Viscount Hilgrove perused the contents, a snakelike smile appearing on his face.
"This is actually good. You should consider writing if soliciting doesn't pay anymore, Swinton. Now when do you plan to send this? I could take it right now, but I want it to be as authentic as possible"
Edmund took back the letter from the viscount. "This is the problem, Lord Hilgrove: I'd like you to reconsider doing this. Surely, you can find a way to make the marriage work, can't you? You could keep all your mistresses if you want to, just don't bring ruin to your poor wife, Mary."
"You bastard!" the viscount exploded; his veins visible with rage. "I demand you send that letter at once! Who do you think you are to openly defy me?"
Edmund grew suddenly angry. This was why he couldn't stand the members of aristocracy and high society. They felt they could do just anything they wanted and get away with it. He remembered how smug the viscount had looked while openly wooing Lucy days ago, and his anger doubled. Before Edmund realized it, he tore the letter in half and flung it away.
"This is wrong! You can't expect to do anything you want and get away with it. This makes me sick!"
The viscount looked down in horror at the torn halves of the paper and bent to gather them quickly.
"Damn you, what have you done!" The viscount hands were balled into fists and he made to advance towards him but the look in Edmund's eyes gave him pause.
"You will regret this, Swinton. I will make sure to tell the earl; watch out for the result of your foolishness."
The mention of the earl felt like a pail of icy water being dumped over Edmund. The earl was a vindictive man, and wouldn't waste a second before disinheriting Edmund and relieving him of his services. It wouldn't matter that he was indeed his biological son.
Edmund stopped for a second to think. Could he risk losing all the privileges and opportunities the earldom had to offer?
He had his family to think about. His parent's farm was suffering and they needed money to pay for the lease on the land. Mary Josephine wanted an education and he'd promised she would get it.
He had obligations to his family that could be fulfilled easily if he got the inheritance and title.
There were other pitfalls to consider. If he refused to send the letter, he could lose not only the inheritance but his job as well and, knowing the earl, it would be quite hard to find work among the gentry again.
Before Edmund could apologize to the viscount for his rash actions, the man turned on his heels and stalked out of the house, stopping just a second longer to sweep the place with a look of disdain.
Edmund sat down with a sigh, his thoughts churning with confusion.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
For the third time, Lucy was reading the note she held, and still, she found it almost difficult to process and digest.
Excited beyond words, she read it out aloud once more.
My Fair Lucy,
I would like the honor of your company this evening for a ride across town.
For discretion, I'll be sending a hackney cab to pick you up at seven o'clock. It will bring you to meet me at a suitable location.
I can't wait to look into those blue-gray eyes once again.
Yours,
Richard Rutherford.
Sighing softly, Lucy couldn't help the smile that spread across her cheeks. Finally, something hopeful was happening. Lord Rutherford, whom she'd thought had forgotten about her, was not just merely interested, but wanted to take her for a ride around town.
A few minutes ago, when Wilson had brought the unmarked note to her, she'd actually expected it to be from Edmund.
Lucy couldn't deny how much she missed him, despite their big fight and separation. It had been so hard to remain aloof and rude to him when he'd come visiting to apologize yesterday, but it had to be done to discourage any lingering hope he had for them.
He was still unwilling to send the letter, which meant the Lord Langford would disinherit him and take the job away as well. There was no point remaining hopeful because the move would sink him into difficult financial circumstances, which meant being with him was a dangerous gamble she wasn't sure she could willingly take.
There was no denying the big hole his absence left in her heart, but for the sake of following the dream, it was nice not to think about it.
There was only the future to think about. This was reason she'd come to London. This was the reason for all the deception that had almost crippled her under its weight.
Lucy knew she needed to leave a great impression on Lord Rutherford, enough to make him consider her for a wife. It was roughly two hours to seven o'clock and she had a whole lot of preparation to do in order to get ready.
First off was to give Lady Agnes dinner and her medicines by six, and after that she would be free to enjoy the evening in the company of Lord Rutherford.
Lucy was stashing the note among old letters on her bedchamber table when a knock sounded at the door and Caroline let herself in.
"Oh, Caroline, come; you need to help me choose a gown. Remember Lord Rutherford from the park days ago? Well, he has asked me to go on a ride with him this evening, and I must look my absolute best."
Caroline's interested expression suddenly collapsed into disapproval. "Do you think that is wise, Miss Lucy? You have Mr. Swinton willing to do anything for you, and you'd rather accept the attention of an unknown man? You don't even know if he is of good character and morals; you're just concerned about marrying into wealth."
Lucy ignored the truth in the maid's words, and shot back at her instead, "Edmund's willing to do nothing and the situation is really complicated, so what does it matter? Come assist me and stop getting ahead of yourself."
Caroline stiffened visibly and looked away. "What do you need me to do, ma'am?"
Lucy knew she'd hurt her friend's feelings, and patted Caroline's shoulder. "I will try and explain more later, but now I must prepare," she said gently.
Two hours later, Lucy was dressed in a bright pink gown with sequin embellishments, and an overlaying sheer white lace; a gift she'd gotten from Lady Agnes who'd believed she was going to spend time with Edmund.
