laid low until Eme—”
“Eme?”
“Dan’s mother.” Her face flushed. “Until she came to Hal, willing to let him in the house so he could search it.”
Gemma shut her eyes. “That’s why she was killed.”
Janice nodded.
“There was nothing he could do to stop it?” Gemma breathed. “Did you warn her? Did he do anything to help Dan?” Her mom blanched but Gemma ignored it and said, “When the man who murdered an entire village of Vietnamese people got married, did you tell her what to expect, what she was getting into?”
“It wasn’t my place.” Janice shook her head, the tears flowing now. “She had to know something was… off about him. It was obvious. Even as young as she was, she had to see it.”
“So was there something wrong with her, too. Is that it? Is that what you tell yourself to justify not saying anything?”
“Gemma—” Her mom’s voice broke, and she covered her mouth with her fist.
“How about when Dan came to school with bruises on his face? When he walked around all the time scared out of his mind that his dad was going to show up? Or scared that he wouldn’t, and he’d have to go home and face him.” Gemma paused. “You worked at the farm. You had to have known.”
“It was surveillance. My job was to report on day-to-day activities, not be a family counselor.”
“Is that what you tell yourself so that you can sleep at night?”
“Who says I sleep?”
Gemma stared at her mom. “I don’t even know you. I can barely look at you, and I can’t believe I come from someone who would swing a woman and child out to dry for a secret.”
“It was more complicated than—”
“Nothing is more complicated than someone being hurt. You see it, you stop it.” Gemma’s chest heaved. “What’s wrong with you?”
“I know you love him,” Janice said. “He had you, and he had Hal watching out for him.”
“But he didn’t stop it. Not any of it. I tried, and I was only a child. What does that say about Hal?”
“He loved you!” Her mom’s voice filled the room like a screech. “How do you know your precious Dan wouldn’t be dead right now if it wasn’t for Hal?”
“His mom is dead. Dan’s dad killed her.”
“She disappeared.”
Gemma stood, unable to stomach being there anymore, and said again, “Is that what you tell yourself so you can sleep at night?”
Chapter 15
“Sit back down, Dan.”
They’d come all the way down to the sheriff’s office. Because John really, really didn’t want Mei to overhear? She was with the body, with Elliot. They were bringing Dan’s mom back to town, where they could run tests. It was enough to make him want to throw up.
“Dan, sit down.”
He settled into a chair in the waiting area and sighed. John should probably just put him in a cell. He should at least be cuffed after what he’d done.
“Talk to me.”
Dan shut his eyes and said it out loud. “I was the one who pulled the trigger.”
“You were eleven.”
“I don’t need you to explain it away, or convince me that I’m not responsible. I know what it is, and I know what happened.” Dan opened his eyes. “You weren’t here. You never met him, and you don’t know what he was like.”
“So tell me.”
“From the moment he got up in the morning until he went to bed at night he never let up. Not for one second. Do this. Do that. Why did you do this? Why did it take so long? Why didn’t you do it right? I don’t remember one single moment of peace in my life until my ninth birthday. Not one single second where I was happy, or at rest.”
“I thought he died when you were fifteen.”
“The peace I found wasn’t him dying.”
“And your mom? What was she like?”
“Her hands shook, all the time. She never smiled, not even when I drew her pictures of us. Taking walks in the woods. Flying, leaving this town. At the beach—I saw it in a movie once. She’d look at them, tell me ‘thank you’ and then tell me to put them in my drawer so he didn’t see.”
“What happened on your ninth birthday?”
Dan felt the ghost of a smile curve his lips. “Gemma brought me a cupcake. I’d never had one before. For half an hour I was actually happy.”
“And the barn thing?”
“You mean, sleeping in there?”
John nodded.
“I had to stay out of his way after he found out about the cupcake thing. So I hid in the barn for days. He beat me black and blue when he found me, then he locked the door and didn’t open it for I don’t know how long. It felt like a week. Gemma said I missed three days of school. After that he made me stay out there. Now its home.”
“Can you tell me how your mother died?”
“He was mad that night, but it was different. She didn’t have her usual look where she cowered. Her chin was up. I don’t know what happened. Gemma asked me about it, but I didn’t hear what they said. I was in the kitchen. He hauled me by my arm, dragged me into the living room. He had a gun.”
