by DL White
I headed for the pantry where I knew Sheree kept her collection of aprons. I emerged wearing a pink one with white chef’s hats all over it. “Okay. I’m rolling out pizza dough. What will you be doing while I do this?”
“Supervising.”
I rolled my eyes up to his. “Try that again.”
“Alright, fine.” He opened the refrigerator to show me how it was stuffed with fresh picked vegetables that would become pizza toppings. “I’ll be doing everything else, I guess.”
* * *
Two empty plates, two bowls of half-eaten salad and two glasses holding nothing but ice and remnants of Diet Coke sat on the table in front of us. On the TV, a movie was playing, but I wasn’t paying much attention.
I was sleepy, my head nodding a few times before my chin came to rest on my chest. Wade elbowed me, shaking me awake. “Looks like you’re ready for your bowl of ice cream and the bed. Why don’t you head upstairs and I’ll bring it to you?”
I yawned loudly, stretching all of my limbs. “Actually, I going to head home. I have a couple of things I need to take care of before I get to bed.”
“Oh. You want me to bring a bag, or…” Wade’s voice trailed off. I knew he was expecting me to fill the silence with insistence that he come home with me. But I didn’t. “Ameenah, what’s up? You’ve been weird ever since you got here.”
“What do you mean, weird? You’ve known me a couple of months. You don’t even know me to know when I’m weird.”
“I know when things have been one way and suddenly they’re a different way. Are you still bothered about Gage?”
I pushed myself up from the couch and slid my feet into my sandals. “I’m not thinking about Gage. I’m just… tired. And we have been spending a lot of time together lately and maybe I just… need a minute to myself.”
Wade grabbed the remote and muted the TV, then got up from the couch. “Well, let me walk you home at least.”
“You know what?” I turned, pressing my palm against his chest. “I really, really appreciate it, but it’s not necessary. You can see my driveway from your front door. I just…” I rose up onto my toes and gave him a dry, airy peck on the cheek. “I need to go. I’ll see you later.”
“Ameenah—”
“Night, Wade.”
I headed for the door and slipped through it before he could protest me leaving again. One of those long, strong hugs or deep, emotional kisses would have destroyed all the resolve I’d built up.
The evening was cooler than they had been over the past few weeks. I could already feel the season beginning to change. Black Diamond didn’t experience much autumn or winter, but we did get cooler temps in the mornings and evenings, making for cozy nights in front of the fire. Or at Adele’s on the patio, having coffee or tea and a chocolate scone.
The chill in the air meant a lot more than the change of seasons. It also meant I was that much closer to having to say goodbye to Wade and… I wasn’t ready. I didn’t have to be for a while which was good.
Because I wasn’t ready.
I’d considered Dionne’s point of view. In truth, I couldn’t get her point of view out of my mind. Despite trying hard to have fun and enjoy this “Beach Thing”, I was... maybe... falling for Wade.
We’d had this conversation, though. There was no pot of gold at the end of this rainbow. When things ended… it ended.
I reached my driveway and turned around to see if Wade was still standing there watching me. He lifted a hand, and when I waved back, he went inside and shut the front door.
I did the same, locking the door behind me and exhaling into the still, quiet air.
You’re in trouble, girl.
12
Wade
If I wasn’t on the phone, my workout would have been easier. I liked to show up about an hour before SoulCycle class and get in a little time on the machines. It warmed me up and the weight sets were better than whatever discount set Gage had put in that puny excuse for a weight room.
Since Gage was getting harder to reach these days, I picked up the call when the music from my upbeat playlist faded out and his ringtone chimed in.
“Are you alone?” He’d asked as soon as I picked up. I stared at the phone like he had spoken in Chinese.
“Am I alone? What do you mean, am I alone?”
“Just what I said. Is Ameenah there?”
I huffed a frustrated breath and set down the dumbbell I’d been working with. “You know she works early hours. She’s been at work. I’m at the gym. What’s your problem?”
“I didn’t want her hearing the new stuff yet. You know how I am.”
“Yeah, I know how you are. You like to work. I could have had her hang out in another room while we finished.”
“I wasn’t into how she just walked up in the house. Like she’s used to being there.”
“She is used to being there. We spend a lot of time together. Is that a problem?”
“I mean…” He heaved a sigh that was so heavy I felt its weight on the line. “I didn’t call to get on you.”
“But you’re doing it, anyway. You got shit to say, may as well come on with it. Stop hinting around and say that shit with your chest.”
“Man, I just…” He sighed. “I lent you the house so you could concentrate, you know? So you could work, not so you—”
“And I’m working,” I growled, turning toward the wall and trying real hard to keep my voice low. “You keep talking about me needing to work, but I’m not holding up shit right now. You got samples, and you got full tracks. You just need to write, then we lay out what we want to record when we’re back in the city. What about that is not working?”
“Nothin’. I mean, yeah, you’re working. But in the down time...you know, you’re just… different.”
“You’re in my ass right now because I’m different in the downtime? What does that even mean? How?”
