He leaned back in his chair, stretching his legs out in front of him. “Tell me about yourself.”
“Not much to tell. I hardly remember my parents, they died when I was a toddler. My grandparents, they were the Quakers, brought me up until I was about nine. When my grandparents passed, I went to live with my aunt, an old spinster who had no experience with children. It must have been a huge shock for her, but she was kind. I became a teacher. That’s about it.”
“What about this man who did wrong by you?”
“I had no experience with men until I met George. He was an Attorney. He said he loved me, and I believed him. Fool that I was. I realize now he had no intention of marrying me. He had already chosen a society miss whose father could further his political ambitions.” She ran a trembling hand across her forehead. “Why didn’t I see through him, Ben? How could I have been so foolish?”
“He was a master seducer I’d say. What chance would a gal brought up the way you were, have against a man like him?”
“I should have known better than to believe his honeyed lies. I shouldn’t have let him take advantage of me. I still can’t believe he tried to have me killed.”
“What are you going to do about the child?”
“What do you mean? I don’t blame my baby for what its father did. I’ll keep it and bring it up myself. I’ll move away from here when our arrangement finishes. Go somewhere else and start afresh. You said you would give me some money. Maybe I could get a job as a school teacher somewhere.”
“With a baby?”
“Don’t worry, I won’t cause you any trouble when it’s time to leave. I believe you to be an honest man, so you’ll pay me what you think is fair, and I’ll be satisfied with that.”
How young and trusting she was. They had nothing in writing to say he would pay her at the end of a year. Just his word. Of course, he meant to keep it, and he would give her a generous settlement. Many men wouldn’t under the circumstances. A worldly woman would have demanded to have it in writing.
“Would you like me to make coffee?” he said, when the silence became more than he could bear.
“No, thank you. I might retire to bed, I’m starting to feel weary. She gave him a sweet smile. “I don’t want to be too tired to watch you breaking in all those horses.”
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Ben, sweet dreams.”
They would be if she was in them. The thought shocked him.
“Um, if you need to use the privy and you don’t like the dark, I’ll…”
“I went before thank you.”
She walked slowly out of the room, her skirt whispering against the floorboards. Dainty and elegant. How could a man treat her like that? If I ever come across the sonofabitch, I’ll rip him apart with my bare hands.
Chapter Seven
Next morning after breakfast Ben said, “I’ll take you over to meet Dusty and Eve before I go to the corral. You won’t want to be standing over there for too long. The dust will choke you even at this time of year.”
“Thank you.”
Rachael liked the slightly bow-legged, middle-aged man and his beaming wife.
“Ya always could pick a good filly, boss.” Dusty grinned.
“Yeah. Well, if you hadn’t already been married to Eve, I would have snapped her up years ago.”
They all laughed.
“Feel free to drop in any time ya want, Rachael. I don’t get around much now,” Eve said. “My legs are failing.”
“I’m sorry.” Rachael didn’t know what else to say.
“The doctor says if I lose weight it might help.” Eve laughed. “I don’t think it would. Anyway, I like my food too much. We both do.” She poked Dusty in the ribs.
“You’re so skinny and mangy looking anyone would think you were half starved,” Ben teased.
“All bone and sinew,” Dusty retorted.
He had a loud voice for such a little man. Rachael would have no trouble getting along with this friendly couple. Ben’s rapport and fondness for them was obvious.
She felt a twinge of envy. When his bitter, brooding mask was lifted, it showed a warm, friendly man. She could easily be friends with him if he let her. God help me, I could be more than friends. Whoa, what was she thinking? He was a man wasn’t he? Her heart turned to stone, and a cold chill passed through her body.
“Are you all right?” Ben asked.
“Wha…what.”
His tap on the shoulder brought her out of her trance. “Yes.”
He linked arms with her. “Well, how about we head for the corral, and you can see how good I am.”
“He’s the best horse breaker I’ve ever seen,” Dusty said.
