He kept walking, hearing the soft thud of his own footsteps. A maid scurried past him, staring at him curiously. He held his breath, expecting that she would stop him and ask him if he was lost. But she only nodded and kept walking. He reached the end of the hallway. There was a door, slightly ajar. Could she be in there?
He hesitated then pushed the door open. It was dark. He could see light flickering from a solitary candle further inside. He padded in, staring around. It was obviously a library. Bookcases lined every wall, stacked to overflowing, and he could see a globe of the world standing on a table, along with several maps.
He kept walking towards the candle. And that was when he saw her. She was standing against an open window, staring out at the grounds below. Almost leaning out of it. He could see her knuckles were white where they rested on the edge. She looked like a princess locked in a tower, he thought, in her medieval dress and long flowing hair. Rapunzel, staring longingly down, searching for her prince. Someone who could save her.
He coughed to alert her to his presence. She spun around quickly, her eyes wide. She hadn’t had time to prepare her face, to wipe off the emotion that gripped her. She looked stricken, with tears running down her cheeks.
He stepped forward, alarmed. “Miss Drake. Are you quite well?”
She stared at him as if he were sprouting a foreign language. “Well?” she repeated slowly. “No, my lord, I am not well. Nor do I hope that I shall ever be good again.” She turned back to the window. “It looks so peaceful down there.”
He stepped closer. She was leaning out of the window again, looking as if she were in a trance. He sat down in the window alcove staring at her, then turned to gaze down at the garden. He saw the peonies, past their prime, and the old oak tree, an old wooden swing attached to a low-lying branch. Rose bushes beyond, and a water fountain in the middle. A woman standing in a shell with a long knot of hair over one shoulder, almost to her feet. He frowned. It was Venus, wasn’t it? As depicted in The Birth of Venus, by Botticelli. He smiled to himself. His old art tutor would be proud of him.
“It does look peaceful,” he said, in a soft voice. “I often wander by myself in our gardens. I find it refreshes me. It is always so tranquil … you can find a space just for yourself, among the flowers and the trees and hear the water from the fountain.”
“Yes,” she said, in a muffled voice. “I wish there was such a space for me, somewhere. But I fear I shall never know peace again.”
He gazed at her steadily. “Tell me what happened in the ballroom. I know that something did – I saw you talking to Sebastian and Lady Charlotte, and then the lady left quickly, obviously upset.” He paused. “You look upset too. Is that why you have come here, into the library?”
She nodded. “It was the only place I could think of where my mother wouldn’t look for me and I could be alone.” She turned towards him. “Yes, something happened in the ballroom. I confronted Lady Charlotte, about her ailment.”
Percy frowned. “Her ailment?”
Alicia smiled slightly. “Haven’t you heard? There are rumours about her, which are true.” She stared him straight in the eye. “I know they are true, because our maid went around to their house and confirmed it. She is ailing and might not live to see old age.”
Percy gasped. “Well, that’s shocking!” He frowned. “Wait a minute, you said that your maid went there to find out? Why?”
Alicia sobbed again. “Because she wanted to. My mother.” She took a deep breath. “She wanted to find out anything she could about Lady Charlotte, to use against her. And she made me confront her with it tonight. It was not well received, and now they all despise me.” Her face twisted. “I am so sick of being her puppet.”
Percy nodded slowly, seeing her tremble. He just needed to let her speak, to say at last what had been bottled up inside her for so long. She was like a coiled spring, ready to unfurl, but not knowing how to do it.
“I have destroyed everything,” she said, after a long pause. “All of my mother’s grand ambitions for me to become a duchess.” She took a long, ragged breath. “But that is not the worst of it. I have deeply hurt a lady, using her pain against her, for my own gain. Now, they all despise me. Your brother, Lady Charlotte …”
He nodded. “It was not the right thing to do. But you know that, don’t you?”
“Of course I know it.” Her face twisted again. “I have been a coward, letting my mother lead me like a puppy along this path, when I have always known it was wrong.” She paused. “Lady Charlotte was right about me. I am a mercenary, willing to sell myself to the highest bidder for status and riches. A despicable woman. I cannot see the point to anything, anymore.”
He took a deep breath. “Listen to me, Alicia.”
She turned and stared at him. “You have never called me by my name before.”
“I think the situation deserves it, don’t you?” He stared at her. “You know how I feel about you. How I have always felt about you.”
She sighed deeply. “I do know. And I have thrown your feelings back in your face. Another example of what a despicable woman I am.”