“Different, man. You don’t let women in like you’ve let her in. Seems like every time I call you, she’s over at the house. Or you’re at her house. You left the door open so she could just walk in, like that’s her house to walk into. That’s not you. You don’t live that “I made room for your toothbrush” life. You’re Mr. Cold Shoulder. Mr. I Got An Early Meeting. Mr. You Ain’t Gotta Go Home But You Gotta Get Out My House.”
Gage’s low chuckle surprised me. I wanted to laugh too, but I wasn’t really into what he was saying. Ameenah definitely had a toothbrush at the house. And I had one at hers.
“I’m not saying I’m not happy to see you with somebody…”
“You’re just not happy that that person is Ameenah.”
“It’s not Ameenah, man. Just… like I said, we live and work in New York. You got her real used to you right now but your schedule is crazy different when you’re home. This vacation thing is cool and all but what if we get back to Brooklyn and you start mooning about her and work starts falling off again? She starts calling, talking about how she misses you. We can't afford that kind of distraction. You gonna run back to Black Diamond every time you can't make beats? Have her work out the kinks?”
I paced in front of the rack of dumbbells, shaking with the restraint it took to not to grab a 25 lb weight and chuck it through a window.
“What’s happening between me and Ameenah is between me and Ameenah. None of this is any of your business and as much I don’t wanna unload on you, as much as you’re my dude and everything, you’re treading real shallow water right now, G. And you need to take a step back.”
“Because I don’t have nice words about you getting involved with somebody you don’t need to be messing with? You sure y'all are just fuckin’ till the end of summer? From the bass in your voice, sounds like more than that. We’ve known each other a long time... too long to not be real with each other. Am I right?”
“Yeah. We’re real, but we’ve always had respect at the very least. I don’t give you advice on how to handle Sheree. You don’t get involved in the women I sleep
with. You never had shit to say before, so let’s just keep that streak going. Keep your mouth off of me and Ameenah. Aight?”
I didn’t wait for him to answer. Just like he hung up on me the night before, I disconnected the call and then turned off my phone.
I checked my watch and glanced toward the room where Roderick taught his class. First Ameenah, now Gage. Everybody was on my last nerve. It was just about time to work off some frustration.
* * *
* * *
* * *
I wasn’t going to the shop. I’d decided. After SoulCycle, that I would go straight home. Have a Pellegrino. Maybe something stronger, even though it was the middle of the day. Fuck it, I was kind of on vacation. Cue up some tunes and get some work done, since Gage was so worried about it. Let Ameenah have the space she seemed to need and hope she came around.
Old habits died hard, though. I looked up to find myself standing in the doorway of Tikis & Cream, watching Dionne and Ameenah serve the last of their lunch rush. I took up my usual seat and waited for the small crowd to clear, as always mesmerized by the efficiency of the behind the counter operations.
Over time, I had come to understand that everything about Tikis and Cream, from the color scheme to the interior design to the workflow engineering, had been Ameenah’s doing. She’d dreamt it all up, drawn it all out, took it from a vision to a reality.
Then got up every day before sunrise to make it happen. She was a machine. An impressive machine.
Beyond her work ethic, I just liked being with her. She found little ways to make sure I knew she thought about me, from the orange cranberry muffins to making sure something special had a ribbon of orange flavor in it. She was adventurous and upbeat, usually. Always smiling. Sexy as hell, especially those glorious hips.
Maybe Gage was right. I was different with her. Because she was different. A nice change of pace and a breath of fresh air from the women I met in New York, the ones that recognized me from a block away and turned on the charm. The ones who were always willing to take the paltry table scraps I offered them, thinking it would endear them to me and… well, frankly they made me sick.
So if I liked to spend my time out here on this island — while I was working — with a genuine woman who was real from tip to toe… what difference did it make? What did it matter to him?
I leaned forward, folding my arms on the table. Then tipped even more and rested my forehead on my arms. The more I thought about it, I knew full well what difference it made and what it mattered to Gage. He saw what I was doing gymnastics to not see.
I was on my way to falling in love with her.
“Hey…” Ameenah’s touch sent a shiver through me. “Are you not feeling well?”
I sat up at the sound of her voice. Her eyes were round with concern, her mouth turned down at the corners. A wrinkle of worry made a divot in her forehead.
“Nah,” I said, twisting my body so I sat sideways in the chair, inviting her to step between my legs. Her smile was cautious and wary, but she moved in until she was close enough to kiss. “I’m good. How are you feeling today?” I asked her, hoping she caught my drift.
“I’m okay.” She drew her lips in and averted her gaze.
I grabbed her hands and held them, squeezed the cold tips of her fingers between my palms. “Just okay? You’re usually doing better than that.” She shrugged, opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again. “Ameenah, you can talk to me. Is there something I should know?”
“No.” She shook her head, her curls waving along with it. “Nope, I’m okay. I… my schedule is starting to catch up to me, I think Last night, I was just overtired. Early mornings and late nights and a lot of… activity.”
She smiled then and winked at me. I wanted to feel encouraged by that, so I chose to be.
“Okay. So, you’re saying what? You need a timeout?”
“I don’t want a timeout, necessarily. I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m just...I’m…weird, and maybe that’s why. Maybe I’m tired, maybe I’m used to being alone, maybe you and I spending so much time together is an adjustment I wasn’t prepared to have to make.”
