by Tony Ortiz
Yes, yes I’m sorry. Daydreaming, I said with a nervous smile on my face.
I’m Dr. Michaels. You’ve been selected to take part in our trial.
That’s great, thank you Doc.
Are you able to be here the day after tomorrow to begin?
Yes. Can you tell me more about Trancetol? I asked.
All will be explained when you come in for orientation the day after tomorrow.
Ok sounds good, thank you. Is there a restroom I can use before leaving?
Straight down this hallway, second door on the left. When you’re finished you can follow this same hallway in the opposite direction, to exit the building the same way you entered.
Thank you, have a good day, I responded.
I remember having a good feeling about all of it, like I was getting somewhere. I went into the restroom, made sure no-one else was there, stared into the mirror and faded back into baseline.
A couple days later, I skipped back to the orientation. Twelve of us showed up and Dr. Michaels told us more about Trancetol and the double blind placebo study that we were all going to be a part of.
A double blind placebo study is one in which neither the participants, which are you folks, nor the experimenters, which are all of us up here, know who is receiving a particular treatment and who is receiving the placebo, which can be a water pill, or sugar pill, or anything that will not radically impact any of your biomarkers.
This procedure is followed to prevent bias in research results, and is done when a particular medication nears FDA approval. We will be monitoring a treatment named Trancetol. Its intended use is to curb & prevent the proliferation of most mental illnesses. Albeit in a mild form, most of you have indicated some form of mental illness.
Half of you will receive a minimal dose of Trancetol, the other half will receive a placebo. You must report here daily at the same time as today, Monday thru Saturday. Since this is a daily treatment we will give you an extra pill on Saturday’s, to take with you for self administering on Sunday's. Never take more than one dose daily. This trial will span six weeks. For your safety, we will be running tests on you during this time, which include blood work, brain scans, EKG monitoring, written surveys, and we welcome any and all feedback you may have along the way.
When the six weeks have past and we conclude the trial, those of you that are still here at that point will have the option of opting into a lifetime supply of Trancetol, free of charge. Please note that Trancetol is most effective because it’s dosage is tailored to each individual’s body chemistry. So you should only opt in if you experience a benefit, not just to get the pill for someone else. So if there aren't any questions I’ll ask that — yes? He asked while pointing at me after I raised my hand.
Sorry to interrupt, just one question. You mentioned that all of us may not be here at the end. Does that mean we could die from taking this pill?
No, no of course not. The LD50 for Trancetol is far higher than the minimal dosage you'll be taking. I was referring to the voluntary nature of this study. We normally have a 15-25% drop in attendance for this type of study as it progresses, so we don't expect all of you to be here at the end. Make sense?
Yes, perfect sense. Thank you.
Sure. Now, please enter through those double doors in a single file. My colleagues will greet you and hand you over some instructions for the day as well as the pill you will be assigned for the six week span.
With that, we were on our way. The next few weeks went pretty much as Dr. Michaels indicated. We spent a couple hours there every morning except Sundays, having the tests ran and taking the pill under their supervision. Every other day we’d be randomly selected to sit and go through the answers we submitted on our written followups. It was tough to skip back and forth while juggling the trial as well as my normal day-to-day responsibilities back at baseline. I had to stay out sick and even took a couple days of personal time, just to stay in the trial time for a few consecutive days.
About three and a half weeks into the trial there were nine of us left. The others just stopped coming, which we were told was fairly normal with these types of trials. Around this time I took part in some night tests that Dr. Michaels asked us to be a part of. He told us that a colleague of his would look over and administer these tests, because he would be partaking in the town’s ceremonial centennial that weekend. Dr. Feinstein was one of the organizers of it. He assured us that we’d be in good hands while he was away and that it would be mainly monitoring of our sleep patterns and brain waves. After our normal daily routines, I hung around the plant and laid low for a few hours. Then I reported again for the trial. Dr. Michaels was still there wrapping things up and waiting to introduce us to his colleague before he left for the evening.
Hi all, this is Dr. Feinstein. He will be working with you for the next few hours. Please follow all requests as if they were coming directly from me. I'll see you all bright and early on Monday.
My heart leaped up out of my chest cavity and into my throat, where it morphed into a knot, that echoed my escalating pulse. It was him. The Doctor my family took me too when the skipping started. The guy who tried drugging me and having me committed. Much younger, but it was definitely him. Same voice, demeanor, and that unmistakable scowl.