He leaned closer towards her. “You are not a despicable woman,” he said fiercely. “You have been led astray by your powerful mother. But I do not blame you for it. What choice did you have? We are brought up to honour filial duty, to respect and obey our parents. That is what you were doing, even though it was wrong.”
More tears ran down her cheeks. “I felt I had no choice.”
“Yes, I know.” His eyes were tender as they gazed at her. “I have always seen the struggle within you, the push and pull. Your duty versus your conscience, and your desire to lead your own life.” He hesitated. “I see the real you, Alicia. The woman who you truly are, even if other people cannot.”
She sobbed again. “They despise me.”
“Yes, they probably do.” His voice was soft. “But they do not know you. You have not let them see you, through no fault of your own. You were playing a part that you were given. A part that you were forced to play.”
She nodded slowly, her head bowed. “Yes,” she whispered. She raised her head, gazing at him, through her tears. “How is it that you are still here, willing to speak to me? After all that I have done to you?”
“I have already told you,” he said, in a quiet voice. “Because I see you. I love you.”
She gasped fiercely, as if he had suddenly stabbed her. “You love me? Me?”
He nodded, feeling a lump form in his throat. She was so beautiful, and so bereft. Determined to take the pain of it all on herself and wear it like a hair shirt. She didn’t think that she deserved love, he thought suddenly. This beautiful, accomplished woman, who seemed to have the world at her feet, thought that she wasn’t good enough.
All because of her mother, he thought. She had been brow-beaten and demoralised. She had been told what to do, and what to think, scolded soundly if she objected. Lady Hastings was the despicable one.
Abruptly he pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. “It will be well, Alicia. All will be well,” he whispered into her hair. She smelt like roses on a warm summer day, and her hair was as soft as silk.
She hugged him back. “I think that I am starting to believe that. Because of you.” She pulled back tremulously. “Thank you. Thank you for being a friend to me … the only friend I have ever had.”
He stared at her tenderly. “I am your friend, and I hope to be more besides.” He grinned suddenly. “Do not forget that I still have the necklace. It is yours, and you can get it back any time that you like.”
She laughed suddenly, wiping away her tears. She gazed at him, almost bashfully. “I remember. How could I forget?”
He stood up, pulling her to her feet, so that she was standing alongside him. “We should return. Your mother will be having an apoplexy, wondering where you have vanished to.”
She laughed again. “She will. But I no longer care.” She gazed at him, her blue eyes shining in the
soft candlelight. “You have given me that courage. To stand up to her, at long last. To be a better person.”
He grinned. “Good for you, Miss Alicia Drake.” He held out his arm to her. “There are probably some other people you should speak to downstairs too. So that they know what has really happened.”
She nodded slowly. “They will probably walk away from me, but I must at least try to explain.” She hesitated. “To ask their forgiveness, for all the pain that I have caused.”
His eyes travelled over her. “It will be a hard thing to do, Alicia, but you will feel better for it, I promise you. A fresh start, becoming the person that you have always wished to be.” He paused. “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, you know.”
She laughed wryly. “You are wise, Lord Percy! Who was it who said that?”
Percy rolled his eyes. “Lord, I have no idea. Some Chinese philosopher. I have no idea how it stuck in my head.”
She laughed harder, leaning against him.
They started walking towards the door. He gazed down at her. She was so beautiful, he thought again fiercely. It wasn’t just her external beauty, although that was luminous, and he would always be struck by it. She had inner beauty as well. A heart as deep as the ocean that had been repressed and twisted. She was a flower on the cusp of blooming. He was confident she was becoming the woman she had always been, deep down inside.
“Wait a minute.” She turned back. “I should close the window.”
He watched her walk back to it. For a moment she hesitated, staring down at the garden below, almost sadly. Then she grabbed the window frame, pulling it down. She turned to him, a tender, wistful expression on her face.
“Ready?” He held out his arm again.
She took a deep breath. “Ready.”
Chapter 29
Charlotte shivered as they approached the house on Grosvenor Square. It seemed almost a lifetime ago since she had walked down the front steps of it, fleeing into the night. She could see the lights and people coming and going. She stopped, hesitating.
“What is it?” asked Sebastian, staring at her with concern.
“I do not know if I can go back in there.”
He gazed down at her, his eyes fierce. “You can do it, Charlotte.” He hesitated. “I shall not take you into the ballroom. I shall find a private room, where you can wait, until I speak with my father. It won’t take long, and then you may finally leave.”
