But did she feel the same? He took her hand in his, but she was too focused on the fountain to notice.
“Elizabeth?”
Anthony sucked in his breath as Elizabeth turned to look at him with the sweetest of expressions. His body filled with warmth as his gazed down at her, wondering if she could see in his eyes what he was feeling for her. Her eyes held affection and happiness with a hint of expectancy that gave him hope.
Do you love me as I love you? he wanted to ask. Something shifted in her gaze, a tiny line appeared on her brow. What is she thinking? Was that hesitancy that I just witnessed?
The warmth in his body rushed out of him to be replaced with cold as he realised what that shift was. She could never love me because she does not want marriage, she wants a career.
Anthony quickly released her hand, the pain of rejection once more hitting him hard.
This is far worse, but I cannot show her because I would only humiliate myself. I have managed to fall in love with another woman who does not love me, and it hurts, even more the second time around. I cannot show her that anything is wrong. It is not her fault I feel this way. It is only my fault, and I must bear this pain alone.
He had to pretend that everything was okay.
“What did you wish to say, Anthony?”
That I love you, but you can never be mine because you do not love me in return.
“Only that we should return to Felton and the other guests, they must be wondering where we have got to.”
Her eyes fell, and her smile disappeared. "Oh, yes, of course. Well, uh, we had best be going."
She turned away from him and started to walk back towards. Was she disappointed? Perhaps she wanted to stay by the fountain for a little while longer. But Anthony did not think that he could stand beside her any longer.
I am sorry, Elizabeth, but I must get away from you for my own piece of mind. He followed behind her walking slowly, his heart heavy. This was a lesson that he needed to take to heart. Do not fall for women who do not feel the same.
*
Elizabeth noted that Anthony did not seem to want to walk beside her. At first, she thought she was merely walking too fast, but when she slowed her pace to accommodate him, he stepped even slower and looked everywhere else but at her. She was already hurt by his actions. This was simply too much.
“Anthony, have I done something to upset you?”
He looked up quickly. “No, of course, not. What would make you believe that?”
If he were going to ignore what had just happened, then she would leave it be. “Oh, do not mind me. It was a foolish question to ask.”
Elizabeth picked up her pace, putting more of a distance between them. All of her happiness had disappeared, and now all she felt was dread. Time had briefly stopped when Anthony had called her name. She had been so enraptured by the scene at the fountain and just the happiness that she was experiencing that she had not noticed that he had taken her hand.
She had turned to him, taken aback by the emotion she saw in his eyes. Elizabeth had not been able to believe what she was seeing, but she had wanted to. Oh, how she had wanted to. Could it have been love? It seemed as though he were trying to speak to her with his eyes, but she would rather he just said something to clear the doubt in her head. Then he had simply shut down and released her hand so quickly that it had hurt. It was as though he were rejecting her, and it hurt terribly.
Of course, he does not love me. How can he love me when his heart belongs to Diana?
“Elizabeth?”
She stopped and turned to him. “Yes?”
"I apologise if I seem quite distant. I have a lot on my mind."
“There is no need to apologise, Anthony. Let us return to the party, I find that I am need of refreshment.”
She turned away quickly, not willing to let him see the hurt in her eyes. She would much rather go home, but that would attract attention. Furthermore, Cecilia would not be happy with her. They reached the clearing, heading towards the crowd of people she would rather not be around until she had schooled her features into an expression that would not attract unwanted questions. She figured that Anthony would return to Felton's little group of guests, so she headed in that direction, pausing when she saw one extra person in their midst.
The women were crowded around her so Elizabeth could not see much. Must be a late guest. She walked closer, wondering if she knew the woman. If she was anything like Beatrice or Catherine, then she would not sit with them. She would rather be with her sister and Megan.
The woman's hair was dark and elaborately coiled into an updo of curls, which Elizabeth knew took hours to achieve. Her own thick auburn hair did not appreciate being forced into hairstyles for it never stayed in one for long. She usually wore her hair in a French plait or loose where permitted.
The woman’s gown looked expensive and not appropriate for a garden party – whoever she was, she obviously did not adhere to dress codes. Or perhaps she was merely showing off? Elizabeth was dressed in a simple white dress with a few touches of colour along the short sleeves and hemline. It was the perfect thing to wear on such a day as this.
