by Vivian Chak
***
“Lian Jiang, you may enter,” called Sister Lu. Jiang entered the temple hall, trying not to trip on her robes.
“Does anyone here object to the ordination of Lian Jiang?” Dimly, Jiang recognized Sister Lu, Sister Ma, and Sister An among ten other nuns. They were seated on a raised dais in the hall. Bodhisattva statues stared silently from alcoves. Incense offerings, most of them burnt out, wafted their scent across wooden rafters. It was evening, and dark in the hall, despite the wood and paper lanterns that hung from the ceiling. Sister An broke the silence.
“Jiang is only nineteen.” The requisite age was typically twenty for women.
“She will be twenty by the time she has made the journey to Longhua Temple, for the ordination to be confirmed by the monks,” returned Sister Ma.
“Even so, will Jiang be ready by then?” pressed Sister An. Jiang wanted to ask the same thing, but decorum kept her silent. She contented herself with watching the nuns instead. All of them seemed tired, and Jiang felt partially at fault, as it was the subject of her ordination keeping them up. Sister Ma actually turned herself angrily to address Sister An.
“The council regarding this matter has already explained the reasons for Lian Jiang's ordination.” That was curious. Jiang didn't quite know the reasons herself; though she had been expecting to be ordained soon enough, this was quite early. And it was unlikely that Wong shifu could have persuaded them all on her behalf. He hadn't even known her that long, having arrived only eight days ago.
“That was the reason?” Sister An seemed incredulous. “We are making mockery of the ordination if we take that for the cause.”
“This is precisely why Jiang is going to Longhua.” Sister Ma looked at Jiang kindly. “There will be time to decide.”
But everyone has already decided, Jiang thought. And it's what I've wanted. She stared fixedly at a spot in the ground to keep herself from thinking of aught else.
“I don't suppose you'll be sending her sister as well?”
“Yes.”
“Why not ordain her too while we're at it?” Sister An drew shocked stares. Even Jiang wanted to stare.
“Sister An, that was ill-said,” chastened Sister Lu, who looked angry. “You know about the letter. The one that arrived anonymously, a few days ago, to tell us that Li had arrived with it.”
Li has found us? Jiang felt a twinge of panic accompanying the unease at the reason for her hasty ordination.
“I didn't,” said Sister An, suddenly looking contrite. “Forgive my outburst. I had believed that all this trouble was over the visitor Li Xiang.”
“I suspected him as well. But the letter arrived eight days ago, and meanwhile, young Xiang, even if he is Li's son, has done no harm,” said Sister Lu.
“Perhaps he means to bide his time,” said Sister Ma darkly.
“We'll not sully the monastery with scandal,” Sister Lu said decisively, as Sister An nodded in agreement. “In any case, Lian Jiang has been found to be a suitable candidate for becoming a nun, on the basis of her completed studies and character. Her sister will be going because of the letter.” Sister Lu paused thoughtfully. “Perhaps this will give Lian Flame broader future perspectives. She's still tenacious, from what she tells me about her nightly dreams.”
Jiang had thought that she was the only one who knew about Flame's never-ending grudge towards Li, but apparently it weighed on her sister so heavily that Flame had to unburden feelings on others. Or perhaps Jiang just wasn't there enough for her sister to unload everything on her. She felt regretful. I will make up for my neglect during our trip, she decided. I can give up all family ties after Longhua. Or maybe that was too much of an indulgence; if she couldn't give up earthly ties now, wouldn't that mean she was incapable of doing so later, once fully ordained? Nonetheless, a voice in her head nagged, Ma and Pa would wish for you to mind her. To think of family.
Sister Lu cut into her thoughts. “Lian Jiang, are you ready?”
Jiang breathed softly, clearing her mind with heavy exhalation.
“Yes.”
It was completely dark when she left the temple, new alms bowl in hand, grey robes on her back, and head shorn clean.