by K. L. Savage
He drops down next to me and hauls me onto his lap. “Also, the date has been moved. Florida has too many executions coming up.”
“When…” my voice breaks. “When is it?”
“Tomorrow.”
A whoosh of air leaves my lungs and darkness takes over my mind. I shut down. I stop thinking how I want, and I let unconsciousness take me to a better place.
When I wake up again, I’m in a different room. Much different. It’s very… plain. I hear the shower running and know I’m with Mateo. But where are we? I hold my hand against my head and sway. There’s a slight headache forming on the left side of my head.
I get up and feel heavy, slow, and sluggish. I stumble to the window and see that it’s daylight outside, but I’m not looking at the desert.
The shower turns off and I turn around, slightly panicked because I have no idea where I am. Mateo walks out with a towel wrapped around his hip, hanging low and the water droplets swim down his body and make rivers from the valleys that make his abs.
“Stellina,” he rushes over to me and tosses the towel he was drying his hair with to the floor. “You had me worried sick. You were asleep all night. You fainted, but you woke up, and then just went right back to sleep. Are you feeling okay?”
“Where are we?” I gulp to coat my dry throat because if he says we are where I think we are, I might faint again.
“We are in Starke, Florida. It’s the only city in Florida that has an execution chamber for Old Sparky.”
“We are in Florida?” The anxiety is kicking in. I want to throw up. “We are in Florida? How? How did you get me from Vegas to Florida without me knowing?”
“You were unconscious. You woke up once on the plane and I told you, you mumbled ‘okay’ and I thought it was fine.”
“You thought…” I pinch the bridge of my nose and try not to completely have a mental breakdown. “Why would you take anything I say seriously after I passed out? I don’t remember that.”
Mateo begins to get dressed and the first that goes is the towel. It is too difficult to have a serious conversation when he is standing there naked. I stare at the ceiling instead.
“You don’t think I know that? Tsk, tsk,” he says. “I knew this was the only way to get you to come. You want to come. I know you do. You’re a step closer to being free. You wanted that, right?”
I nod. “I’m scared.”
“I know, and I’ll be with you the entire time, but we need to hurry and get ready. It’s a one.”
One.
I check the time and see that’s only two hours from now. In a haze, I get dressed, but each move I make is slow and calculated. I haven’t seen her since I testified all those years ago. I’m wondering if I’ll feel anything when I look at her. Will I regret not trying to save her life?
A pair of black jeans and a black blouse later, I’m ready to go. I don’t remember getting dressed. I’m just… here.
That’s how it is all the way to the prison. I don’t remember seeing any sights, cars we passed, conversation made with Mateo, nothing. I’m thinking of nothing and everything all at the same time.
Finally, we pull into the deserted parking lot and I’m staring at the prison my mom was transferred to. It’s gloomy and scary, like a haunted castle from the 1700s. The blue sky has been covered by storm clouds and as Mateo leads us to the front doors, I have to stop.
I fall to the ground and vomit, holding my stomach as reality sets in. Oh my god, my mother is going to die. It’s happening. Years of waiting for this and I want to die myself. Why is it this hard? She’s a horrible human being.
“Stellina!” Mateo shouts for me, placing a hand in the middle of my back. He rubs small circles to comfort me. “We can go. We don’t have to do this.” He takes one of his handkerchiefs and dabs my mouth to clean it off.
“No. I have to do this. You’re right. I have to in order to move on. I saw her kill my dad, it’s only fitting I watch as electricity kills her,” I reply. The rocks in the concrete scratch my palms until they burn, and my jeans get caught on the rough edge of the sidewalk, plucking and ruining the material. Now I look haggard.
Who am I trying to impress? It doesn’t matter. The only person that is going to judge me is about to die.
Mateo helps me to my feet, my knees weak and wobbly as they threaten to give out again. When we enter, a guard is there. He’s big, nearly busting out of his uniform.
“Empty your pockets in the bin and step through the metal detector.” The conveyer belt moves when I put my purse into one of the bins and then I step through without an issue. He waves a wand over me, and I’m clear, and then a female guard is there patting me down to make sure I’m not hiding anything to stab someone with.
Mateo breezes through without issue and they pat him down too.
“We are here for an execution,” Mateo says to the guard, but another man rounds the corner and Mateo shoulder’s sag when he sees him. “Nick. What are you doing here?”
“Wanted to be here for you guys. Come on. I’ll lead the way.” Warden Greystone’s every step is with purpose.
As we pass a section of the prison where the inmates can see us, they holler at me, banging against the bars. Mateo wraps his arm around my shoulder. The move only causes more commotion. I cross my arms over my chest and look ahead, not wanting to give them the satisfaction of letting them see how scared they make me.
Nick leads us outside to another, and as we walk across the sidewalk, I see cages to the left where a few prisoners are pacing, their eyes locked on me.
“This is their outside time. Ignore them,” Nick says, opening the door to the next building.
This is different.
There are no cells. It looks more like an office. Beige walls, cheap blue carpet, and there is a phone ringing in the distance. “Upstairs,” Nick says as he presses the button to the elevator.