I daresay that the woman is feeling uncomfortably hot in that dress although she is most likely hiding it. I would not be able to torture myself in such a way all for the sake of compliments.
She could only see the woman's profile, but when she turned to say something to another guest, Elizabeth could see that she was indeed a beautiful woman.
No wonder she has those men eating out of the palm of her hand.
Every man except for Felton seemed to be hanging onto her every word, and the woman appeared to be enjoying it. Elizabeth cocked her head to the side, eyes narrowing as she carefully looked at the woman. The woman looked up and started waving in her direction.
Should I wave back? But I do not know her. This gathering is full of people! She is likely waving to someone else and not I.
But the only person behind her was Anthony.
The woman was still waving her hand gleefully about when it hit her. This was Diana, it had to be. But the only way she would know for sure was to look at Anthony. Heart thumping, she turned around to see him standing motionless behind her. Slowly she met his eyes, and it felt as though the world had suddenly dropped out from under her feet and she was falling into the dark abyss. She could see the confirmation in his eyes. This indeed was Diana. And she knew that everything was about to come to an end.
Elizabeth was walking, but she could not feel her feet touch the ground. Anthony appeared beside her and tried to take her arm, but she pulled away. There was no need for him to continue pretending, for she had seen the look on his face. There was no doubt in her mind that he was happy that Diana was back.
“Anthony! Darling!” Diana called out. “Do not take so long to come and welcome me back.”
Her use of the word 'darling' spoke volumes. She was staking her claim. Elizabeth tried to move away from Anthony as they approached the group, but he kept close to her, saying nothing. Elizabeth's feet finally touched the edge of the blanket, and she found that she could go no further. Anthony stopped as well, silent beside her.
Why does he not speak? This is what he had wanted, is it not? Diana has returned, and she is sitting right there before him.
Elizabeth dared not look at him because she did not want to see the expression on his face as he stared at the woman he loved.
Diana eventually stood up with some difficulty, as her gown got in the way. Elizabeth felt some satisfaction in seeing that, but she knew Diana would get true satisfaction in the end. She wanted to scream and shout at the woman, demand to know why she could hurt the man she loved and then turn up out of nowhere as if nothing had happened? Elizabeth saw no remorse on Diana's face, none whatsoever. If anything, she looked confident and sure of herself. Diana came to stand directly in front of her, her smile cold and calculated.
“Miss Elizabeth Ramsbury, I presume? My name is Miss Diana Lambert,
but I expect that you know that already.”
“Yes.”
"Well, I must thank you for entertaining my dear Anthony while I was away. It hurt me so to leave him, but I had to get a break from it all."
Elizabeth said nothing. She could not. If she did, it would be the wrong thing to say. If Diana wished to pretend that she did not reject him and humiliate him, then Elizabeth could not say a word. It was for Anthony to say. But she knew that he would say nothing because he would be glad that Diana had returned. She stole a look at Anthony, preparing herself for the worst.
He is happy. Bewildered, but happy. He too was not expecting her to return so soon. But now that she is here, he only has eyes for her.
What did she expect? For him to reject Diana and choose her?
I need to leave! I need to leave before I make a fool of myself. Diana and her friends would think nothing of humiliating her before all the guests. Cecilia would just have to understand unless Megan brings her home. She pasted a smile on her face, hoping that she looked natural and unaffected.
“Miss Lambert, it is a pleasure to meet you. Now, I regret that I must be going. Would you excuse me?”
“Of course, Miss Ramsbury. We would not want to keep you. Anthony is in good hands now.”
Elizabeth turned and walked away as fast as she could without drawing unwanted attention.
Do not show them that you are hurting. Do not give them that power.
“Elizabeth!” Anthony called.
She faltered when her elbow was grabbed. She angrily spun around, yanking her arm away from him. “What is it, Anthony? Diana is here – why are you following me? Should you not be with her?”
“Elizabeth, please,” he begged. “Allow me to explain the circumstances.”
“Oh, no, no, no, Anthony. There is no need to do that. I understand perfectly well.”