Lucy had felt bad lying to the older woman, but had added it to the pile of lies and deception she was already guilty of.
Satin slippers covered her stocking clad feet, and a small dainty feather hat sat askew on her pale blonde hair pulled into a loose chignon.
Staring at herself in the mirror, she couldn't help feeling giddy at the sight of the beautiful, dainty lady that stared back at her.
Going down the stairs to the hackney outside, Lucy turned to ask Caroline to wish her some luck, but the closed-off expression on the maid's face filled her with guilt.
She wouldn't understand why I have to do this, and, as I have had to do with Edmund, I must not look back to the past.
With that conviction, Lucy got into the old, dirty looking hackney; a contrast to the one Edmund had come to take her out in just weeks ago. She tried to settle as best as she could in the smelly, musty space, gathering her thoughts about the evening ahead.
After what seemed like forever to her, trapped with her guilt, the hackney came to a stop at an empty, dim corner of a strange street. Lucy was beginning to be plagued with doubts when she saw a fancy looking carriage up ahead, and got down immediately; walking hastily towards the gold and green painted vehicle, pulled by four grays.
Darting a glance around, she hitched up her gown and climbed into the carriage to see Lord Rutherford smiling at her.
"It's so wonderful that you came, Lucy. You look quite fetching in that gown."
Lucy blushed heavily. "Thank you, Lord Rutherford. Your words are always so kind."
"You should call me, Richard. There is no need for formalities between us."
Lucy's stomach did a flop at his words and she found herself growing suddenly nervous.
The carriage began moving, and she couldn't help but ask as she peered through the window,
"Where are we going, Lord Ruth— Richard?"
"I fancied a ride through Vauxhall Garden should be nice at this time. We could get comfortable along the way and know ourselves better. What do you think, fair lady?"
Lucy's nervousness suddenly increased by half at the pure look of desire and hunger in the man's eyes. He looked like he was ready to close the gap between them and ravage her right there.
Although she wasn't unaware about what went on between a man and a woman, she was still a virgin and hadn't allowed herself think fully about her first time.
A long while ago, when she'd still been a naive young girl, she'd thought her first time would be in the arms of a husband who loved her completely, but with the decision she'd chosen to make, that seemed much like a dream that would never come true.
Still, it didn't stop Lucy from being skittish and nervous around the viscount. This wasn't how she'd expected to feel, and she rather chose to fill the time with unrelated questions and streams of chatter.
Before long, Lord Rutherford looked bored and impatient with her probing questions and discourse of books and poets, so Lucy kept her mouth shut and the ride continued in awkward silence.
When she peered outside, she noticed they had ridden past the garden and approached a tavern at the end of a lane filled with scantily dressed prostitutes, plying their trade.
Lucy's nervousness grew and she couldn't help her worry, but one look at the viscount's hardened features, made her refrain from asking any questions.
His mood had changed rapidly in the last few minutes of listening to her talk, and she was fearful of upsetting him further.
"Come with me, Lucy, I'd like a pint to drink," he said brusquely, and got down from the carriage, not bothering to assist her.
Lucy scrambled with her gown, but managed to alight the carriage, following Lord Rutherford into the grimy tavern thick with tobacco smoke and alcohol fumes.
She kept her hair down, feeling strange and uncomfortable from the catcalls and lewd comments of the men and bit o'muslins scattered around the room.
Thankfully Lord Rutherford took her to the back, and away from the view of everyone else, and he soon got comfortable as the barkeeper served him a tankard of ale.
"Why don't you relax, Lucy? You look so tightly strung. Here, try to have a drink," he pushed his tankard towards her.
Lucy shook her head in refusal. "I'm sorry, Richard, but I can't drink that."
"Try it, Lucy, it would do you a world of good," he insisted, a dark glint appearing in his eyes suddenly.
Lucy reached for the heavy drinking vessel, and took a sip of the strange tasting drink, fighting the urge to vomit as she forced it down.
"Now, that's a good girl. You don't need to act so refined around me."
Lord Rutherford's partly demeaning words filled Lucy with something akin to regret and shame. She'd been expecting him to take her somewhere a little fancy, and not an alehouse in the seediest part of Vauxhall Garden. She looked so out of place and couldn't erase the mocking insults from the prostitutes when she'd come in.
Nothing about the evening had gone as she expected, but she was hopeful of an improvement. She was still in the company of a gentleman, which was what mattered most right then.
The next thirty minutes passed in an embarrassing blur as the Lord Rutherford spent the entirety of the time flirting with her, which would have been welcomed if he hadn't been lewd, vulgar, and incredibly demoralizing with his language.
When he got up and told her it was time to leave, Lucy was more than ready to return back home and put the evening behind her.
She really had thought she could handle this sort of attention, but after the sweet, wonderful way Edmund had treated her, Lord Rutherford's perverse advances disgusted her.
When he insisted they take the back door, for privacy sake, Lucy didn't think anything of it, until they were in an alley, heading for the carriage and he suddenly detained her with a slightly painful grip on her wrist.
"Hold on, Lucy, you can't leave just like that. I was expecting you'd be more appreciative." Lord Rutherford's eyes raked over her hungrily and he reached out and fingered the Betty she had over her ample cleavage.