CHAPTER NINE
That night, we all went through a couple of the tests we were already accustomed to. We walked on the treadmill while being hooked up to an EKG, gave a urine sample and had blood work done. Then we were taken to a wing of the center that we hadn't been to before. It was a wide open room, about the size of a public school gymnasium. It contained a couple rows of sleeping pods that had vitals and brain scanning sensors embedded in them. They told us they wanted to see the difference in our brain wave patterns when we go into R.E.M. Sleep.
All we had to do was go in and knock out. That's exactly what all but three of us were asked to do immediately. The rest of us were taken to the monitoring room next door and had short sit-down interviews with Dr. Feinstein. We were told that they chose us at random but it seemed more like fishing for specific information if you ask me. Did he know who I was? Could he recognize me? Of course not, that's impossible. Isn't it? Either way part of me was shook about the whole thing.
Can you believe this guy? One of the other participants asked.
What? I asked.
This is like the third time that they single us three out. I bet you anything we’re the ones on the real stuff.
Nah, I hadn’t noticed that, good point though. You’re probably right.
Probably? C’mon, I doubt it's a coincidence.
I don’t know, maybe the Doctor has a crush on you or something. Who knows?
Yea, yea laugh all you want. Watch those pills kill your dreams, your aspirations and drain your soul or some irreversible shit like that. Open your eyes man, something’s up and it isn’t cool.
I met Joel right when the study began. He was the first person to speak to me when I was purposely being standoffish. He was a talkative guy that was off the bat clearly into conspiracy theories. He was harmless though. He wasn’t a flat-earther or anything, just slightly jaded and immediately jumped to the possibility of collusion in almost every scenario.
The Doctor seemed to be concerned mainly with our ability to sleep while on the pill. He asked us a few questions about insomnia, nightmares, and explained to us what lucid dreaming was. The whole thing was over before I had a chance to outwardly freak out about it.
Soon I was laying in my in my pod, dozing off. I didn't dream that night, at least not that I remembered. That's what I put in my morning survey when I woke up. We were given breakfast, a dose of Trancetol to take later that Sunday morning, and were sent on our way. I was always one of the last to leave, and would sneak off to an empty bathroom without being seen, and just skipped back that way. But this time we were escorted out by Dr. Feinstein. He left with us because he had to close up the lab and make it to an appointment.
I went to
a near by diner for some coffee. Once I was settled in and paid for the cup, I went to the bathroom, and it didn’t have a mirror, and what's worse, it had an outdated wood panel decor. There was nothing that had a reflective surface I could use to skip back. This is where actually carrying my own would have come in handy. I had no choice but to find a cheap Hourly rate Motel to check into.
Excuse me? I said to the waitress. Is there a hotel or motel near by?
There's a short term stay Inn over on 88th and 2nd if that's what you're looking for, she responded. I haven't seen you here before. Are you from around here? She asked.
Yea I am.
Why don't you just go home then?
88th and 2nd was it?
Yea, that's right. She said with a puzzled look on her face.
Ok thanks, I responded as I walked out.
The Losmina Inn was a rundown hole in the wall. At first glance you could tell it was frequented by accompanied johns, and green heroin addicts that still hadn't lost their value for privacy or the means to pay for it. It was a dilapidated place with chipped wall paint, mismatching furniture in the lobby and buckets that were the first and only line of defense against the half dozen or so water leaks. But it had a room with a door that locked, and a mirror. That’s all I needed.
It had been a few days since I've been back to baseline. I was eager to get back. I went to the dimly lit bathroom, stared into the reflection of my eyes ... and nothing happened. I rinsed my face and attempted to skip forward again. Nothing. I hadn't had this happen since the early days when I had no idea what I was doing. I've perfected skipping under the teams tutelage though, so what was happening? Did I lose my skip-ability like Brooke? Could I stay stuck here? I was freaking out, but knew that couldn't help matters much so I talked myself into calming down.
I decided to meditate for a while to center myself the way my mother taught me to. It always relaxed me. I wound up dozing off and falling asleep. It was 3:12 a.m. when I woke up to a knock at the door. I was disoriented and for a second thought I was dreaming while back at baseline. Then I saw the faded wallpaper decor that the moonlight was reflecting off of and heard the consistent dripping of water into the dented red bucket by the doorway. I opened it up and Dr. Feinstein was standing in the doorway with a menacing look on his face. I was speechless.
You forgot something Hector.
I tried keeping my cool and standing my ground at the same time.
Oh yea? I asked. It's three in the morning. Couldn’t it have waited until Monday?