Arm in arm, Ben and Racheal strolled over to the corral. One part of her wanted to push free of him, the other part wanted to stay close. “You’re a fool,” she muttered.
“Did you say anything?”
“No.” She forced a laugh. “Just thinking out loud.”
Several cowboys lounged around the corral. Ben made a collective introduction to the middle-aged and young hands.
“Stay here.” Ben strode off.
Be careful she wanted to scream out to him, but didn’t. She watched with rising trepidation as he mounted a large chestnut horse. She couldn’t bear to look. Her eyes shot open on hearing cheers and hollers.
The bucking beast seemed to have gone berserk. It reminded her of the bucking bronco riders she had once seen in a travelling Wild West show.
The beast twisted, turned and bucked, but could not shift Ben, who after a fierce tussle finally came out the victor. He was perspiring and the horse’s coat was flecked with foam.
“Give him special attention, Stan. “This beauty has earned it. Haven’t you?” Ben patted the horse’s sweaty neck.
He was elated she could see. Ben obviously enjoyed a challenge and was determined to win. Was this why he survived the prison camp, and his older brother died? He must have been very young at the time.
One of the young cowboys mounted another horse, but he was soon lying in the dust, much to the amusement of his friends.
Rachael watched for a while, but the dust and noise finally became too much to bear. Catching Ben’s eye, she pointed to the ranch house and started walking away.
He strode after her, catching up in a few strides. Those long legs of his quickly ate up the space between them. “Aren’t you well?”
“I’m all right, just feeling a little weary. Great riding.” She smiled. “I thought the horse was going to buck you off for sure.”
“I’ve always had good balance – on a horse.” He shortened his pace to match hers. “I’ll see you back to the house.”
“You don’t have to if you’re busy.”
“I’m not that busy.”
She wondered how he could be friendly and caring one minute, surly and brooding the next. Who was the real Benjamin Lonigan?”
***
The next morning Rachael awoke to another sunny spring day. She sat up and the room spun. Nausea roiled in her stomach.
The house was silent. Instinct alerted her that she was alone. Easing herself from the bed, she was able to wash and dress without vomiting, but she still felt queasy.
Out in the kitchen, Ben had obviously eaten breakfast. A sheet of paper wedged between two mugs caught her attention.
I’m taking a few of the boys out to round up the wild cattle roaming the gullies. I’ll probably be gone for a couple of days. Dusty will call in each morning to see how you’re doing. Ben.
He must have known this yesterday, but didn’t think it necessary to mention it. She was surprised at how hurt she felt. Hurt and somehow sad. Last night they had played cards until 10 o’clock, had got on so well, it gave her hope that they may have a future together. Ben’s moods were mercurial; she had noticed this almost from the moment they met.
She was nibbling on a piece of toast when Dusty sauntered in with a bucket of milk and a dozen eggs.
&
nbsp; “Thank you. Would you like a coffee?”
“No thanks, I’ve got a busy day ahead of me. I need to do a few chores, then I’m taking Eve to see the doctor.”
Rachael was tempted to ask him if she could accompany them too, but didn’t like to impose.
“Do you think Ben will be away long?”
“Probably a couple of days. He enjoys being out with the men. Sleeping under the stars in a bedroll holds no appeal to me now.”
After he left, loneliness overwhelmed her. “Keep busy,” she muttered. She dusted and cleaned the parlor. No point worrying too much about cooking when there was no-one else here.
Grunting with the exertion, she moved the sofa so she could mop under it. The thing felt like it was packed with bricks. Likewise, the two armchairs. They hadn’t been moved in years by the build-up of dust underneath them.
She was exhausted after finishing, but pleased with the result. She nibbled one of the biscuits from yesterday, washed down with a weak coffee. Her back ached because she had done too much too quickly. Trying to impress Ben, her conscience niggled.
When would this terrible lethargy end? It was dreadful feeling so tired and drained all the time. How would she cope with a baby on her own? At least it wouldn’t be a new-born when she had to leave here, and she would have money to tide her over for a time.