“Why did she want the chair?”’ I ask out of nowhere, the questions making sickness roll again.
“I don’t know, Nora. I’m sorry. Some people want the pain as they pass because they think they deserve it.”
“Is that the case for my mother? Do you think she feels she deserves it?”
“No,” he replies a little too quickly.
We step between the doors and Mateo laces his fingers through mine as Nick hits the button for the top floor. “She wants pain in the sense of… I think she likes it.”
“She gets to die feeling something she likes? That’s great.”
“She’ll rethink that when the electricity is so hot it burns through her veins and smoke rises from her skin. It’s hotter than any hell can she imagine.”
We step out the doors and stroll down a dark hallway that’s made of stone. “This is your last chance to back out,” says Warden Greystone.
“I need to see this,” I say. “I have to.”
“Okay,” his hand lands on the doorknob, and before he opens it, he says, “You’re the only ones here. She doesn’t know either. So she’ll be surprised to see you.”
“No she won’t. She knows I’d show up. She knows how much I’ve been waiting for this.’”
“I’m sorry for any pain you’re about to feel.” Nick opens the door and three rows of empty chairs greet me. They are all black with cushions, something someone would find in an office.
I notice how Nick didn’t say he was sorry for my loss.
It’s because certain loss doesn’t deserve the strength and love an apology holds.
I sit right up front where she can see my face and Mateo sits down next to me, sliding my hand in his. I hold on tight when the light on the other side of the glass is turned on.
This time it isn’t pleasure that awaits, but a nightmare.
The chair is made of wood, worn and a bit burnt from being used so much. There are metal electrodes that conduct electricity. Basically, that’s what makes the current flow through someone’s body.
“Last chance,” Mateo whispers.
&n
bsp; I squeeze his hand and shake my head. “I’m staying.”
Nick takes the seat beside Mateo and we wait.
I’m so tired of waiting.
The metal door finally opens, and my mother finally walks through the door. Her head is shaved so it doesn’t catch fire and the cuffs around her hand and feet jingle. When she is close to the chair, they have her sit and strap her legs in, then uncuff her ankles.
Her eyes finally meet the glass and again, there is no expression. There never has been. No shock. No love. No nothing. She looks older, worn, and tired, but I don’t see a woman that regrets her decision.
“Do you know what’s about to happen?” I ask Mateo just as they tighten a strap across her forehead.
“What?” he asks.
“That guard is going to call out Roll on One. It means the generators are switched on. When he gets the go ahead, he will say Roll on Two, and that’s when he thits the switch for the electricity to travel through my mother’s body.”
“You shouldn’t know that, Stellina. I hate that you know that.” He brings the top of my hand to his lips and kisses it.
A tear drips, and I quickly wipe it against my blouse. I refuse to let her see me cry for her. I won’t do it.
When she is strapped in, the guard stands by her feet and reads off a clipboard. “Are you Danielle Marie Thompson?”
“Yes,” she replies.
“You have been sentenced to be executed for the murder of Logan Thompson and the attempted murder of Nora Thompson. Do you know this?”
“Yes.”
I’m gripping the edge of the seat, biting my teeth together as I hear my father’s name.
“Do you have any last words you want to say?” the guard asks.
Her eyes drift to me again. I hate that we look so much alike. She’s pretty, even if she is evil. I mouth, ‘I hate you.’ I don’t want to hear anything she has to say. From this day on, I’ll tell the world I’ve never had a mother.
She will be dead to me.
“No,” she answers, then turns her head and stares at the ceiling.
“May God have mercy on your soul,” the guard reads from the paper.
A different guards places something in her mouth and straps it shut. I don’t know what the point is. If she bites her tongue off, she’s going to be dead soon anyway.
“You can look away. I’ll tell you when it’s over.”
“No. It’s okay, Mateo. I’m fine.”
“Roll on One,” the guards shouts and the generators come to life, the hum growing louder with every passing second.
Another tear falls and one memory of me and my mother flashes in my mind. The only good one I have. It’s simple. Nothing special. It’s just her showing me how to put on lipstick and mascara. She said, ‘’Anything more and you’ll look like a whore.”
I didn’t want that, so I never did.
But that’s it. I don’t remember hugs or I love yous. She never came to my swim meets and she was hardly around, unlike my dad.
He was everything. He was a damn good father.
No one prepares you for the smell of smoke and burned flesh coming from the body. She screams, but her pain falls on deaf ears.
Hatred is a strong word.
But you know what’s stronger?
Roll on fucking Two.
One month later
Nora’s been different since her mother’s death. A good different. She is freer, happier, like she doesn’t have the weight of the world weighing on her shoulders. She enjoys life, now and maybe some people would frown upon that from the outside looking in, but they don’t understand the situation.
Sometimes, people are better without certain people.
Toxic people poison your mind, body, and soul. You have to cleanse the poison out of your life If you want to live the way you deserve to.
Sometimes those people are friends, but in my experience, the most venomous are family.
“How many books do you have, Stellina?” I drop the box from my arms in the middle of the room and groan when I feel a tweak in my back. I am not getting old.