"You're making me uncomfortable, Richard. Can we go now?" Lucy tried to move away from him, but he only pulled her closer to his chest, his liquor breath on her skin.
Fueled by fear and horror, she tried to get out of his arms forcefully, but his eyes only darkened in anger and he brushed over her cleavage before slamming his lips on hers.
"Get away from her this instant, or I'll wipe your sorry self across the length of this entire alley, Rutherford."
At the chilling sound of a familiar voice, Lucy was released by the despicable man who tossed her aside like stale bread.
Edmund stood behind them with a murderous look in his eyes, advancing towards Lord Rutherford.
"Calm your hide, man. You can have her to yourself; she isn't worth more than a privileged hussy anyway. I prefer my women rich and highbred," Lord Rutherford spat with a sneer at her, before walking away.
Lucy felt instant mortification and a cloud of shame descended over her.
"When I saw you together in there, I couldn't believe my eyes. Why would you agree to go out with someone like Lord Rutherford, Lucy? Don't you know of his reputation?" Edmund asked her with concern and flecks of hidden pain in his eyes as he came towards her.
"Tell me, Lucy. Is wealth and affluence so important to you that you'd sacrifice your safety, as well as your integrity? I know that isn't who you are because I've seen the real parts of you. What are you so insecure about, tell me?"
Lucy's shame gave way to anger as everything built to a crescendo inside her. "Why don't you leave me alone, Edmund? This is your fault!" she shouted, ignoring the hurt on his face.
"If you weren't creeping into my thoughts every second of the day, everything would have gone perfectly. Leave me alone, Edmund; you're ruining my plans!"
Lucy turned away and hurried down the alley towards the road, tears pouring down her face as the bleakness of her uncertain future loomed before her.
Chapter Thirty
Lucy picked at her late lunch of sausages and cold chops, moving it around the plate with disinterest and apathy.
No matter how much she tried to feel better, she just couldn't.
She was horribly ashamed of herself and the person she'd become in the matter of a year.
It was still surreal to believe that she'd laid herself so open to being abused and scorned by a rake like Lord Rutherford, just because of her hunger and need to belong to his sphere in the world. It was devastating to realize how low she'd sunk, how desperate she'd gotten because of vanity and material things.
Try as she may, Lucy still smarted fiercely from the man's insults and mockery, and it had opened her eyes finally to a truth she'd tried valiantly to ignore all this while. She was Lucette Walsh from Wilshire parish, Yorkshire, no matter how much she tried to deny herself and her identity.
She would never belong to the upper echelon of society, no matter how many lies and fabrications she weaved.
All the signs had been there, but she'd been blinded by baseless hope.. They included the virtual exclusion she'd experienced at events she'd attended, to her inability to snag or attract a real gentleman, unless she was available for scandalous things like a tryst or an affair.
It seemed everyone had been able to see through the class act she'd perfected, to the fraud she really was underneath.
But what really took the cake was her unhappiness. Ever since that dinner at Edmund's aunt's, Lucy had been unhappy. Having to pile up the lies and tell them to people who genuinely cared for her felt like a slowly tightening noose around her neck.
She needed to let it all out, to lose the burden off her shoulders, even if only for a short while.
She needed to be seen for herself, not as a person and identity she'd created in a desperate need to secure her future. .<
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Right there it all came crashing down on her. She'd been so wrong about everything, and too tired to go on with the pretenses and farce which had become her life.
The worst of all her errors was her treatment of Edmund. It had taken a guilt-ridden hackney ride back to the Langford's residence to fully understand how unfair she'd been to the man from the beginning.
He'd been honest and open with her, but she'd been so confused, and despite her attempt to be firm and treat him as just a friend, she'd gone and gotten her feelings entangled more than she'd ever expected.
He'd been right about everything. She wasn't cut out for a life of endless lies. The carefully concealed morals her mother had instilled in her couldn't allow her stay on the wretched path for too long. Another thing had been the constant thoughts of Edmund Swinton, and the way his kiss made her melt. The memories they'd shared had stuck fast in her head and refused to move an inch.
Oh, I am so confused! Everything felt so easy, but now the thought of being touched by another man simply repulses me. What have you done to me, Edmund Swinton?
Lucy felt so miserable that tears suddenly sprang into her eyes, and she dropped the fork, covering her face with her palms.
He probably hates me now. I've been so unfair and mean to him. Lucy remembered the blatant accusations she'd flung at him in the tavern's alley.
Suddenly she was up on her feet. She needed to talk to someone or she'd surely be thrown in Bedlam soon. There had to be a way to extricate and repair what she'd done before it was too late.
Lucy left her room to go to the servants' quarters to find her best friend and personal maid, Caroline. Then she remembered. Caroline was displeased with her. The maid had specifically been avoiding her as much as possible for the past few days.
Sighing heavily, she retraced her steps back up the stairs, and before she knew it, her feet were marching straight to Lady Agnes's bedchamber.
The woman was sitting up in bed, reading a book when she entered, and beckoned her closer with a frown.
To Catch the Candid Earl: Regency Historical Romance Page 23