“I don’t want to leave Deadwood or Glen and Lottie.” Most of all she didn’t want to leave Ben. Lottie had been right, not all men were evil. She’d had the misfortune to meet two men who were, but now three men at least were decent, Ben, Dusty and Glen. Maybe there were more out there that she hadn’t noticed before. Most of the fathers at her school seemed respectable enough, although she’d had little to do with them. Mr. Zimmerman, head of the school board, had been a pious, unbending kind of man, but there had never been any untoward gossip about him.
Feeling exhausted, and with her back pain getting worse, she crawled into bed. The house creaked and groaned; being used to living on her own, it did not frighten her.
She couldn’t sleep, tossing and turning, no matter what she did she couldn’t get comfortable. Maybe a mug of warm milk would help settle her down. Climbing out of bed, she turned on the lamp. An excruciating pain seared through her stomach. Deep and ferocious, it caused her to double over.
Grabbing hold of her stomach, she fell to her knees. Wetness surged between her thighs, and without looking at it, she knew it was blood. Her terrified screams rent the air. There was no-one around to hear them, no-one around to help her.
Rising to her feet was impossible, the pain was too great. She reached up, grabbing the edge of a towel hanging on the dressing table, she pulled it down. Rolling it up, she wedged it between her thighs to try and stem the blood flow. Grabbing a pillow off her bed, she put it under her head, and lay on the floor writhing and moaning in distress, fear and agony.
Never had she been so alone and desperate.
Her baby had been ripped from her womb. She grieved her loss through a veil of pain and tears. Why had she moved those heavy chairs? What kind of fool would risk her baby over a dusty floor?
Hours passed. She didn’t know how long. Didn’t care. Her baby was gone, that was all she could think about.
Through the bedroom window, tongues of pink licked the grey away. She dozed on and off.
The sun streaming through the window finally woke her. Carefully, she rolled over and got to her knees. Dragging herself upright, she held on to the bed for support. The towel was saturated with blood, but the heavy bleeding appeared to have stopped now. She crawled into bed.
Rachael woke up with a raging thirst. By shuffling slowly and carefully, she made it to the kitchen and gulped down a mug of water. Even the thought of food nauseated her, but she forced herself to nibble on a piece of left over stale bread, and filled up a mug with milk from a bucket on the table. Obviously Dusty had been here and left the milk, thinking she was still asleep. There was wood and kindling neatly stacked beside the stove, and she was able to light it.
Filling up a saucepan from the full water bucket on the table, she placed it on the stove to heat so she could wash. Dusty must have filled the bucket when he dropped the milk off. She wouldn’t have been able to go to the well. Now that he had been and gone, there was nothing else for it, but to look after herself. Better to stay in the house and rest, rather than risk trying to make it over to Dusty and Eve.
Chapter Eight
Ben strode into the ranch house feeling well pleased with himself. A hundred head of prime beef and a couple of nights sleeping under the stars, what could be better than that?
“Rachael,” he called out. “I’m home, darlin’.” Sonofabitch, where the hell had that come from? No answer.
He pushed open the kitchen door. The fire had burned down to a bed of glowing embers. Reaching down, he grabbed a couple of logs and tossed them on the fire. He was ready for supper, but there wasn’t any. Where was she? Maybe she had skedaddled while he was away?
He strode into the bedroom. She was asleep, her face as white as the pillow it rested on. The ugly bruises on her cheeks had all but disappeared, her black eyes much improved with the swelling gone. Like a golden cloak, her hair splayed out over her shoulders.
He stood staring down at her. She was exquisite. Momentarily his heart surged in his breast. “Rachael.”
Her eyes slowly opened, and he inhaled a shocked breath. Never in his life had he seen such anguish and despair on a woman’s face.
“What’s wrong?” He sat on the bed and picked up one of her hands. Against his flesh it was ice cold.