“Just a few more boxes of them. I can’t wait to use this library! Built-in bookshelves. Eeeek!” she screams with joy, just as two other ghostly sounds follow from the dungeon I have downstairs.
Nora is aware of my brother and the man who drugged her. They are safely downstairs, but her almost-rapist is about to meet his death.
She stays away from the basement as ordered. She can go to every room in this house, all except the basement. She didn’t fight me on it. I’ll always tell her the details, whatever she asks, but there are things she doesn’t need to see.
I bought a six-thousand-square-foot house and the first thing I did was move Nora’s stuff from her dorm and into our new home.
She didn’t know at first, but there’s nothing like a good surprise. She didn’t want to leave Libby alone, so Natalia moved in with her and became her new roommate.
Everything is perfect.
My life is better than it has ever been.
I pull out the purple velvet box from my pocket and open the lid. A four-carat diamond ring set in rose gold.
I know it’s fast, but like I said. I don’t like the idea of wasting time when the rest of my life is literally around the corner.
Nora wobbles inside the room, barely able to carry the box she has, and she almost falls over as she tosses it down onto the cherry maple hardwood floors. “I think I might have too many books.”
“Never. I can’t wait to sit in here with you and watch you read, informing me of stuff I don’t know and defining words.”
“I do have a dictionary in here somewhere,” she giggles.
“You better read me pages 1 through 500 then. Sono pronto. I’m ready for it.”
“That won’t be difficult. I’ve read it a few times. Doesn’t take as long as people think.”
I swing her into my arms and spin us around, my arms locked under her ass as we twirl. She grins and laughs, making a high-pitched noise as I spin us faster. “Ah! What are you doing? Oh my god, I’m going to be sick.”
“Why do I always walk in on you guys?” Libby says from the doorway.
“Libby!” Nora jumps down from my arms and sprints to her best friend.
They give one another a big hug. “Oh my flamingo, Nora. This house is unreal,” she stops talking when she hears one of our two ghosts in the dungeon. “What is that?”
“Might be a nice house, but we have to fix all the plumbing. It’s always groaning,” Nora says, covering up our scandal.
“Oh, that sucks,” Libby says. “Give me a tour.”
“As you wish,” Nora says.
I open a box and begin to unload the books onto the white shelves.
“Hey, Mateo?”
“Si, Stellina?”
“I love you.”
The ring box burns in my pocket, but the plan isn’t to ask her to marry me until later. Third time is the charm, right?
“And I love you, Stellina.”
“Awww, so cute. Okay, she can live without you for two minutes.” Libby drags Nora down the hall and starts to talk about Cora, Alice, and Faye. Something about a party.
I’m sliding the books into the shelf, mindless work, but books get heavy after a while. I’m sweating. I need a beer. My men are going to come by later to help with the furniture and stuff, but I don’t know how I can make it until then.
“Mr. Moretti?”
“Si, Antonio?” I ask my guard.
Another reason I bought such a big house is because a mafia is a family, and they will be living here too.
“You have a guest at the door.”
“Who is it?”
“He won’t say until he sees you.”
I slam the book shut and toss it on the reading nook. “Alright.” I open another box and pull out my gun, a Desert Eagle .50 Caliber. One bullet from this, and there is no way anyone is getting back up. “Ready when you are, Antonio.”
We walk down the spiral staircase that leads to more hardwood. I’ve always been a marble floor kind of man, but Nora loves hardwood floors, so whatever she likes, stays.
Antonio opens the door and I point the gun at the head of a man I haven’t since in fifteen years. “Salvatore! Che du palle! What the fuck are you doing out of prison? And what the fuck are you doing here?”
He raises his hands in protest, but says nothing. My brother—my other brother—is a ghost, someone I have never been able to count on. If he’s here, it can’t be a good thing.
“I’m out. Good behavior. Che culo. Are you going to invite me in so we can catch up?”
“No. I don’t know why you’re here, but you need to leave. I’m not trying to have anyone fuck up my life again, and that’s what you are best at, Salvatore.”
“Please, Mateo. I’m here because I have nowhere else to go. I can’t get in touch with Maximo. I miss mia famiglia.”
“You won’t be hearing from Maximo. It’s… a lot to explain.”
“Tell me, fratello. Please. I miss you. I miss my brother.”
“Fine. Come in.” I drop the gun and decide to smile instead and bring my baby brother in for a hug. “No fuck ups, okay?”
“I’m done with that, Mateo. I want a new start.”
I can appreciate that, and I can see in his eyes that he is serious.
New beginnings are the pathway to righteousness.
“So what happened with Maximo?”
“Let’s just say that…”
The sound of the girls laughing has me turning around and my brother is staring at Libby likes he has never seen a woman before.
“You know what, Sal? I’ll tell you later.”
Nora runs over and gives me a kiss on the lips. I’ll introduce her to Salvatore in a minute. Her lips are more important. I deepen the kiss and pour every ounce of love I feel into it.
Every time Nora is against me, my reset button on life is pushed. Every day is a new opportunity to have a good life.
She’s my Stellina.
Out of all the stars in the sky, she’s the brightest one, and I’ll always be able to find my way home back to her.