Dan took a breath. “She started screaming, telling him she was sorry. But it was like she had something to apologize for, and she really wanted to take it back. She was crying, telling me it wasn’t my fault. That she was so sorry. That she loved me, but she had to end it.
“She told him not to kill me. That I hadn’t done anything wrong, and that I didn�
��t deserve to be hurt. It was the first time I heard her say that, and I’ve never forgotten it. I didn’t think she cared, honestly. We were a team, and he hurt both of us, but I didn’t think she ever saw it like that. I think she just thought she was alone.”
“She didn’t try to protect you?”
Dan shrugged. “I don’t know. A lot of those years I don’t want to remember.”
“What happened next?”
“He pulled the gun on her, and not me. I’m sure I screamed. I was crying. I tried to get away but he grabbed me. She was still screaming. I was screaming. It was so loud. His elbow hit my head, and I halfway dropped to the floor, but he pulled me back up and made me face her. Twisted my finger onto the trigger.” His breath hitched in his throat. “The gun went off…”
“He made you do it.
“I killed her.”
“Dan—”
“No.” He stood. “Don’t try and explain it, or tell me I’m wrong. I know what happened.”
“You were a kid.”
“I was a killer. And I killed her.”
“He forced you to do it. He was the one who knowingly pulled that trigger.” John meandered over, the way Dan would approach a skittish goat. “There is no way you are responsible for what happened to your mom. No way. You were nothing but a scared kid.”
“John—”
“Did you want her to die?”
“No!”
“Did you pull that trigger because you wanted to?”
“Of course not! I—”
“You didn’t kill her, Dan. He did.”
“I had my hand on the gun. On the trigger.”
“Did you take her to the mine?”
“No. I ran to her after she fell.” His breath heaved in his chest. There was no air in this room. “He hauled me off her, threw me across the room. There was so much blood. It was all over her, all over me. He turned to me, pointed the gun. He was going to kill me, so I just ran. Outside into the woods. I don’t even remember how I got as far as I did. Gemma found me.”
“And he took her through the tunnel to the mine. Told everyone she ran off, got lost in the woods, or whatever ridiculous story I cannot believe they actually bought.” John shook his head. “The sheriff filed a report on her disappearance. Though you can hardly even call it a report, it’s so flimsy. He should have launched a full investigation, but apparently he didn’t even set foot in the house until after your father had cleaned up the place. Moved the rug to cover the stain. He had to have been a great liar. A man who killed all those people, kills your mother, and no one points a finger at him.”
“I always thought the sheriff might have worked for him, or something.”
“What do you mean?”
“He didn’t show him any respect, but then my father didn’t show it to anyone. Still, the sheriff acted more like my dad was the one with the authority.”
John shrugged. “Could have been for whatever reason your father came here. The sheriff before me was a marshal for the witness protection program. He’d have known something about your father, surely, and if he didn’t, then your father could have told him whatever he wanted to.”
“He was charismatic enough when he wanted to be. I figured that was how he fooled my mom into marrying him.”
“And he left you alone after that night, didn’t try to kill you?”
Dan blew out a breath. “I’d be dead if he’d tried. There was no stopping him. But as you can see, he didn’t kill me. I wouldn’t say he left me alone, either. Things changed, that’s for sure. We’d shared a moment we couldn’t avoid, and I think he might have been worried I would tell someone. He kept me close, but he couldn’t stop me from going to school.”
Why hadn’t his father killed him, if Dan could have told someone? Had the old man assumed Dan would take the blame for it? Or that no one would believe him?
“And no one ever asked why you had bruises?”
“Unless you count Gemma, no. She was pretty vocal about the way he treated me. Until…”
“Until what?”
Dan shook his head. “I don’t know. One day she just stopped talking about it. No one listened. Maybe she just gave up.”
“Or he got to her.”
Dan’s stomach dropped to the floor. “He didn’t.” He shook his head. “There’s no way…” But there was. It certainly explained why she would quit trying to tell people he was being hurt. “Oh, no.”
“This town swung the two of you out to dry. I feel like I should apologize, even though I wasn’t here. Children being hurt is not uncommon. This world is so full of evil I can’t even imagine. But I don’t like the idea of it happening in my town.”
“You weren’t here yet.”
“I know.”
“If you had been, would you have done something about it? Would you have helped me?”
“Of course I would.”
“I know,” Dan said. “That’s why I appreciate your friendship. And value the job you do as sheriff of this town. Because you would never have let that lie.”