She blinked rapidly. “What of George and Diana? They will be out of their minds with worry about me.”
“I will find them.” His voice was firm. “I will approach them discreetly and send them to you. Never fear. I shall make sure that Miss Drake can not get anywhere near you, and your brother and sister shall make sure of it too. They will protect you from her, if she has a mind to cause any more trouble.”
Charlotte smiled. “You make me sound so feeble. I shall stand up to her myself, if she decides that she wants to continue down her erroneous path.” She took a deep breath, her eyes suddenly steely. “You have shown me the way, Sebastian. The way to finally finding my own power over people such as Miss Drake.”
His eyes shone with a tender light. “I always knew it, my dear. I always knew that you were the most courageous woman I had ever met, although I had no idea what battles you had faced to prove that courage.”
She blushed a little, gazing up at him. “Your father, the duke. Are you sure he will give his consent to our marriage?”
Sebastian nodded. “I shall persuade him, never fear.” He stared down at her. “He isn’t like the duchess, Charlotte. He wants me to marry, but if I tell him I will only be happy with you, he will accept it. The only reason he was focused on Miss Drake becoming my wife was because my mother persuaded him that she was the most suitable candidate.”
She frowned slightly. “He may have heard the rumours about me. That I am sickly.”
Sebastian stared at her steadily. “Even if he has, it makes no difference. Can you not see that? He might bluster at me that I should choose a stronger woman, but my mind is made up that the woman must be you.” He hesitated. “If it came to it, I would choose you over the dukedom, Charlotte.”
Her eyes filled with horror. “Oh, no! I could not bear it.”
“I am confident it will not come to that,” he said slowly. “The duke will see reason, and all will be well.” His eyes shone. “And I shall be the happiest man alive, the day that you walk down the aisle towards me.”
She blushed again. “And I shall be the happiest woman alive, when that day comes.”
They kept walking, towards the entrance. Her heart started beating rapidly. She had felt she was in some kind of bubble when it had been just the two of them and they had declared their love for each other. But now, the real world was about to intrude, once again. The world that had sent her fleeing into the night. The world that seemed determined that a woman such as herself should not be with a man like him.
She took a deep breath. Was it all a dream, that they could be together?
***
He found a small room, in another wing of the house, far away from the revelry. She had barely had to wait for two minutes in the foyer before he guided her here, after speaking to a footman. He had retrieved her cloak too, and now he turned to her, wrapping it around her. She felt so loved and protected, as if she were made of crystal.
He stared down at her, tying the cords of the cloak at her neck securely. “There. You shall be warm now, my love.”
She gazed up at him, a lump in her throat. “I find that I do not want you to leave me.”
His green eyes glowed with an almost fiery light, as though they were cut emeralds. “I do not want to leave you. But I must, because it will drive me wild if I do not speak to my father immediately and secure you as my future wife.” He paused. “We have waited a long time for this, Charlotte, and I do not want to wait a minute longer. I want to be able to shout it to the world that Lady Charlotte Lumley is to be my wife.”
She trembled, beneath the ardour of his gaze. “Good luck. You shall endeavour to find George and Diana and send them to me?”
“I will.” He turned away, walking towards the door, then glanced back. “Sit and rest, my love. Your brother and sister will be along directly.” He opened the door and left. She was alone.
She sank into an armchair near the hearth, wrapping the cloak tighter. She was still chilled, although her costume had dried out somewhat, clinging to her as if it was made of gossamer. For a moment she thought longingly of a warm bath and fresh clothes. She stared at her hands, at the scratches and broken nails, where the blood had dried and was already scabbing.
Her heart lurched and she shuddered with the horror of it. She had come so close; so very close to falling into that water and drowning. But he had come out of nowhere and saved her. Like Sir Galahad, or some other noble knight, from an old story or ballad, she thought dreamily. She still couldn’t quite believe it, that he loved her, and wanted to make her his wife.
She had almost drifted into sleep when the door opened, making her jump. George and Diana were standing there, stunned, staring at her as if she were a fairy that had suddenly materialised in their midst.
She stood up slowly, gazing at them. They ran to her and she found herself enveloped in a strong embrace.
Diana stepped back, staring at her, her face pale. “Oh, my dearest. We were so worried about you.” Her eyes trailed over Charlotte, from head to toe. “Where have you been?”
Lords to Be Enamored With: A Historical Regency Romance Collection Page 81