“The baby’s gone.” Tears poured down her cheeks, and he brushed them away with his fingertips.
“Gone! What do you mean? Oh.” It suddenly registered what she meant. “I’m sorry.” He didn’t know what else to say. “You’re all right now?”
“Yes. It happened on Tuesday night.”
He cursed under his breath. “Was Eve able to help you?”
“No. I was in so much pain, and bleeding badly, I wouldn’t have made it over to their place.”
“I’m sorry,” he said again. I’m beginning to sound like a goddam parrot. “I wouldn’t have left you had I known. Do you need to see the doctor?”
“No, there’s nothing he can do?”
She sounded so wretched his heart ached for her.
“I lost my baby on the bedroom floor in the middle of the night.”
Horrified shock surged through him. She could have died here all alone. He truly hated himself just then. “You’ll have other babies.”
“Are you offering?” The hope flaring in her eyes spooked him.
“No. I meant when you leave here, you’ll be free to get work, find yourself a decent man, and forget this ever happened.”
She snatched her hands away from him. “Why are you being so cruel?”
“Cruel! I was trying to offer sympathy,” he ground out. He was doing the best he could, having never been in a situation like this before. Helpless. Guilty. He had tried to be sympathetic, but had obviously failed.
“When did you last eat?”
“I had coffee and a stale biscuit at breakfast, I’m not hungry.”
“You have to eat something. I’ll do us beans and coffee. Would you like me to go over and get Eve?”
“Coffee and beans would be nice. No point getting Eve, there’s nothing she can do.”
“Having another woman might …”
“No. I still feel weak and drained, but I’ll be up and about tomorrow.”
He peered into her face. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you.”
“You weren’t to know.” She sniffed back more tears. “I didn’t know myself until it happened.”
He hated seeing her like this, full of grief and despair.
Maybe he could give her the baby she craved. He’d sure enjoy doing it. Whoa. What was he thinking of? Had he gone loco? The thought of another man giving her a baby felt like a red hot poker goug
ing out his guts. Now that there was no child, she didn’t need to be married. He considered the ramifications.
“Are you going to renege on our arrangement? You don’t need a husband now.”
Red rushed into her cheek. “You think I’d do something so despicable as to break our agreement?”
“You’re a woman aren’t you?” His expression was bitter. “They’re experts at betraying men.”
“Don’t worry, you won’t lose your ranch because of me. I’ll stand by the arrangement even if you are a selfish, pig of a man.”
He stormed out of the room. How dare a woman speak to him like that? His behavior hadn’t been the best, but he had tried. She twisted every sentence that he uttered. Dammit, she made him feel guilty. Grudgingly he admitted he might have behaved like an insensitive brute. How was he to know what to do? He’d had no experience of this type of thing. Truth be known, he didn’t know how to act. What to say.
Out in the kitchen, he slammed the pan onto the stove, beans and coffee might put her in a better frame of mind. He could just about kill for another taste of that apple pie she’d cooked. It wouldn’t be forthcoming tonight, or any other night, unless he could sweeten her up a bit. Show her he was sorry for his insensitive behavior. Women were so complicated; he was glad he had made the decision not to have one in his life.
When the year was up, he would be a free man again. Could do what he wanted, when he wanted, and not have to answer to anyone. Yessiree, he could hardly wait. For the moment he had to make amends. Ah! He snapped his fingers. When Rachael felt up to it, he would take her into Deadwood to visit Lottie.
***
Three weeks after Rachael’s miscarriage, Ben lifted her into the buckboard, and they set off for Deadwood. It was early in the morning, but she was feeling better, except for the pain in her heart, because the baby was no more. Could she find happiness with another man once the year was up? Have another baby?
No and No. Deep down she knew Ben was the only man she would ever want. After that first evening when he had arrived home, and had been so contemptuous of her loss, he had tried to be kind. It was obvious he didn’t know how to deal with this kind of thing.
The Cowboy and the Quaker Page 6