“They let you down. Both of you.” John’s voice was soft. He glanced over. “I can see why you hang on to her, why you two are friends. You’ve been through a lot, and Gemma fought for you when no one else would.”
“In a lot of ways she was the only good thing in my life.” Dan found a small smile, down deep in his memories. “She was actually the first one to tell me I should read a Bible. I’d seen my mom reading one, and I told her about it. Gemma told me to see what I’d find. We figured it couldn’t hurt.”
“And she didn’t take her own advice?”
“She’s always been a free spirit. It’s one of the things I love about her. In all these years, she’s never lost that fight. It just got squashed and then redirected into her work, into keeping our friendship going when by all rights it should have fizzled out.” He shrugged. “I’d have let her go, but she never not once let me do it. I don’t think she knows any other way to love someone.”
“So she’s it for you?”
Dan frowned. “Who else am I going to meet that can be what she’s been in my life? Gemma is the whole package. Shared history, shared pain, shared joy, shared hope and happiness. When you add in attraction and decades of friendship, it’s hard to say no.”
“I can see that. And I understand, but I don’t know what it’s like. I only have family that have stuck with me that long.”
“She is my family.”
“So why haven’t you married her yet?”
**
Gemma glanced over her shoulder and then kept walking. She couldn’t stand to be in her mom’s house any longer, but walking around without Mei felt wrong. Now she knew for sure Dan’s childhood had been ignored, for whatever reason they thought was important. He’d endured a nightmare, and no one even cared, or if they did they hadn’t done anything about it. She’d been a child herself and helpless. Powerless to save her friend.
Gemma stopped in her house for ten minutes to get changed into her workout clothes and then wiggled her feet into her tennis shoes without untying them. Who had time for that? She fast-walked to the gym, with a little jogging involved. It calmed her and made her less inclined to glance around like a crazy person who thought she was being followed.
There hadn’t been any word about Terrence or any sightings of him. But then she hadn’t seen Mei lately, either. At least she knew Terrence hadn’t “disappeared” the way everyone said Dan’s mom had. Gemma couldn’t even tell them the truth, because Dan would have been in trouble. They’d hidden in her tent for a whole day, and then she’d gotten him supplies, and he stayed longer. She’d made him tell her what happened. He’d choked out how his father held his hand on the gun and pulled the trigger.
The hindsight of an adult was a whole lot different than the perspective she’d had on it as a child. For so long they’d stayed silent about it for fear Dan would get in trouble. Then one day she couldn’t stand the lies any longer and went to the she
riff to tell him exactly what had happened to Dan’s mom.
Dan’s father had come over that night while her mom was out.
The hindsight of an adult on that whole thing wasn’t something she wanted to dwell on, either. Now she knew he was truly evil—not that she’d needed a piece of Hal’s paper to tell her that. She’d known even before he confronted her.
No one had stopped him. Not even Hal. Her mom was probably at his house that night, and they’d left her to swing. Completely vulnerable, like this town was a safe place to live. They hadn’t known Dan’s father would pay her a visit, but a child shouldn’t have to live with that fear.
Gemma didn’t need a shrink to tell her that Hal, Dan’s father, and the sheriff had all played a part in her inherent distrust for authority figures. It wasn’t rocket science, though mostly no one in town had figured out why she was the resident “rebel.” Such a ridiculous label, but one she’d been stuck with nevertheless just because she was different. And she’d been vocal enough in her life that people noticed.
She didn’t need that kind of notice. She had Dan, and he said God knew everything she’d never told anyone. That had been a strange thing to think about. God was a little bit “Big brother in the sky” spying on her, but she’d gotten over that invasiveness when she realized it meant she was never alone. Not even that night.
Gemma stopped at the corner of Main Street and looked up at the sky. Not this night, either.
I’m sick to death of being helpless and unable to stick up for myself. Gemma wiped the tear from her cheek. Is there something wrong with me? You could have done something. Maybe there’s something wrong with You. Maybe that’s it. Maybe You’re not good like Dan says. Like the Bible says.
Yeah, so she’d read that thing. And she didn’t totally understand why a collection of historical stuff, poetry, and letters made Holy Scriptures, but she’d just take their word for it. She had been swept away in parts, disgusted in parts, and completely confused, but there was something about the Bible that made her want to come back to it. To sit a while, and think on it.
Sanctuary Forever WITSEC Town Series Book 5 Page 17