Just Before Dark
Page 36
I locate myself freely when I have the courage to ask myself a koan I devised, “Who dies?” What does this man look like to himself when he is away from the mirror? When I walk several hours the earth becomes sufficient to my imagination, and the lesser self is lost or dissipates in the intricacies, both the beauty and the horror, of the natural world. I continue to dream myself back to what I lost, and continue to lose and regain, to an earth where I am a fellow creature and to a landscape I can call home. When I return I can offer my family, my writing, my friends, a portion of the gift I've been given by seeking it out, consciously or unconsciously. The mystery is still there.
Who is the other,
this secret sharer
who directs the hand
that twists the heart,
the voice calling out to me
between feather and stone
the hour before dawn?
1991
Bibliography
All of the pieces listed below appeared originally in a slightly different form. I would especially like to thank Ray Cave and Pat Ryan, formerly of Sports Illustrated, who supported this weary writer over a number of years. I would also like to thank John Harrison, Rebecca Newth Harrison and Terry McDonell. —J. H.
"Afterimages: Zen Poems, by Shinkichi Takahashi.” The American Poetry Review, 1972.
“Bar Pool.” 1973.
"Bending the Bow, by Robert Duncan.” The New York Times Book Review, 1968.
“Bird Hunting.” 1985.
“Canada.” Sports Illustrated, 1974.
“A Chat with a Novelist.” Sumac, 1971.
“Consciousness Dining.” Smart, 1989.
“A Day in May.” Esquire, 1976.
“Don't Fence Me In.” Condé Nast Traveler, 1989.
"The Dreadful Lemon Sky, by John D. MacDonald.” The New York Times Book Review, 1975.
“Dream as a Metaphor of Survival.” Psychoanalytic Review, 1991.
“Everyday Life: The Question of Zen.” From Beneath a Single Moon: Buddhism in Contemporary American Poetry, 1991.
“The Fast.” Smart, 1990.
“Fording and Dread.” Smoke Signals, 1984.
“From the Dalva Notebooks, 1985-1987.” Antaeus, 1988.
“Going Places.” Outside, 1987.
“Guiding Light in the Keys.” Sports Illustrated, 1973.
“Hunger, Real and Unreal.” Smart, 1989.
“Ice Fishing, the Moronic Sport.” Sports Illustrated, 1972.
“The Last Good Country.” Esquire, 1977.
“Log of the Earthtoy Drifthumper.” Automobile Magazine, 1986.
“Meals of Peace and Restoration.” Smart, 1989.
“A Memoir of Horse Pulling.” 1973.
“Midrange Road Kill.” Smart, 1990.
“A Natural History of Some Poems.” M.A. thesis, 1965.
"The Nick Adams Stories, by Ernest Hemingway.” The Washington Post, 1972.
“Night Games.” Esquire, 1976.
“Night Walking.” Rolling Stone, 1987.
“Okeechobee.” Sports Illustrated, 1976.
“The Panic Hole.” Smart, 1990.
“Passacaglia on Getting Lost.” Antaeus, 1986.
“Paul Strand.” From Paul Strand: Essays on His Life and Work, 1990.
“Piggies Come to Market.” Smart, 1990.
“A Plaster Trout in Worm Heaven.” Sports Illustrated, 1971.
“Poetry as Survival.” Antaeus, 1990.
“The Preparation of Thomas Hearns.” 1980.
“Revenge.” Playboy, 1986.
"The Snow Leopard, by Peter Matthiessen.” The Nation, 1978.
"The Snow Walker, by Farley Mowat.” The New York Times Book Review, 1976.
“Sporting Food.” Smart, 1988.
“A Sporting Life.” Playboy, 1976.
“Then and Now.” Smart, 1989.
“The Tugboats of Costa Rica.” Smart, 1989.
“La Vénerie Française.” Sports Illustrated, 1972.
“The Violators.” Sports Illustrated, 1971.
“What Have We Done with the Thighs?” Esquire, 1991.