“Aight, so… I mean… I don’t know what to say to make this better.”
“I know.” She leaned forward, resting her forehead against mine. “I don’t either. Slowing down means not seeing you as much. But we don’t have a lot of time together so I don’t want to…” She sighed, her shoulders sagging.
I placed my hands on those shoulders and gave her a light squeeze. Then slid them down to her elbows and transitioned to her hips and squeezed those, too. Her arms lifted, then closed around my neck. I kissed her, light and sweet. Not at all like I wanted to kiss her, but I felt like more might overwhelm her and that was the last thing I wanted to do to her at the moment.
“Look… I have some things going on. You know, with the music. I could use a little more time to work while I’m out here. I’m not saying we take a break or a timeout or anything, just… you know what I’m saying?”
“We don’t have to spend every waking moment together.”
“Right. Not that I don’t want to…”
“Same.” She sighed, closing her eyes. Her mouth was a tight line across her face. She wasn’t happy. Neither was I. But a step back would be good for both of us. “But we should maybe… chill for a minute.”
“Yeah. But I’m still gonna come in for my Frozen Sunshines. If that’s cool.”
She faked a light-hearted laugh really well, pulling away, stepping back and busying herself around the shop. It felt like that moment when the sun goes behind a cloud — immediate coolness, loss of brightness and warmth. I already missed her, and she was standing right in front of me.
“It’s cool. Like I said the night we met, I will happily take your money.” She turned to Dionne and asked her to make my Frozen Sunshine. I watched and waited, paid for my drink, but when it came, all frothy with a dollop of whipped cream, I didn’t really want it.
I only wanted it when Ameenah was making it for me.
I took it anyway, sucking down the sweet orange blend as I walked out of the shop, waving to her as I left. I didn’t feel good about that conversation at all. I wished I’d kept my original plan of not going in there, not talking to her, giving her space without having to talk about giving her space. Now I was gonna be stuck for a few more weeks in a big ass— too big ass— beach house, thinking about somebody I was trying not to fall in love with.
13
Ameenah
* * *
Three days.
That wasn’t how long it had taken to miss him. That had happened almost right away.
Three days was how long it had been since I’d seen Wade’s shadow in my doorway, either at the shop or my house.
We’d talked and texted, hinted at making plans for the weekend, but for the most part he was keeping his distance, which had to be hard since he could see my front door from his.
I’d spent the time trying to stay busy and upbeat. With the school year fast approaching, a lot of families were on a last ditch vacation to the island. The weather was perfect— clear blue skies, high and warm sun, the occasional breeze winding through. The beach was packed and so was the sidewalk that that wound past the shop, bringing me a steady stream of customers all day.
After work, I was making a habit of taking Dionne’s Sunset Beach Yoga class. I wasn’t all about yoga or anything but trying not to fall on my ass kept my mind occupied and that kept me from thinking about Wade.
Or missing Wade.
Or wondering just what the hell I was doing with Wade.
Or wondering just why the hell I wasn’t doing things with Wade.
So what, if I had feelings for him? He clearly liked me, but that was about it. My mind wandered back to our conversation about settling down like his friend Gage. He’d said it wasn’t a goal for him— not on my radar, were his exact words. He wasn’t the type, he’d insinuated, to be looking for something me
aningful.
I’d told myself I could handle the Beach Thing. We’d just have fun together. I’d have someone to share the island with. And my bed with. Then I let myself mess around and feel something for him.
“So let me get this straight...”
Dionne pushed her mug of cocoa to the side so she could focus on the enormous cinnamon bun she’d ordered at Adele’s.
I sat across from her, sipping on a chai tea latte and picking at a slice of caramel swirl coffee cake. It was a cool evening and Marcel, the owner had turned on the gas fireplace. Over Dionne’s shoulder, the flames danced, sending flickers and shadows up onto the ceiling.
“You meet this guy, you like this guy, you’re almost ready to admit you love this guy… and then you let this guy go?”
“I didn’t let him go, Dionne. We didn’t break up. We’re... slowing down. And if you think about it, it’s the right thing to do.”
“On what planet?” She nearly screeched, her mouth full of sugar-laden dough. She reached for her cocoa and washed it down before continuing her tirade. “You’re going to sit at home and pretend you don’t care about him, just to save face?”
“He leaves for New York in a couple of weeks. What kind of dummy do I look like, pining for a man I probably won’t ever see again?”
“You are so defeatist. You do know how airplanes work, don't you? You get on them, and they take you to New York once a month. Or they bring him here. And phones do this thing where they ring and you’re instantly connected to someone you love.”
“Dionne…”
I laid my fork on my plate, next to the half-eaten slice of coffee cake. Not that it wasn’t delicious, but the slice had been huge and… lately I just wasn’t very hungry. I hadn’t had my nightly bowl of ice cream in days.
“Wade and I… we talked, early on. Neither of us are interested in a long distance thing. I’m only moving back to Brooklyn if Tikis & Cream goes under, and we hope that never happens, right? And he’s obviously not moving to Black Diamond Isles. He lives in New York, he works in New York. And besides…”