I'm afraid not, he responded. I had to get this over to you before morning. See, your tests show that you've been skipping some of your dosages. That's dangerous for you Hector. I wouldn't want you to inadvertently hurt yourself. May I? He asked as he signaled stepping in and placing a bottle full of Trancetol on the inside table by the doorway.
I moved to the side and let him in. Then it hit me ... he was calling me Hector, but that's not the name I used. How’d he even know where I was? I put down a fugazi address in the trial paperwork too. He must've been following me.
You know Hector, you should've listened to your parents when they brought you over to me. Mother really does know best, he said as he pulled an odd looking handgun out of his lab coat’s front pocket.
I knee-jerked reacted and jumped back, but before I could fully process what was happening, he shot a dart into my left forearm. I started feeling drowsy almost instantly. My body gave out before I did, and he walked over to close the door behind him. I was conscious but immobile. He picked up my limp body and dragged me over and onto the bed. He sat next to me and started prepping a couple of syringes.
You’re a liar Hector, you know that?
The sadistic son of a bitch knew I couldn't respond. I couldn’t speak at all. I tried but nothing would come out.
You lied about taking all of your pills during the study. But you know what doesn’t lie? Blood work. But it's ok. I know you're sick and we can correct for your illness now with a heroic intravenous dose. You know, you're actually lucky I'm able and willing to do this for you Hector. You really are. I know you may not see it that way right now, and you think skipping can be a good altruistic thing, or maybe even fun, but make no mistake, it's a disease. Not too dissimilar from drug addiction or cancer. Once it is detected it engulfs you. It becomes the predominant thing in your life. You lose friends and family over it without even realizing it.
When was the last time you saw your mother? For that matter, when was the last time you even spoke to your mother. You try to live with it, assuming it wants the same thing but all it wants is to use you. To cause havoc and disorder to the only thing that is universal for everyone and everything...time. Trancetol can fix all of that. It'll give you your life back. Your real life. Not this fantasy you're chasing. You need to shape up and get serious about this though, I'm not always going to be able to do this for you Hector. No, no I won't enable you. At some point you need to want to help yourself get better.
I was filled with rage and stuck with no outlet for it while listening to his erratic speech. The only things I was able to move were my eyes and the tears of anger trickling down the sides of my face.
Ok, all done, he said as he pulled the last syringe out of my right arm. Don't try skipping out of here Hector, because it won't work. Or better still...try and see for yourself. When the study concludes and I have the data that I need, I'll give you an antidote that will allow you to skip one last time to return to your baseline - and you won't get it unless you finish the study. See, I'm not all bad. This is all really for your own good. Don't worry, I gave you something to help you sleep as well. When you wake up, the sedative that's immobilized you will have worn off and you'll be right as rain. I'll see you on Monday.
I was fighting the urge to fall asleep and was still almost completely immobile. I kept slipping in and out of consciousness so I also lost track of what time it was. I was in a dream-like haze contemplating if what happened really happened. How the fuck did he find me? If he's been tracking me this whole time, has he been using me to move his research even further along? Then there was a banging at the door and I swore he was back to finish me off. He must've gotten all he needed and was willing to rid himself of me as a threat. It was plausible. He knew nobody would ever know. If he killed me now, I wouldn't see my mother again, and everyone at baseline would just think that I died on a failed solo-skip
The knocking continued.
Hey, it's me Joel, let me in.
It took me a second to piece together who it was. Joel was the paranoid guy from the study. Once that clicked in mind I was able to mutter out the words “help me” loud enough for him to realize I couldn't come to the door. He kicked it open.
Dude, what the hell, he said. I told you that guy was up to no good.
Before he continued I started to utter; how did you -
I saw almost everything. He's been watching us. I snuck into a room they had locked up and there were live monitors everywhere. It looked like the inside of a news station. You could rewind shit too. That's how I knew you were here, and how I found out about this.
He pulled out a vile.
What is that? I uttered.
The Trancetol Reversal Antidote, Joel responded, and my eyes lit up.
Apparently it's one shot in the arm and kicks in almost immediately. I took mine already, I don't want their shit in me anymore. Then I disconnected the monitors and spilled some water all over the controls and headed over here. It's only a matter of time before they catch on though. Are you ready for it?
I nodded and he shot it into my arm. Full mobility was restored within minutes.
I don't know how to thank you Joel. You really saved my ass here.
Don't mention it man. I'm sure you'd do the same. Let's just get out of here before those quacks catch up to us.
You go ahead, I responded. I have something I need to take care of first.
Are you sure? They could be here any second and I pla
n to be long gone before they are.