“No, you do not! You see –”
She held her hand up. "There is nothing to 'see' other than to say that you are clearly happy that Diana has returned. And why should you not be? This is what you wanted. Your scheme has worked, Anthony. Be satisfied and return to your one true love."
“But that is what I have been trying to tell you! I –”
“I already know, Anthony. Truly I do. I am happy for you.”
Elizabeth could have choked on the lies that she was speaking. Why is he tormenting me so? Why could he not have just remained by her side instead of running after me? He does not know of the pain that he is causing me.
“But –”
“Please, Anthony. There is nothing more you need to say to me. When I agreed to this plan, I knew what the outcome would be. You would have Diana, and I would have my independence. Now that Diana is here before your very eyes, your wish has come true. The woman rejected you and humiliated you in public has returned."
She could see him wince, his eyes clouding over with pain. But she needed him to leave her alone and let her lick her wounds in peace. She could not understand why he was insisting on speaking to her when everything was crystal clear.
“Our arrangement is complete,” she continued. “You do not owe me anything else. Once word reaches my father that you have rejected me, he will cease to force marriage on me for no other man will want me. You will marry the love of your life, my sister will marry her sweetheart, and I shall live my life in peace.”
Alone.
“Why will you not just listen to what I have to say?” he demanded.
“What more could you possibly wish to say to me? Why are you standing here instead of being with her?”
She pointed her head behind him, and he turned to see Diana watching them. Elizabeth had noticed the woman's concentrated gaze upon them as soon as she had turned around to speak to Anthony.
She does not want him anywhere near me. How can he love a woman like that? Not once did she express any regret for what she has done, not even a remorseful expression. To say that I was merely keeping him entertained while she was away was meant to be a jab. She wants to hurt me, her actions no doubt fuelled by Beatrice and Catherine. They would have told her everything about what happened at Felton's dinner party. I knew that they would not have been able to let it go.
Elizabeth watched as Anthony's mouth opened and closed without a word escaping through. He does not even have the words to speak. But what else could he say except 'thank you, our work is done'? He should be happy.
“Return to Diana, Anthony. I wish you all the best.”
“Is that all you wish to say to me?” he finally got out. “Is this how it all ends?”
"What more did you expect? You have what you wanted. Once Cecilia is married, I shall have what I have always wanted."
"Independence," he said sadly.
“Yes. A chance to focus my time and attention on my music. Perhaps you will hear me play one day in a grand theatre.”
He smiled sadly. “Perhaps.”
“You will be married then with little ones running amok.”
Anthony looked away from her. Why was he not happier?
“Will you be happy?” he asked quietly.
“What kind of a question is that? Of course, I shall be happy! Do I not look happy?”
Elizabeth smiled, but she could feel her tears trying to push through to the surface. She could not stand here and speak with him any longer. Without another word to him, she turned on her heel and ran away.
Chapter 12
Elizabeth was not certain in which direction she was running as her aim was to put as much distance as possible between Anthony and herself. She quickly glanced behind her, a part of her hoping that he had followed her. Foolishness! She had very nearly pushed him into the arms of his beloved. How could she have the hope of him following her? She stopped and took in her surroundings, noting a vegetable patch with servants tending it.
She did not recall seeing a vegetable patch during the grand tour of the house and estate.
The hostess had taken all of her new guests around her home, showing off the renovations recently done, as well as the beautifully manicured lawn on which the garden party was currently being held.
Perhaps it was not customary to show vegetable gardens. Elizabeth frowned. She must have run further than she thought she had.
Behind her the house was still visible, but the party was not. Before her lay acres of land that not only boasted a well-tended garden, but also sheep that were grazing beyond the border wall. Elizabeth squinted, seeing several trees that resembled orange trees. But she was too far away to be sure.
It truly was quite beautiful. It almost took the bite out of the unfortunate circumstance in which she found herself.
No, not unfortunate. Was this not what she had wanted from the very beginning? To be freed from matrimony? Elizabeth sighed as she took a seat upon a flat rock. The servants had only given her a brief and curious look before returning to their tasks at hand. At least she was not some spectacle to be watched. She had felt the keen gazes of some of the guests as she had conversed with Anthony. And no wonder. For they too must have realised that something dramatic had taken place.
Lords to Be Enamored With: A Historical Regency Romance Collection Page 47